Unexpected
by Didi
Summary: Amanda and Josh find commonalities and other things. Chapter 16: Josh shows Amanda a whole new life.
1. Parents

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns everything… and I mean everything! No infringement intended with this little piece of fluff.

**Summary**: Amanda and Josh find commonalities and other things.

**Timelines**: After Baby Jenny is returned… with a few modifications.

**Author's** **Note**: It seems like the writers don't know what to do with Amanda without her crazy mother running around. And the current story with JR just seems wrong on so many levels. Same goes with Josh; the minute they finally drop that duller then dirt Josh/Babe/JR storyline it's like they don't know what to do with Josh anymore so they just stick him where they think they might be able to use another dirty player. I hate that. So, I'm just going post a little something of my own and run with it.

Oh, and I hate the Hannah storyline as well so Hannah doesn't exist here.

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

**

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Chapter 1 - Parents

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She watched the scene through the window with a kind of numbing gladness that didn't say much for the kind of person she was. After days terrifying fear, soul aching pain and the kind of bone deep resignation of something she should have accepted along ago, Amanda Dillon wanted nothing more than to sink into something warm and painless for a while. But instead of heading home and sprucing off the ugliness of the day, she stood outside Krystal Carey Chandler's condo and watched the lovingly mother/daughter moment with painful guilt and envy.

When she couldn't stand to watch the tender scene before her any longer, Amanda turned away and began a slow track back to… _"Back to where, Amanda?"_ she asked herself silently. _"Home? You don't really have a home, do you? No where that you really belong."_

The rational part of her knew that if she went back to Wildwind, the others would welcome her and forgive her part in all the madness that consumed them while her unstable mother was on the loose… again. Heck, Jamie himself had said that he didn't blame Amanda for the insanity; _she_ wasn't responsible for Janet from Another Planet. Of course Jamie was an unbelievably forgiving person when it came to her. But Amanda knew something deep in her heart, _"Sins of thy father…"_ or in this case, the sins of her mother.

Deep throbbing sounds of loud music distracted her for a moment and Amanda was tempted… a little more than just tempted to head to ConFusion. It wasn't her night to work but the club has become her sanctuary of late; the work keeping her mind off of other non-controllable things in her life. But ConFusion meant people, and people meant judgment and tonight she didn't feel like trying to justify herself to anyone.. And her friends … they would give her acceptance, and acceptance meant she'll have to deal with accepting what her mother did in the name of love. _"'In the name of love…' What a joke."_

With a shake of her head, Amanda headed toward another sanctuary, one that she hadn't thought of in months.

The boathouse in the recent years has become a place of solace. It was here she visited when she was sad, happy, miserable, in dire straits and sometimes, such as now, when she was completely lost. It was unfortunate that it has also becoming such a place for others as well.

"You look like hell," Josh Madden slurred as he looked up from the bottle of bourbon he was steadily putting away. With his hundred dollar hand-painted tie loosened, the first three buttons of his silk shirt undone and his thousand dollar suit rumpled, he presented the very picture of inebriated young privileged America.

Annoyed to have to share her safe haven, especially when she needed the peace so badly today, Amanda stomped her way to him. "What are you doing here? And did you drink all this?" She pulled the half empty bottle from Josh's fingers. There was nothing worse in her mind then sloppy drinkers and working at a bar taught her how to make the distinctions.

"Hey," Josh moved a little faster than Amanda thought was possible given the amount of alcohol that was undoubtedly in his system. "Give me that," snatching the bottle back and taking a healthy swig from it. The warm velvety feel of the rich flavor made its way from palette to gut.

Weary and wary, Amanda sat down next to Josh and watched as he performed another death-defying feat by downing another quarter of the bottle at one go. "You're going to pass out if you keep that up."

Josh grinned at her, showing off those adorable dimples he inherited from his father… his real father. "That's the point!" and saluted her with the bottle. "Care to join me?"

Eyeing him cautiously, Amanda wasn't sure what to do next. She couldn't very well leave him here like this, it would be terribly irresponsible of her; not to mention Josh was the brother of one of her bosses and she was certain Kendall would kick her ass into next Wednesday, pregnancy or no pregnancy, if anything was to happen to Josh. But damn it, she didn't want to feel responsible for him and his actions… actually, she didn't want to feel anything at all! Hesitating for another moment, Amanda took the bottle and raised it to the bright full moon overhead, "To my mom!" and drink deep from the opening, feeling the liquor burn all the way down.

"To mothers!!!" Josh hollered to the moon and took the bottle back and drank.

Because he was adorable when drunk, Amanda sighed and wondered how she was going to be able to get Josh back to his apartment in one piece. There wasn't any doubt in her mind that it was going to have to be her to do it; she couldn't very well leave him here like this though she supposed she could just call one of his many relatives in town to come get him but it was doubtful that they or he would appreciated it. "So why are you drinking?"

"To my mom," he repeated and nearly toppled over into Amanda's lap. "To my dear sweet mother," he slurred dreamily and leaned back against the small overturned roll boat he had set his jacket across. "May she rest in peace."

"What?"

He looked at her, swaying a little, "My mother died today."

Amanda's jaw dropped to the ground. With all that's happening in her life, "Oh my god! When did… how did she… Are you all right?" she looked at the bottle in his hands and set it aside. "Stupid question, of course you're not all right. Oh god… is there anything I can do? How's Kendall? Did someone call Bianca yet?"

Josh's dark eyes narrowed slightly, as if trying to focus on the words rolling off Amanda's tongue. "What?" he asked rather stupidly.

"I don't understand," Amanda swallowed the pain and panic. "I didn't hear anything about Erica on the radio or… oh god, why didn't anyone tell me?"She may not like Erica a whole lot but she respected the woman.

"Wait, wait, wait," Josh's arm frayed about for a moment, almost knocking Amanda and him over, before grabbing Amanda's shoulder in an attempt to get her attention and keep his balance, more likely it was the latter. "Not Erica. My birth mother, not my biological mother," he clarified then had to pause, his brilliant mind churning away in an alcoholic haze. "You know, with anyone else in the world, that would mean one and the same. But no, I had to have a crazy mad-scientist Dad that decided to play god with people and here I am… with a birth mother and a biological mother and in need of _a lot_ of therapy."

It took a minute for Josh's slurred words to make any sense but it finally did. Amanda gave a gurgled laugh and gently took the bottle from Josh's hand when he reached for it again. She didn't have the muscles to carry Josh back to his place. With a sigh of relief, "Well at least your dad didn't destroy lives in his wake the way my mother has."

"That's arguable," Josh interjected and actually toppled into Amanda's lap this time, burrowing his nose into her knees. "I think Tad would disagree with you."

Amanda shook her head with a sigh. "Look at the two of us: your dad stole one of Tad's daughters and my mom almost succeeded in stealing the other. God, how the hell do we make amends to that poor man."

"Tad's no saint," Josh replied a little more bitter than expected. "He's got no room to judge anyone."

Frowning, Amanda studied Josh's angry face for a moment with concern. She knew about "Tad the Cad" but Josh's comment had been on this side of dark and ugly. "Why do you say that?"

Josh opened his mouth as if to answer but stopped himself with a sigh that was a little ragged and painful. Shaking his head, more to dislodge a thought than to clear his head, he grabbed the alcohol again. Tipping it back, he gave himself another moment of silence and sat back up. "My mother, birth mother, was a _good_ woman: warm, gentle, giving… a real paragon. She deserved a great deal more than what my dad, Greg, gave her."

"He gave her you," Amanda reasoned and took the bourbon. "That's what she wanted, right?"

"And look what he did along the way to achieve it," he reached for the bottle again but Amanda held it back and took small swig of it, it seem to dissuade him from taking the alcohol as he eyed her carefully. "You joining me in this?"

It seemed like a very good idea at the moment. There was nothing like a little binge drinking to help her forget. She glanced at the almost empty bottle now, "This isn't going to be enough." She didn't even have a buzz.

He nodded in agreement and stood suddenly, swaying a little then catching himself when Amanda would have steadied him. "Come on… I know where we can get more," and held out his hand.

Eyeing his open palm warily, "Somewhere where we're not going to get arrested for public intoxication?"

Laughing, Josh took her by the arm. "Yes, no arresting for either one of us. Law abiding… that's us…" then laughed at that. Between the two of them, it was hard to count how many laws they've broken already in their short lives.

Rolling her eyes, Amanda allowed him to lead her away but took his keys before he could even suggest driving. "Where are we going?" she asked as she settle him into the passenger seat and went around to the driver's side.

"To toast our twisted parents and the way they raised us," Josh proclaimed loudly.

"And that would be…."

"My apartment," Josh answered rather proudly, "Zoey left a ton of bourbon there."

Amanda laughed and started the car with a twist of her hand. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," he assured her with a quick nod that undoubtedly sent his world spinning when he caught his head between his hands. "Just dandy."

Driving in silence, she broached the next subject cautiously. "I heard that you and Babe…" then left it hanging for him to fill in the gap.

"That battle has been fought and won… and I wasn't on the winning side," he said, leaning his frame against the car door. "I finally accepted and… and…" he didn't finish.

"I'm sorry," she offered softly, knowing the pains of unrequited love.

"Don't be," he replied softly, watching the passing lights of the empty street with empty eyes.

She didn't offer anything more as they drove to his apartment, Josh seemingly sobering up as they approached the architecturally beautiful building with its raw brick walls and edgy dark metal doors. He stumbled only once getting out of the car and once more when they left the elevator; Amanda caught him each time and helped him steady himself before moving forward in silence. She was sorry she brought up the whole Babe thing.

"Welcome to my abode," Josh said, opening his door with the flurry and ushered Amanda in with a sweeping bow.

Smiling at him, she entered and looked around. "Nice." She mentally knew she should probably be a little more wary of coming here with him but she didn't particularly cared right now. Besides which, she and Josh have come to a rather strange place of understanding in the recent months.

"Very manly, yes?" Josh asked, already picking up a bottle from behind his wet bar. He glanced around the dark and stately room all of a sudden hating every piece of it. "Though I guess it kind of looks like my dad's study when my mother was around." That thought seemed to have left a bitter taste in his mouth as he made a face and drank the glass he had filled for Amanda.

Picking up a picture of a smiling Josh flanked by Kendall and Bianca, "Dr. Madden was into that whole turn of the century Victorian English manly-man thing huh?" She smiled at the picture. All three of Erica Kane's children looked happy and radiant in the photo, like a _real_ family; it's hard to believe that none of them had grown up together.

"Dear old dad was real big on the whole knowing your position in life and living by it," Josh said handing her a cut glass filled to the brim and touched it his bourbon bottle. "Cheers to dear old dad, may he rot in hell!" then tipped it back.

Amanda watched him with sad eyes. Josh was hurting, hurting probably as badly as she was and choosing to drown his sorrows in booze. She supposed there were worse things he could do… like kidnap a baby and try to sell it on the black-market.

"Why so pensive?" Josh asked, tugging gently on Amanda's hand and gesturing for her to sit on the couch with him. "You thinking about your dad?"

She smiled back at him. "No," taking a sip of the warm liquor, finding it quite to her liking. "Believe it or not, I was thinking about Adam Chandler; may _he_ burn in hell for everything he's done!" she saluted the sky and dispensed with the rest of the drink in one breath.

Josh watched her with some reluctant admiration and poured her some more. "He's one real mean son of a…"

"My mother can't help herself, she's chemically imbalanced by nature. But Adam… how could he…"

"It's no wonder why JR turned out so rotten to the core."

"At least there's some hope for Colby," Amanda shook her head and went back to sipping the drink. "But god… when I think of what that man did to my mother…"

"Adam will get what's coming to him," Josh said reassuringly. "Men like that don't go through life without some punishment. Just look at him now: alone and bitter."

"But still free as a bird," It wasn't enough, Amanda thought as she drank deeply from the glass and held it out for more. Josh obligingly poured another generous helping then helped himself to some directly from the bottle. "I think of all the pain my mother caused because that lunatic decided to mess with Tad and Krystal… If she hadn't gone off her meds… if she'd just stayed and…"

"If's aren't the issues here," Josh said philosophically as he whirled the amber liquid in the glass. "We can think of all the 'if' scenarios we want and still be right back where we are. Can't change reality and can't change the past… and you can't change your parents; though in my case, I can literally 'change' parents."

Amanda reached for the bottle and drank from the opening. "You went from a single-child family to being an orphan to having a famous mother, a well-respected doctor father, two adoring sisters and tons and tons of extended family. I envy you."

"Oh shut up," he nudged her with an elbow and toppled them both. He laughed.

"No, I'm serious here," her words slurring slightly as the alcohol coursed through her system. "You have this big, accepting family that welcomed you in with open arms – well, except for maybe Jamie but you didn't exactly endeared yourself to him from the very beginning either. I've got… um… I've got a brother/cousin Tim, who couldn't care less if I lived or died and whom I haven't spoken to in nearly a year. Oh and, of course, my mother who is living in an institution and half the time doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. So yeah, definitely envious of you."

"You try having Erica Kane butting her nose into your life every time you turn around."

"Verses mine that tries to kill the people around me?"

"Point taken," he conceded and opened another bottle, "But at least you don't have your well-meaning family always finding new ways to interfere with…"

"At least you have the option of being bothered by them, well-meaning or not," she pointed out logically and leaned against his shoulder, her head felt a little heavy. "You know that if you needed a place to stay, a hole to hid in, a shoulder to cry on, all you have to do is call up Kendall or Bianca or even Erica and any one of them would open her front door to you without a word."

"Kendall nags," Josh said with a fond grin.

"And you love it," Amanda guessed accurately. "She nags because she cares," she grinned and took a swig.

Josh didn't argue that. "So why were you at the boathouse?"

"Why were you?" turning the question around at him.

"To remember my mother, birth mom… god, this is confusing," he muttered and took another drink before setting it down on the table. "How about I just refer to her as Mama Emily, it's much easier."

"Not that you call Erica 'Mom' or anything," she pointed out.

"True but…" he made a shrugging motion and dislodged Amanda. Instead of saying anything, he reached around and pulled her comfortingly close against his side as if it was the most natural thing in the world. "Erica is kind of hard to explain."

"She's your mother, biologically, and you…"

"Yes, I know that. But it's not as easy to accept her when… when…" he frowned trying to find the right words to try to explain something that was obviously just as confusing to him.

"When you already to had a great mom?" she asked tentatively, taking a small sip from the bottle.

There was a long silence that followed as Josh considered it. "Yeah," he admitted after a while, "I don't want to replace my mom, she was wonderful. It's easier to accept Kendall and Bianca, I've never had sisters before and they kind of make it really hard not to accept them when they've decided that they're going to sweep you into their lives whether you like it or not." He grinned remembering Bianca's mulish look as she declared that he was family. "The word 'no' apparently isn't in their vocabulary unless they're the ones saying it."

"Must be a family trait," Amanda couldn't help but tease.

"Must be," Josh admitted with a laugh, "And Jeff… Jeff makes it hard to not want him as a dad. The guy _really_ can do no wrong; it's kind of annoying." He shook his head, "And it doesn't help when he's such a decent guy compared to…"

"To Daddy Greg?" Amanda supplied when Josh faltered. She patted his hand absentmindedly and took another sip. "Yeah, I can see how that may be a little difficult to resist." She frowned at the empty bottle in her hand wondered how it had gotten way so quickly.

Josh didn't say anything for several moments. "He was really great, you know; Greg I mean." He looked almost guilty when Amanda swiveled her head around to look at him. "I don't mean what he did but… he was a great father to me," he said softly and reached for the bourbon on the coffee table. "Always encouraged me to be the best I can, never turned his back on me when I needed help… he was a twisted son of bitch but he loved me unconditionally."

Amanda nodded her head in understanding and settled back down against him. "I know. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at you. There's nothing wrong with admitting that he had his moments too."

"Your mom did as well," Josh said in return, looking down at her dark head. "No matter what anyone says, Janet loved you like nothing else in the world. Heck, she killed for you. Sorry," he made a face when he felt Amanda flinched at that. "But you know it's true."

"I know," she replied with a sigh. "Mom did some horrific things in the name of love."

An easy silence fell between them as booze and memories, good and bad, occupied their minds. After a while, Amanda felt a stirring of comfort that she wasn't too familiar with and resisted it. Sitting up, she glanced around the room and then looked a Josh with a serious if slightly blurry intent. "Thanks for the drink and the quiet place," trying to be completely honest with herself for a change.

Josh shrugged, half wishing she would come back into his arms, it had been nice and warm for a few moments there. "No skin off my back." And with the alcohol coursing steadily through his system, he didn't feel any need to play games; not that he would with Amanda, the only person in town that probably didn't think Greg Madden was a complete scum.

She smiled, "I know but it was still nice all the same."

"No need for it to end now," he said easily without any ulterior motives. "Come here," reaching out and pulling her back. Already unsteady, Amanda didn't put up any resistance. "We can just sit here a while and not think about all the crap that's going on in our lives outside these four walls."

Because it really was nice and because she had way too much to drink, Amanda settled into his arms easily and without the kind of usual caution she had with everyone else. "You've got a really nice place here."

"I like it," he said getting comfortable.

"As you should," she replied with a yawn, feeling sleep throw its arms around her. "I think I'm going to fall asleep on you now."

"Go ahead," with eyes half closed already. "I'm half way there myself."

"Good," she murmured and drifted off.

"Good Night, Amanda," Josh whispered and stretched out with her snuggled firmly at his side. Amanda's last conscious thought was that she and Josh had a great deal more in common then she would have thought.

-&-&-&-

A slight jarring woke Amanda from the depth of her sleep, she cracked open her eyes and realized that Josh had dumped her in the middle of his bed. "Urgh…" she rolled over and closed her eyes again. She wasn't ready to face the day yet.

"No, no," Josh said firmly if sluggishly and turned her toward him before pulling her up into a sitting position. Bracing her body up with his own, he pressed a glass into her slack hand and forced it to her lips. "Come on, Amanda," he urged gently, "You've got to take both of these or you're going to wake up feeling like hell," he predicted seriously before slipping the two pilled into her mouth followed by the water glass again.

Swallowing without thought, Amanda opened her eyes slightly and frowned at him. "What did I just take?" her voice thick and filmy.

"Something for the head and something for the stomach," he said swallowing his own pills before setting her back down carefully. "You'll thank me in the morning, trust me."

Making another undistinguishable noise, she turned to her side. She was almost asleep again when the bed dipped under her and she was suddenly rolling onto her back. "What the…" and found herself back in Josh's arms again.

"Shh…" he whispered softly and pulled the down comforter around them before settling back to get comfortable. "Go to sleep," he urged and tucked her head firmly behind his chin and maneuvered his legs to surround her.

Though she was already wrapping herself around him, Amanda still asked sleepily, "What are you doing?"

"It's going to get a lot colder," he answered with a yawn, tightening his arms around her when he felt her shiver as he predicted. "Our bodies are burning through the alcohol and it's going to be leaving us feeling a little like we've been out in the rain with no jacket on."

She murmured her agreement and snuggled closer. She was cold, terrible so and Josh's body heat was taking a great deal of the edge off. "Thanks."

"Plus," he couldn't help himself, "I don't like to sleep alone."

Too sleepy to do more than give a slight chuckle, she fell back into Morpheus' embrace warm and comfortable and, more importantly, completely at peace.

-&-&-&-

Stirring softly, Amanda murmured something unintelligible as she surfaced from a most lovely dream where life was good and her mother didn't need medication to function in the real world. Nuzzling the warm throat against her cheek, she smiled to feel the slight pricking of rough bristles against her sensitive skin. Pressing her lips to the unshaven chin, she was rewarded with a quick hard swallow of a reaction. Sighing in content, she settled back into her cozy nest of blankets and warm body; except her nest had other ideas.

She was only half awake when she felt the soft lips against her own and the weight of a firm body settling gently on her. Instinctually responding to the urgings of warm lips and butterfly touches, it took Amanda another minute to realize what was happening. But the sharp edge of physical want had already taken hold and alcohol-dulled thoughts didn't find anything wrong in her caressing with shaky hands and arching into gentle touches that was becoming increasingly greedy in need.

Meowing with pleasure, Amanda gave herself over and damned the consequences. Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment… and she was just fine with that.

_To be continued…_


	2. Sanctuary

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns everything… and I mean everything! No infringement intended with this little piece of fluff. For god sakes, one would think that we wouldn't have to write these damn things.

**Summary**: Amanda and Josh find commonalities and other things.

**Chapter Summary**: The morning after and an unusual offer.

**Timelines**: After Baby Jenny is returned … and there's not Hannah in this story, at all. (Most unless character to be introduced.)

**Author's** **Note**: Um… really not sure what I'm doing right now so hopefully this story doesn't suck too badly. I like Josh's character, mostly when he's with Kendall and Bianca, neither of whom lets him get away with stuff that he could usually pull on others. And I like the redeemed Amanda with all her spit and fire and regrets. Now I'm going to throw them together and shake it up a bit. 

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

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Chapter 2 - Sanctuary

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Upon coming slowly awake, Josh realized three things: 1) he was cold, 2) he was naked and 3) he was alone in his bed. The first two really wasn't that big of a surprised, he often slept in the nude and his apartment was notoriously difficult to heat; he's been meaning to talk to a contractor about that little problem. The fact that he was alone in his bed really shouldn't been a surprise either considering his recent complete and utter lack of interest in any females that weren't named Babe Chandler, but he instinctive knew that there should be…

A muffled crack of toe against wood followed by a sharp intake of breath directed his attention to the foot of the bed and solved the little issue of his missing bed companion. Amanda Dillon had one hand pressed against her mouth to muffle the cry of pain that was undoubtedly attempting to make its way to the audible levels of existence and one clutching the end of the bed to steady herself. Even from his position, Josh could see that the toes of one foot was firmly pressed against the calf of the other, no doubt trying to apply enough pressure to ease some of the pain that was clearly written on her expressive face.

The fact that she was trying to be quiet was amusing all in itself but her position at the moment made it that much more comical, as was her reaction when he causally asked, "Going somewhere?"

Screeching in surprise, her pained toes forgotten, Amanda turned to face him and promptly lost her precarious footing. It was rather unfortunate that she fell at a bad angle and missed the bed all together; there was an perceptible thump when she hit the floor.

Rather then laughing, Josh felt a moment of surprise followed by concern when Amanda didn't immediately reappear over the edge of the bed. "Amanda? Are you all right?" There was a whimper followed by a moan. _"Well at least she's still alive,"_ he rationalized as he crawled over the length of the bed and looked down at the prone woman who was currently blinking up blankly. "You okay there?"

With a sigh and some more whimpering, Amanda managed to sit up on her own… then quickly averted her eyes. "Clothes?"

Josh looked down and then back up again with a grin. "Why? It's not like you haven't already seen everything."

Rolling her eyes, Amanda got up to put her back to him and fumbled around for her stuff.

"Where are you going?" Josh cheerfully asked once more. It amazed him how he really wasn't all that concerned about the fact that he was sitting there naked with Amanda Dillon, a woman that once upon a time would have like to maim him rather than talk to him. "Hey, hey, you're going to end up hurting yourself that way?" he caught her as she stumbled once more. "How's your head?"

"Just great," Amanda replied, carefully avoiding looking at him.

Because it really was just really funny watching the color creep from her cheek to neck and how she's managed to look everywhere else in the room except in his direction, Josh took her arms and forced her around to face him. She was as stiff as a board. "Well you relax a moment?" and when she resisted tugged at her hard enough to unbalance them both and sent them tumbling onto the bed again. "Okay, looks like the alcohol hadn't completely left the system yet."

Scrambling up again, Amanda blushed furiously from head to toe and firmly have him her back again.

"I can't believe you're being all puritanical about this," Josh said with an unholy grin before taking pity on her and tugging the sheets off the bed to drape over his body. "Happy now?"

After peeking at him sideways, Amanda finally turned toward him willingly with a sigh of relief. She then scowled at him when he stood there grinning like an idiot. "What?"

Josh held up his hand defensively. "Sorry. This is a little new to me."

She made an irritated noise and attempted to leave once more.

"Oh come on," he protested and reached for her hand and pulled her back. Because she was still so unsteady on her feet, he gently guided her to the bed and sat her down without any trouble. "I've never had a woman so eager to leave my bed the morning after."

Again, she gave him a look that said for him not to push her too far.

"We didn't do anything wrong, you know," he pointed out rather reasonable, just waiting for her to jump on him about last night. "We're both consenting adults that derived mutual pleasure from each other's company last night that didn't hurt anyone else in the world."

Amanda slanted him a look that was difficult to read.

"Neither of us are involved with anyone… physically," he added because he knew both their histories with unrequited love. "And for the record," tugging on the sheets to keep it high enough so as not to expose her to any more embarrassment; though why she would be embarrassed at the sight of something she had so intimately been acquainted with already was quite beyond him, "I have absolutely no regrets about last night." When she didn't comment, he felt a little tug of concern. "Do you?"

There was flash of something in Amanda's eyes that didn't sit well with Josh.

He searched his memories of last night quickly. Details were fizzy at best after they finished the second bottle on his couch and he really remembered very little but the exquisite pleasure. "Amanda," he asked softly, "Did I hurt you last night?"

Eyes wide with surprise, "No, of course not."

A wave of relief rushed him. "Then what's wrong?"

She hesitated a moment, her face impossible to read. "Did… did I take advantage of you?" At his raised brows, she rushed on quickly, "You were so drunk last night and neither of us was really in any shape to…"

"I think we did just fine," he interjected with a leering grin. "Better than fine if I remember correctly."

She hit on him on the arm with the back of her hand. "Will you be serious for a moment?"

"No."

"What?" befuddled.

"No, I don't want to be serious," he clarified with a sigh. Apparently, Amanda was having some difficulties this morning. "Amanda, you didn't take advantage of me last night… if anything, I may have taken advantage of you," he confessed settling himself a little comfortably on the sheet. "If you will recall, I'm the one that got us in the bed."

"So?"

"Sobriety was necessary for such a feat," he pointed out with a great deal of patience. He waited while that thought ran its course through her head. "And I believe I was the one that kind of initiated our little…um… merger; though honestly you can't blame me for that either. I am, after all, a lusty young man..."

She flushed red.

Maybe it was the alcohol that was still in his system but he was rather delighted to discovery that Amanda was easily flustered with talks of intimacy. "I'm not ashamed," Josh said, tipping her chin up to look into his eyes. "And either should you." Watching her eyes clear, he smiled at her again. "I think last night was necessary for both of us."

Taking a breath, something deep and cleansing, Amanda nodded her head slowly and really faced him for the first time. "I just… I don't know what to think right now. Last night was a little more then I had intended it to be."

"I was just going to get really sloppy drunk until you came along; not that I'm not grateful or anything," Josh admitted and lay back down the bed, relaxing a moment and letting the morning after aches and pains catch up to him. Covering his eyes with one arm, he groaned and wished to hell he hadn't decided to do an inventory of his systems. It was easy to ignore his body's complaints when he was distracted by something else.

"You all right?" Amanda asked, her sweetly soft voice tinged with concern.

"Yeah, last night finally caught up with the rest of my brain," he replied with a great deal more amusement than he actually felt. "Don't worry, it'll pass."

Amanda sat there for a while in silence, as if waiting for Josh to tell her what comes next. When he finally got up enough energy to move again, he sat up and swung one lazy arm around her shoulders and pressed a quick kiss to her temple. "Don't fret, we're okay."

"Don't fret?" she asked with a quick amused smile. "Did you seriously just say that?"

"Shut up," he said nudging her with an elbow and a laugh.

She grinned back and sighed. "So…" she looked around the bedroom, admiring the clean lines of the room and all the shiny surfaces. "Did you decorate this place?"

Josh gave her a frown and looked around the ultra modern room. "Heck no. Bianca picked most of it out with a little help from Miranda apparently. I didn't get around to the bedroom because I was a little distracted by…" he didn't continue, not sure what the correct protocol was about mentioning a past lover while sitting in bed, naked, with someone you were just intimate with.

Amanda nodded her head, knowing where that was going. "Um… About last night."

"It was necessary," Josh repeated with a shrug.

"Really?" she asked skeptically.

He studied her slightly confused face and came to a quick conclusion. "I wasn't talking about the sex, Amanda; I was talking about the drinking and the talking."

"Oh."

Laughing at her profuse embarrassment, he sat back up. "You want breakfast?"

"What?"

"Okay, we're going to have to work on your attention span, maybe get your hearing checked or something," Josh informed her as he got up and went to the closet for his robe. He didn't often wear the blue terry robe Zoey had insisted he have when walking around the house in his boxers, he still couldn't understand the purpose of it, but this seemed like the appropriate time to break it out. "I can make some mean scramble eggs."

She gave him a funny look in return.

"Yes, I can cook," he informed her before tugging off the sheet from beneath the robe and pulling her to her feet.

"Scramble eggs isn't cooking," Amanda informed him as she followed him into the kitchen with a grin, not sure why she was finding this whole situation to be funny now.

"It is when it's _all_ you can make," Josh replied cheerfully as he sat her down at the breakfast counter and went to look in the fridge. Besides beer, a bottle of champagne, maraschino cherries, jars of olives that Zoey left behind and some bottles of whipped cream (there were too many cartons of ice cream from Bianca in his freezer to go with those bottles of whipped creams), Josh also had a fresh carton of extra large grade A eggs, butter and milk, staple of necessary foods. "Where we go."

Amanda smiled as Josh puttered around the kitchen making scramble eggs with an clever hand. When he finally sat down with her with platters of eggs and hot coffee, she stood up on the footrest of the barstool to reached over and kissed his forehead.

A little stunned, mostly because no one has kissed him there since his mother, "What was that for?"

She regarded him with a kind of serene smile, "For last night, for this morning, for thanks, for the distraction, for peace." She took a bite of the eggs then paused. Looking up, she pointed her fork at him, "But not for the sex."

Josh grinned back at her. "Kitten's got her claws back."

"The aspirin I took this morning finally kicked in," she replied in the way of an answer and eating more eggs. "Oh, thanks, by the way, for whatever it is you gave me last night."

"Good stuff, huh?" Josh said drinking his coffee black.

"Kept me from turning my stomach inside out this morning," she admitted with a sigh and looked around for sugar for her coffee.

"Good stuff then," he replied and ate some more eggs and kind of wishing he had bread for toast. He'll have to remember to go grocery shopping sometime this week. "So, tell me about the boathouse."

"What?"

"Again with the 'what,'" he sighed and set his fork down. "Come on, Amanda."

Rolling her eyes, "It's just somewhere I go to be alone and to think and to…"

"Not have to deal with everyone else, friend or foe?" he interrupted with.

Tilting her head, she considered it for a moment and finally nodded. Honesty seemed to be the theme of the day for both of them. "Yeah, sometime it's just too much to have people there looking at you and telling you that everything is going to be all right and it's not your fault and you shouldn't blame yourself, blah, blah, blah." She stabbed her eggs with a little more force than necessary.

"I hate that," Josh said quietly as he sipped more coffee; he was beginning to feel more human now. "I can't help the way I feel and telling me to not feel it only pisses me off."

"Makes you want to scream," she added, "'Cause it's really not their place to tell me how to feel and act…"

"And you don't really need them telling you what you already mentally know. But emotionally…"

"There's no controlling emotions," Amanda said softly, "Just like there's no controlling things that you can't do anything about." She set her fork down, her appetite gone now.

Josh was silent, his eyes watching the dejected girl before him with sympathetic eyes. He's never given Amanda's pains much thought until last night. He would bet his next paycheck that the Martins couldn't pile as much guilt onto Amanda for the recent events as Amanda could all on her own. It couldn't have been easy for her to live in a house full of people that were always so understanding and affectionate; ready to forgive and forget at a drop of a hat, especially Jamie Martin, when she herself could accomplish such a feat. She must have needed some alone time more than once in the recent weeks. "I'm sorry I dragged you away last night."

She looked up at him. "You didn't. I left because I wanted to."

"Not because you were afraid I'd do something _really_ stupid while intoxicated?" he asked dryly.

Shrugging, "Okay, maybe that too."

He smiled. "Well, I'm sorry all the same. I know that's where I go when I need to just… just unwind."

"Not here?" she inquired causally.

"Here too," he answered honestly, "I like it here. It's not… not tainted with anything, know what I mean?"

"No Dr. Madden, no Babe, no anyone," she added bluntly, "No memories, no fingerprints."

"Yeah… except Bianca and Zoey… and to some extent, Kendall." He picked up a glass cat shaped salt shaker, "She thought these were cute and simply _had to_ have them… until Spike decided to use it as a teething toy."

Amanda laughed and glanced around the room at some of the odd pieces of novelties: a porcelain dog with blue spots, a black vase with turquoise feathers, three rather large sparkling globes. "Let me guess…"

"Yeah," already confirming her thoughts. "They're all from Kendall; said my place was too sterile." He shook his head in exasperation but did feel a cornel of warmth at his sister's interest in his life, especially now that he's finally put Babe Chandler behind him. _"Like she doesn't have enough to think about with Spike and the new baby."_

"There's really nice; gives the place some character," Amanda pronounced and heaved a large glass frog with a gold crown. "Though this…."

He took the frog prince from her hands. "That's Miranda's. She gave it to me for safe keeping until she comes back."

Studying him a moment, Amanda was amused to see that he wore a goofy smile remembering his sweet niece. "You love her."

He rolled his eyes and set the frog down. "What's not to love? She and Spike… frighteningly beautiful kids with the personalities of their respective moms. God, this town better brace themselves for the next generation of Kane children."

Amanda laughed, a twinkling sound that had Josh smiling as well.

"So yes, I love this place," Josh admitted with a reluctant sigh. "It feels like home now."

She nodded in perfect understanding. "It's a nice place; good sanctuary."

"Good what?"

"Sanctuary," she repeated, taking her dishes and his to the sink. When he stopped her from cleaning up, she shrugged and headed to the couch. "A place of peace; somewhere that you can hide from the rest of the world. Place of refuge and…"

"Okay, okay," following her to the sofa, "I know the definition of sanctuary, thank you very much. I only have a medical degree to prove my IQ."

Sighing, she dropped onto the couch and closed her eyes. "You're lucky."

He watched her weary face. "Wildwind too crowded for you? Let me guess, some people don't understand that term 'personal space?'"

She smiled without opening her eyes.

There was a languishing silence for a while before he looked up suddenly with an idea. Josh wasn't all together sure why he offered but at the exact moment, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to do. "Well you're welcome to consider this your own sanctuary if ever the boathouse becomes too crowded."

She opened one eye to gage his expression then sat up straight when she realized he was perfectly on the up and up. She frowned when he continued to watch her without blinking an eye. "Come again?"

Wondering a little at it himself, he made clear to her his intents. "You can come here and use my apartment as you place of peace whenever you need it. The boathouse is getting to be kind of a popular place to be and there's always someone there looking for..." he made a face, "Whatever it is they're looking for. I know there's the Fusion rooftop, another popular place for the lonely hearted; but that place gets more traffic than Grand Central Station sometimes. Here, you only have to worry about me and I'll make sure to stay out of the way if you need to be alone or if you want company and someone to hear you out," he caught the her skeptical expression and added, "And no, sex will not be involved…" and then considered that a moment, "Unless you want it to be."

She whacked him hard on the arm.

"Ow…" he rubbed the sore spot and have her a frown of irritation, "I was trying to be honest here. Sheesh, I'm a guy in case you didn't notice last night, I have needs. You're a lovely girl and if you feel like you want some company, I'm not stupid enough to say no."

"You're a jerk," she said and stood up to go.

It didn't take much to pull her back and into his lap. He held her still and gave her a look of extreme annoyance. "I'm trying to be a friend," he said with less patience than before. "I'm not exactly good at something I've not had a whole lot of practice in."

Raising a dark brow at him, she regarded him with caution. "Friend?"

"Don't really have a whole lot of those around here," he said tucking her against his body and ignoring his physical reaction in lieu of his intellectual one. "Plenty of so-call family but really, not too many friends. I think… I think we have a lot in common," he smiled. "If nothing else, we both have had some pretty screwy childhoods with crazier parents."

Amanda gave a reluctant laugh at that and gave up trying to escape his hold. It's extremely annoying that he was so damn strong. "Crazy is putting it mildly."

"So…" he eased her onto the seat next to him and faced her with serious intent. "I'd like you to consider me a friend, as weird and out of the blue as this is, and let me provide you with a little place that you can run to when you need to… if you ever need to."

She eyed him carefully. "And in return?"

"In return," he acknowledged the question with a quick bow of his head, "I'd like you to do two things for me."

There was a rather sour expression on her face. "What?"

"One, don't let me go chasing after Babe Chandler anymore. Remind me why I can't keep doing that to myself or to her. She's made her choice and I have to accept that, for better or worse." It was really the first time he's admitted to anyone that he's accepted defeat, a first in his life. The pain of the loss left him a little stunned and unsure at times but he was learning to not allow the sudden stabs of aching heart to turn him into something that makes Kendall spitting mad – Kendall didn't need the stress right now.

Josh was startled out of his revere by a soft hand on his own. Amanda's doe eyes expressed a great deal of understanding and conviction all at the same time, letting him know that she was going to do just that: remind him of things that cannot be. "And the second thing?"

"The second thing is," he took a breath to brace himself, "I'd like you to help me remember my dad… Greg Madden, not as the monster that he became but the father that he was to me. You saw a good side of him that most people didn't and… I don't want to hate him. I want it to be okay to have loved him and knew that he loved me. It doesn't diminish what he did but…"

She stopped him and nodded her head in agreement, "I think I can do that for you."

He smiled and covered her hand with his, knowing that she understood something that he wasn't sure he had expressed adequately in words. "Thanks."

-&-&-&-

Shutting the door after Amanda left, and only after she insisted on doing the dishes first, Josh gave a sigh of relief – not because she was gone but because he got to share something he couldn't with anyone else in the world, it felt surprisingly good to have done so. This may not work out in the end but at least he was making an effort to put something right in his life. Without Babe, his medical career, and what was had been his family, he felt a little at sea; not sure where he was drifting off to.

Now he was slowly connecting with his sister and Jeff Martin, building his family literally from ground up once more. He had an excellent job with Cambias Industries that while lacking in the same kind of challenges his medical career had was still exciting enough to get him up in the morning. There had been some successes in trying to forget Babe Chandler where he could now go almost three hours without thoughts of her invading his peace. Distracting himself helped, so did drinking for that matter. And last night, he hadn't thought of her at all.

Going into his bedroom, Josh picked up the sheets he had careless dropped on the floor and glanced at his rumpled bed with a grin. He was still greatly amused by the fact that the woman he had spent last night with, made unspeakably passionate love to, had blushed like a virgin this morning. That was a quirky characteristic he hadn't expected from Amanda; it was ridiculously endearing. Straightening his room, he made a cursory search for used condom wrappers and such but found none before stepping into the shower to get cleaned up. Shrugging, he figured Amanda probably did a little clean up of her own this morning before he woke and was probably hoping he wouldn't remember the night before at all.

It was difficult to imagine that he wouldn't remember taking Amanda to bed. She had been intensely fervent, giving herself over so completely that Josh thought his world had shattered and reform a thousand times. And while he could completely understand if they never again come together has they had last night, he would definitely miss it a great deal. But he had given Amanda his word that sex wasn't going to be a part of this 'friendship' and he wasn't about to go back on that; especially not after what happened between her and Jonathan Lavery. He wouldn't do that to her.

Dressing himself in a dark suit and a tie that Miranda had picked out for him at Christmas, Josh smiled at his reflection. He hadn't felt this relaxed and good since… He could honestly say that he couldn't remember when he last felt so good.

_To be continued…_

As always, reviews are encouraged to let me know what you thought of the story.


	3. Friends

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns everything… and I mean everything! No infringement intended with this little piece of fluff. For god sakes, one would think that we wouldn't have to write these damn things all the freaking time but apparently it's better safe then sorry… and when we're sorry, we're _really_ sorry.

**Chapter Summary**: Amanda and Josh start to explore their unusual friendship.

**Timelines**: After Baby Jenny is returned … and no Hannah. (I think my hands might rebel if I even contemplate writing her in.)

**Author's** **Note**: I actually had a kind of an idea when I started this story… and then it went away when I woke up. I've kind of got a plot outlined in my head; let's see if this works out the way I think it might. (Winces) What the heck am I saying? Nothing ever works out the way I intend it to.

I kind of wrote the first two chapters third-person but pulled the story back so that only one of them has the focus. (Amanda in chapter 1 and Josh in chapter 2). Everything from now on will be strictly in third person with everyone's perspective being taken into account.

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

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Chapter 3 - Friends

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With one finger against the door chime ready to lean her weight into it, she hesitated. Amanda wasn't sure why she was there, just that she was angry, frustrated and somehow found herself in front of Josh Madden's apartment. _"This is so stupid of me," _she couldn't help thinking as she lowered her hand and stared at the door. She hadn't actually intended to ever take up his offer of a sanctuary when he offered it. _"So why are you, at three in the morning, standing here looking like a idiot?!?"_

Calling herself three times a fool, she turned to leave before she actually embarrassed herself by ringing the bell.

"Amanda?" Josh called out as he approached his door, a little startled to see the dark hair beauty about to leave. It's been almost a week since he had seen her last, he had thought of her at the oddest times since wondering if she was doing all right especially given the field day the tabloids were having with the Chandler coverage. Half a dozen times he's thought about going down to ConFusion to see her but his work schedule hadn't allowed any time away. With Kendall currently experiencing the joys of morning sickness, Zach had relied heavily upon him to cover things around the office while Zach attended to his beloved wife. Josh could hardly begrudge his boss the time away from the job when his sister needed the gentle reminders of her delicate condition. He had almost gotten away tonight but a phone call from Paris and a frantic Bianca asking for an over-the-phone diagnosis of a feverish Miranda had kept him in the office until the wee hours. A part of him had thought to stop by ConFusion anyways, just to see if Amanda was still around but he halted that impulse and decided to return home for much needed rest. But seeing Amanda standing there, hesitant and practically radiating some unnamed energy, all thoughts of sleep were forgotten. "Come on in," he suggested as a way of greeting, hurrying to unlocked the door to his apartment before she changed her mind.

"It's late and I didn't mean to…" Amanda started to say as she took in the fact that Josh didn't look his best tonight. His suit was wrinkled and his eyes were smudged with fatigue and he had long since loosen the knot at his throat. If she didn't know better, she would think that he had a rougher week that she did.

"No, it's fine," he said ushering her in with a quick hand, setting his briefcase down on the breakfast counter with a sigh then scrambled to picked up the newspapers littered across his counter. Amanda didn't need to see the PV Gazette's charming article on the recent events and the fact that Amanda's father had been the former chief of police. Josh, on the other hand, had been devouring every piece of information he could get his hands on. His father… Greg… had always said that information was the key to everything; some habits are hard to break.

"You just getting home now?" she asked, setting her purse down distractedly and looking around. A fresh vase of sunflowers on the coffee table was the only thing that had changed since she was there last.

"Yeah," he answered and put the coffee pot on. Caffeine did nothing for him but she looked like she could use a nice strong cup. Half wishing he had an espresso machine, and making a mental note to get one in the near future, he doubled the portion of grinds needed. "It's been a couple of rough days."

"For everyone apparently. Babe's been sulking around the office all week. Di's been drinking a little heavier lately. Kendall has been having some particularly nasty cases of the morning sickness, though you probably already know that. I swear you can hear the moaning all the way downstairs," Amanda said watching him roll up his sleeves and pulled out bread. "What are you doing?"

"Making a snack," he replied, looking for his bread knife. "I'm starved," and he really was. His bad Chinese take-out had been hours ago. "Want anything?"

"It's three in the morning, Josh," Amanda pointed out unnecessarily.

"Yeah, I know," he smiled as he finally found the knife and started to slice the French bread. "Bianca had an attack of the panics when Miranda ran a fever. It took me nearly an hour to talk her out of taking Miranda to the emergency room. Kids get sick, it's normal."

Nodding in agreement, "How are they?" she asked, absentmindedly picking up a piece of bread and munching on it silently.

"Doing great, as expected. They're due to get a visit from Zoey in a day or two; stop over on a press tour. I'm not sure who was more excited, Bianca or Miranda," he informed her conversationally as he looked around his fridge and found tomatoes and a bag of spinach. He had his housekeeper stock up with whatever she thought he might need. Looking around some more, he located fresh mozzarella cheese with satisfaction. "Greta is the best!"

"Who's Greta?" curious now as she watched him put together a quick and clean spinach tomato salad.

"My absolutely wonderful, intuitively brilliant housekeeper," he answered happily and offered her the first platter, putting a plat of butter on the bread with one hand and splashing vinaigrette dressing with the other. Presenting her with a silver fork, "Food?"

Amanda laughed, as she was intended to, and took the utensil and plate. "Thank you."

He didn't answer as he fixed himself a salad and took deep satisfying breath and relaxed himself a little. "So? What brings you by?"

Making a disgruntled noise, which Josh correctly took to be "After I eat," Amanda reached over and pulled cups out of the cupboard and poured coffee for them both then went in search of sugar and cream. With the comfortable silence falling between the two as they fueled their bodies, Josh didn't feel any need to dig.

When she had finished her plate and silently acknowledged that she needed that, she sipped her coffee and watched Josh tear into another piece of bread. Deciding that since he was comfortable and at easy about her presence, she shouldn't feel the least bit bad about invading his space. "I had a bad run in with JR today."

Making a face, "What did Junior do now?"

"The usual," she admitted with self deprecation. "Why do I let that little brat get to me?"

"Because you have a good heart despite your attempts at hiding it," he answered with a shrug. Offering her a sympathetic look, he guessed correctly, "He started in on your mom, didn't he?"

"What else?" she shook her head and let him lead her to the couch. "He's such a hateful and angry person; it's like he lives to make the people around him as miserable as he is."

"Much like his father," Josh pointed out reasonably.

"_Just_ like his father," she corrected angrily.

Josh took the coffee from her hands. "Please don't spill that on my couch. Milk doesn't come out of leather no matter how hard you wash it. Cow's little revenge."

She gave an involuntary laugh.

"There," he said with a grin as she relaxed into the seat and gave herself room to breath. "Was that so bad?"

"Shut up," she said but continue to grin. "I went up to the roof top but Ryan and Annie were having a moment up there. I went to the boathouse after work but Jonathan got there before me and I _really_ didn't want to deal with him and his angst right now."

"It's nice to know that I was your last resort," he teased.

"It's three in the morning, Josh," Amanda pointed out yet again. "I didn't want to wake you."  
"I wouldn't have minded," he replied calmly.

"How would you know? You weren't even here?" she laughed with amusement then sighed with relief, genuinely glad that she was here. "And here I thought I worked crazy hours. Mr. Slater keeping you busy lately."

"Kendall," he said as a way of an answer.

Amanda understood completely and nodded her head in acknowledgment. She's seen Zach Slater around a lot lately, always urging his wife to take it easy, to go home and rest. He was constantly coming downstairs to raid the bar for ginger ale for Kendall's queasy stomach. Zach was so endearingly attentive to his wife's needs that Amanda found it hard to admonish him for throwing off her inventory. Plus it was great fun to watch this massively masculine man dancing around his dainty little wife; it should have look ridiculous but didn't. "How is your sister doing?"

"Milking this for all it's worth," Josh answered with a laugh. "She's got Zach wrapped around her little finger."

"And he loves every moment of it," Amanda shot back with a quick roll of her eyes. "I've never seen anyone that happy before. If your brother-in-law's grin gets any bigger, I'm going to have to whack him upside the head with a nice big bottle of Grey Goose."

Maybe it was the stress of the week finally catching up to him, maybe it was that he was finally relaxed for the first time since she walked out that morning so many days ago, maybe it was his twisted sense of humor or maybe it was simply because it _really_ was that funny but Josh found Amanda's disgruntlement of Zach's state of martial-bliss hilarious and let her know by laughing uproariously. He was laughing so hard his sides hurt.

"It's not _that_ funny," Amanda complained, fighting the urge to grin as his laughter became somewhat contagious. "Josh, stop!"

Wiping his misty eyes, Josh straightened with difficulty and gave a sigh of pure indulgent relief. "I needed that."

She gave him a wholly unsympathetic look. "Poor Josh."

He nudged her with an elbow. "So other than JR's poor taste in targets, how was the rest of your week?"

Amanda thought of her lonely room, her empty bed, watching the couples at Wildwind, Annie playing with the kids, Kendall and her husband, the nosy reporters, the angry advocates of mentally disturbed patients, her poor mother's sorrow and regret, the fruitless trips to the police station, Adam's smug face, the horrible tabloid newspapers that JR delighted in throwing in her face, the tension at Fusion headquarters with Greenlee's return and of course, the increasingly difficult crowds at ConFusion that whisper and point her way when they thought she wasn't looking. Then she glanced at the exhausted Josh whose handsome face seem ravaged with fatigue, who was regarding her with obvious concern, and felt selfishly stupid. "Fine."

He frowned at her and chose not to call her a liar. A blind man can see that the week had done a number on her. Feeling bad for her, because she really did have it hard, he offered, "Want to stay the night?" She slanted him a look in response and he glared at her. "I'm not talking about sex." When she remember raised a brow in question, he felt compelled to answer defensively, "I'm not! Why do you always assume I'm asking for sex?"

She laughed rather bitterly; a harsh sound that Josh found very unlike her. "Because you're a guy. Because that's what guys _ever_ want from me," she said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"That's not true," he said.

"Yeah, it is," she corrected matter-of-factly.

"Well it's not what I wanted from you, okay? Can we leave it at that?"

It took an effort but she didn't laugh in his face. He sounded so peeved.

"You looked stressed," he said softly, not looking at her at all. Closing his eyes, he let the day's events roll over him in an exhaustive wave. "It's pretty clear that you haven't been sleeping well," he held up a discouraging hand when she made noises of protest. "I'm not saying it to hurt you, Amanda; I'm making an observation. And as you've pointed out, it's late. I'm tired and I'm ready to drop where I'm sitting; I'm assuming that you're getting there pretty fast yourself. So…" he turned his head and regarded her with a tried smile. "Would you like to stay the night?"

_"He meant it," _she couldn't held but admire and smiled back. "Yes, please."

With a quick nod, Josh stood up slowly and held out his hand to her. "I don't suppose you brought clothes."

"I didn't plan on this," she said following him to the bedroom. "Am I sleeping with you?"

"Unless you want to use Zoey's old room," he said going to the closet and pulling out a old tee-shirt that had been softened by repeated washings. "Though I have to warn you that Zoey took her bed with her."

"You're kidding!" open the tee-shirt and grinned. "Harvard?"

"Alma Matar," he shrugged and yanked out a pair of boxer shorts. "You need this?"

She shook her head at him. "No thanks. The shirt will do. And why did Zoey take her bed?"

Josh turned around and grinned. "Because Bianca helped her pick it out. She had it sent to Bianca's new digs in Paris."

Amanda rolled her eyes and headed to the bathroom. "Then I guess I'm sleeping with you."

Holding back a laugh, Josh got into his pajama bottoms – he refused to wear the scratchy top. Getting between soft sheets, he was almost asleep when Amanda reappeared looking almost shy now. "You're not going to be skittish about this, right? I wouldn't have expected that of you."

Throwing him a defiant look, Amanda got into the bed and purposely elbowed him in the ribs for that. Grunting, Josh reached over and encircled her carelessly. Amanda turned to look at him over her shoulder but didn't try to push him away. "What are you doing?"

"Going to sleep," he answered, closing his eyes and setting his head comfortably by hers. She was a warm armful and it was nice.

"Um…" she lay there stiff and unyielding.

"Relax Amanda," he murmured, yawning widely. "I'm not going to jump you. I'm too tired to try even if I wanted to," then drifted off without another word.

Amanda softened slowly as she felt his breathing even out and his hold loosen with sleep. When she was sure he was completely unconscious she slowly turned in his arms until she was facing him. Josh had inherited good looks from both his parents and it showed on his beautiful face. Pressing herself a little closer, tucking her chin in and snuggling close, Amanda allowed herself to feel safe and protected for just tonight, just this one night when she didn't have to worry about anything else in the world that was out to hurt her. No JR, no Adam, no tabloids, no crazy mother; she was safe here, in her place of peace… with Josh.

-&-&-&-

Leaning over, Josh shifted a lock of hair from Amanda's cheek and smiled. She looked so peaceful, snuggled inside the sea of down, that he loathed to wake her. "Hey," he said softly, hoping she wasn't one of those girls that attack at first light. "Come on, time to wake up."

Mewing her protests, Amanda stretched like a lazy cat, arching her back until she was bowed. Taking a deep breath, she reluctantly opened her eyes to face another day. Blinking, it took her a moment to focus on the face that was staring back at her with amusement. When recognition finally registered, "Morning," and smiled her appreciation of a good night's sleep – the first in many days. "What time is it?"

"It's almost seven-thirty," he admitted with a shrug and offered her the mug of coffee on the nightstand. "I wanted to say goodbye before I leave for work."

"Thanks." Amanda sniffed the coffee gratefully and sipped carefully, scolding her tongue in the process.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked, watching her come slowly and fully awake.

"Really good," she confessed feeling refreshed. "You?"

"Ditto," he said and didn't elaborate over the fact that he had been so comfortable sleeping with her in his arms that he had almost talked himself into staying in for the morning. It was the first good night's sleep he's really had in a while and he didn't really want to give that up. But he had a job to do and there were two teleconference calls this morning with some distributors that couldn't be put off. "I have to go soon."

"I'll lock up and pull shut the door behind me," she offered hopefully. She didn't really want to be leave so early in the morning though she knew she had to return to Wildwind to change before she could even start her day. She just prayed that everyone else was either still sleeping off the nightshift or gone for the day.

"Take your time," he informed her quietly as she sipped her coffee some more, enjoying her easy, undemanding company. "I'm not kicking you out."

"Thanks," she said, feeling surprisingly comfortable with him. "For everything." Except for her few passing conversations with him at the gym and sometimes at the bar, Amanda hadn't had must contact with Josh. But now…

"I can say the same," he replied, feeling great about a lot more things. "Hey, why don't I stop by this evening and grab a drink with you at ConFusion?"

"I'm working," she was apologetic about it.

"So I'll come after your shift," he amended easily.

"At one in the morning?" she asked, a little surprised.

"And what time did you get here last night… this morning? What time did I get home?"

"Point taken," she conceded with a smile, weirdly okay with all this. "Okay, I'll see you at ConFusion tonight then."

"Okay," he got up and picked up his keys, considering them a moment. "There's breakfast stuff on the counter if you want any and don't do the dishes, just leave them in the sink."

"And let them just sit there?" she flipped back the covers and stood up. "I don't think so."

Josh gave her a weirded-out look. "What is it with you and dishes?"

"I like things clean," she defended with a shrug then gave him a light push toward the door. "Go on, get out of here before you're late for work and I hear about it from Mr. Slater."

"He's probably still holding Kendall's hair back while she's paying tribute to the Porcelain Gods."

Amanda laughed and shoved him out the door, feeling uplifted without any real clue as to why. Draining her coffee, she changed, washed the dishes and left with a smile on her face.

-&-&-&-

Josh could feel the fine hair on the back of his neck raise as he continued to stand there, in the middle of ConFusion, listening to Greenlee vent her drunken spleen about every supposed wrong ever inflicted upon her in a shrilling, nail on chalkboard voice. He had almost reached out and physically removed her from the premise when Kendall with her big sympathetic eyes turned to him. She gave him a helpless look that stopped him dead in his tracks. Approaching, he lent Kendall his support with a firm hand at her elbow as Greenlee continue to toast the room bitterly.

"Let me get you out of here," he whispered quietly to his sister as she stood there stiffly while Greenlee spewed her anger at Kendall. He silently cursed himself for leaving Zach at the office to the materials on Cambias' latest acquisition; several of which were probably going to keep him at the office another hour. But Zach had been firm and urged Josh to take the rest of the evening off and go visit with his sister.

Kendall was rigid next to him, her face reflecting heartbreaking concern and determination. "No, she's not going to scare me away from my own bar," she said firmly then frowned at him with obvious anxiety for her former friend; a misplaced emotion as far as Josh was concern. "Should I have Del cut her off?"

"He should have cut her off at the first drink," Josh muttered as he watch Greenlee go around the room, naming each person's sins for the room at large. This wasn't what he had expected when he arrived. All he wanted to do was spend a few minutes with his sister, make sure she was doing all right, then spend the rest of the evening entertaining Amanda and keeping his mind off Babe Chandler, the first person he had run into upon arrival. "Oh god," he groaned when he saw Greenlee's next target and wondered if there was any polite way of shutting the petite cosmetic mogul up.

Not that anything could have stopped Greenlee at this point, she was on a roll now, "And this one," facing Amanda whose face was set in stony coldness. "This one once drugged a man to get him to marry her. What was the verdict: FORGIVEN!"

Feeling himself tense as Amanda stared back at Greenlee, Josh briefly wondered if he was going to have to bail Amanda out of jail tonight when she leapt across the bar and strangle Greenlee with her bare hands. He was much impressed when Amanda answered with a simple, arrogant raise of a brow – as if Greenlee's opinion of her meant less than dirt.

"Greenlee, ENOUGH!" Ryan bellowed from across the way.

Josh rolled his eyes and mutter under his breath, "A little late in coming, don't you think?" and glanced at Kendall, who was still watching her former friend with eyes that reflected the kind of heart she had. "You going to be all right?"

Kendall turned and smiled at Josh before nodding then went back to watch the miserable scene before her unfold. She was quick to intercept Annie, leaving Josh to his own devises.

Arriving at the bar, Josh carefully studied the rigidly standing Amanda as she continued to watched the scene with cold frosty eyes. And while she smiled wide and nodded her assurance to Jamie when he came over to check on her, her hands were still knuckle white on the counter beneath and no warmth had reached her eyes. When Martin finally moved away, Josh caught her attention with a quick hand on her forearm and was taken aback by the glare she directed at him. But that chilling look melted and eased back to gratitude after a moment and she offered him a weak but sincerely smile. "Some show, huh?"

He didn't say anything, didn't have anything to offer that would have help. There was honest sympathy in his gaze as he continued to stand there, offering her anything that she needed.

Taking a breath from deep down, she nodded her head and began to mix a drink, something sweet but with a bite. "Can I come over tonight?" dismissing the boathouse and rooftop knowing that there were likely to be a great deal more casualties in need of those places tonight.

"Of course," Josh answered, a little more concerned for her than he wanted to acknowledge.

She gave him a welcome smile and opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself. Amanda glanced at something over Josh's shoulder, her brows narrowing with concern before she turned her gaze back to him. "Are you sure?"

Puzzled by the sudden change, he turned and looked over his shoulder not sure what to expect. Babe stood off to the side, her ashen face reflecting her ordeal… as everyone else in the club had. Her pale stricken eyes weren't seeing anything at all and her sad little mouth appeared… Babe Chandler was no longer his problem, no longer a part of his life. Josh gave himself a mental shake and determinedly turned back. Amanda was watching him with non-judging eyes.

Pushing the drink across the counter to him, she smiled gently. "It's okay, you know."

There was something in her smile that tugged at him hard. "I thought we agreed that you were going to help me _not_ chase after that woman. What happened to keeping me on the straight and narrow?"

"She's a good person," Amanda said as she glanced at the drinks orders and picked up a frosted shaker with a practiced hand. "You could do a whole lot worse than to…"

He shook his head at her. "To be panting after a married woman?"

"She and JR are…"

"Not through yet," he finished for her and grabbed the hand that had been reaching for the ice scoop. "Come over tonight," he said seriously and let go when Del glanced at them with a little more attention that he liked. He lowered his voice. "I'll meet you there."

She nodded her head and glanced around the bar again. "Better go check on Kendall. I can't imagine this stress is good for her."

"Yeah," he nodded and meet her eyes once more, "Be there," he said and left her only after she agreed with a nod.

_To be continued…_


	4. Reactions

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns everything… and I mean everything! No infringement intended with this little piece of fluff. For god sakes, one would think that we wouldn't have to write these damn things all the freaking time but apparently it's better safe then sorry… and when we're sorry, we're _really_ sorry.

**Chapter Summary**: Amanda deal with questions and Josh deals with an ending.

**Timelines**: After Baby Jenny is returned … and I think you're getting this already.

**Author's** **Note**: Okay, since I'm not nearly as creative as I want to me, I'm incorporating storylines from the show to kick off mine now… as you can see from my last chapter. If it becomes too confusing, just let me know.

Oh, and just so you know… I've decided to make this a more adult themed story. Nothing that will damage your retinas but enough to get your mind on the right track.

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

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Chapter 4 - Reactions

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After Amanda had spent two night in a roll at Josh, and avoided questions from Julia and Di about her mysterious disappearances, it would be another six days before she showed up at his door again. She was practically seething with impotent anger as she pressed the doorbell for the second time and waited impatiently for a moment, her mind running in circles and coming up with _nothing_ to help to elevate this awesome need to do some real damage to something… anything. Just as she turned to leave, concluding that Josh wasn't home, the door was jerked open and a dripping wet Josh was standing there in nothing but a white terry towel that he was desperately trying to tuck around his hips.

"Amanda!" his eyes went wide with surprise.

Her reasons for coming momentarily forgotten, she grinned evilly at his scandalous attire. "You know, there are some nice little old ladies in the building that would probably have a heart attack if they saw you in just that."

Frowning with irritation at her complete and utter lack of sympathy for his freezing butt, "Get in here," he pulled her into the apartment and slammed the door shut. "I thought you were Kendall."

Chuckling and dropping her purse onto the couch, "Why would you think that?"

Josh shoved wet soapy hair from his eyes. "She's the only one that leans on the bell like that." He made a face at the puddles of water he had tracked across his living room and sighed. "Make yourself at home while I finish my shower."

She nodded and waved him off and dropped herself onto the couch with a sigh of relief.

Five minutes later, Josh came out in sweats, a plain tee-shirt and damp hair to watched Amanda pour herself a drink. "Bad day?"

Amanda nodded her head and took a sip then set it down on the coffee table, not really wanting any more of it. "I thought I was going to get a little time at the gym, just working off some stress."

"And?" Josh made a face and picking up her glass drained it with one gulp. When he gestured to her with it, she shook her head and rubbed her stomach with irritation. Taking the glass to the kitchen, he grabbed a towel to mop up the mess he made across his floors and continued his conversation with Amanda. "What happened?"

"I really wish that JR and I didn't frequent the same gym," she crossed her arm over her chest with irritation.

Tossing the wet rag into the kitchen sink, wincing when he heard it hit his crystal drinking glass, Josh came around and sat by Amanda's side. "What did that ass do now?"

"Instead of a nice quiet little meeting the punching bags, I had to put up with his condescending smartass comments and his oh-I'm-so-much-better attitude and his stupid little face all up in my business and…"

"Okay, okay," he reached for her closed fisted hands and firmly forced it down to her lap. "I get the picture." And he did too. If the rising color in Amanda's face was any indication, she's been repressing her rage for some time now. Her self control was quite remarkable in his thinking… but then again, she's probably had to learn it fast with her mother around. "He's a jerk and you don't have to put up with him. Next time, walk away or have him kicked out."

Amanda gave him a look of extreme annoyance as if he was purposely trying to be obtuse. "Chandler Enterprises owns that gym."

Josh winced and shook his head at her. "I'll get you a pass for the one at Cambias Industries; they've got nicer steam rooms."

Surprised at his thoughtfulness, she thanked him prettily with a fluttering touch of her lips to his cheek than asked slyly, "But what of your weight rooms?"

"Best punching bags in the world," he announced with a light laugh feeling a little tingly from the chaste kiss. "And I'm positive that Zach wouldn't even blink an eye if we were to order one with JR's face on it especially for you; he'll probably ask to partake of it."

"Without a doubt," Amanda said giggling at the thought as she leaned against Josh, feeling her anger ease and slip away as she took in the comfortable, calming feel of Josh's apartment. "Thanks."

"Any time," he said relaxing against her. "Besides, what's the use of working for your brother-in-law if you can't get a little extra benefit out of it?"

Laughing, she elbowed him lightly in his side and spend the rest of the evening talking about the fun little ways she'd like to extract harmless if humiliating revenge from JR Chandler while Josh fed her popcorn and juice. Overall, it was a rather relaxing end to an otherwise painful day.

-&-&-&-  
[Couple of Days Later

"Aww…" Amanda let go of the door and wretched her finger from where it had gotten stupidly caught on her keychain. It was all she needed at the moment. She was running at least thirty minutes behind and she blamed it all on Josh. _"If his bed hadn't been so ridiculous comfortable and if he had just decided to wake me up instead of being all considerate and everything by letting me sleep in…"_ she grumbled incoherently to herself as she stomped up the stairs, not really angry. While it had been nice of Josh to let her stay the night… again, she really wish he won't baby her like that. It made it so much harder to get up in the morning.

"Well hello there, stranger?" Julia called out from down the hall when she caught sight of the hurrying Amanda.

"Hey Julia," she greeted, hoping to get away before the questions about her…

"Long time no see," Julia said in that teasing tone that indicated that she wasn't going to let this one go any time soon.

Holding a sigh of exasperation knowing that Julia meant well, Amanda turned to face her friend. "I know I haven't been pulling my weight around the house…"

"It's not that," Julia answered rolling her eyes at her. "We just haven't seen you around as much lately. The girls miss their favorite dress up person," she explained with a wide friendly smile, her eyes sparkling with hope that Amanda will open up. The amount of time Amanda spent holed up in her room or disappearing to a location none of the Wildwind residence were privy too was a topic of a great many discussions now.

"I've been busy," Amanda said with a quick shrug and glanced around for Kathy. "Where are the little ones?"

"Play room," she replied, motioning for Amanda to follow as she went into Kathy's room. "Emma and Kathy sent me up for more tea party materials… running out of guests." Picking up the stuff purple elephant, she handed it to Amanda, effectively roping her into helping out.

"How are the girls?" Amanda asked, more out of politeness then actual curiosity.

"Kathy misses Annie and Emma," Julia answered as she pulled two rabbits out from under the bed, "But she understands that Emma needs to be living with her mommy _and_ daddy. She keeps asking when she's going to have a daddy too and if Tad would be her daddy." She made a face. "I'm running out of answers to give her."

"So keep giving her the truth," Amanda said as she walked back out. She wanted a shower and a quick change of clothes before she went to ConFusion for the bi-weekly inventory check. She really didn't want to go over Julia's issues with Kathy's want of a daddy; especially when she had her down daddy issues to deal with. "What does Jamie say?"

Julia rolled her eyes. "Jamie thinks it's hilarious."

Amanda chuckled. "Yeah, I guess he would." The girls squealed with delight as Amanda appeared in the room. Kathy threw herself into Amanda's arms, which she quickly emptied by dropping everything on the ground beside her. "Hey Squirt!" and dropped a quick kiss on the golden head. "What are you up to?"

"Amanda!" Emma plowed into Amanda's leg with enough force to almost topple her.

"Whoa there," she laughed and wrapped her other arm around Annie's little girl and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Slow down honey."

"Will you play with us?" Emma asked innocently.

"We can do dress up," Kathy offered with a pleading look from her great big eyes.

"PLEASE???" both girls said at the same time, hands pressed together, begging.

Amanda eyed them both suspiciously . "Okay, who taught you that?" Exchanging quick startled looks, the girls both turned and looked over Amanda's shoulders with wide helpless, deer-in-the-headlight looks. Amanda glanced over her shoulders and glared at Del and Jonathan. "Way to corrupt the young."

Jonathan frowned, confusion and surprise warring on his face.

Del just looked smug.

Growling something under her breath, Amanda got up and snatched the tray of cookies out of Del's hands. "Stupid monkey," she said audible enough for Julia to hear.

Catching on quickly, Jonathan gave Del a shove hard enough to send the man into the door. "Stop corrupting my niece," he ordered and came to sit down with the girls who were eagerly tucking into their mid-morning snack. He glanced at the smiling Amanda, noting that she was much more refreshed in the past week than she's been in a while In fact, she's been slowly returning to her old self… ever since she's been randomly disappearing at nights. "Where have you been?"

Raising a brow at that, "What are you? My father?"

A little taken aback, Jonathan nevertheless forged forward. "No, just a really concerned friend. You haven't been around lately and things haven't exactly been easy for you. I wanted to make sure you're okay."

Because he wore that same damn expression he got with Lily some times, Amanda softened as she knew she would. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me?"

"But we do," Julia added with a smile as she joined the girls after putting away some of their toys. "We just want to make sure that you're… that you're…" she seemed to be lost for words. With wide uncertain eyes, she looked to Jonathan for help.

Jonathan, brutally honest to a fault, didn't mince around with the nice stuff even with the girls around. "We want to make sure you're not doing anything dangerous."

"Dangerous?" she questioned.

"To yourself," Del interjected unhelpfully if honestly. "They want to make sure you're not out there throwing yourself away trying to forget because your life is a little…"

"Del!" Julia wanted very much to whack him in the arm but the girls were watching with avid attention. Turning to an obviously perturbed Amanda, "We just want to make sure you're all right."

"I'm fine," she answered smartly, a little annoyed that the others thought so little of her though she suppose with a history of mental illness in the family…. "I'm doing just fine right now so you guys can stop worrying about me." She got up to leave, a little drained now.

Reaching out, Jonathan took her hand. "Can I ask where you're been disappearing to? As a friend?"

As a friend, Amanda opened her mouth to answer with the truth. But as someone that's been through the ringers, she didn't want to share. She could already hear the response to it and instinctively shielded herself from that kind of reaction. "Somewhere safe," was the only reply she had to give. She walked away.

"Amanda!" the girls called out.

"I'm sorry darlings," she said softly, her eyes full of genuine regret. She loved these girls, they were the hope of the future. "I have to get ready for work. But this weekend, how's about the three of us play 'Castle?'"

The girls cheered, the prospects of playing 'Castle' greatly outweighing their disappointment in not getting to play with their favorite sitter now. Children's lives were so much simpler that way. They cheerfully went back to their tea party and chattered nonsensically about all the things that made childhood sweet and innocent.

Del, however, wasn't so easily satisfied. "Wait, 'somewhere safe?' That's all we get?"

Turning, Amanda flashed them all an extremely bright smile. "Yes," and left the room before she kicked Del in the shin.

-&-&-&-

Josh's day had started out pretty damn good. He'd beaten the alarm clock up and got an extra five minutes in bed to relax and enjoy Amanda's undemanding company. The past two weeks have flown by so quickly with unexpected if welcomed visits from Amanda that weren't always dealing with one emotional melt down or another. She had dropped by last night, on her day off, for the express propose of just hanging out and watching a rented movie. She had only stayed the night when it became apparent that she was too tired to drive home, which made them both laugh considering it had only been eleven at night and she usually head to bed much later than that. Somewhere along the way, they had settled easily into a nice comfortable friendship.

After convincing himself that Amanda needed some extra sleep, he reset the alarm and left her with a note to help herself to whatever was in the apartment and left for work. An unanticipated call from Zach asking him to swing by BJ's on his way into the office for a milkshake for Kendall had been more amusing then annoying, so he had done just that. It seemed simple enough of a task; though he couldn't have foreseen running into Babe and JR enjoying breakfast with their son there. The happy little family seen turned his stomach to the point where he always turned around and walked away. Only the thought of a tantrum throwing Kendall made him stay his ground. If his sister was craving a milkshake, his sister was going to get a milkshake. Plus no one was ever going to call Josh a coward.

The tension between Josh and the Chandlers was thick enough that other customers had cautiously given him a wide berth. Ignoring them seem the best course of action. Stupid him, he should have known that JR couldn't resist a dig when he got a chance and only Babe's apologetic look had held Josh's tongue. Swallowing his anger for little Adam's sake if not his own, Josh didn't choose to respond or to strangle JR with his bare hands as he wanted to do. And he left BJ's with the much wanted milkshake and another cup of coffee for himself. He had the distinct feeling that he was going to need it.

Arriving at the office, Josh was greeted by his green-faced sister who promptly threw up on his shoes when he attempt to hand over her milkshake. After assuring a mortified Kendall not to worry about the shoes, and mentally reminding himself to send the cleaning bill to Zach, he retreated to his office where his day continued to go downhill.

An acquisition he had been in the middle of negotiating had gone south and he had to pull Zach from his sister's side to deal with the potential implosion. While Josh knew that he was good at what he did, he was no Zach. The man had been born and breed into the corporate world. There was something about the man that instantly told people to beware. In less time than it took for Josh to relay the problem, Zach managed to put the deal back on the table and Cambias Industries walked away with a better deal than Josh had been attempting to settle. It was quite impressive to watch.

Then there was a security issue when a rather hostile competitor, whose company Cambias had just stole from under them, had made three major mistakes walking into the door: 1) the woman (and it was in fact a woman though Josh had to look twice to be sure) had been unfortunately wearing red, 2) had spoken at a tone that would have kindly been described as at a shout and 3) made the monumental mistake of touching Lily when she couldn't get the girl's attention fast enough. Lily screamed, hit the panic button under her desk (a precaution the head of security had insisted on) and was rendered catatonic before Josh even reached her. Zach, true to his White Knight instinct, had Kendall spirited away through a second entrance to his office before he came out and whisked Lily away after with a few carefully chosen words to calm the girl. Josh watched as Zach put Lily in his office and shut the door firmly behind him before security flooded the area and proceed to do a lock down. An angry Zach had then coldly and calmly berated his security team for A) letting the woman pass through security, B) frightening Lily and C) their lack of speed for getting to the executive suites. It was quite a sight to behold and Josh counted himself fortunate for having never been on the receiving end of it. Zach finally calmed down and ordered a security meeting to go over protocols. That took a great deal longer than expected… which was when Kendall, tired of being ignored, had barged in and slipped on a stray piece of paper on carpet. Three hands caught her before she actually hit the ground but it was enough to set an already volatile Zach off again. Grabbing his wife, he ordered Josh to "Handle it," and left the building with a sputtering Kendall in tow.

So it was almost two in the morning when Josh was finally able to leave the office. He was half way home when he remembered a half garbled conversation with Kendall that morning about a care package for Bianca and Miranda. It had been his intentions to add to the package, along with a couple of things for Zoey but with the chaos at the office, he had forgotten. Turning about, he went to the Fusion offices where Kendall had said the box was under her desk. It was a good thing he still had his keys from when he was an employee there. Finding the box, exactly where Kendall had said it was, and laughing at the custom made toys for Miranda, each stitched with "Mimo" on the butt, Josh felt his shoulders relaxed a moment as he looked around the silent office. Kendall had found a nice space for a growing company that was built from nothing up; it felt good.

For whatever the reason was, Josh suddenly find himself compelled to go to the roof, a place of many memories for him. Maybe it was a whisper of the wind, maybe it was his sixth sense, maybe it was because the roof _really_ did have more traffic than Grand Central Station, but Josh hesitated when he got there, instinctively knowing that he wasn't going to find it empty, even at this time of night. Pushing the door slowly open, he watched as Jamie Martin encircled his arms around Babe Chandler, drawing her firmly into his embrace. The way the two of them fit together, it was as if they've never been apart, like when Josh first came to town.

Something in him snapped.

Retreating, Josh was almost to his car, his cell phone dialing even as he reached escape before he realized what he was doing.

"Hello?" came the tired greeting.

"Where are you?" he asked softly, feeling his heart race.

"ConFusion," Amanda replied, her voice soft with wary. "Why? What's going on?"

Josh's hands fumbled with his keys. "If I picked you up, would you come home with me?"

There was a short pause. "Yeah, okay. I'll be out back in ten minutes."

"I'll be there," he said and hung up, gripping the steering wheels tightly for control. He needed to get himself back under control before he could drive.

Amanda frowned as she closed her cell, her mind already running through all the reasons that might have caused Josh to be so… so… agitated would be good word for it. Wiping down the counter quickly, she left the remaining glasses in the sink and made a note to herself to come in early to run them through the wash and went to the employee's lounge.

"Hey," Del greeted her with as he pulled his jacket on. "I'm meeting some pals at 'Crossroads,' want to join us?"

Looking at him funny, "You're going from one bar to another?"

Flashing his trademarked dimples, "I _work_ at this one; I _drink_ at that one."

Shaking her head in exasperation, "No thanks, I think I'll pass."

Del watched her for a moment, noting her quick movements as she gathered her things and made to go. "Headed home?"

Opening her mouth to instinctive answer when asked a question, she was quick to shut it again when she realized she was about to create an issue she had only averted that morning. "I'm going to see a friend."

"Really? Which one?" he asked doggedly.

"One that you're not pals with," she answered smartly and shut her locker. "See you tomorrow, Del."

"Amanda…" Del continued.

"Good night," she called back and wiggled her fingers over her shoulder.

Del accepted that for all of half a second. When he heard the backdoor shut, he hurried over and pulled the door open just enough to give him a view of the back lot. Amanda struggle with her oversized purse for a moment, tossing things about inside of it as she searched for something. When her hand finally came out, it was with a plain kiddie chapstick that she applied haphazardly, as if it was something to do rather than what she actually wanted. She looked left and right, checking behind her to make sure she was alone and fidgeted impatiently. Amused and confused, Del was about to join her when a no nonsense black sports car pulled up right beside her. With the windows tinted and the moonless night, it was difficult to see who was in it. But there were few people in town that had the kind of cash for a nifty little number like that and Del had a bad feeling he knew who it was behind the wheel.

Amanda skirted around the car, dropping herself into the passenger seat in a hurry. "Del's been nosing around. Let's get out of here."

Josh didn't answer her but gun the car, shooting them out of the lot with unnecessary speed. His death grip on the wheel was the only thing that was keeping him together at the moment. And one look at Amanda's eye told him that she understood that. _"Good."_

The ride to his building should have taken half an hour; they were there in fifteen minutes. When the car finally glided into Josh's parking space below grounds, Amanda slowly opened her fist on the door handle, one finger at a time. The ride itself hadn't been the frightening part, it was the steely hard look in Josh's eyes that sent shivers down her spine. Something bad had obviously happened tonight.

"Would you be offended if I asked for sex?" Josh asked inexplicably as they rode the silent elevator up to his floor.

Amanda turned to look at him expressionless. "Depends."

"On?"

"Did you bring me here for the express purpose of asking for sex?"

"No," he answered honestly and without hesitation. "I asked you here because I wanted to see you." He frowned at that, not exactly what to make of the fact that he had instinctively called her when he left Fusion headquarters. "The sex was kind of an afterthought."

She gave him an annoyed look as the elevator doors opened.

"What?" he muttered. "I'm a guy; I like sex."

"Obviously," she muttered back not exactly sure what to feel at the moment. Grunting something unintelligible though vaguely sounding like "Stupid boys," she pointed to the door lock.

"Would you rather that I lie to you?" he asked, hurrying over to unlock the door. He ushered her in with one hand and shut the door with the other, glad to get her out of the hallway where she might still easily bolt.

Considering that a moment, she shook her head. "No. And I guess I'm not offended by your asking," she offered him a tight smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "But I'm not going to sleep with you."

"Fair enough," he answered back and glanced at his liquor cabinet. "Want a drink?"

"Not really," rubbing her stomach. She slung so much alcohol tonight she's not sure she could handle having any. One of the pitfalls of working at a bar, you really don't want to have any afterwards once you see what it can do to people. "But feel free to indulge to your heart's content," she went to the kitchen and pulled out some microwave popcorn without thought. "So what happened?"

"Nothing," Josh answer automatically as he pour bourbon for himself. The minute he gets through the six bottles left in his cabinets he's switching to something else. Bourbon was a nice warm drink but it sucks at the morning after factor; headaches the size of San Andres faults were an usual occurrence.

Rolling her eyes, Amanda picked up a potholder and threw it at Josh's head, feeling a great deal of satisfaction when it hit him smack on the side causing him to choke on his drink. "And I'm the Queen of Persia." She glared at him, "Try again."

Josh wiped his chin with the back of his hand, "Persia doesn't exist anymore."

"Yes it does, it just goes by another name. And if you're going to be an ass about this, I'm going home."

He turned and looked her, finishing his drink in one gulp. She looked serious. She looked serious enough to really leave. When she marched over and picked up her purse, looking more than ready to walk right out the door, Josh hurriedly confessed, "I saw Babe today."

Amanda paused at the door, "And?"

"She was with JR," he said and continued to watch her cautiously.

With a sigh, Amanda put her purse down and went to get the popcorn. "So what happened? Did JR decide that he simply had to be the biggest ass in the universe?"

Josh laughed, a harsh little sound that even made _him_ wince. "'Junior,'" taking Zach's fond little variation on the name, "I can handle in my sleep. I just wasn't expecting him and Babe to be there with Little Adam."

That gave Amanda pause then she yapped when she burned her fingers on melted butter. No matter her feeling her for the father, she adored that little boy. But really, what's there not to adore about children with their innocent minds and their endless capacity to love? "Please tell me that JR didn't start in on you with his kid there."

Pouring himself another drink, Josh saluted her with it. "Nail it in one. You should have seen them, one happy little family; mommy and daddy and baby too." He touched the glass to his lips and shook his head. "JR has his wife and kid and here I was, standing there. Poor Josh, pathetic and alone." He drained his glass.

Frowning at him, "Your words or his?"

"Both," he said sitting down when she motioned him to the couch, taking a handful of popcorn as he did.

Not being nice about it, Amanda hit him upside the head with the palm of her hand. "That's for listening to JR," then punched him in the arm as hard as she could. "And that's for being stupid."

Leaning away from her, "Ow…. That hurt!"

"It should," she huffed and dropped into her seat again.

"JR wasn't the reason I asked you here," he said, rubbing his forearm. Damn the girl had a hell of a punch. "I just saw Babe now."

"Now?" confusion clear on her face.

"At Fusion."

"You were at Fusion? I was right down stairs, why didn't you just…"

"I wanted to get away and I had to get my car to do that," he said stealing popcorn from her. "Couldn't stay there."

"Why? Did you two fight?"

"No," he shook his head, his chest tightening as he recalled the moment, "We didn't speak and she wasn't alone."

Amanda was almost certain she knew where the conversation was going. "Roof?"

"Yeah."

"With JR?"

"Nope."

That startled her.

"Jamie," he said and felt that snapping feeling again.

Eyes wide in disbelief, "Jamie and Babe?"

"It wasn't anything sordid," he confessed and felt something else give away at the pit of his stomach, something he couldn't quite yet identify. "He was just standing there, holding her." It was innocent enough, just a simple hug between two friends… right? But he knew that wasn't true. He's seen them together before, having that connection from somewhere deeper that hadn't been broken, couldn't be broken. "I never had that."

It was his voice that made Amanda stop. She could see the emotion play in his eyes though not in his face. He was hurting from the realization of something deep and there really was nothing she could do but hold his hand and offer her presence as comfort as he worked through the emotions that he hadn't been able to face before. Babe Chandler was never going to be his and there wasn't anything he could do about it. Dropping her head on his shoulder, she let him have his silence.

Josh unconsciously reached for the girl by his side, drawing Amanda close until he could smell the sweet floral scent she wore in her hair. He wasn't looking for anything more than a hug, a hug that meant something other than _his_ giving to her. That was what was wrong… every time Josh had touched Babe, he had been offering a little piece of himself and never the other way around. With Amanda, it wasn't like that. When she closed her arms about him he could feel her offering up a little piece of herself for his comfort, his peace of mind. She was offering her understanding, her patience, her friendship for his needs.

That snapping feeling he had felt… it was his letting go. He had finally let go of Babe Chandler.

"You're staying the night right?" he asked softly, not moving a muscle.

"Only if you want me to," she answered in a whisper, letting him take the reins.

"When have I ever not," he murmured back.

-&-&-&-

Josh came awake feeling a kind of urgency that was physically painful. His sleep fuzzy mind took a moment to registered what he was doing but it didn't take too long for him to realize that somehow in his sleep, he had begun to make love to Amanda. With eager bodies acting on its own accord, he tried to stop himself; he really _did_ try. _"Oh god, no!" _But his body was too far gone and he could only give a cry of both passion and anguish as he took from her what she had only earlier said she wasn't willing to give. As excruciating pleasure rolled over him, he buried his face against the crook of her neck, whispering fertile apologies against her throat, entreating his body to stop. _"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."_

Amanda threaded her fingers through his hair, clutching his head between her hands and turning his face to her as she pressed her lips against his. Her body arched against his, seeking warmth and pleasure, eager to sooth the tension she could feel. "Shhh…." She said against his lips, tasting his salty tears. "It's all right, Josh. I'm here," and pressed herself to him, trying to physically will him to understand, until he began to respond again.

Swallowing the forgiveness she offered, the pleasure she was giving made his head spin as his mind gave a sigh of relief at her consent even as his body eagerly moved against her. The passion rose quickly and he could feel Amanda's body reach the pinnacle a second before his own. At the last possible moment with thoughts of protecting her, Josh pulled himself out of the piercing pleasure and lost himself in ecstasy.

_To be continued…_

As usual, comments and thoughts are welcomed.


	5. Warning

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children" and everything that goes with that. Infringement while intended, is without malice and definitely without profits. Look where we are, for crying out load. I'm mean really, if I was making any kind of money off of this, do you think I'd tell you about it on a public forum? Sheesh…. Okay, enough with the rant. (By the way, I do this to see if anyone is actually reading these things.)

**Chapter Summary**: Josh handles family then deals with a venting Amanda.

**Author's** **Note**: So… um… So I know that my canon timeline is a little off now but go with it okay? I'm trying to establish something and still be able to incorporate the materials from the show. If this gets too confusion and painful, just let me know. I'll attempt to make this as painless as possible.

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

**

* * *

Chapter 5 - Warnings

* * *

**

Amanda awoke feeling soft and content. She was sated and so at peace that she wanted to close her eyes and reentered the dreamy realm of sleep. But her mind was wide awake now and slowly beginning to churn with thoughts of the past night. She hadn't expected to have been woken up by Josh in the middle of the night, naked and aroused; how that boy managed to undress them both while still asleep was a thought that she didn't really want to dwell on too long. The protest that had started on her lips had died just as quickly when she saw that he really wasn't completely awake yet and was acting on instinct. He very simply _wanted_ her. And she couldn't find any reason not to want that as well.

She had known the exact moment he woke up; his body spoke a great deal to her. What she hadn't expected was his reaction; his utter terror of the thought that he had forced himself on her. It spoke a great deal of the man; a delightful turn of revelation: Josh Madden was a good guy. It wasn't that she ever thought he was a bad man – well, except that time he drugged Erica and framed her, but that was kind of water under the bridge – but she hadn't actually considered him the good guy either. He was just kind of ambiguous. But now…

Josh stirred gently, his body feeling relaxed and happy. Instinctively, he closed his arms tighter around the warm soft body next to him and groaned with pleasure. It was the pleasure that triggered the memory of its source and with that memory came a sudden jolting thought. Raising onto his elbow, he leaned over Amanda to peer at her pretty face.

She blinked up blankly at him.

"Are you all right?" he asked with concern, "Did I hurt you last night?"

A bubble of laughter escaped her lips before she could stop it. Clamping a hand over her mouth, Amanda stared at him with wide eyes.

Confused and even more concerned now, Josh pulled back and began to do a visual check for bruises.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Amanda said hurriedly as she pulled the sheet further up about her for modesty sake. Really, the man was impossible. Then again, Josh had been at one point a doctor; he was probably use to seeing naked bodies.

Uncertain, Josh searched her eyes with trouble ones of his own. "Are you sure?"

Amanda decided to play the minx. "You know, this is the second time we've had sex and the second time you've asked me that question? Is there something you like to confess?"

Flushing, Josh flopped onto his back with a sigh. "I wasn't exactly in control last night." His mind raced across his actions from the previous night. "I wouldn't want to hurt you, Amanda; not even unintentionally."

Because he looked so sweetly concerned, Amanda kissed him on the cheek gently. "You didn't and I'm okay," the tugged at the sheets until she could wrap it around herself.

Turning to his side and pulling the comforter up to a decent level, "Where are you going?"

"Getting dressed," she said as if it should have been the most obvious thing in the world to him. "I have to get to work."

"It's early."

"I left early," she reminded him thinking about the wine and shot glasses still soaking from last evening's use. "There's stuff that should have gotten done last night that I need to get to today." She flashed him a smile, "Not all of us have the luxury of working for family and not having to worry about getting our asses canned."

"Kendall wouldn't fire you," Josh assured her as he sat up. "And I totally wouldn't put it pass Zach to fire me if I screw up; the man makes a distinction between business and personal."

"I have Greenlee to worry about," Amanda said as she picked up her dress, wrinkled but still doable. "And I'd don't see Zach towing the line on that. How else would you explain Lily?"

"True," he said pulling on sweatpants in one clean move. "But I'm not exactly his favorite part of Kendall's family."

"And who's fault is that?" Amanda pointed out smugly.

Josh winced. "You're not pulling any punches this morning, are you?"

"I feel good," she admitted with a bright grin then sobered when she remembered why she was even there. "Are you okay? About last night, I mean."

"What are you talking about?" Josh turned her about and helped her tie the wraparound dress, "Last night was fantastic; even with me acting like a caveman."

She twisted around and lightly hit him on the arm. "Not about the sex, you dodo. About…" she made a gesture toward the living room, "Before we…" then fluttered her hands toward the bed.

That destroyed the levity of the moment though not as much as Josh would have expected. The closure on the Babe Chandler chapter of his life was painful… but it was closed. And if he was truly honest with himself, he wasn't sorry to see it go. "I'm fine." He simply had to be.

Amanda watched him for a moment, a little uncertain but willing to accept. A broken heart doesn't heal overnight. It was going to take him a great deal more time to be okay with it and she didn't regret being there to help him take that first time. Since changing the subject seemed like the best way to go and she really did need to be leaving for work, Amanda looked around, "Have you seen my earrings?"

Shaking himself out of his grim thoughts, Josh started to search around the room. He couldn't remember when he had last seen the dangly gold things Amanda had been playing with last night. "No."

With a sigh, Amanda gave up without fuss. "If you find them, let me know. In the mean time, I've got to get to the club so we have stuff for tonight. Kendall would be pissed if we end up short changing out customers."

"Relax," Josh said watching her struggle briefly with her strappy high-heeled shoes. Really, the stuff that women wear sometimes, while greatly appreciated, were quite ridiculous. "Everything is going to be fine."

"Keep saying that," she smiled and walked into the living room, wrinkling her nose at the smell of stale popcorn. "I knew I should have cleaned that up last night."

"One day, you're going to have to explain to me your obsession with the cleaning up thing," he said pushing her toward the door. "Go, I've got to shower and get ready for work. If I beat Zach in, I might be able to get off at a decent hour today."

Amanda laughed but paused at the door. "Josh?"

"Yeah?" turning from the bedroom doorway.

"The others at Wildwind asked about where I've been." She wasn't sure why she was confessing this now but she felt as if she needed to get it off her chest.

For whatever the reason, Josh felt himself tense at that. "What did you tell them?"

Hoping for the best but bracing for the worse, Amanda confessed, "I told them that I was going somewhere safe but I didn't give them any specifics."

While one part of him relaxed another winced before his logical mind began to process that with the rational sense of someone that's had to survive this town with it's judgmental, intertwining lives. "You didn't want them knowing because they're going to start asking questions you really don't want to have to explain or justify, right?"

Startled at how easily he understood, Amanda could only stand there nodding rather stupidly.

Josh smiled, "Yeah, that's fine," then remembered something important. "Oh yeah, hang on a second." He disappeared into his room again, coming back out a few moments later and tossed something shiny into the air at her. Amanda caught it on instinct; years of softball with her father. "That's for you," he said unnecessarily.

Look at her palm, Amanda stared uncomprehendingly at two silver keys on a simple gold key ring with her name embossed on a gold bar tangling off of it. "What's this?"

"Keys to your sanctuary," he said with a roll of his eyes as if it should be the most obvious thing in the world. "That way you can get in anytime you need to. Oh, and I'm still working on the whole gym thing at Cambias; I haven't forgotten."

More than a little stunned now, Amanda didn't know what to say. "Josh… I…"

"Don't," he said quietly, watching her eyes unreadable eyes. "This works for me too."

She smiled. It wasn't the kind of grateful smile that he'd come to expect from simply little acts of kindness that made Josh wonder at how people treated her. It wasn't the kind of cynical smile that she gave when making a sarcastic comments about something or other. It wasn't even the kind of lost little girl smile that he's come to see when she talked about her family. It was a simple smile that touched something he didn't understand and wasn't sure he wanted to look too closely at. It scared him a little but at the same time, it made him feel suddenly very much like a knight in shiny armor of the old.

Waving her off, Josh headed back in for that shower he had talked about.

Amanda stood here another moment, staring down at the keys a little bemused and felt sometime light and good flutter in her heart. She didn't want to examine the feeling too much, afraid that it may just be yet another illusion her mind has created for her to deal. Taking a deep breath and locking that warm fluttering feeling deep down where she can peek at it once in a while, she pocketed the key and opened the front door... to run smack into Kendall and her son.

If Kendall's eyes could have gotten any bigger, it would have fallen out of her head. Shock didn't even come close. "Amanda?"

Despite wanting to find a big hole somewhere and crawl into it, Amanda managed to give her boss a halfway convincing smile. "Good morning, Kendall."

Kendall's mouth worked a little without anything coming out as her brilliant mind twisted around this little piece of information for a moment and came up with nothing. "What are you doing here? So early too?"

Scrambling for a convincing story, "Josh left some papers at the club and I was dropping it off this morning on my way to work," she gave Kendall another smile, this one a little more credible than the last… only to have it ruined by Josh.

With two dangling gold things with powder blue beads thread through clutched in his hand, Josh came rushing out of his bedroom with nothing but a white towel on, "Hey Amanda, I found your earrings in the ba…" he came up short at the sight of his sister in the doorway. Stunned stupid, "Kendall!"

"Good morning, Joshua," Kendall greeted with a quick wave and a suddenly amused smile.

Pretending cheerfulness, Josh greeted her with an unimaginative, "Hi," before his eyes darted to Amanda.

With very little to salvage the situation, Amanda decided to play the coward and leave this mess to Josh's more than capable hands. She's seen Kendall at her best and Amanda have absolutely no intention of being there for it. "I'll see you both around," she said quickly and rushed out the door. It wasn't until she was standing in the elevator did she realized that she didn't have a car and no way to get home. Grumbling, Amanda pulled her cell out to call for a cab… anything was better than going back into that apartment again right now.

There was a moment of silence before Kendall pushed the baby stroller into Josh's apartment and set down her purse to check on her son, observing mildly, "Amanda left without her earrings."

Looking down at his hand, Josh gave a sigh and realized that he was still holding the damn things. Since he still hadn't gotten his shower and his sister seemed more amused than alarmed to have found Amanda there, "What do you want, Kendall?"

Tucking the blanket more securely around her precious baby, Kendall straightened and raised a brow at his attire. "I'll make this brief."

"Please do," he said with a tight smile.

"First of all," she said sitting down so she can face Josh and keep an eye on her child at the same time, "Zach said for you to take the day off. He knows that he's been riding you a little hard lately… mostly because of me but still…" she grinned at the thought of her ridiculously sweet husband then return to the issue at hand. "So, he's giving you the day off to do as you please, and I thought this would be a great opportunity for the Spike-man and me to spend a little time with his Uncle Josh."

"I get the day off and I _have to_ spend it with you?" he gave her a raised brow at that.

"No one said you had to," she replied a little disgruntled. "It's just a suggestion."

"Right," going into the kitchen to start the coffee. "You could have just picked up the phone to tell me I've got the day off instead of showing up, uninvited, at my door."

"Good thing I did too," she said with a thank-god-I'm-here look, "And that's the second thing…"

"Whatever it is, Kendall, I don't want to hear it," Josh said firmly as he poured coffee, not offering Kendall any for obvious reasons.

"Josh…"

"Save it; this is none of your business," he interrupted her with a dark frown. He will not put up with interference from his sister when it came to Amanda. Besides, he wasn't doing anything wrong here; it's not what Kendall thinks it is. And then Kendall's face set itself in that mulish look that Josh have long since learned to recognize. He was going to lose this round; there was simply no way to win with Kendall or Bianca or Erica when they get that jaw-jutting look on their faces. He could only groan, "Oh god."

"Josh, you listen to me," she started out and watched Josh brace himself, "I don't want you messing around with Amanda, you hear me. She's gone through enough."

Caught off balanced, it took a moment for Kendall's words to mean anything to Josh. "I'm sorry; did you just warn me off Amanda… for _Amanda's_ sake?" the idea boggled his mind; this was literally coming out of the left field. "Thanks for the sisterly love."

Kendall's face soften, her hand unconsciously going to the little bump on her stomach. "This last two years have been hell for her, Josh. Just when it looks like Amanda's life is finally settling down and things are really going good again, her mom comes along and messes everything up for her. There's enough drama in her life without you adding to it. So please, for the sake of that poor kid's sanity, leave her alone."

Josh's eyes trailed after Kendall's hand. If anyone knew pain from the past, it was Kendall. Between her own hardships with her mother and having to deal with Zach and his twisted demented family, Josh supposed it was only right that she would defend someone like Amanda, whose life was as warped by her family as Kendall's has been of late. Facing his sister, not sure why he felt all of a sudden okay with this (maybe the last two years has taught him sometime), "Amanda and I are friends; just friends. I'm not going to hurt her."

"Josh, if you're sleeping with her, it just means that you're going to hurt her," she said with almost a fatal finality.

Swallowing a mental wince at the lie he was about to give, "I'm going to repeat this again: Amanda and I are friends. She helps me and I help her…" he made a shrugging movement and smiled reassuringly at her, "We _get_ each other in that weird 'we have really fucked up parents' kind of way."

Eyeing her brother carefully, trying to gage his sincerity and damning him for his almost perfect poker face, Kendall bit her lower lip in consideration. "So you're not sleeping with her?"

"Kendall, I think we're beyond the age where my sex life should be any concern of yours," Josh sighed and prayed that Kendall won't push this. He wasn't sure how good his evasions would hold up if she did her wolf-after-blood routine. Never let it be said that the Kanes lacked tenacity, a trait he apparently also inherited in abundance… as did Kendall.

"Josh…" she started in again then stopped, her eyes going wide.

Everything else forgotten, Josh went to his sister. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Kendall held perfectly still, her face reflecting an emotion he couldn't name.

"Come on, Kendall," he urged gently, placing his hand over hers, the one that lay gently on the swell of her belly. "Tell me where it hurts."

"It doesn't," Kendall mistily with a glowing kind of softness that made her sudden seem ethereally beautiful, not to say that she wasn't already stunning to begin with. "The baby moved," she smiled widely, proudly, like the loving mother that she was. "My baby moved," she repeated with tears now as she took hold of his hand and placed it against her side. "Say hi to Uncle Josh, honey," she murmured quietly until a gentle ripple of movement had Josh catching his breath: it was like witnessing a miracle. Kendall watched his awed face, "Isn't it beautiful?"

Josh gave her a goofy smile, "Yeah, it is."

"Hey Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you put on some clothes, please?"

-&-&-&-

Amanda knew something was wrong the minute Del and Jonathan stepped through the door. For one thing, they both worse the same bland expression that didn't bode well. And they were both standing side by side in front of her, as if united for one common thing. She could already guess what that commonality was, she saw it in the mirror every day. With a sigh of resignation, Amanda ignored them both and continued to check off her inventory list while the dish washer finished the last of the great amount of glasses used the previous night that have yet to be readied for the coming evening.

"Amanda," Jonathan greeted her with that slightly rough voice of his. There are some days when she really missed the soft stuttering voice Jonathan once had, when he was still the Jonathan she had first met. "We need to talk."

"So talk," she answered pithily as she continued down her list, searching the lined up bottles along the counter. They were going to run short on vodka again; they always do.

"This disappearing acts of yours, it's getting kind of disturbing," Jonathan said, looking at Del who nodded his head encouragingly.

Del's little report the night before had been met with equals parts amusement (from the girls) and concern (from the guys). The ladies thought it fine that Amanda had herself a mystery man that seemed to be keeping her happy though Julia did express some concern as to Amanda's need to keep something like this a secret. The boys had gone into full big-brother mode and argued how to best find out the intentions of this man. Del had casually mentioned, after everyone had been speculating for half hour on Amanda's motives, his theories on who the mystery man was based on the swanky car driven. The name had been met with stunned silence.

"I'm a big girl," Amanda answered in pretend distraction, "I can do what I want."

"We know that, Amanda," Del jumped in, "But this whole sneaking off and…"

"Sneaking off?" she rolled her eyes at them, "I'm not doing anything illegal, immoral or even embarrassing. And I don't see what business it is of yours?"

"It's not," Jonathan said quietly, gently as if talking to a petulant child.

Amanda's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I don't need bodyguards guys. I can take care of myself."

"We know that."

"Really?" her face twisted in mock surprise.

Sighing, Jonathan ran a quick hand through his hair. This conversation was decisively not going the way he had planned. "Amanda, we care about you. We just want to make sure you're not doing something that's going to get you hurt."

"I'm not," she said firmly, more than just a little annoyed with them now. While the 'protect Amanda from herself' kick might have been sweet and a bit of a novelty several months ago, right now it was just irritating her to no end. She wasn't a child and she didn't need a caretaker. And for heaven sakes, she's not a irresponsible, irrational child that did stupid things for the heck of it. If anything else, she's learned to be a great deal more careful now.

"Really?" Jonathon asked, more than a little disbelieving. "Because getting involved with the Chandlers is not exactly a smart thing. They have a tendency to… what?"

Amanda stared bug-eyed at him. She could not have possibly heard him correctly. "What did you just say?"

Jonathan frowned at her a little hesitant now by her reaction, "Getting involved with the Chandlers isn't a good idea?"

"Unbelievable!" she threw up her hand and tossed her towel on the counter. This was just what her day needed to make it a thoroughly bad one. "What the hell is wrong with you people?"

Del and Jonathan traded a quick look, just now perceiving that they may have jumped the gun on this. "Um…"

"I'm not stupid," Amanda hollered at them, "I'm not so naïve as to _not_ get that the Chandlers are bad news. Thanks for the vote of confidence in my intelligence," she bit out before leaving the bar in a huff and slamming the door to the back office shut behind her. If she didn't calm down on her own, she was likely to wring their necks.

Standing here looking a little sheepish, Del smiled guiltily while Jonathan glared at him. "Oops," he laughed lamely. "I guess I might have been wrong about the Chandler thing."

Shutting his eyes and shaking his head with regret and exasperation, "You think?" Jonathan briefly wondered when it would be the best time to go apologize to Amanda without having to crawl on his hands and knees in the process.

-&-&-&-  
(Days Later)

Josh came home exhausted after another grilling session from his sister, to which his brother-in-law told him to ignore her, and found Amanda coming out of his bedroom with nothing but his old Harvard tee-shirt on. Really, he's never considered tee-shirts to be sexy but on Amanda, it certainly beats anything other women buy at Victoria's Secret. She looked showered and disgruntled and ridiculously like a cute little drowned chipmunk. "What happened?"

Amanda made an unhappy sound in her throat and slung the wet towel over her shoulders. "Do you have any cookies?"

Grinning because this was quite amusing, he went to the freezer and pulled out a half bag of frozen Oreo cookies. When she raised her brow at it, he answered with, "Kendall has some interesting cravings."

Shrugging her shoulders at that, Amanda took the bag and plopped herself onto the couch. She dug into the sweets with vengeance. Once her mouth was full, she gave a sigh and leaned back into the leather with complete disregard for what her wet hair was doing to it.

Loosing his tie, Josh glanced at his watch and winced. It was almost two-thirty in the morning now and Amanda looked wide awake and angry at the world. He had a feeling that this was going to be a long night. "So? You want to talk about it or what?"

Offering him a cookie from the bag, which he took and popped into his mouth whole, she regarded him a critical, narrow-eyed look. "Do have 'Use Me' tattoo on my forehead or sometimes?"

"Is this a trick question?"

She glared at him.

Backing off, Josh said complacently, "No, you don't. Why would you think that?"

Amanda set the bag of Oreos down knowing that if she ate any more she was going to hate herself for it. "So ConFusion was a mad house tonight, I mean crazy insane kind of place. Everyone and their grandmother was there determined to get completely wasted."

"First week of summer vacation for a lot of the college kids," Josh reasoned.

"I felt so enclosed and uncomfortably pressed against the wall with the people and the noise that I decided to take a breather after work on the roof top."

"Oh boy," Josh muttered with a sigh, "Go on."

"First JR decided to drop in on me," she said with a pained smile.

Josh closed his eyes and mentally strangled JR within a breath of the little weasel's life. "Did he go off on you again?"

Amanda gave him an astringent smile, "Oh, if only it was that simple."

That certainly got Josh's attention. "What do you mean?"

"JR decided that he wants to stick it to his dad and he's offering me a chance to get back at Adam for what he did to my mother."

Josh waited for the punch line.

Something dangerous lit in her eyes, "All for the simple price of a little _something_ on the side." She looked at Josh, her eyes reflecting her fury and humiliation, "Apparently he liked what he saw at the gym."

Stomach turning at the thought of that conveying little twerp's hands on Amanda, Josh muttered under his breath, "I'm going to have to lean on someone about that whole gym thing."

Closing her eyes in an attempt to ease some of the tension in her back and allowing Josh's anger to validate her own, "And then Jonathan showed up all hot and bothered."

"What?" That little statement distracted the murderously thoughts from Josh's mind.

Amanda's hurt was almost palpable. "Seems Jonathan decided that he _really_ would like to resume our 'arrangement:' friends with benefits," she explained unnecessarily and with a kind of bitterness that left a sour taste in Josh's mouth. "Can't get Lily, love of his life, out of his head and can't keep himself from becoming attracted to her look-alike sister; Lily without the restrictions. He felt guilty and dirty. So who better to help him ease that problem? Good ole Amanda!"

_"No, he wouldn't!"_ Josh thought to himself. The guy was suppose to be Amanda's friend, he wouldn't do that to her knowing how she felt. But of course, who was he kidding? Of course Jonathan Lavery would do something as insensitive as that; the Laverys were good at looking out for only themselves and being all righteous about it too. Instinctively, Josh reached out and pulled her into his arms. "Son of a bitch."

For whatever the reason, that brought a laugh to Amanda's lips. "He couldn't help himself; he's scared and confused and…"

"Tell me you're not defending that ass for wanting to use you for his own selfish needs," Josh admonished sternly with a kind of quiet affection to take the sting out of the rebuke. "Tell me you are _not_ feeling sorry for him."

Amanda thought it wiser to stay quiet. She wrapped her arms around his middle and tightened her grip. "I don't like to be used."

"No one does," Josh agreed, his heart bleeding a little for her. He felt a ball of red hot anger on her behalf. No one is allowed to use Amanda like that, no one. "And I'm glad you told them both to shove it where the sun doesn't shine."

She laughed, a twinkling sound that didn't hold any of the ugliness he heard earlier in her voice, and rubbed her face against his starchy collar with affection. The tight tension and anger in her gave away and she smiled against his shirt, feeling suddenly very good about herself for no apparent reason… well, other than the fact that Josh obviously approved of her decision to shoot both men down for their oh-so-generous offers. It felt appropriately right and she liked that she knew she could come here and be comforted like this. It made her feel… well, it just made her feel. The numbness of the weeks gone by has finally retreated, a lot sooner than she would have expected, and she knew whose feet she could easy lay that miracle at. Wrapping her arms more securely about Josh, Amanda asked quietly and somewhat shyly, "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"You never need to ask, Amanda," Josh answered, resting his chin on her head.

She fidgeted for a moment, not exactly sure how to ask the question again without looking like a... a user. But she wanted that, someone to hold her close and make her believe, even for just a little while, that she was worthy of something other than being used as a tool for some other purpose. "I didn't mean sleep here, Josh. I meant, can I _sleep_ with you?"

His body's reaction was ridiculously obvious and instantaneous. And his heart… it gave a sweet little tug. "The answer would have still been the same."

She closed her eyes and lifted her face, her mouth closing at the bobbing Adam's apple at his throat. Josh gasped in reaction and almost crushed her in his embrace, crawling at control as his baser instincts surge ahead of his rational mind. She felt warm and soft, offering herself wholly to him as she took her own pleasures. Her breathy voice as she whispered his name sent an uncontrollable shiver down his spine.

"Amanda," he felt compelled to ask, "Are you sure you want to do this?" even as his body screamed at him, _"What the hell are you doing?"_

Pulling back, Amanda looked at him, confusion clearly written all on her face. "But you said…"

"I'm a guy, I'll never say no," Josh interrupted with. "But I want you to be sure that you're okay with this. Waking up next to someone that have regrets…" he remembered it clearly as if it were but yesterday, "It's not a nice feeling."

Pressing herself closer, Amanda kissed him with the kind of conviction that took his breath away. It wasn't a kiss of just lips; it was Amanda kissing with hands, lips, tongue, body and with every intention of giving mind-numbing pleasures. It was a kind of kiss that was meant to seduce, to entice. And when she felt him responding in kind, Amanda pulled back gently. "I'm not Babe," she said, not without a little regret in her own heart, knowing the depth of Josh's feelings for her friend. "I don't have anything to regret."

"Good," Josh said before he picked her up brusquely and headed toward the bedroom. He wasn't stupid or slow and he definitely didn't need to be asked twice. "Then I've got nothing to worry about," pausing at the door, he nudged his chin toward the wall, "Turn off the lights, will you?"

Amanda grinned as she reached over and shut off the lights to the rest of the apartment.

_To be continued…_

**Question**: Was that too much too quickly?


	6. Fathers

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." No malice was intended when this little infringement was act upon (at least that's what my conscious tells me). No profits are being made from this, I'm not nearly _that_ talented. Though if anyone at ABC would like to offer me a job writing for them, I could definitely use the additional income. Momma needs a new pair of shoes… preferably ones that are shiny and pretty.

**Chapter Summary**: Amanda and Josh visits their fathers.

**Author's** **Note**: So obviously I'm off canon by threefold and am probably loving this a great deal more than I ought to. Josh and Amanda are definitely underused in the soaps and I can't wait for someone to give them something other than be annoying sidekicks for the "main" plots. Really, what the hell is Josh doing these days?

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

**

* * *

Chapter 6 - Fathers

* * *

**

Josh stared at the computer blankly; in fact, he's been staring at it the same damn screen for the last half hour without any of it making a whit of sense to him. Rubbing his eyes, he considered his opinions for a moment. Obviously, he wasn't getting any work done. And he still hasn't figured out what the heck was actually bothering him that he couldn't concentrate well enough to work on his next project Zach had unceremoniously dropped into his lap. It was big… something big enough that Zach didn't want anyone else looking at it until he was good and ready to announce it, which was fine with Josh, of course; especially when Zach had cryptically hinted at this being a surprise for Kendall. Whatever one may say about Zach Slater (and there were plenty), he loved and adored his wife.

The melodic tones of Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyrie" disrupted his thoughts. Amanda had been slightly disgruntled to discover that that was the tune that Josh had assigned to her. "Hello?"

"Hey," Amanda greeted with a soft almost breathy voice. It was her little-girl-lost voice; one usually reserved for when she spoke of her mother.

That wasn't the kind of tone he wanted to hear from her. Brows wrinkled with concern, "What's up?"

"You free today?"

Glancing at the stack of document he has yet to review and his watch which read ten in the morning, Josh shrugged. He had thought that after leaving the medical field he wouldn't have to ever work on weekends. Guess that idea went out the window fast. "What do you have in mind?"

"I have to go somewhere and… and I was hoping you'd come with me. Can you meet me in ten minutes? I'll come over to… Where _are_ you?"

"Office," Josh answered already gathering up his stuff. He wasn't going to get any work done today, especially after hearing Amanda's soft sad voice. "I'll meet you. Where are you?"

"Corner Market," she answered after a little hesitation. "Ten minutes?"

"I'll be there," he said a little more cheerfully now.

"Okay. See you in ten then," Amanda replied with a sigh then hung up the phone. Glancing at the white lilies in her hand, she hesitated a moment before picking up another bundle. It hadn't been her intention to call Josh today but it felt right. Besides, she didn't really want to be alone to do this.

True to his words, Josh pulled up in front of Corner Market in ten minutes and glanced curiously at the flowers in Amanda's hand as she got in dressed in an unusually sober affair of gray on gray. "Are we visiting a sick friend?"

She smiled at him, her eyes full of something unspeakably sad. "If I were, I'd be bringing yellow flowers. Head toward the cemetery, please."

He frowned at her, his concern obvious on his face. "Why are we going to the cemetery?"

Amanda faced forward, her eyes misty with love, pain and so much regrets. "I'm going to visit my dad today." She turned to look at him, "You don't mind, do you?"

Josh smiled for her benefit and said nothing more until they reached the cemetery. "Would you like me to wait in the car?" This was a private moment he didn't want to intrude upon.

Shaking her head, she got out and held her free hand to him.

Locking to the door, he took her hand and allowed her to lead him to her father's tombstone that read:

Trevor Dillon  
Loving Husband and Father  
Gone Too Soon.

He stood in silence as Amanda knelt and silently wept at her father's grave. Josh had never met Trevor Dillon but by all accounts he had been a great man. The love and adoration in Amanda's eyes as she lovingly traced the engraved letters on the cold marble said a great deal of the kind of father he had been to this young woman. He briefly wondered what might have happened had Amanda had her father there to protect and shield her from the chaos. Would he and Amanda have come together as they have now?

Feeling as if her heart would explode with pain, Amanda leaned against the cold stone that marked her father's final resting place. "Hi Daddy; it's Amanda. Happy Father's Day." She bit her lip and took a breath. "This last year has been really hard and I miss you _so_ much. There are days when I dream that I would wake up and this last year wouldn't have existed and that you'd be walking into my room with morning cocoa and toast." Her voice hitched and Amanda allowed herself a moment of open grief before she reined in her pain. "But I'm doing better now," she assured her father with a brave face before she looked up and gave Josh a watery smile. "This is Josh. He's been taking really good care of me. You'd like him a lot, Daddy; he reminds me of you sometimes… only not nearly as good looking."

Josh laughed as he was intended to and sat down next to Amanda on the damp grass, completely disregarding the damage to his Italian suit. "You don't have to worry about Amanda, Mr. Dillon. She's one of the strongest women I know, and I come from a family of extremely strong and capable women so I definitely know what I'm taking about." He reached out and gently took Amanda by the shoulder, pulling her against him. "You've raised your daughter well, Mr. Dillon, and you would be so proud of her right now. I can honestly say that few people on earth could have gone through what she's been through and still come out swinging. She's simply incredible," and felt a momentary surprised by the fact that he meant every word.

Leaning against Josh, Amanda chuckled lightly with a kind of sad gladness. "I love you Daddy," and kissed her hand before pressing it against the tombstone with a painful sigh.

Letting her have a moment of silence, her happy memories taking away some of the guilty pain she carried with her, Josh silently watched her with crescendo admiration. It was almost like he was looking at her for the first time and piecing together all the little things about her he's learned in the few weeks he's really gotten to known her. The big picture was there: a beautiful, amazingly strong person with this heart that's been bruised and trampled on so often that Josh was surprised that it hadn't shattered.

Feeling a weight lift just being in what she could feel was her father's presence, Amanda took a breath and straightened. Taking a bunch of white calla lilies, she placed them on the flower stand at the center of the grave, fussing with them a little to make them pretty. "I'll be back soon, Daddy," she whispered with a smile. "I promise," then stood up slowly with some difficulties, having to clutch Josh's hand for support.

Josh hand her, resisting the urge to put his arms around her again just to feel her warmth by his side. "What's the other flowers for?"

"You," she answered, taking his hand, "For you to visit your father with. It's Father's Day; you need to see your dad."

More than just a little startled, Josh silently allowed Amanda to lead him to where Greg Madden's grave stood, a simple headstone with his name, birthday and date of death craved. Josh hadn't felt the need for anything fancy or frivolous; nothing could be said about his life then and there wasn't much he could say about him now. "Amanda…"

"You asked me to help you remember your father without all the ugliness of what surrounded him at the end of his life," Amanda reminded him firmly and thrust the flowers into his hand. "So that's what I'm doing now. A deal is a deal and my father taught me to always keep my word," she gave him a look that told him not to argue with her.

"I can't believe you're playing your father card right now," Josh muttered as he placed the lilies down with great care despite his grumbling.

"Whatever works," she answered with faux cheeriness and took a step back to give him a moment.

Staring at the tombstone, Josh went blank on what he wanted to say. Finding out all those things about his father _after_ he had died… it hurt; knowing that his life had been a lie, something his father had created in a twisted moment of playing god with other people's lives… even now that part of him was still numb with pain. "I know that you did it because you… because Mom need you to. It doesn't make it right and you aren't a hero because of it either. But… I love you, Dad. Despite everything, you were the father I knew and the father that gave me the best of everything anyone can want. And I will always be grateful to you for that so…" he glanced over his shoulder at Amanda and she smiled encouragingly at him before he turned back, "Happy Father's day, Dad. I'm here and I will always be your son," he whispered a little more softly than he had intended to, feeling the painful loss that he thought was gone.

Reaching behind him, Josh felt blindly for a moment until Amanda's soft little hand fell into his. They stood there in silence for a bit, both needing a moment to come to themselves. When he was ready again, he lead Amanda away from the cemetery and back to the car.

"Where to next?" he asked a little tiredly as she buckled her seatbelt.

Amanda leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You're going take me back to my place and go see Daddy Jeff."

Giving her a questioning look, "Why?"

"Because it's Father's Day," she explained very patiently, "And for better or for worse, Jeff Martin is your father now and he's been a good father to you. Need I remind you of what he risked during that whole Satin Slayer thing?" She touched his cheek, her dark eyes sad with pain. "And because _one of us_ should be able to spend Father's Day with our father."

Josh touched his hand to hers on his cheek and felt himself give a little more. Why did Amanda do that to him? He wasn't sure. And looking at the problem too closely scared him. Picking up his cell phone, he dialed Jeff Martin.

Jeff answered on the second ring. "Martin."

"Hi," Josh greeted lamely, "It's Josh." Amanda rolled her eyes at him.

A light tone came over Jeff's voice, "Hello, son. How are you?"

Something cracked in Josh's heart. This man that's only known him for a year seemed unreasonably happy to hear from him; unconditional love of a parent no matter what the time and distance hold. "I'm doing well," he said awkwardly as Amanda made an encouraging gesture with her hand. "Listen, I was… um… I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight?"

"Nothing but the usual, why?"

"I was just… I wanted to see if…um… if you'd like to grab some dinner with me tonight… for Father's Day."

There was a silence before Jeff said, voice thick with emotion, "I would really like that, son."

"Great," Josh almost gave a sigh of relief. He wasn't sure how he would have reacted if Jeff had said no. "Are you at the hospital?" That seemed like such a stupid question as soon as he said it. The man was a doctor, of course he was at the hospital.

"Yes, I'll be off by 6:00 PM," Jeff answered with a great big smile on his face that was almost painful to watch.

"Okay, um… How about if I'll swing by 6:30 PM and make reservations for 7:00? Will that work for you?" Josh smiled when Amanda nodded her head in approval at his plan, her face suddenly lit with happiness at this tiny step toward a more normal relationship with his father.

"Of course," Jeff assured him, "I'll be waiting for you."

"Great, I'll see then. Bye," Josh said quietly and almost dropped the phone when Amanda launched herself at him from across her seat and hugged him tightly. It was almost worth that awkward conversation he just had.

"Bye," Jeff whispered to the dead line though he didn't care. He stood at the nurse's station, his heart filled so big he was having some difficulties breathing. It was the first time since the whole Satin Slayer chaos that Josh had voluntarily came to him for anything. And Father's Day dinner… he didn't even allow himself to dream such a thing.

Joe Martin was walking by when he spotted his eldest son, standing there with the goofiest grin on his face that Joe couldn't help but return. "What news has brought that look on your face?"

Jeff was unable to hide his glee, "Josh just called. He… he…." He frowned, suddenly remembering the plans he had made to celebrate Father's Day with his own father. "Dad, would you mind if we postpone our dinner tonight?" he asked apologetically, "Josh called and asked me to have Father's Day dinner with him tonight and I… I…" He wanted to invite his father along but he wasn't sure how Josh would react to them pushing family at him so quickly.

There was something to be said about the wisdom of age and the love for one's child. "Of course you must go," Joe admonished if as Jeff was being particularly dense. He hadn't seen his son this happy in ages. "We can do dinner any time we want; this is a special and golden opportunity for you."

A parent's love for their child and their wish for their child's happiness was something beautiful to behold. Jeff clapped a hand on his father's back gratefully, "Thank you, Dad. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Joe smiled that beautiful smile of the wise. "Think nothing of it."

-&-&-&-

Josh arrived at the hospital just after 6:00 PM after Amanda had encouraged him to be early and eager for dinner. He had taken Amanda to lunch at the mall where she had insisted that he buy something for Jeff. And though he thought it unnecessary, he allowed her to help him pick out a very nice engraved tie clip. Apparently, Amanda Dillon was very big on Father's Day and he really did hate to disappoint her.

"Josh!" Joe Martin greeted his grandson with a wide smile and a clap on the back. "Nice to see you again."

"Hello, Dr. Joe," Josh answered feeling just this side of awkward. He's never been quite completely at ease in the older man's presence given the obvious affection the man displayed toward him since before Josh had known the whole truth of his existence.

Joe beamed at him, his light eyes twinkling with pride. 'Dr. Joe' was as close to Josh's reference to his relation to the Martins as he's come so far. Joe will take whatever he can get from the young man. "We've missed you around here. Always good to have competent healers."

"Thank you," Josh said without really knowing what else to say. Small talk with the Martins have never been easy. They were so eager to embrace him into their lives and he…he just wasn't ready for that kind of togetherness yet. Accepting Kendall and Bianca was a given; they didn't really give him a choice. But the Martin? He hasn't completely forgiven Jamie or Tad for what they did to his father… or to him. But a part of him had to keep in mind that Joe and Jeff Martin were cut from a different cloth. These men were ridiculously righteous and really weren't anything like himself. And more than that… they were blood. Amanda kept saying that blood was thicker than water and Josh was blood to them; they weren't ever going to go away; Martins are loyal to the bone, it was an inbred trait. "Hey Dr. Joe?" when Joe was distracted by a nurse wanting a signature.

"Yes, Josh?" Joe answered, signing his name and wishing for a hot meal and a cold drink.

"I'm taking my dad out tonight for Father's Day," he explained, again feeling like an ass because he was almost positive that Jeff would have told his father by now, "I was wondering – if you didn't already have plans of course – if you'd care to join us for dinner."

Joe froze, stunned as much by the invitation as he was by Josh referring to Jeff as his dad.

A little concerned when there was no response, Josh gave him a hesitant smile, "It's all right if you can't make it, I know it's kind of last minute and I just thought that…"

"No, no," Joe said hurriedly, his eyes misty with emotions. "I would love to join you for dinner."

"Josh!" Jeff greeted as he came through the swinging door from the doctor's lounge. "Were you waiting long? Hi, Dad."

Offering a smile, Josh shook his head. "Not long, I was early," he confessed and looked at his father. "I hope you don't mind but I invited Dr. Joe along for dinner."

Jeff wore the same look as his father did only seconds before; then he smiled and replied with a kind of soft, gentle pride, "Of course it's all right; it's absolutely all right."

"Great," Josh announced feeling rather stupid but light-hearted. "Um… Everything was kind of last minute so I could only get reservations at The Seasons, they have a great little Italian place away from the casino. Zach said that the staff will take care of us."

Laughing joyously because life doesn't get much better than this, Jeff patted his son on the shoulder and said, "Anything if fine. It's not the food that matter, Josh, it's the company that we keep."

Joe agreed with a sage nod of his head. "Shall we then?"

"Dad?" Jeff pointed to the white lab coat, "You might want to change first."

-&-&-&-

"Compliments of Mr. Slater," the sommelier informed the group as he poured Dom Pérignon into the three high flutes.

"Thank you," Josh said as he grinned at his father. "It's good to be related to the owners."

"Damn straight," Kendall informed him as she came up from behind and squeezed her brother's shoulders with both hands. "I'd offer you the gardens but I'm setting up a little surprise for the papa-to-be. Hi Jeff; hi Dr. Martin."

"They're both Dr. Martins, you know," Josh teased with a quick grin for his obviously happy sister.

"Kendall," Jeff stood and gave the young woman a quick hug, still marveling at how much she resembled her mother. "You are looking radiantly beautiful. I think being with child agrees with you."

"You won't get any arguments from me," Kendall replied with a grin as wide as her ever expending belly. She was still surprised at how much she loved being pregnant, not being able to sleep on her stomach, forever looking for clothes that might fit. It was amazing! She had been delighted to hear that Josh had been looking to set up dinner with his father; it looks like her little brother is finally settling into his life in Pine Valley, including family. "You guys let me know if you need anything okay? And please feel free to throw away some of that hard earned money of yours in the casino."

"Don't tempt me, young lady," Joe warned with a twinkle, enjoying himself greatly. "It's been a few years but I use to be very good at the baccarat."

Surprised and delighted, Kendall laughed and waved the head waiter over. "This table is on me and tell the staff to be good to my brother here," patting Josh on the shoulder with the hand that wore her glittering wedding rings. "Enjoy yourself and don't hesitate to ask for anything you want. I've got date with the hubby," and with that, she kissed Josh on the cheek and left with a happy wish for them all.

"Now that," Jeff observed with a fond smile, "Is one happy mother-to-be."

"Wish all our patients were that happy," Joe added opening the menu. "That was very generous of your sister."

Josh rubbed his chin and continued to stare after the direction Kendall had drifted off to.

"Josh?" Jeff prodded. "Something the matter?"

Making a face, Josh shook his head with a sigh. "Amanda is right. If Kendall and Zach get any happier, I'm going to have to hit them both upside the head with something."

Laughing, Jeff and Joe nodded their head in agreement and ordered dinner. When the waiter left and the conversation lagged, Jeff finally made the comment, "It was very nice of you to invite us to dinner, Josh."

Blushing, Josh owned up to the fact that, "Actually, I wouldn't have even remembered that it was Father's Day if Amanda hadn't kicked me in the rear about it."

Joe frowned, "Amanda? Trevor Dillon's little girl?"

"Yeah," Josh confirmed, sudden sorry that he brought up Amanda's name in all this. He did not want the third degree from the Drs. Martin about his current going-on's with her.

"I didn't know you two were friends," Jeff asked indifferently.

"We were united in your mutual dislike of the Chandlers," Josh replied then wanted to kick himself for admitting that.

"A common ground for many in this town," Joe added with a smirk. "Well I'm grateful that your friend reminded you of us and now we're enjoying this lovely meal together," he grinned and lifted his glass to his boys. "Happy Father's Day, gentlemen; may there be many more to come."

Jeff lifted his glass and touched it to his father's. "Happy Father's Day."

It felt nice, this belonging sense. Josh lifted his champagne, "Happy Father's Day."

-&-&-&-

Leaving his father's place after another emotionally awkward moment when Josh had given Jeff the monogrammed tie clips with a swirling M pressed into the center, Josh arrived home and found the place a great more empty than he liked. A part of him acknowledged that fact that he enjoyed Amanda's presence there and wished that he could shared the night's adventures with her. Shrugging his shoulder, Josh loosened his tie with one hand and picked up his phone with the other.

Amanda answered sleepily at the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hey," he greeted cheerfully as he plopped himself onto the couch.

Murmuring something incoherent for a moment, Amanda sat up in bed and blinked several times in the dark to get her mind going again. "How was dinner?"

"Surprisingly good except for a few awkward moments here and there," Josh answered honestly. "I'm glad you pushed me into it." And he genuinely was. While he may not have ever thought of it on his own, he had no regrets. It had been a lively and informative evening with two intelligent and kind men that had a great deal to teach him. "How was the rest of your night?"

She smiled vaguely, "Oh, just fine. We of the missing father's club had dinner at Wildwind followed by a game of dress up for Kathy and then we all headed to bed."

"You asleep?"

"Not anymore," she laughed softly into the phone. "I'm glad that you got to spend the day with your dad."

"I'm glad you made me do it," Josh replied softly, gratefully. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her over but he stopped himself. It was late and he had no right to monopolize Amanda's time like that. So he regretfully said, "Good night, Amanda, sleep well."

Amanda smiled at him even though he couldn't see. "Good night, Josh." And hung up the phone with a tiny spark of disappointment that she refused to acknowledge had anything to do with the fact that she wasn't sleeping in his bed tonight.

_To be continued…_

**Author's Note 2**: Did anyone notice that All My Children pretty much bypassed Father's Day? I get that Father's Day isn't celebrated with the kind of fanfare as Mother's Day but still… Hope this story is still entertaining and there might still be readers out there because I'm about to rive up the action.


	7. Support

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." Not malice was intended when this little infringement was act upon. No profits are being made from this, I'm not that talented. Though if anyone at ABC would like to offer me a job writing for them, I could definitely use the money.

**Chapter Summary**: Josh becomes concerned when Amanda goes missing and received some unexpected support.

**Author's** **Note**: I'm incorporating the recent faux-kidnapping storyline into the fold. It's too significant on the show for me to really ignore it but I'm going to put my own little twist on the situation. Obviously, contrary to the current AMC storyline, Amanda is not involved with JR or his twisted little scheme. And just so you know, except for the first tiny section none of this chapter will have Amanda's point of view on the situation. Plus I really have absolutely no desire to write about whiny JR.

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

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Chapter 7 - Support

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**

It was well after two in the morning when Amanda locked up ConFusion and prepared to go home. There was a small part of her that wanted to go to Josh's for the night simply because he lived a great deal closer and she was almost dead on her feet; judging by the crowd tonight, the summer has officially kicked into full swing. But it was really late now and didn't seem fair for her to wake Josh up just because she was feeling lazy about driving all the way back to Wildwind. So with a sigh of exhaustion, Amanda went out the back door and walked tiredly to her little car.

"Good evening, Amanda," JR purred as he stepped out from the shadows of the car he had been leaning against in waiting.

Without even looking, Amanda brushed passed him. "What do you want, JR?"

"Just another chance to convince you that you want to help me extract a little revenge on my father," JR said quietly, his eyes doing an once-over casually. There's a lot of things to be said about Amanda, strikingly attractive being one of the most common and JR wasn't blind.

"Sorry," Amanda said snappishly, "still not interested in playing out this sick game you have with your daddy issues." She just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. If she was really lucky and remembered to lock her door, she may even get to sleep in until ten. "Find yourself a another patsy."

"Amanda, you wound me," JR replied with a mockingly hurt tone.

"You'll recover," the sarcasm was accompanied by an icy glare over her shoulder as she continued toward her car on the far end of the parking lot.

Undeterred by her obvious hostilities, JR continued on, "I am merely trying to offer you an opportunity to…"

"Save it," she cut in turning about to face him. "I don't want anything to do with you or your twisted father. Go play with someone else's life." She was more than ready to twist about and leave when a bulky dark shadow rose behind JR. Gasping, she took a quick step back… right into someone's arms. Her mouth opened to scream just as something foul smelling closed over her nose and mouth.

Across from her, JR struggled against his own captor but his movements slowed to a crawl even as Amanda's vision went dark and her limbs fell heavily to her side. Darkness descended faster that she would have anticipated and she lost consciousness before her next thoughts could be formed.

-&-&-&-

Josh frowned at the phone in his hand, feeling inexplicably irritated by the modern convenience's inability to connect him with his intended target. This was the second time that day he's gotten a voice mail instead of a live person. It was infuriating as hell.

When the prerequisite beep came, Josh forced calm to his voice, "Hey Amanda, it's Josh. I haven't heard from you in two days and frankly, I'm getting kind of concerned. Are we going to the movies or not tomorrow? Just let me know, my schedule is currently at your disposal. Call me back." Then he hung up with a frown and glowered mightily at his computer.

He didn't like the fact that he hadn't heard from the irritating girl. In the past three weeks, a day hadn't gone by where he didn't at least get a text message from her. This current silence wasn't sitting well with him. And after two days of trying to figure out if he had done something to piss her off, he was fast approaching anger at Amanda only to remember what happened the last time someone in his life went missing. That thought left cold fear curdling in his stomach.

"Josh?" Zach called out as he knocked softly on the door, his face appear around the open doorway a moment later. "Got a minute?"

"Yeah," Josh replied, tossing his phone on the desk. "What's up?"

"I'm working on something right now and I want to make sure your sister doesn't find out about it until I'm done," Zach answered as he took a seat across from Josh, his face reflecting a kind of pleasure that was different from his usual Kendall-induced smiles.

Leaning back, Josh tried to read his enigmatic boss and brother-in-law. "Anything to do with that dummy corporation and real estate deal you gave me?"

"Yes and no," was the cryptic answer, "and you can put that away for now. We may not be needing it after all if everything works out the way I think it will."

"Want to clue me in?" Josh asked with a raised brow.

"Not yet," Zach said with a grin, "It's best to keep this one under the table until I'm sure there's going to be a nice payout at the end for me and Kendall."

Josh learned from his preview lesson not to question Zach too closely about things that Zach didn't feel any need to divulge; it was healthier for everyone when he didn't. "Anything I can do to help?"

"Keep in eye on your sister," Zach advised with a chuckle. "She's a lot easier to deal with now that the morning sickness is over."

"Oh good," Josh laughed and glanced at his phone, it remained silent.

"Expecting a call," Zach asked, not missing anything.

"A friend of mine is curiously silent the last two days," Josh admitted with a sigh. Zach, despite their past difference, was one of the few people that Josh was certain wouldn't judge anything by its cover. And while it wouldn't hurt him to tell Zach, Josh was selfishly guarding this weird little friendship he has with Amanda right now.

Eyeing his brother-in-law carefully while keeping in mind a recent Kendall-rant about Josh's life, Zach offered, "Anything I can do to help?"

Given that Zach had a ridiculously amount of resources at his disposal, "I'm going to snoop around a little bit more today. If I can't find anything out by this evening, I may take you up on that."

"Okay," Zach nodded and got up, "I have a meeting to go to right now. Kendall is at Fusion until later day and Spike is currently on honeymoon with Ryan and Annie."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm taking Kendall home after my meeting," Zach said with a grin, "Can you handle whatever comes up at the office?"

Rolling his eyes not without some envy, Josh nodded his head and sighed. "Of course," what else was he suppose to say?

"Good," and slipped out of the office as suddenly as he had slipped in.

Really, it was getting a little difficult to face Zach in the office when the man looked ready to float off to cloud nine at any given moment at the mere thought of his wife. Kendall was no better with her ridiculously maternal and marital-bliss glow. Between the two of them, Josh was getting a tooth ache by how sickening sweet they were when together. And of course, there was perfect little Spike, who was the most adorably well-behaved child in the universe. If that little family was any more picture-perfect, Josh was going to throw up.

With a self-disgusted sigh at his own train of thought, Josh glanced at his phone again. It sat there in silence, as if mocking him. Maybe it was time to be a little more proactive. Looking over his schedule quickly, Josh headed out with a quick note to his assistant about which calls needs to be forwarded to his cell.

Arriving at the still empty ConFusion, Josh looked around curiously. He's never actually been at the club during the day when the day to day business of running it could be seen verses the loud, exciting and lucrative nights. It felt a little spooky.

Going into the back office, he found Jonathan Lavery pouring over inventory books. "Hey."

Looking up, Lavery regarded him soberly for a moment with unfocused eyes. "Hey. Need something?"

"I'm looking for Amanda," Josh replied calmly.

Something sharpened in Lavery's gaze. "Why?"

A quick decision was made as before, "I left something here, papers for a meeting, the other night. Amanda called and said that she was holding them for me."

A quick frown darkened Jonathan's brows. "She didn't mention anything about that."

"I wouldn't see why she would," Josh replied, holding on to his patience. _"Remember, you're keeping things quiet with these people. The last thing Amanda needs is people giving her the third degrees."_ He wasn't going to do that to her.

"She's not here," the youngest Lavery replied with a quick frown.

It was like pulling teeth. "Can you tell me where she is?"

Something flickered in Jonathan's eyes. "I'm not sure."

"What do you mean you're not sure?" Josh asked before he could stop himself. "You're her roommate."

"I'm not her keeper," Jonathan replied with a kind of annoyed sharpness and shut the books. "Now, if you'll excuse me, some of us have work to do."

It took a great deal of Josh's restraint to keep from going for the guy's throat. Really, it was simply too much to have to handle the jackass. He was still kind of mystified by Kendall's ridiculous loyalty to the Lavery clan; they were all such self-righteous SOB's. Okay, so Spike is Ryan's son but still…

"Hey," Del greeted with a quick swipe of the counter as Josh reentered the main floor. "What's up, man? Looking for your sister?"

"No," he answered a little tired already from this search. "Amanda."

"Oh, she's not here," Del answered easily and with a slight amusement. "Went yachting with a friend off Fiji. Though if you ask me, she's probably holed up in some hotel in the next state with a guy."

Startled by the unexpected wealth of information and curious as hell, "Why do you say that? And how do you know?"

"Left me a voice mail," Del replied pulling his cell out of his back pocket with a grin. "Listen to this," and dial into his voice mail with the speakers. The short message didn't say much, only that she was in need of some unwinding and had been invited to go sailing with a friend and for Del to ask Jonathan Lavery to cover her at work. Clicking off the phone, Del shared a conspiring smile, "I checked her room. Bathing suit, suit case, sun block… nothing's missing."

Josh didn't need Del to tell him something was off with the message. (Though he was tempted to ask what the hell Del was doing in Amanda's room.) First of all, Amanda didn't give the name of the friend or any way to contact her in case of emergency. She wouldn't disappear without some way for the psychiatric hospital to contact her about her mother. Second of all, she wouldn't have left town without telling Josh, especially since she'd been unwinding just fine at his place. He would like to think they were good enough friends that she would definitely say something to him; and she wasn't that inconsiderate. And thirdly, she left a message with Del (a point he didn't particularly want to tell Del); Del of all people. _"How could these people call themselves her friend and know so little about her?"_

Del, not sensing anything was wrong, continued wiping off the tables and regaling Josh with his thoughts. "He's probably married or something. Why else would she be so hush-hush about all this?"

"Amanda wouldn't have an affair," Josh commented without thought.

"Why not?" Del shrugged, "I would if she was hot enough."

"She's not you," Josh muttered and left in a hurry. There was definitely something up and he had a really bad feeling about it.

-&-&-&-

"Hang on, hang on!" Kendall hollered at the vicinity of the door as she tried to scramble to her feet and only managed to look silly. "Just hold your horses!"

Josh waited rather impatiently as he listened to sounds of some struggle behind the door followed by a dishaveled Kendall glaring at him with serious annoyance, which was quick to change to concern at the sight of his face. "Is Zach here?"

"Shower," she said, jerking a thumb over her shoulder looking confused. "What's wrong?" she asked, stepping back to let Josh in.

After leaving three more messages, each one increasingly more frantic, Josh had called around at all the haunts Amanda had mentioned in their conversations, starting with the fishing cabin of her father's that she talked about once. When he got nowhere with his own search, Josh decided it was time to asked that favor that he didn't actually think he would need.

"Josh, Josh…" Kendall pulled her brother to the sofa, "What happened? Are you all right?"

"I need Zach's help on something," he answered, a little reluctant to give Kendall a straight answer, especially since she's been hounding him about Amanda.

"Can_ I_ do something?" she asked softly.

Because she was his sister, because she looked so worried for him, Josh relented and patted her hand softly. "No, but thanks."

Kendall, feeling the agitation coming off of Josh, was wise enough to know when to keep her mouth shut. _"Boy, having that baby really made you all soft, didn't it?"_ she couldn't help but mused. Taking Josh's hand, she sat silently with him as they waited for Zach.

Coming out of the shower with only a robe on and rubbing his wet hair vigorously with a towel, Zach was a little taken aback at the near identical faces that greeted him in the living room. Though he would never tell Kendall this, she looked a great deal like her brother when she wasn't rambling on a-mile-a-minute about one thing or other. "What happened?" he asked, the joke on his tongue about twins dying away quickly.

Josh glanced at Kendall a moment, who nodded her head encouragingly but didn't jump in, before facing his boss and brother-in-law. "That thing we talked about this morning? I need help."

"Your missing friend?" Zach asked, his hand already reaching for his cell phone.

"Yeah."

"I need a name," Zach instructed, not forgetting that Josh had deliberately failed to mention it earlier. Everyone was entitled to their secrets; he of all people should know that.

Josh silently cursed himself for not sending Kendall out of the room already but this was too important. Plus, though he loathed to admitted to himself, Kendall's obvious support meant a great deal to him. "Amanda; Amanda Dillon."

Kendall's hands suddenly tightened over Josh's. "I don't understand. I thought she was with friends sailing somewhere."

Shaking his head slowly, Josh faced his sister. "I don't think so. I think that's just a cover," then proceeded to tell her why.

Zach listened with half an ear at what Josh was explaining to Kendall as he made the call to his head investigator. Midway through his instructions, something occurred to him… a slight mention during a recent and vastly interesting conversation with someone looking to turn a profit and get out from under the Chandler thumb. "And check with Bob as well, I don't want crossed wires on this," he instructed quietly as he hung up the phone. Sitting down, "Josh, I've put men on the problem already. We'll find her."

With a quick and quiet nod, "Thank you," he said, "I really appreciate it."

"Hey," Kendall leaned over as best as she could and gave him an one-armed hug. "That's what family is for." She turned and smiled at her husband, who returned the look with a questioning raised brow. "Right, Zach?"

"Yes dear," he answered dutifully.

-&-&-&-

Josh was pacing. He was pacing in circles. He was pacing in circles in his apartment. He was pacing in circles in his apartment and dying slowly inside. It's been nearly a day since he left Zach and Kendall's, both of whom had insisted he had lunch with them and spend the night. Josh had quietly refused, mostly because he didn't want to get stuck with diaper duty, not that Spike wasn't being the most adorably sympathetic little tike ever, those big blue green eyes regarded him with soft understanding as Josh ate his meal in silent worry. Really, the kid was a ridiculously perfect child.

The bell on the door ringing almost had Josh jumping out of his skin so lost was he in his own thoughts. Yanking it open with great anxiety, he tried not to show his disappointment when he saw Jeff Martin on the other side.

"Hello," Jeff greeted with uncertainty when Josh merely stood there looking vaguely let down. "Is this a bad time?"

Pulling back hard on his emotions, Josh offered up a pitifully lame smile and invited his father in. "I'm sorry; I'm expecting some news."

"Is everything all right?" Jeff asked, shrugging his jacket off with a frown of concern. Josh's usually neat-as-a-pin appearance was marred by the loose tie, rumpled shirt and distinctly mussed hair, as if he'd run his hands through it too many times.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Josh gave a sigh that was mixed with pain and exhaustion. "It's nothing. I… I'm just worried about friend." It sounded like a lie even to his ears. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, no, I'm fine," Jeff declined but watched as Josh poured juice anyways. It seem to help him get focused. "Anything I can do to help?"

Josh was quick to shake his head. "No but thank you."

"Are they all right?" taking the juice with a nod of thanks as Josh began to pace the room again. Jeff hadn't seen his son so agitated since the whole issue with Babe.

"They're…" he glanced briefly at his father, not sure if he should say anything. But Jeff Martin was regarding him with such a soft look of concern; he genuinely cares. "They're missing."

Brows coming together, "Have you called the police?"

"No," Josh shook his head and sat down a little too quickly to rub his pounding head. "There's nothing to go on. She left a voice mail telling people that she went out of town with friends but… but it doesn't jive. She wouldn't leave town without telling me."

Reframing from asking who the 'she' was and knowing that it wasn't Babe since Jeff just saw the girl, "Are you thinking foul play?"

"I don't know," he answered wearily.

Jeff's hand came to rest on Josh's shoulder. "Let the family help," he advised quietly. "Tad is a PI, he can look into this for you and…"

"No, but thanks anyhow," Josh shook his head with a sigh, "I've already asked Zach to put some people on this. If anyone can find A… her," he corrected quickly, "they will."

Not questioning it, Jeff sat by his son's side and offered his silent comforting support.

After a few moments, Josh turned, "Did you come here for something?"

Startled, Jeff smiled. "It's not important now."

"Please," Josh entreated quietly, "Tell me."

"Well," Jeff said, realizing that Josh was looking for something else other than his missing friend to concentrate on, "I was hoping to talk to you about the mental defect research we were discussing over dinner the other night."

"What about it?" Josh asked a little puzzled.

"I spoke with a colleague of mine," Jeff explained, "And they're sending me materials on the project; probably hoping to get me involved. I was wondering if you'd be interested in seeing some of results they've been gathering with trial studies."

"Yeah, that would be wonderful," feeling a little hitch of excitement at the prospects. "Thank you so much."

"Think nothing of it," Jeff waved it off, feeling a tiny sparkle of happiness at being able to bring that joy to Josh's face.

Tilting his head to regard his father, "You know, you could have told me this over the phone."

Jeff flushed a little.

"Was there another reason you're here?"

Grinning at being caught red-handed, "I wanted an excuse to see you. We haven't talked since that dinner."

Josh nodded his head guiltily. He didn't want to reveal the fact that he had picked up the phone a couple of times to call Jeff but put it down just as quickly, not sure why he felt a little guilty at intruding upon Jeff's time. "I… I've been busy."

"So I hear," Jeff replied. There was no judgment, not recrimination, no anything; just simple fact and understanding.

"Maybe we can catch dinner again sometimes?" Josh offered with a grateful smile, "I'd love to hear more case studies you and Joe are working on."

"I think I'd like that," Jeff replied. "Maybe you could even consider…"

The doorbell chiming cut off Jeff and had Josh scrambling to the door.

Zach barely glanced at Josh, "Get your jacket. We're taking a ride; you're driving." Then headed off to the elevators again.

Josh grabbed his jacket and stared at Jeff a moment, torn.

"Go," Jeff said with a wave.

"Thanks, Dad. I'll call you later." Josh said gratefully and took off after his impatient brother-in-law.

Jeff stood there, grinning stupidly at being called "Dad" again. He wasn't sure if he'll ever get use to hearing it.

-&-&-&-

"There's someone following us," Josh said as he continued to follow the directions Zach was giving him.

"I know," answered the enigmatic CEO of Cambias Industries. "He's one of mine."

"So why are we driving two cars?"

"Because I need to stay and you need to take Amanda out of there."

"Okay," not questioning yet again after Zach refused to answer any of his earlier questions on how and where his men found Amanda.

"I need you to do something for me, Josh," Zach said in that deep gravelly voice of his. It was a voice that demanded attention and respect.

"What?" at this point, he'd do anything for Zach. The man had come through for Josh more than a few times now and Josh paid his debts.

"Roll with whatever comes along, you understand?" Zach replied quietly. "Don't say anything unless you have to and get Amanda out of there as soon as you think she's able to."

Josh's brows dropped together sharply. "Is she hurt?"

Shaking he's head, "She's probably a bit shaken but she should be physically fine."

Curbing the need to ask what the heck _that_ was suppose to mean by biting his tongue, Josh let out a frustrated huff and drove faster.

-&-&-&-

Retraining himself emotionally had been painfully, holding back physically had almost been impossible. Only the sharp look from Zach had Josh resisting the urge to shove Adam Chandler out of the way to get down to the basement himself to see if Amanda was all right. When Chandler reappeared with one arm wrapped about his golden boy, Josh almost shot off like a rocket toward the staircase. He came close to tossing both he and Amanda back down the basement when Amanda suddenly appeared and he was forced to come to an abrupt stop.

"Amanda," he whispered softly, visually assessing her for wounds.

Big doe eyes came up and flooded with relief before she threw herself into his arms, fingers digging into his back desperately. "Josh," she whispered against his collar. "Oh, I thought I'd never get out of there."

Tightening his arms around her trembling body, "Are you all right? Are you hurt?"

"I'm cold," she replied through chattering teeth though the early summer night was warm. Now that the danger was over, she couldn't stop herself from reacting to the terror of the last few days. "And I'm hungry and dirty and tired and…"

"I get the picture," he chuckled with pathetically grateful relief. Shrugging off his jacket but not letting go of her, he wrapped her up carefully, trying to physically absorb some of the racking fear that simply oozed from her. He half listened to JR ask Adam about some sort of ransom money but didn't really care. "Ready to go?" he asked, glancing over her shoulder to observe with a little surprise at how relaxed and amused Zach looked as he watched the Chandler reunion. Something wasn't right here.

"I'm more than ready," Amanda sighed then glanced over at the agitated Adam and JR with only mild interest. She really couldn't care less what those two deranged Chandlers were up to. "What are those two babbling about?"

Josh frowned, more watching Zach then the Chandlers. The man had an almost perfect poker face but the eyes… the eyes were giving him away. There was a sparkle of amused satisfaction there that didn't bode well for the Chandlers. "Zach," Josh whispered to get his attention.

Dark eyes turned.

"I'm taking Amanda to the hospital…"

Amanda shook her head violently. "No, I'm fine."

Pulling back, Josh looked at her. "You need to get checked out."

"No hospitals," she replied firmly, "I'm fine, they didn't touch me."

Frowning with concerned and concluding that Amanda probably disliked hospitals because of the many ones and how often she must have had to visit them with and because of her mother. With some trepidation but understanding, Josh nodded. Turning back to Zach, "I'm taking Amanda back to my place if you need us," he explained.

Zach nodded his head, his dark eyes speculative, "Take care of her."

Nodding his head, Josh got Amanda back to his car in a hurry without actually hurrying her. Once she was safely tucked into the passenger seat, Josh locked the car doors and gave himself a moment to calm his thundering pulse. Reaching over, he pulled Amanda half way out of her seat and held her again. Now _his_ arms were trembling. "Damn it," feeling the scare of the past day and a half rush through him.

"Are you okay?" was Amanda's muffled question against his shirt where he had crushed her face into.

"Shut up a moment," he replied, needing the physical contact.

Bringing her arms around him, she shifted her body into a more comfortable position and hugged him back, drawing reassurance and warmth from his obvious fear.

"You scared me," he told her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," she returned complacently.

He gave a weak laugh. "Don't do it again."

She sighed and nodded, bumping her head against his chin. "Shower and food?" she inquired.

"Shower and food," he repeated with a sigh and finally let go.

Scooting down into her seat, Amanda hugged Josh's jacket around her, surrounding herself with his clean scent and ignore the fact that she felt ridiculously good for someone that's just been held hostage for three days.

-&-&-&-

Wrapping her hair in one of the big towels Josh had given her for the shower, Amanda raised a brow at the array of food lining Josh's kitchen island. "Wow…"

"Kendall had the casino restaurant bring food over," Josh explained handing her a plate. His sister apparently had no faith in his culinary skills. "Dig in."

Feeling giddy with relief and ravenous from three days of only protein bars and water, Amanda ate like a woman at her last meal. "Wine?" she asked nodding toward the bottle of red and bottle of white on the counter.

"Take juice," Josh advised and pour some orange for her. "It's better for you right now. Your body need to restock on vitamins and minerals. We'll leave the alcohol for next time. And for goodness sakes slow down, you suppose to chew before you swallow."

Ignoring him, Amanda made a pleasurable sound in her throat as she bit into sweet lobster. "God this is good."

"Kendall sent that special," Josh said looking at the note in his hand.

_Josh,  
Food for Amanda.  
Zach won't give me the whole story but said that she went through a bad time and was now with you at your place. Remember what I said before.  
Kendall  
PS. The lobster is for Amanda only; don't touch."_

"Remind me to thank her later," she said sucking on her fingers before reaching for more. "God, I needed this."

Josh smiled and watched her eat for a moment. "Is that my Harvard tee shirt?"

"I don't have anything to wear," she pouted then went back to eating. "Besides, I always give it back."

He shook his head and let her indulge herself with a sense of calming peace. Watching her consume her food with childish delight, he tried not to analyze why he had almost panicked when Zach unceremoniously informed him that Amanda had been swept up in a kidnapping; an innocent bystander. And those thoughts of her stuck in a dank and dirty basement with JR Chandler for all that time, it was probably going to give him nightmares. "Staying the night?"

"Unless you want to drive me home," she replied gulping down juice.

There was no need to answer that.

Amanda washed her hands of the grease left by her greedily sucking down food to fill her angry empty belly, she slowed to enjoy apple pie with a fork and some hot coffee from a silver carafe, which Josh joined her in. When she had gotten her full and was about to slip into the living room to enjoy a little time without mind-numbing fear, Josh tugged gently on her hand to get her attention. When she turned back to face him, Josh crowded her a little and brought his mouth down on hers swallowing the startled gasp of surprise.

Her first reaction was to draw back, pulling herself away from the sudden invasion. Josh didn't stop her; he merely watched her, waiting for an answer to his unspoken request. And in his eyes, Amanda saw fear and relief, confusion and understanding, need and want; it would be simple for her to lean in and let him have his way. But Amanda didn't want sex tonight; the intimate physical contact had shaken her. She wasn't ready for it, not after the emotional roller coaster she had just gotten off of. And she knew Josh well enough now to know that he'd understand. So… she shook her head at him.

Nodding in acceptance, Josh asked, "Do I at least get to hold you then?"

She smiled, letting herself fall back into his arms.

When Amanda crawled into bed with Josh later, she rolled into his body easily and without fear. Locking limbs together and release a ton of tension, they were both asleep within minutes, reassured by the presence of the other, neither one quite realizing why it was so easy for them to do so in each other's arms.

_To be continued…_

So yeah…. Still working on this one at a rather accelerated rate. Obviously, twisty turns in this story are coming up. Comments anyone?


	8. Blurred

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." Not malice was intended when this little infringement was act upon. No profits are being made from this, I'm not that talented. Though if anyone at ABC would like to offer me a job writing for them, I could definitely use the money.

**Chapter Summary**: Josh wants more while Amanda makes a confession and things begin to bleed together as worlds collide.

**Author's** **Note**: I love Thorten Kaye! The man is awesome. He plays Zack to the finest details and makes the characters that could have very well been a solid no-mercy bad guy into this ridiculously loving character that balances Alicia Minshew's wild and crazy Kendall to perfection. No matter what kind of storyline they're thrown (don't get me started on that stupid Satin Slayer arc), they run with it and make it better than it could have been. Long Live Zendall! (sigh) I just wish I would do them justice.

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

**

* * *

Chapter 8 - Blurred

* * *

**

It was almost mid morning when Amanda awoke, her body aching from having slept on concrete for three nights in a roll. Her bed shifted underneath her for a moment as she stretched out abused muscles slowly with every intention of closing her eyes again and falling back into the dream world of warm arms and easy undemanding smiles. She was almost asleep again when her ears registered the rhythmic thumping of a heartbeat under her ear. Reluctantly opening one eye, Amanda saw smooth skin over firm muscles before she remembered where she was. A peek up revealed that her companion hadn't been undisturbed by her unconscious movements. "Morning."

Josh smiled, his eyes watching her with an intensity that was a little hard to meet for long. "Good morning."

She blinked and shifted again, turning her head to glance at the arm looped underneath her, cradling her body into his. "How long have you been trapped like that?"

An easy lazy smile crossed his face, "Not long. I just got back into bed actually," he admitted honestly. There was no need to tell Amanda that he had gotten up to phone Zach for an update (to which Zach didn't give a straight answer to), inform Kendall that Amanda wasn't coming to work for the rest of the week (then cut her off before she could bombard him with questions) and put in an order at the The Seasons for later tonight. "Go back to sleep," he urged her with a gentle squeeze.

Groaning, Amanda buried her face against his chest as reality set in. "God, I hate mornings."

He laughed, scooting down into the warmth created by their two bodies and held onto Amanda tightly. In the pre-dawn when he had been awaken by Amanda's soft whimpering, Josh had lots of time after soothing her back to peace to watch the woman in his arms to his heart's content. He had always been strictly honest with himself about how he felt about everything in life, even if the rest of the world wasn't privy to his thoughts. Amanda had come to occupy a good part of it and he wasn't sorry to say that he liked it a great deal. She was important, not in that she offered a friendship around this town that didn't always offered it easy if you weren't family, but that he liked and counted on her to be in his life. Her going missing that awaken something in him that he hadn't expected to rear its ugly head quite so soon; at least not this soon after Babe Chandler. But he fully acknowledge its existence and carefully accepted the inevitable.

Something else had filtered through his thoughts in those long hours as he came to terms with himself: Amanda had been in that basement with JR Chandler. "Junior" had a powerfully horrid way of convincing the women in his life to do his bidding, not matter how much it hurt those same women. And JR had three days and three nights to work his magic on Amanda. There's no telling what kind of damage that demented little psycho had done already.

"What is going through that devious brain of yours?" Amanda asked, studying Josh's shadowed face in the silence.

Dark eyes flittered down, "I hate the thought of you down there in the dark with JR."

"I wasn't hurt," she said quietly, a shudder going through her with the memory of her fears. "I was scared but I wasn't hurt."

His arms tightened considerably around her. He didn't want to know but he had to. "Did JR… did he…" he couldn't bring himself to ask.

"Did he what?" Amanda asked, her dark eyes curious and confused. "Did he become the sniveling little spoiled brat that he is? Yeah, he did."

He smiled at that; trust Amanda not to be mince with words. "I meant did he touch you? Did he try to… did he offer you protection? Comfort? Something to take your mind off the situation?" He was running out of analogies.

It took a moment before understanding dawned in Amanda's eyes. A disagreeable look crossed her face. "He tried."

"He…" Josh's hands fisted suddenly behind Amanda's back. The imagine of JR's hands on Amanda, those baby blues coaxing the frightened girl into submission… everything went red and ugly in a flash sheer hatred for the young Chandler heir.

"I wasn't interested," Amanda whispered, feeling the tension in Josh's body, secretly reveling with the knowledge that Josh cared. He really cared a lot. She stroked his back gently with one hand, reassuring him softly. "I didn't want anything to do with him."

"I'm going to kill him," Josh pronounced through clinched teeth. He didn't know how or when but he was going to make JR pay for every ounce of pain that man has ever visited upon Amanda.

"I'm all right," she reassured him soothingly as she continued to stroke his back slowly willing him to let go. "It's okay; it's over."

"It's not okay," he insisted furiously.

"It's not," she agreed with him with a quick nod, "But right now, I don't care. I'm alive, I'm okay; everything else is bonus."

Leaning back, he studied her face, wanting her to understand that it wasn't okay for JR Chandler to use her like that, to try to manipulate her into sex. He didn't like that JR got Amanda mixed up in that whole kidnapping thing, that he had put her in harm's way. She could have easily been killed as her life had no value to the kidnappers. Josh could only thank that the powers that be that the villains didn't want to become murders. If they had hurt her… if they had killed her… It wasn't even something he wanted to consider. Just as the thought of JR's hands on Amanda…

All of a sudden, he wanted nothing more than to forget and to make Amanda forget. Forget about the kidnappers, the kidnapping, JR, Adam… forget about everything in the universe but him.

Josh leaned in and before she understood what was happening, he captured her mouth in a kiss that was equal parts as possessive as it was passionate. Amanda suddenly felt protected and vulnerable at the same time, a feeling that left her trembling with the dueling emotions. Drawing back, he watched her carefully with eyes filled with something she didn't understand or didn't want to acknowledge. Instead, she pressed herself against him, her lips on his seeking an response to an unspoken question. He answered in kind by deepening the kiss, imprinting himself even more fully onto her. The terrible shaking under his hand gave him both a sense of deep satisfaction and unreasonable dread.

A sensation of shifting tides and fear of the unknown had both clutching each other for something solid to hold onto. Tangle limbs helped rather than hindered as they came together in a torrid storm of raw nerves and desperate needs. Josh groaned his contentment against her mouth as he joined them fiercely, taking dark delight at her gasp of unexpected pleasure. They rocked together to the unconscious rhyme of joined heartbeats. It wasn't until he thought he would lose control when some horrible imp in his mind reminded him of something. He gave a strangle cry of frustration against her throat hating himself.

Alarmed, Amanda whispered with a broken voice, "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Oh god," he managed to curse through clinched teeth as he reached out with one hand and fumbled for a moment with the nightstand drawer. Looking up, Amanda saw the small foil package in his hand. He opened the packet with his teeth and extracted the latex with desperately shaking fingers. "I'm sorry," he murmured and gave a hoarse cry of pain as he pulled himself away from her.

Giving her voice to her own frustration as she felt a sudden lose that had nothing to do with the physical contact, Amanda shed unexplainable tears as she watched his hands disappeared beneath the sheets. "Josh," she said urgently. She felt as if she was standing on a knife's edge.

He was shaking so bad he couldn't get his hands to follow commands. Ultimately, Amanda had to help him protect herself from him. But her each touch lanced exquisitely sinful pains through him, making him cry out in agony and ecstasy, his control slipping with each excruciating torturous touch. She barely had time to sheath him properly before he came back to her again with an urgency that sent her senses reeling. What little control he had left was lost in those moments as they both reached for perfection, finding it in each other's arms.

Passion spent, Josh collapsed onto Amanda with a murmur of something he hadn't meant to say so soon and she couldn't hear over the thundering of her heart.

-&-&-&-

When Amanda awoke again, the sun was in her eyes and she was alone in the bed. Quashing a prickle of disappointment, she stretched and wondered for a moment if she should get up quite yet. The general soreness of her body, both from her recent ordeals and the morning's more enjoyable activities, attributed to her deciding that she could probably use another hour or two of hiding from the real world beyond the doors of her sanctuary.

"I thought I heard something," Josh commented as he came into the bedroom armed with a steaming mug of coffee. "Good morning."

Murmuring something that sounded like a plead, Amanda sat up and tug the sheets around her. "Is it still morning?"

"Unfortunately," he replied coming around the bed to sit by her side. "How are you feeling?"

With eyes at half mast, she smiled and nodded vaguely as an answer. Taking a relaxing breath, she eyed the coffee in his hand. "Is that for me?"

He nodded and pressed the warm cup into her palms, watching with a great deal more pleasure than one should get when watching someone else fortifying themselves with the nectar of the gods. When she finally lowered the cup and sat there with eyes closed wearing a goofy smile of contentment, Josh leaned in and kissed her square on the mouth.

She jerked in reaction.

Josh eyed her curiously, ignoring the tiny stab of hurt he felt at her response. "How come you're only okay with me kissing you when we're naked and in the dark?"

Amanda blushed.

Feeling that it was well pass time that they address this, because this certainly can't go on the way it was, Josh folded himself around and faced her. "We should probably talk."

Stones dropped to the pit of Amanda's stomach. _"Everything had been going so well."_

Josh took her head, already seeing the anxiety in her eyes. "I think we need to consider that I'm not really interested in a 'Friends with Benefits' gig. I can do friendship, not an issue. I can do the benefits part too, as I have proven now several times… but I don't want the combo," he tugged at her arms when she turned away. "I'm not done yet," he warned with a quick shake of his head. He wasn't going to be letting this go. "You and Jonathan had that whole thing," he reminded her carefully but really, he didn't want her thinking of Jonathan Lavery while in _his_ bed. "And it didn't exactly leave you with a great impression. I'm not interested in trying out for the second act."

"What do you want, Josh?" she asked, a little desperate.

"Me and you," he answered blithely. "I think _you_ and _I_ should give _us_ a try." He smiled at her; that wide confident smile that no doubt got him a great deal in life. "What do you say?"

Amanda closed her eyes a second, "I'm confused."

"What's the confusion?" he asked, patiently. He's got all day if need be. Hell, he'll take all day if that's what was necessary.

"What are you asking?" Amanda said shaking her head. "Because right now, it sounds like you… you want to…" she was searching for the word and coming up empty.

"I want to date you," he stated very matter-of-fact.

No comprehension appeared on Amanda's face. "Come again?"

Josh frowned. "Date. You, me, dinner, movie, sex once in a while. Date."

"Date," she repeated the word as if the concept was foreign to her.

He leaned back, puzzled by her genuine confusion. "Didn't you ever date?" Josh asked.

Considering her answer for a moment, "No."

Not sure how he was suppose to respond to that, Josh only gapped at her.

Amanda shrugged, "Dad and I spent a great deal of time keeping Mom in line once she stopped taking her medication. Most of my childhood was spent moving from one location to another, always trying to keep one step away of the Psyche Wards. I didn't exactly have what you might call a 'normal' childhood. I acted out, mostly because I was scared and angry. Sex seemed to be the only thing I knew how to interact from guys… most of the time."

"Most of the time?"

"There were a few exceptions," Amanda admitted though gave no specifics. "So yeah… don't really understand that whole 'dating' thing."

Josh was nothing if not resourceful and decided that this unexpected turn was worth exploring; may even work to his advantage. "Well, let me be the one to introduce you to the proper concept of 'dating.' First, you and I pick a time, date and place when we would like to meet to get together. Then we have dinner which is then followed by some form of entertainment."

"Sex?" she guessed curiously amused.

"Not always," Josh countered with an acknowledged grin. "It's kind of like that other night when we had popcorn and watched that thing you made me watch."

"There's nothing wrong with _High Noon,_" she protested, "Gary Cooper was one of my dad's favorite actors."

"I'm not saying there was anything wrong with it," Josh pacified with a smile. "I saying that dating will be like that, only we'll go out on occasion instead of staying in all the time."

"We kind of have to stay in," she stated with a shrug. "Between your schedule and mine, the only time we really meet is after everyone else in town is asleep and everything is closed."

He acknowledged that with a nod. "But on your nights off we don't have to stay here. I can come by and do lunch with you. We can get dinner at the yacht club or the Pine Valley Inn. Go out, be seen."

"No secrets, huh?" Amanda asked, getting to the heart of it.

"No more sneaking around, no avoiding questions from people when they ask where you've been, no lies or evasions," Josh added carefully, watching the uncertainty on her face. There was hesitation there. He wasn't so sure about that look. "What?"

Amanda made a face. "I'm not exactly a very popular person with your family."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying I have _crazy_ in my family," Amanda pointed out bluntly. It was also something in the back of her mind: her family has got the crazy genes floating around.

"And I don't?" Josh asked incredulously.

"Not genetically," she said quite reasonably.

"We're dating, not having kids," Josh informed her with some annoyance. How like a woman to bring something like this up when they're merely discussing dinner.

"Oh for god sakes," Amanda put the coffee down, no sense in wasting good caffeine, then punched Josh in the arm. "I wasn't talking about that, you egotistical brat," she punched him again for good measures. How like a man to immediately jump to the wrong conclusion; not every girl in the world is looking for the matching rings, kids, dog and white picket fences. "Who's to say I'm not going to go all psycho on you?"

"Ow…" rubbing his arm. Really, the girl was strong. "I am saying okay?. I know that you're perfectly normal… well, as normal as anyone gets living in this crazy town." He ducked when Amanda took another swing at him.

Fuming at his lack of understanding, Amanda pointed out sternly, "So was Mom up to a certain point. And she could fool people even when she wasn't."

"You're not your mother," Josh reasoned firmly.

"Genetics," Amanda shouted as if answered everything.

"Why are we arguing?" Josh asked suddenly confused, having lost the thread of the conversation.

She gave him a disgruntled look. "Your family isn't going to like you dating someone that can potentially go psycho on you on any given day," she pointed out with a grim smile. "And really, you're not exactly the favorite person among the people I live with. Can you just imagine the reaction we would get if we were to suddenly be dating?"

Josh grinned. "That, in itself, is enough reason to go public."

"Will you be serious?"

"I am being serious here," he said with an unholy grin, completely negating his words. "I can deal with your friends; I can," he insisted with a firm nod. He reframed on commenting on what kind of friends he thought she had. "And you don't have to worry about my… family," he frowned at that term.

"Really?" completely disbelieving.

"Yes, really," he said mockingly as he took her hands. "Erica is okay with you, especially after she found out that I was the one that poisoned her," he grinned at that while she glared at him. "Jeff and the rest of his clan are practically saints compared to the rest of humanity, they're not going to have any issues with you."

"Sins of thy father…" she started to quote.

"They're doctors which is even better than atheists," Josh replied, "And as for Kendall…"

Amanda groaned. "Right, my boss…"

"She likes you," Josh informed her with a quick tug of her hand to get her attention. "And she's worried about you. Even told me not be messing around with you."

"What?" more confused than anything.

"Kendall worries about you," Josh repeated with a sigh, shifting around until he found a more comfortable position. "She's probably one of the few people that can say she's been through hell and back… just like you," he touched his forehead to hers. "And she's kind of warned me off."

"What do you mean she warned you off?"

"Exactly what it means; Kendall thinks that you've been through enough, not that I didn't agree with her. If anyone gets what kind of chaos family can introduce into your life, it's my sister. Between her dad, our mother and her husband's psychotic father and brother… well, let's just say Kendall knows what you went through," he touched Amanda's hair, seeing her soften a little with understanding. "She didn't want to see you hurt if I was just…" he made a helpless gesture.

"Getting something on the side?" Amanda suggested with a quick teasing grin.

"Thank you," he said dryly with a roll of his eyes. Is it any wonder that he felt so connected to this girl? "So…"

"So?"

"So I think that we've solved your concerned in regards to my side of things and I simply don't care about what your friends thinks of me, we really ought to think about getting down to the part where we set a date for our first date," Josh pronounced with a smile and a quick kiss… that turned into two, that lead to another, that lead to a deeper one… by the time phone rang and interrupted them, they were both out of breath. Picking up the extension, he barked a "What?" at being interrupted. Was it too much to ask for a quiet morning?

"Josh?"

There's nothing like the sound of your mother's voice to effectively dash ice water on any degree of passion. "Hello Erica," then grinned when Amanda tugged at the sheets frantically, as if his mother had walked into the room. He leaned over and kissed her cheek affectionately before getting off the bed.

"Oh Josh, I'm so glad I caught you. I need you to come down to the hospital right away," Erica urged him in that breathless voice of hers.

"Hospital?" Josh's brows came together in a frown as he glanced at Amanda who returned the look of concern. "Is it Kendall and the baby?"

"No, no, they're fine."

"Are _you_ all right?" Josh demanded.

"There was a little accident at the yacht club."

"Accident? Erica…" he stared to ask her what the doctor said but Erica rolled right over him per her usual M.O.

"Just a little bump on the head, Josh. But I do need a tinsy-weensy little favor. I was hoping," Erica entreated gently, "you would come down here and help me with a little issue I'm having."

"Are you all right?" he asked again, disliking the way she was avoiding the question. He turned when Amanda pressed herself against his side, her arms around his middle to silent offer comfort. He swung an arm around her shoulder pulling her tight against him.

"Yes, of course I'm all right," Erica assured him hurriedly with what Josh could tell was a smile on her face, "But I was wondering if you'd come down and…"

"I'll be there," he said with a nod she couldn't see.

"Oh thank you, Josh! I'll see you soon," Erica gushed then hung up the phone.

Closing his eyes, Josh sighed and hung up.

"Is your mother all right?" Amanda asked, her dark eyes clouded with concern.

"Yeah," he answered and turned full to her, holding her close. Dealing with Erica took a great deal of energy and patience. It was little like talking to Kendall, only with less logic; his sister at least made sense _most_ of the time. Bianca once offered to teach him the fine nuances of 'Erica-talk.' Bianca, sweet, normal Bianca; he really missed his little sister right now. "I think Erica just got herself into some kind of…" he made a face, not sure what the heck he was talking about. "I may be needed to get her out… or something."

Amanda smiled and closed her eyes for a moment. "Then you need to go."

"You'll be here when I get back?" he asked, pulling back at little to look at her.

"No," she shook her head and sighed. "I think I'll head back to Wildwind and try to get some stuff sorted out. I'm sure the police will want to talk to me sooner or later. And as nice as it's been to hide here, I've got to face reality sometime."

When she moved to get dressed, Josh refused to let go. "Dinner tonight, at The Seasons."

"What?"

"You, me, dinner, The Seasons. It'll be nice. It'll be our first date." He smiled at her in a way that made her want to laugh and agree to anything in the world. Josh gave her a squeeze, "Besides, you just went through an ordeal. A little calm is good."

"And what's calmer than dinner at a casino?" Amanda laughed, touched by the way Josh seemed determined to take care of her and keep her mind off of what might happen next.

"Zach's got some great chefs there," Josh tilting his head in the general direction of the kitchen. "Remember last night?"

"Yumm…." Amanda leaned her head on his shoulder. "Okay, dinner sounds nice."

"Good," he kissed her forehead and reluctantly let go. "I guess we should probably go and get the rest of our day over with."

"Then we can get to the good stuff, right?" she said cheerfully.

Josh returned the smile and felt for the first time that everything was going just right.

-&-&-&-

Aidan Devane was waiting for Amanda. In fact, he's been waiting all night for Amanda. At nine in the morning, he gave up and went to take a shower. At ten, he ate breakfast on his own and ignore Di's inquiry into his ill tempered disposition. At eleven, his query finally appeared. Too bad he wasn't the first person to reach her when she came in through the door. So, Aidan cooled his heels with his third cup of coffee that morning and waited while Julia bombarded Amanda with concerns.

"I'm fine," Amanda reassured her friend once more, her face a little stiff after holding the smile for so long. "I'm sorry I worried you."

"We are just concerned for you," Julia said, her big eyes soft with something more than just anxiety for the well being of her friend. "Things have been so strange lately."

"Everything is fine. I promise I won't do anything impulsive or stupid without consulting you guys first, okay?" Amanda solemnly swore with a quick frown at the two packed luggage in the entry way. "Although, maybe I should be asking _you_ if everything was all right?" She peered carefully at Julia's stressed face. "I know the strike at the hospital has been hard on you. Are you okay?"

Julia offered a smile wane smile. "I'm okay. I'm actually about to take Kathy to California to meet the rest of her new family."

Puzzled, "I thought you weren't going to go for a couple more weeks."

The sad little smile tugged at Julia's lips again. "It's better for me to leave now."

"Why?" Amanda demanded, her perceptive self suddenly rearing its ugly head. "What happened?"

Teary eyed, Julia swallowed her discomfort and gave Amanda a resigned look. It wasn't as if it would be a secret forever. "Jamie and I… we've decided that we're not in the same place in life right now. This time and space would be good for us… and for Kathy."

Amanda's eyes were filled with sympathy. "I'm so sorry."

Rallying herself, "Don't be. It is what it is. And Jamie and I were good together for a while. I have no regrets." She repeated it silently to herself for a moment, trying to convince herself that it was true and that she hadn't been _that_ crushed by his near panic at the thought of having fathered a child with her. "But I do need a little time away."

"And you should have it," Amanda said with a nod before giving her a quick hug. "Is there anything I can do?"

Giving up another watery smile, Julia shook her head. "Just take care of yourself, okay? And whatever it is you've been doing lately…" she gave a helpless look. "Just promise me that you'll be careful?"

"I promise," Amanda replied with a smile, telling herself not to be irritated by the fact that everyone seem to be telling her what to do. But Julia meant well. "And for the record, I'm not doing anything that anyone should have a problem with."

For a moment Julia looked skeptical but she shrugged and hugged Amanda again. "I'll see you in a few weeks."

"Kiss Kathy goodbye for me," Amanda called out as Julia picked up her luggage and made her way out the door. Amanda stood there another minute before she sighed and headed toward the stairs.

But before she could get anywhere near the first landing, "Why didn't you tell her about being taken hostage for three days?" Aidan asked rather dryly as he moved to the living room, coffee cup still in hand and looking especially stern for having made to wait all night and all morning for her.

Letting out a sigh of sheer irritation, Amanda made her way down the stairs again and regarded Aidan with a look of extreme annoyance. "What would have been the point? It would only worry her. I take it the police has been here already?"

That was another question Aidan wanted to ask her about. "No, actually; I got the information from a contact at the FBI. And why, exactly, has the PVPD _not_ been alerted to a kidnapping in their jurisdiction?"

Amanda was stunned. Why hadn't Derek Frye been by? Why hasn't anyone been looking for her for a full account of what happened? What's going on?

"Amanda?" Aidan asked, seeing the loss of color on the young woman's face. He felt his own temper falter as he saw that she really had no idea what he was referring to. "Sit down," helping her to a chair. She looked as pale as a ghost. "Tell me what happened?"

"Did you call the station?" Amanda asked, her head spinning a little. "Did you speak to someone there? Maybe they're still combing that basement?" With a firm explanation in place, "They're probably over at the Chandler's right now interviewing JR and Adam. Someone will probably be by this afternoon."

For her sake, Aidan hoped so. She looked so hopeful. He didn't have the heart to tell her that he's already checked the PVPD database and found no report filed, no case opened, nothing that mention Amanda's ordeal in anything. The only thing Aidan had seen to date was the report of extortion on the FBI's newly opened case log. Nodding his head in what he hoped was a convincingly agreeable note, he asked, "Where were you last night? I was worried when I found out about the kidnapping."

Because this was Aidan and because Aidan always cared, "I stayed with a friend. I didn't… I didn't want to be alone and I didn't want to worry Julia and the others. The kidnappers made me leave a message telling everyone that I went sailing in Fiji." Her made a disgruntled noise with her throat.

"Anyone looking at your face is going to know that's not true."

"Why?"

"Who comes back from Fiji without a lovely tan?" Aidan asked logically with a sympathetic smile.

Amanda gave a ruthful laugh and shook her head.

Aidan studied her for a moment. Besides the exhaustion evidence by the dark circles under her eyes, Amanda looked remarkably well for having survived a hostage situation. There was very little doubt in his mind that Amanda had been through a trauma, but he had questions about it… most of them needed to be aimed at the Chandlers though. But right now, "That's a very interesting outfit you're wearing there," Aidan observed cautiously.

Startled out of her own thoughts, Amanda glanced down quickly. She had appropriated a white shirt from Josh's closet that morning, the smallest one she could find, and accessorized it with an expensive Italian tie for a belt (it amused her to see him flabbergasted at what she had done to his hundred dollar hand-painted tie though he hadn't said a word). She had been forced to wear her own grimy jeans since she couldn't fit into anything else spite Josh's offer to have Kendall send something for her. Amanda knew exactly what Aidan was thinking but decided that she didn't care. "Thank you."

Reaching over, Aidan touched the silk tie with appreciation but frowned at the wrinkles Amanda had put on it with her use. "Very nice… very expensive."

She didn't say anything.

Two thoughts of where she might have gotten the tie from went across Aidan's mind but he wisely decided not to say anything. "I'm sure you're tired…"

"I am," she agreed readily.

"You should go up and rest," he suggested with a smile, genuinely glad that she wasn't hurt in ordeal. "I'll come get you if…when the police show up to question you."

"Thank you," Amanda replied with a quick smile and headed upstairs.

Waiting silently until he could no longer hear footsteps, Aidan picked up his phone. He waited for the transfer of the call and greeted his old friend jovially. "Bernard, thank you for calling me last night about Amanda Dillon. I was wondering, do you happen to have any more details about the incident?"

-&-&-&-

Shutting the door behind him, Josh rolled his eyes and crumbled the paper ribbon of EKG readings in his hand. How he allowed himself to be talked into his mother's crazy scheme to fool her soon-to-be-ex was beyond him. _"Who are you kidding? You gave in because you knew she'd nag until you did what she wanted and this saved you from a headache."_ Shrugging off his lab coat with amusement, the one that Joe apparently had been keeping in his office on the off chance that Josh wanted to come back, Josh grinned at the closed door to his mother's hospital room.

"Josh!" Jeff greeted with a wide grin as he came across his son in the hall. A quick frown at the lab coat asked all the question he needed to.

Feeling guilty and stupidly so, Josh shrugged. "I got it from Dr. Joe's office. Erica needed me to help with something and I…" he stopped himself from mentioning Jackson Montgomery's name knowing how his father felt about his mother. "Anyways…"

"Is everything all right with Erica?" Jeff asked, the concern obvious on his face, his eyes quickly going to the door.

"Just the usual drama-inducing life of Erica Kane," Josh said dryly and with a kind of resignation that actual said much of his affection for his mother.

Jeff chuckled softly, remembering some of Erica's more colorful episode in his life. Studying his son, Jeff was startled to see the signs of fatigue around Josh's eyes. "Is everything all right with you, Josh? Did you find that missing friend of yours?"

Startled until he remembered seeing Jeff last night, Josh nodded his head gratefully. "Yeah, we found her. Tired and frightened but physically all right. Wouldn't let me bring her to the hospital though; she's got kind of a phobia."

"As long as she's all right…"

"She is, I checked her out and I'm going to make sure she stays that way," Josh said with a quick nod, more to himself.

Surprised by the possessive conviction in Josh's tone, Jeff wondered for a moment at this 'friend.' Smiling gently, he indicated for Josh to walk with him. "I'm glad that your friend is okay. But you know that I would be more than happy to help if…"

"I know," Josh reassured him with a sigh, "And I would bring her in if I thought for a moment that she really needed to come in. But really, she just needed a hot shower, some solid foods and a good night's sleep."

Jeff nodded his head, wondering if Josh realize that he was exhibiting all the tale-tell signs of a man in the verge of a full blown romance. "All right then."

"Hey," Josh said striking upon an idea. "You want to grab dinner sometime next week? I'd like to discuss that research you were telling me about. Really haven't had time to do a thorough exam of the stats I've pulled," he didn't add that having Amanda around tend to distract him a great deal, "But I sure I can get stuff sorted out by then."

Feeling like he's been given this great gift, Jeff nodded his head. "Sure, dinner sounds great. I should have those test sample papers by then as well."

"Maybe Dr. Joe would like to come too?" Josh added spontaneously, not exactly sure why he was doing this… though he had a sneaky suspicion that all of Amanda's talk about family and holding on to what you have was beginning to sink in a little more than he'd like. But now wasn't the time to think too deeply on the subject.

Nodding his head in surprise and reframing from asking who this new friend of Josh's was so he could personally thank her, Jeff nodded again quickly. "I'm sure Dad would love that. I'll talk to him."

"Great," Josh said cheerfully, his smile genuinely happy. "Let's say Wednesday?"

"Wednesday sounds fine," Jeff replied with a great deal of excitement. "Listen Josh…"

"Yes?"

"Um…" Jeff frowned, wondering if he was pushing too hard too fast. "There's a small gathering... family… for the Fourth," he offered a quick smile of reassurance. "It's on the beach, part family celebration, part… Tad's little girl, Jenny, is being Christened. I though maybe you'd like to attend. You can bring your friend."

A stony mask fell across Josh's face in a blink of an eye. He held himself perfectly still for a moment, not wishing to give himself away. Spending Fourth of July with Tad Martin was the last thing in the world he wanted to do. Josh had found his father, Greg Madden, buried alive a year ago on the Fourth. He hadn't forgotten who put Greg there. Yeah, Greg may have deserved it for what he did to Dixie and Tad but… damn it, Josh didn't deserve to lose his father that way - not that way. And Jeff didn't deserve to know about Tad's misdeeds, not from an angry bitter Josh. He couldn't hurt his father that way.

The silence stretched, making Jeff nervous with uncertainty and he wondered how much damage he had down with that one little push. "I know that it's too soon for an all out family event but I thought…"

"Thank you for inviting me," Josh said quietly, reaching out with one hand to reassure Jeff. "I really do appreciate that you want to include me in this but I…" he paused, "But I made other plans already."

Thankful for what he could see was genuine in his son's eyes, Jeff accepted it with a smile. "All right then. I'll see you next week for dinner, if not sooner?"

"Wednesday, I'll make reservations at the Pine Valley Inn."

"Sounds good," and then touched his hand the vibrating pager at his side. Glancing briefly at it, "I'm sorry, I have to get this."

"Go," Josh said with a quick smile, "Go save lives."

"Could be your job too, you know," Jeff pointed out lightly.

"Maybe in another lifetime," Josh replied with a smile.

With a quick pat on the shoulder, Jeff took off.

Josh stood there another moment and picked up his phone. "Hey, Amanda."

"Hey yourself. What's up? Canceling on me already?"

"Not likely," he said smiling, "No, I'm still meeting you tonight but I was wondering… what are you doing for the Fourth?"

_To be continued…_

**Author's Note 2:** I just got caught up in current story with Kendall/Zach saga. Boy, those two just can't seem to catch a break, can they? But god, they're terrific at all this. I love how easily those two fall into each other though the thick and thin. Okay, now I'm going to have to incorporate Josh and Amanda's reaction to that whole thing into this story too cause it's really just too good not to. The question is: how?

**Author's Note 3:** I'm switching over to my usual monthly updates from now on. This pace is killing me... and my other stories too. Sorry guys!


	9. Firsts

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." No malice was intended when this little infringement was acted upon though I'm fully aware of that fact that I am probably infringing upon someone's creation. Not making any profits though I would really love to be able to. Anyone at ABC want to give me a job? I could definitely use the money.

**Chapter Summary**: Josh helps Amanda discover many firsts; including one she wasn't ready for.

**Author's** **Note**: Okay, I got stale; I apologize. I'm going to pick up the action but bear with me as I make the transition there. We're going to roll through several scenes very quickly. Most of it you'll probably have to just go along with through canon but there'll be a couple of made up scenes to roll into the existing story. This will be an unusually_**long**_chapter. Sorry about that.

I'm really sick of AMC right now with it's unendingly dull stories. The only one interesting is the developing relationship between Zach and his son, Ian. Have you ever seen a cuter pair? (Okay, Zach with Spike was pretty darn cute too but really, how can you not like Zach with any kid? That man is such a natural that it's almost funny to watch.) And is anyone else sick of the whole Annie's got a secret storyline? Anyone? Jeeze!

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

**

* * *

Chapter 9 - Firsts

* * *

**

Amanda smoothed the silk of her colorful dress down, feeling just this side of apprehensive as she entered the cheerfully crowded building. The Seasons was decorated at the height of elegance; not surprising considering the fashionista owner of the place. People bustled in and out, mostly happy with a few dour faces on occasion. Amanda mused that many unlucky players at the poker tables have left the casino with such faces.

Skirting the edges of the high rollers, she made her way toward the back where several stewards stood at attention. "Reservation for Josh Madden?" she asked tentatively at the maître d' whose glaze had Amanda's bristling with indignation.

Glancing at the computer screen before him, the headwaiter's brows rose an inch and he inclined his head ever so slightly and lead the way… out the side door.

"Um…" Amanda looked around with great confusion. "Excuse me!" running to keep up with the long legged man. "But I think I was suppose to be…" the rest of the thought was lost as they suddenly pass though a veined archway and into softly lit garden. Thousands of twinkle lights covered the greens around them and standing in the middle of lit gazebo was Josh. He had a smile on his face and a table set for two. "Oh."

"Your dinner, madam," the maitre d' said with a quick bow before melting into the foliage without another murmur. The man was good at his job; he knew when he was no longer needed.

Without saying a word yet, Josh held out a chair for her and motioned her into the seat. Pouring champagne with one hand, he lifted the covers off the twin dishes on the table.

Amanda laughed as she stared at the rich meal lied out before her. "I'm going to guess that Kendall has something to do with the menu for the evening." Somehow she can't imagine the health conscious Dr. Joshua Madden ordering anything this saturated in oil and fat.

Josh chuckled and sat down behind his own plate. "Somehow, my sister has this weird idea that I can't fend for myself. She insisted on picking the menu, the music, the flowers, the atmosphere," he gestured around them. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's so incredibly attentive to details and stuff but…"

"She's your sister," Amanda reminded him with a smile, looking at his endearingly exasperated face. "She wants to help you and take care of you."

"Oh lordy," Josh rolled his eyes with a laugh. "Please don't encourage her."

"You should feel privileged," she said shaking out her napkin. "Not every sibling feels that kind of connection."

Because it was true, and because Josh did feel wonderfully flattered that Kendall wanted to be there for him, he said nothing and lifted his glass. "To my sister."

"To your sister," she said and touched his glass with her own, sipping the fine champagne tentative. "Oh… that's good."

He didn't say anything as they tucked into the deliciously artery clogging meal and enjoyed the softly lit evening. "So…"

"So?" she asked when he said nothing more.

Josh looked around a little, searching his thoughts for ideas. It was so much easier when it was just the two of them in his apartment letting everything that came to their minds roll off their tongues. "I'm not sure how to start this," he confessed with a frown. "It's not like we're just getting to know each other; none of that feeling each other out questions applies here."

"There's rules to this?" Amanda asked, a little curious now. "Like what kind?"

He shrugged. "To be honestly, I was never very good at the whole dating thing."

"Slept around with the nurses, huh?" she teased.

Laughing rather uncomfortably, Josh shook his head. "Okay, so I wasn't exactly the model citizen that…"

"I'm kidding, Josh." She assured him with a grin. "I know you played the field. Doesn't bother me."

"Really?"

"It's not like I kept myself a virgin," she said nonchalantly.

"True," he said with a nod, telling himself not to wince at the thought of Amanda with other men… men he knew. Like Jamie Martin. Like JR Chandler. Like Aidan Devane. Like…

Amanda studied his stoic face. "Does it bother you?"

"Does what bother me?"

"That I've been with other men?"

He gave her a look. "It's not suppose to. We've both had lives before the two of us. It's not suppose to bother me."

"But it does," Amanda concluded with some understanding regret.

It was at the tip of his tongue to deny it but he stopped himself. He hasn't lied to Amanda since they've started this friendship turned something else; he wasn't planning on starting now. "It does," he admitted with a quick shake of his head. "I've got no right to feel this way but I do."

Amanda reached across the table, her fingers closed quietly over his hand. "It's okay," she said with a smile. She was flatter really that he would feel jealousy; no one has ever been jealous over her before. "You can't help feeling the way you feel. I won't hold it against you if you don't hold my past sins against me."

Turning his hand, Josh entwined their fingers for a moment before he brought their joined hands to his lips. He smiled, nodding his head. "Ditto."

She laughed at his response, her heart doing strange little fluttering things, and withdrew her hand to grasp the champagne flute once more. "To letting the past stay in the past and looking toward the future."

He inclined his head to her then touched their glasses together. "Hear, hear."

Sipping gently at the heady stuff, she regarded him with a gentle look. "And for the record," she said holding his glaze steadily in hers as it softened to something deeper, "you're here; they're not; no contest."

For whatever the reason, he was touched by the sentiment and let her know it with a smile that came from deep down and full of remarkable wonder. Amanda sat there staring for a moment, not sure what to read of the glaze he leveled on her. It was part passion and part… part something else. She didn't completely understand it and wasn't exactly sure she wanted to… at least not yet. She instinctively pulled her gaze away, feeling a kernel of fear drop into her stomach.

Letting a soft almost unperceivable sigh drift through his lips, Josh cautioned himself. Pushing this could blow up in his face and he wasn't about to make a stupid move. _"Easy boy. One day at a time."_

"What are you thinking?" Amanda asked softly.

He glanced up. "I'm thinking that you and I should dance," standing up and offering his hand. "My lady?"

Surprised, amused and rather thrown, Amanda stood and gave Josh her hand. It was the first time he's asked her to dance, the first time anyone has. They weren't either one proficient in the art of dance but they can both follow a rhythm. Their bodies came together easily by memory and moved to the swaying sounds of a weeping sax that told a wordless tale of love, loss and all the joys and pains in between. It was a strangely comforting tale that said a great deal of the trials and tribulations of the two that danced to it. The haunting notes reverberated within something in both of them and Amanda found herself seeking comfort from Josh in a way she hadn't before. She kissed him.

That old song that said "a kiss is just a kiss" was wrong. A kiss is never just a kiss. It was an expression of something you can't say with words and may not even know how or why; but it told of something nevertheless. And the kiss that Amanda gave Josh was exactly that; something more but she didn't know what. It was warmth and it was comfort; it was a kind of place that she's been searching high and low for.

"Josh?" she said softly when she pulled back.

"Yes?" watching her with dark passion in his eyes. She was startled by it and lost her train of thought. When silence fell between them, Josh leaned in and lightly touched his lips to the corner of hers, whispering against her skin. "Kendall arranged for a room upstairs for us if you like."

He was putting the choice to her, letting her make the move. The old Amanda would have said yes, not a problem. But this Amanda, the one that's sat back and looked at her life with clearer eyes and a heart that's been broken, really truly broken, hesitated. It wasn't the she didn't trust Josh – she did, a little more than she probably thought was possible – and it wasn't as if it would be the first time she went to bed with him but… but this was different. This felt different. _Something_ was different.

"There's no pressure," Josh whispered softly, bending a little so he could look into her downcast face. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to," he assured her with a smile that was meant to ease whatever fear he could see floating about in her eyes. "I'm okay with this." And he was. He easily admitted it; he could be happy just standing there dancing badly to music that made people weep.

Taking another step forward, she pressed herself against him, her cheek lying gently against his shoulder and her arms banded around his middle. It felt good just to be in his arms, to be protected by him. With Josh there, Amanda found that she didn't have to worry about anything. "Can we go home instead?"

"Home?" Startled and disappointed, Josh told himself to give it time. There was no need to rush into anything. "Sure, I can take you home."

"Your apartment," she clarified, a little embarrassed that she had called it home.

Though she couldn't see it, he smiled. It was that smile, which told of a great tale of old and magical things, that Kendall saw when she and Zach unintentionally interrupted the pair. "Sorry," she whispered with a wink as she pulled a grinning Zach along behind her as they cross to the gazebo on the other end of the garden. Her mischievous eyes twinkled with delight to see her brother so happy.

"Don't go," Amanda called out as she separated herself from Josh. "We were just leaving."

"Leaving?" Zach looked at the two, noting the glow of joy in Josh's face and wondered if Amanda could see it as well or if the shadows of her past has clouded her now. "Didn't you like the dinner the chef set up for you? We can have them bring something a little more to your taste if you…"

"No, no," she said hurriedly, chuckling lightly. No one has ever taken care of her the way Josh and his family have of late. "Dinner was fabulous, thank you so much. We were just going to go and…" she blushed and stumbled a little.

Josh grinned, "We're going to catch a… movie."

Kendall's brow lifted and she rolled her eyes at them. "Movie huh? Is that what you people call it these days."

Amanda blushed deeply and wished for a hole to crawl into.

"Laugh it up, oh pregnant one," Josh replied with a grin, "But we all know you didn't get that way by sharing lemonade with your hubby."

Laughing that musical laugh of hers, Kendall dropped a kiss on her brother cheek, patted Amanda on the arm and dragged her amused husband off into the darkness. A soft rumble of a quip from her husband offered up another peal of giggles that proclaim to the world: "Here was a happily married woman with everything she could ever want in the world. Life was beautiful and Kendall Hart-Slater was at last content."

Amanda watched the darkness for a moment, a tiny spark of envy in her heart. There was a great deal she knew about Kendall from the tabloids and even from her own eyes. There were always rumbles of rumor about Erica Kane's bastard daughter and how she blew into town to blow up her mother's life. Everyone always said Kendall Hart was a bitter woman that was out to get everything she could for herself. But looking at her now… it was hard to believe any of that. Amanda could honestly say that she's never seen a woman so beautifully happy.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Josh asked.

She turned and smiled, "Make it a whole quarter and buy me a gumball," she replied automatically from something in her childhood and kissed him teasingly on the lips. "Your place?"

He smiled, glad to see her so at ease, "Home," he replied agreeably and led the way.

They were two damaged people, torn from the inside by circumstances out of their control and by people that claimed love as their shield of defense. They've both known love before, the kind that left you gasping, tortured and pained by that unobtainable object of their desires. They've known heartache, the kind of bleeding wound that can be inflicted only by cutting so deep into hopes and dreams that even their hearts couldn't deny the futility of their wishes. They both knew to be cautious with their hearts, fear of having it drained of life again kept them from opening up too quickly, too openly. And yet…

And yet as Josh slowly pulled the zipper down Amanda's fluid dress, the rough rasping sound making him shiver with anticipation, he felt himself open underneath the heavy gaze of liquid chocolate eyes. His body urged him on even as his mind told him to hold back and enjoy this moment. His hands touched silken skin and he wanted to taste the life pulsing beneath his hands. She stopped him just before his lips reached hers.

The buttons were tiny against her fingers, sharp little nubs against the fine linen that covered the warm velvety skin beneath. She struggled a little to undo them; her hands were shaking. She was nervous. That in itself was a surprise. She was never nervous about this kind of thing. Sex was just sex, a physical act that brought a wealth of pleasure with it. But she was nervous. She was nervous because… because she wasn't just going to be having sex tonight. She knew it as instinctively as she knew that the sun would rise from the East and set in the West. No, tonight was going to be more than just a rump between the sheets; tonight, Josh was going to make love to her.

And she was terrified.

"What's wrong?" Josh asked softly, covering her trembling hands with his own at his shirt front. She didn't look up. Something painful burst in his chest but he refused to acknowledge it. "We don't have to do this," he whispered gently, reaching out to tip her chin up. "I'm okay if you don't want to do this."

The tender care in his eyes, the way he meant every word, pushed Amanda to the limits of her understanding when it came to the interactions of people that cared. She wasn't expecting this. No one has ever looked at her like this. Shaking her head slowly, trying to figure out what _this_ was, she pressed herself against him and held on.

"Shhh…" he gently ran a hand from the top of her head to the small of her back, soothing her fears with just his touch. He was thankful, enormously grateful that she at least wasn't pushing him away for rushing her into something. God knows that Josh was never good at hiding what he wanted and he certainly wanted Amanda. _"I'm not going to make the same mistake again."_ He held her, just simply held her; it was enough.

It was the stillness that eased Amanda's fears. He wasn't doing anything; wasn't going to do _anything_ at all. He meant what he said: that he was okay with just being there with her… no more than that. It was the first time anyone's been okay with just having her there. And because he didn't and wouldn't, she could. Easing back, she closed her eyes and she kissed him, a gentle touch of her lips to his. When she pulled away, he didn't follow. And because he didn't follow, she pulled him to the bed and eased him down.

Josh watched her with wide eyes that caressed her with reverence. He stopped himself from reaching for her as she helped him to the bed. His baser instincts was only held in check by his grime determination that to give Amanda all the space and time she needed for this… whatever _this_ may be for her. He already understood where he stood, he has already committed himself to this.

"Josh?" she said softly as she peeled back the wings of his shirt over his broad shoulders.

The breath left his lungs at her touch and he could only just gasp, "What is it?"

She eased the sleeves off one at a time, never moving to his side but gently straddling him. The passion darkening his eyes spoke of his delight at being undressed by her. She's never done that before; this intimate act of unveiling the body that she had known so thoroughly. She felt a surge of power and beauty in recognizing his pleasure at this simple little act. "What do you want?" she asked as she tossed his shirt to the ground and gripped his belt without doing anything more.

His hands went instinctively to her hips to steady her as she balanced on his knees and awaited his answer. There was probably a hundred things he could say in answer to that question but he replied with the only thing that came to mind, "Whatever it is you want tonight."

Amanda studied his face, the pale moon throwing little illumination into the room and yet she could see him so very clearly with her own memories filling in the details that were obscured by the dark. It was an honest to god answer; not one contrived to get what he wanted from her. And it was confusing as hell. "And what do I want, Josh? What do I want?" she asked him, not sure if she wanted an answer.

Easing back a little, he looked at her with gentle care, his heart bleeding at her uncertainty. "Whatever makes you happy."

Something prickled inside of Amanda with that answer. She searched his face carefully before looking him in the eye. "You," she whispered, more to herself than anything. It was a curious, unsure kind of answer, as if she was talking to her subconscious… or her subconscious was talking to her. "I want you," she said again; and before she could consider it too much in details, she fell onto him.

Josh received her greedily, eagerly and without any of the expectations one would have expected from where he stood. "You have me. You will always have me," he promised as she closed her lips over his.

For lovers such as they, the night was too short and their bodies too fragile to contain them.

[I'm going to let you all use your imagination here. I think I've written enough love scenes.

-&-&-&-  
_-__4th__ of July-_

"You've got to be kidding me," Josh slapped a hand over his face.

"Nope," Amanda replied with an amused sigh. The answering curse had her laughing. "Hey, I'm the one that gets to complain here. _I'm_ stuck in the motivational workshop from hell." She giggled again and glanced over her shoulders at where Babe and Di were still arguing with a cheerfully determined Kendall. The mother-to-be was practically glowing.

"Would it help if I talk to Kendall?" Josh asked pleadingly. He had so many plans for the day; not the least of which was a private fireworks show at The Seasons with a little champagne and candlelight.

"I doubt it," Amanda winced when Babe finally threw up her hands in defeat though Di still looked good to go another round or two with the disgustingly happy Kendall. "Your sister looks like she's on a roll here and she's determined to build some kind of sisterly bond here. And really, it's kind of hard to argue with a pregnant woman." She muffled a laugh as a disgruntled Greenlee stomped in. "Oh oh…"

"What? Is she making you all dance around the maypole?"

She was having a hard time holding back her laughter. "Greenlee just arrived with Annie on her heels. Looks like the fireworks are about to start early today."

He could well imagine it. More than one run in with the bitterly angry Greenlee Smyth had enlightened him to what the dynamic would be like in that office. His sister no doubt was going to have her hands full if she thought she was going to get everyone to sit together in a happy little circle all day. Another burst of giggles from Amanda had him tuning back. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Josh guessed with groan for his ruined holiday.

"I have to admit, this was a funny," Amanda whispered as Kendall put her foot down sharply on Greenlee's toes then turned to smile at the rest of the group, beckoning Amanda with one hand. "Oh oh, the queen bee summons."

"Better get going then," Josh sighed with a chuckle. "Kendall won't be happy until she's gotten what she wanted."

"I've notice," Amanda smiled, ridiculously grateful that Josh was taking her canceling on him last minute so well. "Maybe we can catch up later?"

"Sure," Josh said softly, missing her company already. "Tell my sister that I will at least expect you for the fireworks part."

"I'll let her know. Wish me luck," she whispered.

"Luck," he replied and hung up the phone with a disappointed sigh.

Zach chuckled from his position by the door, "Abandoned today as well?"

"Thanks to your wife," Josh countered with a grin as he sat up. "What's up, Zach?"

Unfolding his arms, Zach walked into Josh's office and sat down. "What are you doing here on a holiday?"

"I came to get a file for tomorrow's conference call with Germany at an ungodly hour," Josh explained, holding up the file in question. "I had planned on taking the call at my apartment."

Nodding his head slowly with understanding, Zach leaned back and studied his brother-in-law carefully. It was safe to say that Zach's never seen Josh quite to content before, not for as long as he's known the young man. "You seem… at ease."

"Got nothing to stress about," Josh replied cheerfully, "Though I do have some complaints."

"Such as?"

"My sister."

Zach grinned. "She's in full mother-mode. Everyone has to be happy and working together… or else. Let her have her fun."

"She's your wife;_ you_ indulge her. Let the rest of us have our day off."

"She's got a plan."

"Kendall always has a plan," Josh grouched without any real bitterness. It had been good to hear Amanda laugh like that. "She's kind of like Erica that way."

"Bit you tongue, boy." Zach grinned widely. "That's my wife you're speaking of."

Josh rolled his eyes. Really, Zach was in too good of a mood for anything to effect him. And who can blame him? Zach's got everything he's ever wanted in the world right now. He was rich, successful, in love and has a baby on the way with his beautiful wife; what more can a man want? "Anyways… what's up? Why are you here?"

"Just having a little conversation with the in-laws," Zach replied cheerfully.

"Right," Josh said skeptically. "And Kendall loves housework. Try again."

Zach's eyes gave off a twinkle of pure unadulterated satisfaction. "How would you like to extract a little payback from Junior?"

That got Josh's attention fast. He hadn't forgotten the hell JR inflicted on not only his sister but Amanda as well. "What do you have in mind?" When Zach only grinned patiently, "What have you been up to?"

"Nothing," Zach replied easily. "Junior has done it all on his own; a pretty good job he did too. I'm just reaping the rewards of his stupidity."

"Nothing new there," Josh chuckled. "So, what have you got lined up? And how many man hours is it going to take?"

"Not as much as expected. It was quite easy, actually," Zach had the look of a man that's completely satisfied by his lot in life. "I'm about to take over Chandler Enterprises."

Josh blinked. "Um…"

"And I want you to run it," a smug smile escaped on Zach's sardonic face. "We can all thank Junior for this little windfall of good fortune."

That got Josh real good. "How?"

Zach nodded and proceed to tell Josh all about the happening in the last few weeks.

[You can all fill in the details of this conversation as well; I'm positive that you'd do it much more justice than I.

-&-&-&-

"Hello?" Amanda peeked her head around the open door, a little out of breath because she decided to take the stairs since the stupid elevators were packed of loud drunken people and was taking absolutely forever. In retrospect, running up twenty-odd flights of stairs wasn't a good way to make an impression. And having arrived at the penthouse suite, she was now a little hesitant. "Josh?"

"You made it," he appeared from between the gauzy curtains leading to the balcony. "I wasn't sure if you would." He frowned at her panting breaths. "What happened? You run all the way up here?"

"Something like that," she answered with a shrug and tossed her purse down. "The express elevator was down and I didn't want to take the regular one with all the drunk men."

Josh made an apologetic noise. "Zach is doing a little renovation of his office and his private suites."

"What for?"

"He's putting in an nursery," he grinned, the same way he did when he found out. "He wanted to be able to bring the kids here while he worked; have a little more bonding time so to speak."

Amanda stared a little stunned. "Wow."

"Yeah," Josh shook his head and headed to the wet bar he had set up just in case Amanda actually showed. "I'm glad you're here. I was beginning to think that Kendall was going to keep you overnight."

"You can thank Zach for that," she said with a laugh as he poured champagne. "He called Kendall and said that he was demanding time with his wife and kid and that she needs to get to the casino," she grinned as she sipped the bubbly goodness. "I drove her."

"Yeah, that was my idea," Josh touched his glass to hers then leaned over and pressed a quick jubilant kiss on her cheek. "Come on," taking her hand and leading her toward the balcony. "I don't want to miss this."

"Miss what?" she asked excitedly. She hadn't gotten to the curtains when the first colorful burst of light exploded overhead. "Oh!" she stepped through the gauzy curtains and entered a world of light and beauty. It was as if Josh had made a special order to the heavens. The night sky was lit with brilliant bursts of fireworks in all colors imaginable on a backdrop of thousands of sparkling stars. The light breeze off the ocean scented the air with fresh blooms of summer. "Oh my god," she set down her forgotten drink and leaned against the rails, soaking in the splendor. "It's so beautiful."

Josh couldn't agree with her more. Polishing off his own drink, he set down the glass by hers and eased himself behind her, holding her gently around the middle as they enjoyed the light show above them together. "Happy 4th of July, Amanda."

She turned her head just enough to buss him noisily on the cheek. "Happy Fourth! And thank you for inviting me; I've never seen anything so wonderful," and turned back to watch the private show. "Did Zach do this for Kendall?"

"Of course," Josh replied softly against her ear, liking nothing better than just being there.

"That man is crazy in love with his wife, isn't he?" she asked absentmindedly then clapped as a series of explosions created a happy face in the sky.

"There's no doubt," he said, laughing at her childish delight; it was amazing to see. He wondered for a moment if she's ever had a real childhood to enjoy or if her formative years had been filled with caring for her mother. "He doesn't exactly hide that fact from anyone."

"It must be so nice," Amanda mused absentmindedly envious.

"What is?" a little curious as he pulled her tighter to him to ward off the chill in the air.

"To be loved to completely," she replied tellingly as she continue to enjoy the lights without ever knowing how her words tore at Josh's heart.

-&-&-&-  
_-A Few Days Later-_

"Hey," Aidan greeted Amanda as she snuck into the house. He was exhausted after an all night stakeout that Tad never came to relieve him of. There was time when he wanted to throttle his partner… if the man wasn't such a good entrepreneur.

Feeling guilty for no distinct reason, Amanda glanced into the living room where Aidan was quietly enjoying his morning papers and a steam mug of coffee. "Hey," she replied and came into the room reluctantly, bracing herself for the lecture that she had little doubt was coming.

"You're in early… or late," glancing at his watch and wincing when the reflected light hurt his eyes.

Concerned now, Amanda studied the prone figure a little closer. "You all right, Aidan. You don't look so good." And he didn't. The usually immaculate Englishman was more then just a little rumpled and appeared to be need of a few more hours of sleep than even her. She had sacrificed some much needed slumber to make her father's famous chocolate French Toast and surprised Josh in bed that morning. His reaction had been more than worth the effort.

Aidan glanced at her through half opened eyes. His fight last night with Di before he left to follow a philandering husband had a lot to do with his irritable mood. But his exhaustion had much to do with the fact that he seem constantly walking on tiptoes around his lover lately. He was always watching what he said, who he said it to and what he might do to incite the next round of arguments. Everything was an effort and he was just plain tired. "I'm fine. I'm more concerned about your behavior lately."

"Now, now, Dad…" she admonished gently, getting up to leave.

"I worry about you, Amanda," he said seriously as he took her wrist in his hand, his handsome face lined deeply with a frown. "You've been so secretive and quiet of late."

"I have not," though really she has. While she had agreed with Josh that they weren't going to keep whatever it is they were currently engaged in a secret, she hasn't gone out of her way to announce it to her friends either. But in her defense, between her nightshift schedules and his crazy work hours on some kind of super secret project Zach has him on, they haven't been out in public since the Fourth of July, nearly a week ago; and even then they had spend most of that time holed up in a private suite.

"Amanda…" Aidan entreated with that coaxing accent of his that once upon a time would have melted her faster than butter in the summer sun.

"I'm fine," she assured him confidently, "I'm better than I've been in a long time." She smiled wide. And it was no less than the truth. She's been working at Fusion and ConFusion in turn, joining in all the craze that was associated with the new products launch. Kendall had quietly been roping her into more and more of the everyday workings at Fusion and letting her go to ConFusion later and later to offset the hours. She's never felt so important or so worthwhile, like a part of something great.

Aidan eyed his friend for a moment then reluctantly agreed with her. Amanda was practically glowing at the moment. She was giving off the sparkle of life that had been missing since her mother managed to wreck what little happiness she had managed to create for herself during the intervening times when she got to think of only her own life for a change. And now, she was excited about life again. Aidan wouldn't take that from her for anything in the world. But it didn't mean he couldn't worry about her well being. "Are you sure you're fine?

"I'm better than fine," she smiled and leaned down to brush her lips against his cheek. "You on the other hand…"

"I need sleep," he replied and gave a sigh. "Oh… Julia called from California yesterday."

"When is she and Kathy coming back?"

"Not for a while longer." Aidan yawned and allowed Amanda to drag him to his feet. "Kathy managed to catch the chickenpox from some kids at the park and Julia can't move her."

"Oh, the poor thing," Amanda shook her head and ushered him up the stairs. "Did Julia need anything?"

Sighing, Aidan shuffled his feet a little as he attempted the stairs. A part of him wanted to just collapse on the couch and catch a few hundred winks. "She said there's some stuff in her room that she may need but she wanted to talk to you or Di about it."

"Girl stuff, huh?"

"Yeah," or it could be that he sounded more dead than alive when he answered the phone.

Amanda laughed. "When is she suppose to call?"

"Later today though I have her number on the fridge if you want to get it and call her."

"I'll do it during my lunch break. Right now, I've got to get dressed and get to work."

"Work?" he turned too fast for someone so dead on his feet.

"Fusion," she added with a grin seeing the speculation in his eyes. "The girls are doing the photo shoot for the Fall launch with Ava as their spokes person."

"Ava?" Aidan asked, his dark eyes narrowing with concern.

"Yes," Amanda wiggled a finger at him. "And don't even say it. It's a good idea and Kendall is running with it. You got a problem, go talk to her."

Aidan frown at her and she grinned back knowing that Aidan couldn't do a thing, especially with Kendall in the mix. Aidan had a great deal of respect for his former lover and friend. "Kendall would bite my head off if I told her how to run her company." That woman was a force to contend with.

"Exactly," Amanda giggled.

Shaking his head and giving up the fight quickly, he headed for his room. "Good night, Amanda."

"Sleep well," Amanda said as she skipped to her room. She was feeling distinctively light hearted and happy with life in general. A real first for her. Everything was going so well.

-&-&-&-

The loud music thumped rhythmically as Amanda got into her groove. Scooped up ice, shot of vodka, a splash of triple sec, tiny spray of tonic and shake well; open, strain and pop in an olive; next? The summer parties were winding down but ConFusion was still hopping with the younger working crowd and trolling singles looking to party and score. An extra smile usually meant extra tips though tonight Amanda was willing to give out the smiles for free. Life was good!

Josh stood on the split level and watched his girl work the room. Her no nonsense movements juxtapose to her flirty laughter was something interesting to see. She never gave one guy more than two minutes of her time as she took the order, mix the drink and wrung it up quickly to move onto the next customer. The large brandy glass of tips in front of her was almost full now and there wasn't a coin in sight.

Edging his way to the counter, he almost ran down Kendall before seeing her. Steadily her with a hand on her waist, "Hey! No hello for your favorite brother?"

Laughing, Kendall kissed his cheek and made an adorable face at him. "I'm busy right now. Maybe a little later."

"You should be resting," gently touching the swell of her stomach. "Nobody as pregnant as you should look so good or be working so hard."  
"Ah…" she rolled her eyes and shook her wild curls, "You sound like Zach."

"You know what? Sometimes, that husband of yours can be right," Josh replied with a knowing look for her condition.

Kendall gave him a quizzing look. "When did you and my husband become best friends?"

"We're not," he assured her.

"Yeah but should I be a little concerned when the two of you are on such good terms? It really wasn't all that long ago when you hated his guts," Kendall pointed out logically and suspiciously.

"I had my reasons _then_ and I have my reasons _now_. And we both want you and this baby to be taken care of so…"

"Circumstances makes for strange bedfellows?" Kendall asked impishly. Josh gave her a patented Erica Kane annoyed look. "Stop that, you look Mom."

Josh looked outraged. "Hey! There's no need to be insulting."

"There you are!" Zach said as he grabbed his wife from behind and pressed a kiss to her powdered cheek. "I've been looking all over for you. Thought for sure you'd still be in the office."

Kendall glowed under her husband's attention and Josh wanted to smack both of them in the face for being so damn cute. Grinning happily at Zach, Kendall held up the folder in her hand, "I was just on my way back there. I only came down here for a smoothie."

Snatching the folder away, Josh motioned to Zach, "She should resting. Go home Kendall, I'll give this to the next Fusion girl I see."

"Hey," Kendall tried to get the folder back but Josh's arms were too long and Zach was still holding her firmly to his side. "I can handle my own life, thank you very much."

"You should listen to the doctor," Zach admonished gently as he held his hand out for the folder, which Josh obligingly dropped into his hand and away from Kendall. "Tell you what: if you come home quietly now, I'll let you have the folder back."

Growling something unpleasant, she tried to snatch the folder back. But Zach and his damn monkey arms made that impossible. Her brother, standing there smirking, didn't help much either. The firmly look in her husband's eyes told her that she wasn't going to win this one. And really, who could argue with Zach when he gets all protective on her? "Fine, fine, I'll go home quietly."

"Thank you," Zach said and handed her the folder accompanied by a kiss but he didn't let go of her; he wasn't stupid. "Say goodnight Josh."

Kendall made a face at him then parroted, "Good night Josh."

"Good night, Kendall," and kissed her sister's cheek. "Make sure she had some water before she sleeps," Josh said to Zach, "She looks dehydrated."

"I'm standing right here," Kendall pouted.

"I will," Zach replied, ignoring her. "Good night, Josh.

"Oh Josh," Kendall called over her shoulder before her husband could frog march her out of the club. "Tell Amanda that I want to see her tomorrow morning to go over the launch schedule."

"Yes, yes, all right; go home," Josh waved them off with a roll of his eyes then watched as Zach softly coaxed his wife to leave without any more altercations. The man dwarfed his wife in a manner that should have looked awkward but the two couldn't look more fitted together if they tried. The tender look in Kendall's eyes as she gazed up at her husband lit a jealous fire in Josh. That was the look he wanted to receive from a woman one day; the kind of look that said she had absolute trust this man.

Turning, Josh caught Amanda's eyes as she looked up at him. He studied her in the throbbing lights that flashed with the beat of the rock music which saturated the room. He wistfully wondered if Amanda would ever look at him the way his sister looked at her husband. And then she smiled… and his heart gave a sigh. Maybe one day… maybe… In the mean time, he would take what he could get.

"Hey stranger," Amanda said in the way of a greeting as she rimmed six shot glasses with a slice of orange, lined them up in a circle and poured whiskey shots. "What can I get for you?"

Josh nodded his greeting and asked, "What's the special of the day?"

"Tropical sea breeze," she answered, finally focusing her eyes on him as the tray was taken away by a hurried waitress. "It's pretty yummy," she said enticingly.

Her twinkling eyes gave him a lift. "How many have you had tonight?"

"None, actually," she laughed as she pulled out a glass and set about to make him one. "But I did invent it so I know it's good." She rimmed a glass with lime first and the picked up her rinsed shaker; ice, vodka, cranberry juice and pineapple juice, three shakes then strain follow the alcohol with a ring of orange peel; she pushed it toward him. "But I'll let you be the judge."

Taking a sip carefully, feeling the tangy sweetness on his tongue before the alcohol warmed his stomach, "Definitely yummy." He put the glass down and watched her for another minute as she took another order, her hands efficiently moving through the routine as she chatted cheerfully with the customer before turning back to him. He smiled at her; she was so remarkable.

"What?" she wanted to know as she wiped the bar in front of her with a towel.

"Nothing," he replied quietly.

"That's not a nothing look," Amanda said with a smile. "What were you just thinking?"

He shrugged and decided that there was no point in keeping his thoughts to himself. "I was just think that you are totally amazing," he pointed with his glass, "You can mix a drink, hold a conversation and look perfect doing all that."

The unexpected compliment threw Amanda and she blushed in reaction.

"What?" seeing the tint on her cheeks. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that?"

Flustered, Amanda dropped her shaker as she was rinsing it. "I… no, no one has ever said that before. I'm…" she dropped the damn shaker again. "I'm just the bartender."

Josh smirked. "Right. Kendall would trust 'just the bartender' with her precious club. If you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you."

Amanda glared at him for what she thought was unnecessary sarcasm. "How did you get out of work so early?"

"It's nearly midnight," glancing at his watch. "Most people would consider this ridiculously late to be working."

"Not me," Amanda said as she glanced at another drink order and went to work. "I was just hitting my strive here."

He grinned lasciviously at her. "Am I distracting you?"

She blushed again then cursed silently at herself. She was behaving like a school girl. "Josh…" she said warningly as she added too much seltzer to the drink on hand. "Damn it."

Josh laughed.

Del chose that moment to lean over, "This guy bothering you, Mandy?"

"Don't call me that," Amanda warned, yet again. "And no, I can handle Josh."

That had Josh raising a brow. "Really? How exactly do you plan on _handling_ me?"

Amanda sprayed him with seltzer.

Josh squawked and backed away quickly.

"Like that," Amanda said smugly with a grin.

He glanced at her and then down at his ruined suit. It was a three thousand dollar Italian suit; dry cleaning it was going to cost more than some people made in a day, chump change for him but still... "You know I'm going to make you pay for that, right?"

She raised her brows knowingly and nodded in agreement. Laughing, she finish putting together the ordered drink and placed it on the waiting tray before leaning across the bar to whisper into Josh's ear. "You promise?"

He smirked with one last significant look and took off for the night.

"What was that all about?" Del asked, looking more than a little curious at Josh's retreating back and then at Amanda again. That was unusual, even for the happenings of ConFusion.

"None of your business," Amanda answered and gave him a shove toward his side of the bar. "Get back to work. There's lot of thirsty customers tonight."

When Amanda showed up at her sanctuary two hours later, Josh had showered and was asleep in his bed. He looked so ridiculously peaceful that Amanda was almost reluctant to disturb him. _"Right, like that's going to happen." _Grinning mischievously, she undressed and crawled into bed to wake Josh in a manner that he didn't mind at all.

Murmuring sleepily, Josh sighed and opened one eye, "You ruined my favorite suit. Ready to pay up?"

She kissed his lips and nuzzled him gently. Curling into him seemed like the most natural thing in the world for her. "More than ready," she replied before squealing as Josh's suddenly came awake and pinned her underneath him in one fluid move. She felt deliciously sinful under his heated gaze. It was so easy to be with him. He was never demanding or intrusive in his attention and was more than willing to give as good as he got. Drawing a breath of anticipation, she wrapped her arms around him in a possessive manner as he lowered his head to her throat.

"Amanda?" he said softly, trailing softly kissed.

"Um?" her concentration on the warm fuzzy feelings along her body where he touched and teased her.

"Kendall wants to see you tomorrow morning about the launch schedule," he managed to whisper against her skin before Amanda demanded a proper kiss that involved a great deal of attention on both their part.

"Josh," pulling back to nip gently on his Adam's apple, "I don't want to talk about my boss right now," Amanda replied between breaths and lowered her seeking hands.

"Good," he gasped as Amanda shift positions under him. "'Cause I don't think I can keep a coherent thought going right now."

"Even better," she murmured and went to work on his delectable body. "By the way, sorry about the suit."

Josh's eyes crossed with passion. "What suit?"

-&-&-&-  
_-A Day or Two Later-_

"Julia, it's Amanda. Third message and I'm still not getting a call back. I'm feeling slightly neglected here," she swung her legs up over the edge of the table in Fusion's lounge room, "Plus I'm getting concerned. Call me on my cell phone. Aidan said you need things. I'm here to help. Hope you and Kathy are still having fun despite the chickenpox. Oh, Josh says popsicles help. Give Kathy my love, bye."

"Still nothing?" Di asked as she carried more samples into the room. They had an entire section just for the materials for the New York launch.

"Just voice mail," Amanda answered as she got up to help. Blinking, she yawned and rolled her eyes. "God, I'm tired," then rubbed her stomach with irritation. "And hungry."

"You've been pulling double shifts," Di pointed out with a grin then tossed an apple at her. "You work here during the day and then run ConFusion at night, burning both ends of the candle, it's a wonder you're running at all. Not that I'm not appreciating the help here."

"I love it," Amanda replied with a grin and took a healthy bite out of the apple. "I've never felt so productive in my life. And I don't mind the work at all." It also helped to go home to Josh… to the sanctuary every night. _"Josh's apartment is __not__ home." _A high pitched screech from the other room, followed immediately by Kendall's pleading tones, distracted her for a moment. "Greenlee and Annie?"

Di made a face. "Who else?"

Amanda laughed despite herself. "Do you think we'll actually make it through this launch before the two of them kill each other?"

"I will consider it a personal favor if they can wait until after the fall season get underway," Di said feverishly with a prayer for the heavens.

Giggling, the two made their way into the main office and watched in disbelief as Kendall shoved the former and current Mrs. Laverys apart. Glaring at the two, Kendall huffed, "What are you: four? Spike and Emma behave better than the two of you!"

There were enough daggers being thrown between Greenlee and Annie to kill the innocent bystanders. Amanda carefully took Kendall by the arm and moved her out of harms way. "Hey, no jostling the beached whale here," she warned the two warring women. Josh would never forgive her if she allowed his precious pregnant sister to become a casualty of the ongoing battle between the Mrs. Laverys.

Temporary distracted, Kendall looked at Amanda in shock. "Hey!"

Amanda merely smiled at her. Of course Kendall would look nothing like a pregnant woman ought to; stunningly dressed as always, Kendall Hart-Slater resembled a beached whale as much as Greenlee could be mistaken for Pollyanna.

"Can we please focus on this launch?" Babe pleaded tiredly.

"I agree," Kendall said as she continued to glare at Amanda for that beached whale remark. "Let's get set up for the photo shoot. Anyone seen our model?"

"I'm here!" Ava struck a pose and smiled wide at everyone.

"Oh great, another diva born," Babe muttered under her breath.

"This is going to be a disaster," Greenlee said loudly to no one in particular then stalked off to look at some more scent samples.

"Someone get her to makeup," Kendall ordered as she made for the side desk. She needed to get the photographer's input on setup.

Di grabbed Ava by the arm. "Let's go, little miss model. This is your chance to shine."

Annie leaned against the desk and took a breath.

"You okay?" Amanda asked tentatively.

Closing her eyes, Annie nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not going to let that woman get to me." She let out a deep breath and opened her eyes with renewed determination. "I've worked hard on this project. I am not going to let some… some spoiled brat force me out."

Grinning with agreement, Amanda patted Annie on the arm. "Good luck and there's a bottle of whiskey in the back if you need a little fortification."

Laughing, Annie nodded her thanks and started the set up for the photo shoot.

Amanda shook her head and pulled out ConFusion's inventory list that Jonathan had partially done for her while she had been setting things up for Confusion. She wanted to finish things for the club before the rest of the group head to New York. It had been agreed that Amanda would stay at headquarters and hold down the front here and at ConFusion while the rest of the girls to go Fashion Week in the Big Apple. This would be the biggest project Amanda has been on since coming back to Pine Valley. She felt a great deal of responsibility with so many people counting on her.

"Amanda?" Kendall called out as she turned around with two samples of materials, "I know that we'll going to be leaving you short handed…"

"Don't worry," Amanda reassured her, "We can handle it."

"Okay," Kendall took a breath and absentmindedly rubbed her tummy.

"You okay?" concern written on her face as her eyes went to Kendall's hand.

Kendall smile her wide reassuring smile. "I'll be a lot better once we get this concept launch underway and recoup out losses from last year. I'll be a lot happier when this is all done and over with and I can put my feet up and concentrate on being pregnant." She shrug, "That is until I get bored and start poking around again. I'm a restless spirit."

Laughing, Amanda handed Kendall the ever present bottle of water. "Stay hydrated."

"Not you too," Kendall whined as she dutifully took a sip. Anything for her baby. "I'm getting it from all sides now."

"Josh and Zach means well," Amanda pointed out.

"I know, I know," she pouted then perked up. "How's my brother?"

"What do you mean?"

"How is Josh?" Kendall repeated looking at Amanda expectedly.

Confused, not exactly sure if this was a legitimate question or hormones, "Fine?" not sure if that's the answer that was wanted. You can never tell with Kendall.

Kendall rolled her eyes and pulled Amanda into the empty back room. "I know that you and Josh are seeing one another; it's okay if you don't want the others to know."

"We're not really hiding it," Amanda explained guiltily.

"It's okay with me if you do," Kendall assured her with a grin. "Okay, I know that I was initially against the whole idea of you and Josh but really, with Josh grinning like a baboon all the time, I'm okay with that."

Amanda choked on laughter at the thought of Josh looking like a baboon.

"Hey, I'm not saying that Zach and I aren't disgusting to watch some times," Kendall admitted with a good natured shrug, "But Josh is bordering ridiculous these days. Hey, whatever makes him happy, right? And trust me, this is a great change to the doom and gloom I got when he was all hung up on Babe." She rolled her eyes to let Amanda know just what she really thought of that whole thing. "So… tell me, how are you and Josh?"

Amanda blinked. She's never had that question posed to her before; never been an accepted part of someone's life before. "Um… We… we're…"

"KENDALL!" Erica Kane made an entrance like no one else.

Kendall's eyes went wide with panic for a moment before she turned and greeted her mother in the same manner, "MOTHER!"

Eyes big and smile bigger, Erica folded her daughter into her arms. "Darling, you look marvelous, practically glowing."

"Must be this new line of skin products," Kendall mused off-handedly with a tilt of her head, "I told Greenlee we should go easy on the shiny stuff."

Erica looked befuddled for a moment.

Amanda choked on her laughter again.

Shaking off the confusion, Erica pulled her daughter to a chair. "You shouldn't be working so hard darling. Remember you condition."

"Mother, I'm fine," Kendall said patiently, a fond smile pasted on her face. Obviously, this was an old song and dance routine. "And I have work to do right now. Is something wrong?"

"Of course not, darling," Erica replied with a gentle smile for her baby before she spotted Amanda. "Oh, hello Amanda."

"Hi, Erica," edging toward the door. "Bye, Erica."

Kendall snatched Amanda's arm firmly, refusing to let her leave. "Mother, we really have a lot of work that still needs to be done before the product launch. I really don't have time for this."

"Honey, it'll just be a few minutes," she smiled brilliantly at Kendall then turned to Amanda with the same bright persuasive smile. "Amanda, I need a minute with my daughter."

"Mother…" Kendall warned.

Amanda wanted to leave so badly now but Kendall had strong claw-like hands. Really, no one that thin and pregnant should be able to have a vise-like grip. "Well, I'll just wait outside and get working on those…" she cut herself off when Kendall cut off the circulation to her arm.

"Mother, whatever it is, we can discuss it later when…"

"Family dinner," Erica blurted out with a half-embarrassed look for Amanda. "I wanted to plan family dinner with everyone. I think it would be nice."

Kendall's grip on Amanda's loosened slightly. "Mother, right now isn't the best time for me and with the trip coming up…"

"We can wait until after your concept launch, darling," Erica said gently with a fond smile, "I was in the industry once upon a time; I know how hectic things can get this time of year." She smiled sweetly and tossed back a lock of hair. "When Enchantment was under my control, we were almost locked in the office during this time. We can have our dinner after everyone's lives are a little calmer. Goodness knows that husband of yours is running your brother ragged. I can't even get twenty seconds of his time to tell him about this."

Shrugging, Kendall replied, "Well if you want to get a message to Josh, just have Amanda te…ow!" pain exploded up her foot.

Amanda shot Kendall a glare. She _did not_ want Erica Kane finding out about her and Josh. At least, not like this; some off handed comment throw about in the middle of a discussion. It was too… just too…. It wasn't right.

"Are you all right, honey?" Erica asked, concerned clearly written on her face.

"Cramp," Kendall grounded out through her teeth as she glared at Amanda.

"Well it's no wonder after you've been standing on those poor swollen ankles for so long," Erica said gently and extracted Kendall from Amanda's arms. "Come and sit down. You're working much too hard."

"I'm fine, mother, really," she repeated dutifully but allowed Erica to help her into a chair. And before she could say anything to Amanda, the girl slipped out. "Damn."

"What, dear?"

"Nothing," Kendall huffed and allowed her mother to baby her for a few minutes. Those few minute turned into an hour that she should have been working. On the other hand, she did come up with a great idea while she tuned out her mother's ramblings of caution.

-&-&-&-

Amanda checked off the list and handed it to the waiting delivery man. "Okay, I think that's the last of it. I'll call in the next order so don't do the usual drop off. We'll need to re-evaluate once the summer season tapers off."

"No problem," making a note to himself in the records and handed the clip over for Amanda's John Hancock. "See you in a couple of weeks."

"Thanks, Davie," Amanda said with a quick wave. "Say hi to Stacy and the kids for me."

"Will do," Davie drove off with a quick grin for his favorite customer.

Jonathan smirked and picked up a box of gin. "New guy, huh?"

"Yup," Amanda grinned and rubbed her back. She's had just come down from Fusion after three hours primping Ava for her photos and then going over launch ideas with the rest of the girls. Di and Babe both stayed behind to complete some last minute materials on the promotional packages that will need to be handed out at the end of the presentation. Greenlee and Kendall were busy putting together the presentations themselves and Annie was doing the final legwork for the concepts. Amanda had to abandon them to open ConFusion for business. She was first and foremost the manager of this ridiculously successful club. Kendall's brilliant idea had turned into a cash cow.

"He's flirting with you," Jonathan pointed out.

"He's a father of three and expecting his fourth kid. He's not flirting."

"Guy can be married and still flirting."

"Drop the topic," Amanda warned and looked at the boxes of liquor. Her back was sore enough, there was no need to aggravate it with manual labor. "I'm going to get Del; no way in hell I'm lifting that."

"Go in and put up your feet for a while," Jonathan advised with concern. He's been watching her run herself to the ground.

"Can't," she said without any complaints, "Too much work to be done. If I'm not here, I should be up in Fusion trying to put together that dumb program for tracking the new ordering system." That was going to be a headache all in itself but she'd promised Kendall she would handle it while they were gone. The new tracking system would give them a much more accurate count of total that would include returns and exchanges of products ordered _and_ they would be able to quarry the stats.

"You're going to drop dead of exhaustion if you keep this up," he warned with a shake of his head.

"Don't worry, I'll drink lots of coffee and make sure to time my fainting spells for when there aren't any customers around to see me," Amanda grinned and stepped off the loading dock. "DEL!"

"I'm here, I'm here," Del said jogging pass her to get the boxes. "We need more help, you know that right?"

"I'll talk to Kendall and Greenlee about it… better yet, I'll just talk to Kendall about it, I want to spend as little time with Greenlee as possible," she sighed as the phone rang. "Hello?"

"Amanda!"

"Julia," she smiled and turned to Jonathan and Del, gesturing with her hand. "How are you?"

"Exhausted," came the laughing musical tones of Julia Santos. "Kathy spiked a fever high enough to really worry me. Maria decided that would be a good idea to take her to a hospital. Apparently, it was a good thing we did. But the fever is down now and we're back at the house and doing much better."

"Oh my gosh," Amanda frowned and covered the mouth piece quickly to explain what happened to the boys. "Is there anything we can do here?"

"Actually, if you don't mind," Julia said apologetically. "Kathy wants her unicorn doll, she's been asking for it for some time now. I forgot to pack it when we left. And I have a wrist brace specially designed for me that I wouldn't mind shipped out to me. The long hours holding Kathy is really doing a number on my arm."

"Of course I can do that for you," Amanda assured her, "Where is it?"

"Doll should be in Kathy's room but I'm not sure where it could be in there. The brace is under the sink in the bathroom inside my suite."

"I'll get them tonight and have it shipped out to you first thing tomorrow."

"I would really appreciate that," Julia sighed gratefully as a soft wail came from the next room. "Oh gosh, Kathy is awake again. I better go."

"Take care of yourself and give little Kathy all our love," Amanda added, "And don't worry about anything on this end."

"Thanks Amanda, I really appreciate it. And tell Di that I'll be back before she knows it and I'm sorry I've been so behind on the phone calls."

"Don't sweat it. We can all understand. Bye," she hung up the phone and sighed with regret. She missed having the sweet laughter of children in the house; there was something so profoundly good about the sound of a child's voice. And a part of her can't wait to have Kathy come back.

Jonathan waited a beat to ask, "Well?"

"They're be there a little longer than expected. Kathy is still ill and can't travel. I'm going to send a couple of things they need tomorrow, maybe make up a care package while I'm at it."

"That's very nice of you," Jonathan said gently, seeing a bit of the woman he came to care so much about. If his heart hadn't been Lily's so completely back then, if he could have just let himself want more, maybe… There was a lot to be said about regrets. And now… now his life was so tangled up with Ava's that… it wasn't something he could discuss with Amanda, not after the way he treated her.

"Anyways," she smiled and slipped her phone into her back pocket. "Get back to work guys, we've got a club to open."

Del grumbled a little while Jonathan merely gave her a salute before heading back to the loading docks. Amanda watched them for a minute and decided that she really was going to have to speak to Kendall about getting more help. With her working half her time at Fusion, she was spreading herself a little thinner than she liked. Sooner or later, something was going to have to give.

"Hey Amanda?" Babe poked her head out and grinned at her friend.

"Yeah?"

"Kendall wants to see you. Your phone was busy."

Glancing down, she noticed the missed call signal and sighed. Knowing Kendall, she probably had some fabulously great idea that she wanted worked on right away. "I've got to open the club."

"Let the boys do it," Babe advised with a sympathetic look. "Kendall's got that look in her eyes again, so saying no is not an option. I'll call in the shift workers and have someone come in to cover the bar. Besides, you deserve a night off after the all hours you've been pulling."

Amanda hesitated. She had hoped to meet up with Josh after the evening shift, she hadn't seen him in nearly two days now. Between her around the clock work and whatever mysterious project Zach has Josh on, they kept missing one another. And she though she didn't want to admit it, she missed him. She missed the way he laughed, the way he held the door for her, the way he always asked if she was hungry, the way he smelled, the way he held her hand when they sat on this couch to do nothing more than unwind from the day. She just plain missed him. It was such a ridiculously simple kind of thing that she felt almost disgruntled about it.

"Amanda?" Babe touched her elbow gently. "Is something wrong?"

Offering her friend a smile, Amanda briefly wondered what Babe would say to Amanda hooking up with her ex-lover. In fact, she wondered what Jamie would say to her climbing into bed with his cousin. "Nothing. I guess I better clock out of here then."

"Okay, meet us at Kendall's house."

"Kendall's?" surprised by this.

Babe giggled, "Yeah. The boss has a surprise for us all."

"Oh god, I hope it's not another female bonding thing," Amanda replied with a groan. "I'm not sure I can handle another round of that. Though…" she giggled, "I wouldn't mind watching another cat fight between Greenlee and Annie. Now that was a bonding experience."

That had both women laughing.

-&-&-&-

"You know," Babe whispered with laughter, "If I hadn't seen for myself how brilliant Kendall really is, I'd think she's gone off her rocker a little."

"A little?" Amanda asked staring down at the green shirt she was currently sporting, the shirt that Kendall had decided they must all wear. It wasn't exactly unattractive, it was just so ridiculously girly. "I think this pregnancy has gone to her head."

Di nudged her with an elbow as she kept an eye on the cheerfully chatting Kendall braiding a very disgruntled looking Greenlee's hair. Greenlee for her part was putting up with Kendall's attempt at bonding in a sourly manner; though it was clear to everyone else in the room that she was quite possibly enjoying being close to her stepsister once more. "Have you heard form Julia yet?"

"Oh yeah," Amanda answered, quite startled. "She and Kathy are going to be staying there a little longer, Kathy spiked a dangerous fever and they've been at the hospital. I'm going to ship some necessities out to them tomorrow."

"Is Kathy all right?" Di asked.

"She's fine now, just needs to rest up."

"Oh good," Di said with a sigh of relief.

"Okay ladies," Kendall clapped her hands together and tried to get on her knees. After two attempts, "A little help here?" Greenlee and Babe reached up and helped lower Kendall to the sleeping bags spread out across the posh living room. "We're at the part of the evening where we…" a knock on the front door interrupted her. "Oh darn it, must be the food. Can someone get that?"

"I'll get it," Amanda volunteered quickly and rushed to the door. She was literally starving now. Opening the door, she was delighted to find a grinning Josh on the other side. "Hey you."

"Hello," he greeted with great restraint.

"PIZZA!!!" Babe rushed forward and grabbed the stacked boxes from Josh with feverish excitement. "Oh god, I'm starving."

"Food!" Annie nearly shouted with exaggerated happiness. "At last!"

"Wow," Josh looked at the starving women with uncertainty. "I didn't realize that…"

"Josh!" Kendall forced herself to get to her feet on her own since the others a looked a little preoccupied with stuffing their faces. "What brings you by, brother of mine?"

Holding up the other package in his hand, "I ran into a delivery guy at Fusion; I thought I'd save you all the trouble and bring you your fall collection presentation to your door."

Squealing with delight, Kendall grabbed the package and brushed a quick kiss against her brother's cheek before running into the living room to share her prize with the rest of the Fusion girls. The girls answered with high pitched screams that would have probably made the dogs howl… if Kendall had any dogs.

Josh looked dubiously into the living room and took a step back. "I guess it probably isn't safe to go in there."

Amanda gave a chuckle and backed him out the front door, following with only a quick nervous look over her shoulder. Pulling the glass and oak door shut behind her, "Get me out of here."

Laughing, Josh pulled her gently to him and kissed her pouting mouth. "And incur the wrath of Mama Kendall? I don't think so."

"Coward," Amanda complained, though she could hardly blame him.

"I know my place in the pecking order of things," he replied with a grin as he stole another kiss and sighed with regret. He would like nothing better than the grab Amanda's hand and run for the car. The long hours he's been putting in at the office had a lot to do with his thirst for a little payback on JR Chandler; it also had to do with his need to prove to his brother-in-law that he could be trusted. But all those hours at work meant he didn't have a lot of time to spend at play, especially with Amanda. "I miss you."

Silently telling her stupid heart to quit with the light-headed thumping, Amanda smiled and leaned against him for a moment, resting her head against his collar. "I miss you too." She's never had anyone tell her that they simply miss her… not anyone that wasn't related to her by blood anyways.

Josh reveled in her words and sighed with barely suppressed glee. "When this all blows over, how about you and I take a weekend off and go somewhere nice."

"You mean go away together?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah," he nodded.

Snuggling closer, she tried to hide her almost overwhelming happiness. He wanted to go away with her and she didn't even have to suggest it or anything. He had been the one to offer, the one that wanted to go and… she wondered if he knew what he was doing.

"Amanda?" Josh asked quietly, not wanting to startle her.

She took a shaky breath. "I'd like that." She couldn't hide her wobbly smile as she looked up. "I would like that a lot."

Pressing a kiss against her lips again, Josh reluctantly let go. "I better get out of here while I still can."

Amanda didn't let go. "Why?"

"Kendall could and would hurt me if I stole a member of her little party away."

"She's too pregnant to put up much of a fight."

Josh laughed. "Yeah, but when has that ever stopped her. Remember, she's got the money and ability to hire someone to do it. And let's not forget that Zach caters to her every whim these days."

With a heartfelt groan, Amanda let go. "Fine," she said ungraciously.

"HEY!" Kendall poked her head out the front door. "Get back in here, Amanda. We're going to start up that DVD! Our little Miss Model can watch it when she finally grace us with her presence; in the meantime, we're not going to wait for her. And Josh, this is an all-girls night. Much as I love you; scat." She waved him away with an impatient hand. "Kiss the boy goodbye, Amanda; we've got lots of girly things to do." With that, she turned around and went back into the house with perfect understanding that they will do as they are told.

Chuckling lightly, Josh kissed Amanda on the cheek. "She's something else."

"Definitely," Amanda agreed with exasperated admiration for the woman as she received his goodbye. Turning, she frowned at him, "You call that a kiss?" and pulled him forward by the front of his shirt. Slanting her mouth over his, she silently promised him a restless night and a need of a nice long cold shower.

"Amanda," Babe's voice was cold water on their rising passions, "Kendall is about to totally have a cow if you don't…" the former Mrs. JR Chandler came to a dead halt and stared in stunned disbelief for a moment, her eyes noting the possessive manner that Josh held her friend. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"I'm just leaving," Josh said politely and touched Amanda's elbow once in reassurance and finally left.

Babe and Amanda stood there in silence for a moment, neither one really knowing what to say to address this very awkward knowledge that Amanda has yet again picked up another of Babe's former lovers. Only this time, Amanda didn't feel the need to justify herself. "Are we okay?" she wanted to know, not really sure what to say if Babe wasn't.

If nothing else, Babe has learned that she cannot hold onto something she's already let go. "So you and Josh, huh?"

Nodding, Amanda looked Babe in the eye. "Yeah, me and Josh."

"Are you sure?" Babe asked quietly, carefully.

Amanda smiled, it was a genuinely happy smile. "Yes."

An accepting if reluctant smile graced Babe's face. "Then I'm happy for you. And yeah, we're definitely okay."

"Good," Amanda let out the breath she hadn't realize she had been holding.

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING OUT THERE???" came Greenlee's impatient bellow. "WE are starting this damn thing without you!"

Babe sighed.

Amanda rolled her eyes.

Then they both giggled, joined arms and went back in.

-&-&-&-

The hectic morning had done nothing to improve Amanda's disposition at having to sleep on the ground in a sleeping bag. As much fun as a girl's night was, Amanda had miss her bed. More specifically, she had missed Josh's bed. Really, she needed to save up for one of those Sleep By Number beds; they were ridiculously comfortable. With all the girls back in the office working on the last minute details of their trip North, Amanda had made a quick trip to the store and back to Wildwind for that care package for Julia.

Finding the unicorn doll had been easy, now for that wrist brace of Julia's. Lugging in the box she was rapidly filling up into Julia's room, Amanda set it on the bed and looked around sadly. The room seemed a little bare without Jamie's things cluttering it. Amanda was still adjusting to the fact that Jamie and Julia were no longer together and that Jamie had moved into the East Wing, just down the hall from her. She had been so sure they would make it if no one else could; they were so happy together.

With a sigh of regret, Amanda headed into the bathroom to look for the brace. Like the bedroom, the bathroom seemed a little out of synch without Jamie's things to sit alongside Julia's. Bending, Amanda open the cabinet under the sink and began her search. Pushing things around the cluttered catch-all storage area randomly, Amanda found the brace under a slender white box. The box caught her eye. It was a home pregnancy test kit; the ones you can buy at any drug store… and it was opened.

Startled, Amanda pulled the pregnancy kit out along with the black mechanically challenging wrist brace. The box held two tests and one was missing. Sitting down on the cold tiled floor, she thought back to Julia's behavior when she unceremoniously moved up her scheduled vacation. _"Jamie and I… we've decided that we're not in the same place in life right now. This time and space would be good for us…"_

"Oh god," slapping herself on the forehead for not seeing it sooner. "Of all the..." she wanted to pick up the phone and ask Julia right now if she was all right. But if Julia was pregnant, Jamie would have said something by now. Which only meant that Julia wasn't pregnant and Jamie hadn't reacted to the possibility of fatherhood the way Julia had wanted him to. "Stupid boys," Amanda muttered as she put the kit back and shut the cabinet door.

Tossing the brace into the box, she was about to leave the room when a calendar on the wall caught her eyes. It was still flipped to June – Julia not being around and such – and toward the center of the calendar was a red mark. Curious, Amanda moved closer until she could see that June 13th had been circled in red. It took a moment for Amanda to stupidly realize the significance of the red circled date.

Shutting the door to Julia's room, Amanda returned to her own room and quietly packed an overnight bag. She fully planned on spending the night in Josh's bed, no matter how late she was going to end up staying at the office. And with all the girls gone by the afternoon, she was going to have to spend a great deal of time holding down the fort until they return. Throwing in an extra change of clothes – just in case – Amanda was about to pick out accessories when her own calendar on the wall caught her eyes.

She paused in her packing, her mind wondering a little before she went to the calendar. July was blank of any marks, as was June. But May had a tiny black star on the lower corner of the 6th, hastily drawn with any given pen at hand. There was a note on the 2nd about a doctor's appointment but she remembered very well where she had been on the 2nd of May: locked in a warehouse with a feverish Jenny Martin while her un-medicated mother conducted a crazy interview with Jenny's parents to judge their fitness as parents. The week that followed had been crazy and… and Amanda never made it to that doctor's appointment.

A cold sweat broke out across Amanda's back as she looked at June's blank squares of date, then at July's. Flipping back several months, she found the February doctor's appointment for her quarterly Depo-Provera shots; the same shots she missed in May. Thinking back, Amanda tried to remember if there was any time when she hadn't been careful with Josh. Besides her own fears of passing on her mother's mental instability to her own children, Josh has _always_ been so good about protecting her. She couldn't recall one time that they hadn't been… except she couldn't completely recall that first time when they had both been drunk as skunks and…. "Oh god."

_To be continued…_

Feedback anyone?

**Author's Note 2**: So yes, I'm not very original when it comes to plot twists and most of you already knew this was coming… I can't help it. And sorry about the ridiculously long chapter, it simply won't end.


	10. Family

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." No malice was intended when this little infringement was acted upon though I'm fully aware of that fact that I am probably infringing upon someone's creation. Not making any profits though I would really love to be able to. Anyone at ABC want to give me a job? I could definitely use the money.

**Chapter Summary**: Amanda helps Josh deal with a family crisis.

**Author's** **Note**: Okay, I hate the Amanda/JR pairing like nobody's business. It both repulses me and destroys my understanding of what human beings are like. How can JR be attracted to Ava, who is so messed up you'd like anyone with half a brain would run the other way… oh wait, look whose chasing her tails. (sigh) This almost makes me glad for the whole stupid JR/Ava storyline, though that gives me the willies as well.

Josh is still running high on my list of people I'd like to watch on the show. He's a great character made better by his redemption and the great actors he's getting to interact with. Seriously, they need to give him more stuff to do. And please, please give him some scenes with Amanda… it would fuel my imagination.

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

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Chapter 10 - Family

* * *

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Amanda sat silently on her bed, her fear leaving her petrified. She had made it through the day by studiously hiding behind denial and work. And god knows, there was enough work for a good dozen people that the six of them had to do. With the pregnant general unable to do any of the manual labor, Amanda and Babe had roped the boys at ConFusion to help load the truck full of samples and gift bags of material. Annie and Greenlee had feverishly worked at presentation material while Di and Kendall continued the everyday necessaries to run Fusion. Amanda handled all the details of the upcoming campaign and was the general relief pitcher when someone else had to break off to handle something or other.

There had been a brief moment of painful jealousy when Ryan Lavery and Zach Slater stopped by before their business trip to New York to say good-bye to their respective wives. Amanda has never really envied anyone of anything; she's long gotten use to working for what she wanted in life for life wasn't easy for her. But seeing the tender way Zach held his wife, kissed her good bye and touched the fragile life they had created together, it made Amanda want something she hadn't realized she sought. And watching Ryan kiss _his_ wife good bye, hearing the gentle regret in his voice at leaving her side, it made Amanda sympathize with an obviously jealous Greenlee and made Amanda want more than she's already been given. And god how she ached for something… something she didn't really understand.

Now, she was sitting there alone in the dark, the home-pregnancy test she had taken from Julia's bathroom in her hand, and all she wanted to do was crawl under the covers and deny the possibility that was staring her in the face. The logical part of her knew that she had to take the damn test to be sure; after all, it could be just a tumor or something. She laughed pathetically at that. _"What the hell is the world coming to when I would prefer to have a tumor to a child?"_

She couldn't even fathom what Josh would say if she were to show up and announced that she was with child. _"Would he freak?"_ she wondered. No, not Josh. Most men of his age and station would probably fly off the handle at being confronted by the prospects of unexpected fatherhood but Josh wasn't your Average Joe; he wouldn't go off the deep end just because something unexpected has happened in his life. _"I mean, look at his family life!"_

No, Josh would be reasonable and responsible… which would only make it all the more difficult if… no, _when_ they clash.

Amanda jumped when her phone rang, chiming a happy tune that didn't sit well with her morbid thoughts. She glanced at the face and made a face. It was Josh. "I can't," wishing she could. She stared at the phone, willing Josh to understand her distance, until the ringing stopped and her phone burbled that she had a miss call and a voice message.

Looking down at the pregnancy kit, she hated herself for being so weak; so pathetically coward by the thought of the 'maybe.'

"What 'maybe?' There is no 'maybe' about any of this!" She got up and paced her room. "For god sakes Amanda," she shouted at herself in the mirror, "grow up and face reality. You're pregnant. There's no getting around that little tiny fact. You. Are. Pregnant." She stared at herself a moment, her fears sparkling in her eyes. "And now you have to be sure." Giving herself a definitive nod and wiping her tears with the back of her hand, Amanda picked up the stupid little pregnancy test and took it to the bathroom. "Time to face the music."

Two minutes and twelve seconds later, Amanda felt her eyes water and her heart contract with pain. Two lines. Two vividly pink lines. There as no mistake. There was no more wondering.

She was pregnant.

"Now what are you going to do?" she asked herself in the silent and still room…

Then jumped a mile when her phone rang again. Dreading it, she looked down and felt a momentary surprise. Pressing answer, "Babe?"

-&-&-&-

"Come on, Joe? Please? She's my sister!"

Amanda heard Josh's voice and rounded the corner in a hurry, her purse hitting her back with every step. She had hurried down to the hospital as soon as she hung up with Babe and gave Del the heads up down at ConFusion.

"I'm sorry, Josh," Joe said with genuine regret as he urged his grandson back through the emergency room doors, "but you are not on staff and I cannot break the rules, not even for you." The bushy white brows over Joe's eyes came down with great concern as he gazed at the pain and torment in Josh's face. "I'll update you as soon as I know something," the gave Josh's shoulder a squeeze before he returned to the closed room.

Josh stood before the swinging doors, his hands clinched at his side in agitation as he gaze through the tiny little portal windows at his weeping sister. He understood there wasn't anything he could do… he _did_ understand that. But it didn't mean he didn't want to do something about it.

"Josh?" Amanda said softly, not wanting to startled him out of his grief.

He turned, face stark white with fear, and for a moment there he didn't recognize who stood before him. But when he did…

Amanda thought for a moment there that Josh was going to crack a rib or two but didn't complain. She could literally feel the anxiety pouring out of him as he held her close and tried desperately to offer what little comfort she could by simply being there. "It's going to be all right," she whispered softly for his ears only, her greedy fingers digging into the muscles across his back. "Joe is the best, he's going to do whatever it takes to protect Kendall and her baby."

Arms tightening a fraction more, Josh closed his eyes and allowed a moment for his pain to overwhelm him before he beat it back with cold hard logic. Letting go slowly, he faced Amanda with a calmer demeanor. "Keep telling me that whenever I need it, okay?"

Nodding her head, she promised without words to be there for whatever it was he needed to get through this. Everything else in their lives could wait.

"Amanda?" Babe came running up and embraced her friend with the kind of fearful need you can only display with those you trust. "Thank god you're here."

"What happened?" Amanda wanted to know, instinctively reaching behind her for Josh. They touched unerringly.

"We were driving to New York and then Kendall started to have pains. She didn't want to stop at first but… but…" Babe ran an angry hand through her hair, "the pain just got worse."

Amanda nodded her understanding. "And you got her here."

Babe shook her head and looked at the closed doors. "I should have made her stop. I knew something was wrong and…"

"This is Kendall we're talking about here," Amanda said reassuringly, "No one tells her what to do."

"Still…"

"Babe," Josh reached out and touched her arm calmingly, "You did the right thing. You got her here; that's all that matters right now."

Babe looked from one to the other, her eyes straying to their connected hands for only a fraction of a second, and nodded her head reluctantly, taking some comfort from their reassurance. "I've called Di and Annie. They're turning around now and…"

"What about Zach?" Josh wanted to know, knowing how much Kendall needed her husband. "Has anyone…"

"I got in touch with him from the car but there was so much interference. I'm not sure if he got everything I was trying to tell him," Babe explained and started when Kendall suddenly gave a weeping cry of agony. "Oh my god…"

Josh rushed to the door and through it, dragging Amanda behind him without even realizing it. The sight of the usually indestructible Kendall doubled over with fear and pain left Josh cold and Amanda shocked for an immeasurable second. Pushing back his own fears, Josh went to Kendall's side, Amanda hot on his heels as she offered him strength while he offered Kendall his.

"I want Zach," Kendall sobbed as she looked up through a veil of hair and tears. "Please? I want Zach."

"I'll find Zach for you," Josh promised steadily as he took her hand.

"Josh," Joe warned sternly if somewhat unwillingly, "You can't be in here. You and Amanda will have to wait outside."

Amanda turned and physically blocked Joe and the others. "Please," she pleaded whole heartedly, "Just give them a minute. Please?" she didn't know if she was getting through but they paused. It was enough that she was stalling them; that was all she could offer at the moment.

Kendall's lower lip trembled as she squeezed her brother's hand. "Josh…" asking him something with her eyes.

"You are going to be fine," Josh swore to her. "You are a Kane," he whispered fiercely, tightening his hand around hers, "and that means something. You are going to make it through this."

For a long moment, Kendall and Josh stared at each other with the same jade eyes. They each took the other's measure and came away with a kind of knowledge that only they of the same blood could understand and accept. Kendall nodded her head slowly, accepting that Josh wouldn't mess with her right now. "Find Zach. I need Zach."

Josh nodded and straightened to leave. He took Amanda's hand but not before she reached around him and offered Kendall silent strength. He watched the two for a moment, feeling something warm and good inside before he ushered his lover out the door. "I have to go and…"

"Go," she assured him, "I'll stay here and keep you updated."

Holding her hand, Josh hesitated a moment before leaning over and pressing his lips against her cheek in a quick and sweet thanks that didn't take any words. It was just a touched, a look, an emotion that traveled though the space between them. He couldn't adequately tell her how much it meant for her to be there for him, for her to be there for his sister, for her to be there _at all_. With a last look that said a great deal more than he had intended to, Josh left quickly to find his boss and brother-in-law. Kendall needed him.

Watching him go, Amanda had this overwhelming urge to unburden herself to him. Would he be this frantic if it was her?

"He's crazy about you," Babe said softly and watched as Amanda twisted to face her. She had already known that her friend hadn't seen her or even realize she was still there. But then again, from the look in their eyes, Babe was surprised they'd known even where they were. "I don't think I've ever seen him look at _anyone_ like that before."

She didn't need to be thinking clearly to understand what Babe was trying to tell her. Amanda smiled in reaction, thanking her for her thoughtfulness. She didn't know what to say right now and searched the waiting area for some kind of inspiration for… it took a moment for Amanda to realize that something was missing as she looked around. "Um... Babe? Wasn't Greenlee and Spike traveling with you?"

Babe didn't say anything but her face reflected her thoughts.

Amanda froze. "No," shaking her head. "She wouldn't," already following Babe's unfortunate thoughts without meaning to. "She wouldn't… not to Kendall. Especially not now," she shook her head, asking Babe to agree with her. "Right?"

Before Babe could utter a word, the ER doors swung open and Zach came through them at a dead run. He got to the message. Neither girls had to say anything, they merely pointed to the ER room and watched as Zach pulled himself together before entering. Babe and Amanda crowded the doorway and watched as Zach effortlessly calmed the frightened Kendall with just a touch and a smile.

Amanda backed away slowly, feeling relieved that Zach was here for his wife as it should be. She pulled her phone out and glanced at a curious Babe, "I have to call Josh, he's trying to find Zach for Kendall."

Nodding her head, Babe jumped back as Ryan came through the door in a hurry as well. Before he could ask anything, "Zach in there with her right now. We think it might be Braxton-Hicks but…" Babe trailed off as Ryan went through the door, his fear for the mother of his son outweighing the need to know whatever the hell was going on.

"Now there's a strange little family," Amanda laughed as she dialed Josh.

"But it works for them," Babe said quietly, smiling as she watched Ryan embrace Kendall. Backing away slowly, Babe pulled out her cell phone. "I'm going to call Greenlee again."

Amanda gave her a significant look. "That's probably a good idea," and waited for Josh to pick up his phone.

"Did he show up?" he wanted to know without a greeting.

"Just now with Ryan," Amanda answered quickly.

"They commandeered a helicopter."

"That doesn't really surprise me." And really, she would expect them to do something that romantically radical. "They're both with Kendall right now."

"Has Erica showed up yet?"

Looking around the bustling lobby, "Not yet."

"I'll keep trying her," Josh said quietly as he made his way back through the parking garage. "Her cell phone is off and no one at the station knows where she went."

"What about Jackson?"

"Tried him too," Josh answered taking the stairs when the elevator didn't come in a timely fashion. "No one has seen him either." He looked around and found the entrance, "Have you seen Jeff Martin around?"

"No," watching as Ryan and Zach exited the patient room with a concern Joe Martin. "Dr. Martin just came out to talk to Zach and Ryan."

"How does he look?"

"Which one?"

"My grandfather," Josh clarified picking up his pace.

"Not good," Amanda replied honestly. "Josh, I think you better get back up here."

"I'm almost there. Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Find Erica."

"I'm on it," Amanda answered and clicked her phone off just as Babe approached her again. She didn't hold out much hope as she asked, "Did you find Greenlee?"

"No answer," Babe replied, a queer look on her face. "I've got a really bad feeling about this, Amanda. Greenlee was really reluctant to take Spike but Kendall was worried that her condition was going to upset the little guy so…"

"Don't think so hard," Amanda instructed her hurried though her own mind was rushing around in a hurry, "Stay here with the others. I'm going to see if I can find Erica. She should be here for her daughter."

Babe nodded her head and looked toward where an agitated Zach listened carefully to what Dr. Joe Martin had to say. "That doesn't look good."

But Amanda was no longer listening. Erica was secondary to who she needs to call first. The last thing in the world Kendall and Josh needs right now is another worry to deal with. And to eliminate that potential problem she needed someone that can help find people.

"Devane," was the gruff answer in that slightly accented tone of his.

"Aidan, it's Amanda."

"What's the matter?" hearing the tension in her voice.

Not sure how much to tell him without making this seem like an over reaction to something, "Babe just brought Kendall into the hospital for premature labor pains."

"Is she all right?"

"For now, but that's not why I'm calling."

"What's happened?"

"Greenlee was suppose to bring Spike to the hospital; she was suppose to be right behind Babe and Kendall but…" Amanda glanced around the ER lobby without hope that this has resolved itself by now. "But she hasn't shown up yet."

There was a long pause on the other end as Aidan considered this a moment. "Give me the details."

"I don't know anything." Amanda admitted quietly as she watch Josh rush to Zach's side and listened intently at what Joe was telling them. "Aidan, this doesn't look good and Kendall can't handle this right now."

"I'm on my way," Aidan replied quietly and hung up.

Sighing with relief at having placed that problem on hold for now, Amanda began to dial through every number she still retained from her time on Erica's production company. She then moved onto possible mutual acquaintances, which meant some delays as Amanda was forced to explain why there was an urgent need to find Erica Kane. As a last resort, she called Derek Frye. Of course, the chief of police had no idea where the diva of Pine Valley was but Amanda managed to relied her concerns to her father's old friend. To say that Derek was less then thrill with a possible amber alert was an understatement. With a great deal of pleading and cajoling, Amanda talked him into at least coming down to the hospital to see the situation first hand.

Having ran out of options, Amanda reluctantly hung up her phone with a crushed sigh.

"Any luck?" Josh asked softly from over her shoulders.

Turning, Amanda stared at him for a moment. He looked tired. He looked scared. Worse of all, he looked vaguely defeated. She hated giving people bad news and this was the one time she really didn't want to. Shaking her head, she offered an apology.

"It's okay," taking her into his arms with a sigh. "You did your best; thank you."

She held on tight, feeling the tension across his back as she watched Aidan cautiously approach a worried Babe. Gladden that Aidan wasn't wasting any time speculating as to what might be, she pulled back and decided to concentrate on Josh for the time being. "How is she?"

"They're trying to stop the labor medicinally," he explained slowly, "But she's got to bring her stress level down. She's scared and feeling guilty for having pushed her body so hard lately. If they can't bring her blood pressure down, they're going to have to take the baby."

"But it's too soon," turning to stare at the closed doors of the ER exam room.

"I know," Josh said resignedly knowing there wasn't a damn thing he could do to help right now. "The baby's chances aren't good if they have to deliver this early."

"Isn't there anything they can do?" She so wished her voice hadn't become so desperate, so fearful.

He didn't say anything, didn't know what to say as he took a breath and try to figure out his next step. Turning, he frowned as Ryan made an angry movement with his hand. "What the hell…" and moved toward the rising voices, his hand connected firmly to Amanda's.

"Keep your voice down," Zach ordered sharply, closing the door to his wife's room firmly behind him. His face reflected none of the obvious fears that should be racing through his mind. "Kendall does not need this right now."

"Greenlee has Spike," Ryan blurted out without preamble.

While it wasn't exactly deer in the headlight, Zach appeared not completely himself. Glancing back once more through the tiny little portal hole at his pale and frightened wife, Zach reached over and grabbed Ryan's arm to drag him away from the door. "What happened?"

Ryan's rapid-fire responses did little to assure the gathering group of people. His obvious fear for his child's safety said a great deal about the kind of man he was. Zach insisted on not telling Kendall, at least until they know for certain what has happened as far as Greenlee and Spike was concern, or until Kendall and the baby was out of immediately danger. It was into this chaos that Erica Kane made her appearance.

"Josh!" Erica reached for her son without fail and Josh reluctantly let go of Amanda' hand to comfort his mother. "Tell me what's happening. I have all these voice mails telling me…"

"This isn't about you, Erica," Zach interrupted harshly and without any remorse. "This is about Kendall and her children." His fear was too much on the surface for Erica to object or question. There was very little in the world that could unnerve Zach Slater and whatever was happening with Kendall has seriously thrown Zach off. That was more than enough to make Diva Erica understand that severity of the situation.

Amanda closed her eyes and prayed a moment, letting whatever powers that be up above hear her and protect those around her.

"Are you all right?" Aidan asked quietly as he took Amanda's arm and pulled her to the side. He kept a careful eye on Josh and Erica, both of whom were talking over each other and with Zach as they established what needs to be done for Kendall.

"Can you find Greenlee?" Amanda asked pleadingly as she turned and saw Ryan argue heatedly with Derek Frye. She couldn't hear the conversation, both men speaking in harsh whispering tones in deference of the patients around them, but she could easily see the argument escalading. "I think it's imperative that we find Spike immediately for Ryan if not Kendall."

Aidan followed her gaze and nodded his head quietly. "I've got enough details to get started." He looked around and frowned with concern as Jonathan crashed through the emergency room doors and went immediately to Ryan's side. "Will you be all right here alone?"

"I'm not alone," Amanda reminded him quietly.

"I know but…"

"I'll be fine," grateful for his concern.

"You look pale," he observed seriously.

"I'm fine," she assured him and glanced at the agitated Zach and Josh as the two of them watched an anxious Erica make her way to her daughter's side. "I'll be even better when Kendall is holding her own without mediation and has her son in her arms."

Not saying anything, Aidan leaned over and have Amanda an one-armed hug and sighed. He wasn't blind, he hadn't missed Josh's possessive hold on Amanda's hand through all this time. "I've got to go."

"Do what you have to," she said grimly to him and glanced Josh's way for a second before turning back, "whatever it takes to bring Spike back to his mom and dad."

"_Whatever_ it takes?" Aidan asked curiously, wondering if Amanda realize what she was asking.

Remember all the awful, hateful things Greenlee said that drunk night at ConFusion, the way Kendall constantly tried to reintegrate Greenlee back into the fold, all the stories of what Kendall tried to do to bring a little peace into Greenlee's destructive life and the tender way Kendall held little Spike in her arms and baby talked to the boy about their new addition to their happy little family. No matter what things Kendall has done in her life, she didn't deserve this. No one did. And after what Adam Chandler did to Tad and Krystal, Amanda sure the hell wasn't going to sit around and watch it happen again. Steeling herself to become her mother's daughter just this once, she looked Aidan in the eye and repeated, "_Whatever_ it takes."

Nodding once to let Amanda know he understood where she stood, Aidan left without a word. There was a child to be found and hanging around the hospital worrying about Kendall wasn't going to bring the kid home any sooner. There was work to be done.

"Where's he going?" Josh wanted to know as he approached Amanda and watched Aidan head out with only a quick word to an restless Ryan.

"Things to do, people to see," she said with a quick shrug, _"And a baby to fine,"_ she added silently as she took his arm. There was no need to get his hopes up quite yet. "How is Kendall?"

Josh took a breath and rubbed his eyes. "Labor has slowed but hasn't stopped. Joe is hopeful but…" he looked over as Jeff suddenly appeared through the door of the ER. His first stop: Jackson Montgomery. Jackson, like the gentleman that he is, pulled Jeff aside and filled him in on the details. It took all but a few moments before Joe joined them and gave Jeff the dirty medical version of what was going on. Jeff's reaction made Josh sick with worry; he was arguing with Joe. "That's not what I was hoping for."

"Have faith," Amanda whispered and promised herself that she would believe as well, "And go talk to them. You were a doctor and you are family. If there's one person they can be straight and technical with, it's you. Go," giving him a quick shove. "I'm going to check in with the girls."

He nodded and parted reluctantly. "Be here when I get back?"

"Of course," she smiled. "I'm not going anywhere."

-&-&-&-

Three hours later, after all hell has broken loose, Josh came back and found Amanda exactly where he had left her. She was silently sitting in an uncomfortable hard back chair flipping through several spreadsheets and chewing the plastic top of her pen to bits. The empty cup holders at her feet would explain where everyone were getting their java from.

"Hey," he greeted and sat down by her side.

Amanda shifted the burden in her lap to the next sheet and greeted him with a hopeful smile. "What's the word?"

"They found Spike," he said sadly.

"Oh thank goodness. Ryan and Kendall must be so…"

"But…" he interrupted her premature celebration.

The bottom dropped in her stomach. "But?"

Josh held his hand out and she took it. "There was an accident." She didn't say a word, just squeezed his hand, letting him have a moment to react now that he was away from the others. He didn't need to be understanding to Zach or Ryan, didn't need to pretend everything was going to be okay for his mother and sister, he could simply react. Josh closed his eyes, feeling the rush of terrified tears and pushed back the fear as far as it would go. It was like trying to beat the tide back with a wet towel. "There's internal bleeding. They've rushed him into the OR."

"Does Kendall…"

He nodded his head slowly, feeling the tears surface no matter how hard he tried to restrain it. "They were wheeling her into surgery when Spike was brought in. She…" he took a breath, never opening his eyes. "She saw him. Kendall saw her little boy being wheeled into the OR along side her."

"Oh my god…" Amanda couldn't even begin to imagine what kind of thoughts and fears were racing through Kendall's mind.

Josh took another breath to calm the painful pressure in his chest. Everything inside of him hurt at the moment. He's never felt so helpless in his life. He wanted to be strong for Kendall and her children but right now, all he wanted to howl at the skies for this injustice. "They're just babies."

Without considering it too hard, Amanda crawled into his lap, winding her arms around his neck and pressed him hard against her. He wrapped himself around her, holding on so tight that it hurt. He vaguely felt the sympathy tears from Amanda against his neck as he let go of his feelings silently against her shoulder, able to react for the first time since he got that god awful phone call. And they stayed there, just like that, for a whole fifteen minutes until Josh could feel his emotions calm and his uncontrollable tears stemmed.

Pulling back, Josh brushed Amanda's face with his hands, pushing back the stray hair that hid her from view. In her face, he saw all kinds of things he didn't completely understanding and yet… "You look tired."

Whatever it was Amanda was expecting, that wasn't it. Laughing a little, she nodded her head slowly. "Yeah... but I don't look nearly as tired as I'm sure you feel."

"Go home, Amanda," he said standing slowly, and helping her to her feet. "We don't both need to be here."

"I don't mind," she assured him with a smile.

"I know," he said quietly, gratefully. "But I don't want you tiring yourself out. Especially since Kendall is going to be relying on you even more now."

"What do you mean?" confused.

"Fusion and ConFusion are businesses," he said quietly, "they need looking after, just as Cambius Industries does. You and I will be helping to hold down the forts while Kendall and Zach deal with their little family. You need to stay on top of your game."

"But…"

"I'm going to sit with Zach until Kendall comes out of surgery," he said quietly. "I've got to know that Kendall and her kids are going to be okay. You… you need to go home and get some sleep. You worked all yesterday and sat here all night. You've got to be dead on your feet by now."

"I'm okay."

He hugged her. "I'd feel better knowing you've gotten some rest. Trade off with me later and let me know how my sister and her kids are doing."

When he put it like that, Amanda really didn't have a whole lot of choices. "Okay."

He squeezed her tight one more time and then let go with a sigh. Though he wouldn't admit it to himself, he wanted her to stay for his sake, if doing nothing but hold his hand. But Amanda looked pale and wane in the harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital; almost as tiny and fragile as Kendall does in her stark white hospital gown… and it scares him. "I'll call you."

She touched his cheek once with her hand and slowly pulled away. "You better," she warned mockingly as she picked up her purse and papers with a tired hand. She didn't say it but she was thankful that he wanted her gone for now. She was aching from head to foot, and she felt sick with worry about Kendall, Spike and her own predicament. But Josh didn't need her problems right now, he's got enough on his plate.

Walking her to the elevator, Josh briefly wanted to kiss her. But he knew that if he did, he'd beg her to stay. So, with tired eyes, he watched her go, making an effort to smile for her benefit then made his way back to the waiting area. In silence, he sat down by Ryan and Annie and prepared himself for the wait.

-&-&-&-

Amanda didn't question her instinct to go "home." Somewhere along the way, Josh's quiet little apartment had become home to her: somewhere safe and peaceful. She glanced around the darkened living room and decided not to turn on the light, it was better in the dark. Sitting down on the couch, she allowed herself a moment to simply breath in and out and letting go some of the guilt and tension she's held in since she left Josh's side.

She barely reacted when shrill of phone disrupted the calm of the room. But things needed to be handled. "Hello?"

"Amanda Dillon?"

"Yes?"

"This is Dr. Hillard of the Psychiatric Ward at…"

"I know where," she interrupted tiredly. "What can I do for you, Doctor?"

"I'm calling about Janet Marlowe Dillon ."

She felt a quiet dread. "Has something happened to my mother?"

"Not exactly."

"What is it then?"

"She's been agitated lately. She's been asking for you repeatedly in the last two days. I was wondering, if you have a few hours, if you could come and visit with her. I think it would help."

Running a quick hand through her hair, "I just saw her a week ago. Did something happen to trigger her?"

"Not that I am aware of."

"Has someone else visited her?" remembering that Adam Chandler had been a great disturbance in her mother's life.

"No, not since you came to see her."

Amanda suddenly felt trapped and angry. It's as if the world was trying to see how far they can push her before she broke the same way her mother did. But as quickly as her anger came, she became deflated, numbed with nothing. "All right. Can you let my mother know that I'll try to come by today? I just…" she looked around the dark room, searching for something without quite knowing what. "I'll see her soon."

"Of course. Thank you," Dr. Hillard said quietly before hanging up.

Tired and defeated, Amanda sat her phone down and rested her head. Something poked sharply in her hair and she looked up to see a folder of papers. Curious, she lifted it and turned on the lights. "A Study on the Hereditary Influences of Mental Illnesses." She felt herself sink a little before she turned to the next set of papers in the folder. "Common Genetic Traits of Inherited Mental Diseases. A History of Mental Retardation."

Not needing to see any more, Amanda very calmly closed the folder and placed it back. Her heart hurt a little until it grew numb as she got up slowly and walked to the door. By the time she reached her car, she didn't feel anything anymore. She was so deathly distant from herself that she might have been surprised she got to the Psychiatric Hospital without causing an accident if she had actually stopped to consider it.

Janet Dillon's twittering delight at seeing her baby didn't effect the calm and effectually cold Amanda at all. She said all the right things and answered all the questions from her mother and the doctors without blinking an eye. Everything appeared great and normal and Janet submitted to more neurological tests after Amanda softly asked her to comply with the doctor's requests. When Amanda left the hospital, it was with a promise to her mother that she'd be around more and would see her soon. It was the same old song and dance; she was use to it by now.

Driving home, Amanda stopped at the boat house and sat by the water's edge for a moment. This had been her sanctuary; the calming sounds of the lapping water soothing her nerves and emotions as nothing else will. It reminded her of better days with her normal mother, her wonderful father and her teasing brother, together at the house or the fishing cabin; it was the happiest time of her life. It was before her mother's insanity, her father's inability to recognize the growing dangers and before Tim angrily left home after yet another roll with their father. The boat house had been where she felt safe; before Josh came into her life. And now… now it wasn't the same any more. She didn't feel calm and safe here, not with memories of being with Josh here; it haunted her. Then her mind finally coming to terms with the events of the last 24 hours.

And she burst into tears.

_To be continue…_

Feed back? Anyone still reading this?


	11. Hand Holding

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." No malice was intended when this little infringement was acted upon though I'm fully aware of that fact that I am probably infringing upon someone's creation. Not making any profits though I would really love to be able to. Anyone at ABC want to give me a job? I could definitely use the money.

**Chapter Summary**: Amanda keeps Josh in the dark as she reaches out to someone else.

**Author's** **Note**: I've basically stopped watching AMC. It's disturbing at best and at worse… well, it's just unwatchable at this point and I don't even want to try without cringing at every other point. And why, oh why, did they bring back Hannah? She was less than useless.

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

**

* * *

Chapter 11 – Hand Holding

* * *

**

Josh hissed with pain as the scolding hot coffee splashed onto the back of his hand. "Damn," and sucked on the tender area between his thumb and forefinger. He was so exhausted that he couldn't even get coffee right.

"Let me," Erica said quietly as she took the tray of coffee from Josh's slightly numb hand. She glanced up at his tired face and touched his cheek for a moment. "You must be so tired now, Josh. Why don't you go home and get some sleep?"

It was tempting, oh so tempting…. "No," he shook his head and took a deep fortifying breath. "I want to wait around until I know the boys are out of danger."

"Josh," Erica took his hand and squeezed it for a moment, "That could be days," she informed him unnecessarily as she looked through the neonatal unit window at Zach's vigilante form over his tiny son's bed.

Following his mother's gaze, Josh felt his heart clinch with fear for the tiny little being that fought for every breath, every heartbeat, every minute of his miraculous life. Zach, a tower of strength, stood by his child's side, reaching out with one finger to touch the fragile hand of his son as if to lend him strength to go on and the will to survive. "I'll stay until Zach or Kendall tells me to leave."

"Then that would be now."

Turning, Josh was surprised to see a haggard Kendall wheel herself silently toward them. The hospital light and gown seem to suck all the life from her face and her eyes… her eyes held a world of pain and fear. "Kendall," he knelt before her as she came closer, her eyes already seeking out her husband. "You need to rest."

"I need to be with my babies," she corrected him with a determine set of her chin. Her wet jade eyes were big and tired on her pale face. Josh had never, not from the first moment he met her, thought Kendall as weak or vulnerable. Today… today she seem as delicate as Venetian glass, ready to shatter at the wrong touch.

"Kendall," Zach came out of the NICU with a frown. "You should be back in bed," stripping himself for the sterile paper gown and coming to his wife. Zach appeared to have aged a good ten years in the last 48 hours. But there was still a light in his eyes, the kind that men get when they fight the good fights.

"I want to be with our son," Kendall said looking at Zach then Josh then her mother. "I can't just lie there when I know that he needs me."

Josh wanted to do something, anything… "Kendall, your body need time to…"

"No," Kendall stated in her 'do as I say' tone as she stared at her brother then turned to her husband, "You help me in there or you get out of my way."

There was silence as Zach stared at his wife for a moment, his eyes dark with concentration. A war waged inside him as he weighed his options. But sharp pain and determination in Kendall's eyes couldn't be fought. Reaching over, he yanked a paper gown from one of the boxes and opened it up to drape over Kendall.

"Zach," Erica admonished, her eyes fearful for her child's health.

"Erica," Zach greeted as if there was nothing wrong in the world. He tied Kendall's gown on and reached for another, very calmly garbing himself again as if he did this every day. "If you'll excuse us. My wife and I are going to visit our son."

Josh held the door for them as Zach wheeled Kendall through, stopping his brother-in-law with a quick hand and whispered, "Ten minutes then she needs to go back. Her body took a beating, it needs to heal," before letting go.

Acknowledging the advise with a slight nod, Zach took his wife in as Josh closed the door. He stood in the window and watched Kendall weep at the sight of her baby, the little miracle that she and her husband created amidst Alexander Cambius' reign of terror. This was to be their new life, their new beginning.

"Please god," Erica whispered next to Josh as she quietly cried for her daughter, "Let Kendall's children be all right. She can't lose her babies."

-&-&-&-

Amanda shut the door to her room and calmly let out a breath. The day had been incredibly long; from arriving at the Fusion to the mad dash to launch their Fall concept line and getting Ava to do the web cast interview and then the surge of new product orders, it's been one fire drill after another with a success to celebrate at the end. As the high of knowing they've launched a profitable fall season wore off, the girls got down to business of selling cosmetics. And that had been painful. Without the dramas pulling her, Amanda's thoughts had ping-pong-ed in all kinds of direction until the she was ready to quit.

Babe had been the first to notice the stress taking a toll on Amanda and sent her home, despite her protest of having to open ConFusion. Del had effectively been promoted to temporary manger until Amanda can get back down to running the place again. But between the concept launch, Kendall and Greenlee's respective absences, it could be some time before Amanda is going to be able to carve out time to get down to the club.

Giving herself two minutes to collect her thoughts, Amanda went to her nightstand. Last night, after crying herself dry, she had formulated a plan… a plan that was going to get her through all the problems she's currently facing. A plan that would eventually work out for the best… for everyone. And Josh wouldn't ever have to worry about her.

Now, all she had to do was put the pieces in place.

The ringing phone was ignored… as it's been all day long. She already knew who it was… or at least who it could be.

First things first, the phone call she dreaded making. She had gotten the number from a webpage at a nearby internet café. She didn't want any IP address left on her computer here at Wildwind or at one of the Fusion work stations, it might arouse too many questions if someone were to accidentally stumble on it. Not that she expected anyone would but… it was simply better safe than sorry.

Taking a nice deep calming breath, Amanda picked up the house phone… then put it back down again. No, no… anyone can pick up on another extension. Better to do this on the cell phone. Then proceeded to pick up her cell phone, just as it rang again. It was Babe. She didn't want to talk to Babe. She didn't want to talk to anyone right now. All she wanted to do was to get on with this! Punching the "IGNORE" button viciously, she dialed the number on the little slip of paper before she lost her nerves.

"Pine Valley Clinic," greeted the cheerful voice from the other end.

Amanda felt the first wave of panic hit her before she had a chance to prepare herself.

"Hello?" came the voice again.

Pushing back her fears, Amanda took a breath. "Hello? My name… I'm… I need… I need to make an appointment."

-&-&-&-

Hanging up the phone, Josh stared at it dejectedly. A quick call to Fusion had informed him that Amanda had been sent home. She'd been apparently working non-stop since she left his side at the hospital almost two days ago. Fusion took a blow last year with the killings and now… now, thanks to the girls, it was on its way back to the top. He could certainly understand Amanda needing sleep but… but he wanted to hear her voice.

"Josh?" Jeff Martin approached quietly, carefully, not sure what his reception was going to be.

"Jeff," forcing a smile on his face, he greeted his father with a heartfelt sigh and a hug, the first he's initiated.

A little stunned and more than a little grateful, Jeff returned the embrace with a firm grip, lending strength and conviction behind the touch. "She's going to be fine. They're all going to pull through."

"We can't be sure," Josh admitted quietly as he slowly pulled back, letting his fear out to someone he knew wouldn't judge him for it and whom he didn't have to be brave with. "Little Ian is…"

"Ian?" Jeff asked, confused.

"Zach and Kendall's baby," he explained, "They just named him."

It was worth a smile, that little piece of news. "Ian," Jeff repeated, holding the name on his tongue for a moment. "It's a good name."

Nodding his agreement, Josh didn't tell Jeff Zach's private reason for the name, a little tidbit that he kept from Kendall as well. Ian meant god is forgiving in Hebrew. And god knows that Zach and Kendall have both committed some sins in their lives. "He's so tiny."

"He'll make it," Jeff assured him. "He'll make it because I can't imagine that Zach and Kendall won't put up one hell of a fight for him." He smiled again, something a little closer to amusement. "Let's face it, I can't imagine anyone foolish enough to go up against those two if they decided to play dirty. And parents will always be willing play dirty when it comes to their kids."

It brought a smile to Josh's face as well. "Kendall is at her best when she gets to play a little rough."

"And she's a Kane," Jeff said fondly and with some hint of exasperation.

"Give me the truth," Josh requested suddenly, unexpectedly and with the kind of tone that asked his father not to jerk him around. "Tell me what Ian's chances are."

There a full minute of silence as Jeff considered it. "They're not great but they're not horrible either. Hear me out," he said when Josh would have interrupted. "Ian's much too early as we can obviously see. He's lungs are under developed at best and his heart is having a difficult time keeping up. We're feeding him through a tub mostly because he's stomach is severely undeveloped. There's always chances of infection and with a case such as his…" he left it off. "There's going to be more surgeries, more drugs, more chances of something going wrong. He's definitely a fighter though. Most preemies wouldn't have survived that first night but that kid came out swinging at the world and he's still swinging hard. He's not going down."

"You want to put that in writing, Jeff?" Kendall asked as she wheeled herself over painfully. "Because right now, I can use as much guarantees as I can get."

"Kendall," Jeff went to her, eased her back in her seat so as not to pull at her stitches. "You should be back in bed, resting."

"We went to see Spike," Zach replied as he came around the corner, furious. "And then she made a break for it when she heard you talking." He gave her a look that was a strange mix of love and annoyance. Given that the man had chosen to marry Kendall twice despite all the reasons not to, he shouldn't have been surprised by her.

"What?" Kendall's act of innocence wasn't marred by the fact that she looked beyond just being weak and ill. "I heard my brother's voice, regardless of my instructions for him to go home and get some sleep, and I wanted to find out why he's still here."

Josh rolled his eyes at her. "Don't use me as an excuse."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she frowned at him. "Only one Kane gets to look this bad at a time. You go home and get some sleep. While you're at it, take a shower." She wrinkled her nose and leaned away from him. "You beginning to smell like used gym socks."

"It's good to know that your sense of humor survived no problems," Josh sighed and leaned in purposely to kiss her cheek. "Well, if you don't need me…"

"Josh," Zach said quietly, "can you check in the office and handle anything that…"

"All is quiet on that front," Josh assured him with a nod, "I called already. We're good and we've got a good team watching our back."

Zach nodded and looked to Kendall. "Time for you to get back into bed."

"I want to see Ian again," Kendall countered.

"Kendall," Zach warned softly.

"I'll go back to the room once I've seen our son," Kendall replied very reasonably.

"Promise?" he asked, suspiciously.

Kendall smiled.

Sighing with resignation, Zach nodded his head and wheeled his wife back the other way. "Oh home, Josh," he called over his shoulder. "Get some rest," just as he rounded the corner. Kendall's slender fingers wiggled a good-bye from around her husband's arm.

Jeff grinned as he turned to Josh. "Now there's an interesting couple."

"Like none other," he agreed.

Clapping a hand on Josh's shoulder, Jeff moved him toward the exit. "Your grandfather and I thought maybe we should meet for dinner next week or something, given what's happened with your sister."

"Would you mind?" Josh asked apologetically. "I'm kind of beat."

"It's understandable."

"How about this Friday? Say, around 6:00 PM?"

"Can you make it seven?"

"You work on Friday's now?" surprised. Senior doctors usually get the header days, Sundays through Thursdays.

"I volunteer at a free clinic during my free time," Jeff explained with a smile. "Seven is fine," Josh agreed with a nod. "Volunteer huh? One would think you wouldn't have enough time to do that with everything else you do around the hospital, including that new program I saw being bantered around by those new interns. Are Martins' born with the good boy scout gene? Because if they are, I think got bypassed."

Jeff laughed and ushered him out. "I'll tell your grandfather about dinner."

"Thanks… Dad," feeling slightly strange though it wasn't he first time he's called him that.

The title still gave Jeff tiny explosions of thrills to hear it. "Your welcomes, son."

-&-&-&-

Amanda's hand trembled as she started the car. She hadn't expected the appointment to be so soon but, as the nurse said, she really needed to be sure before she proceed with anything. Not that she would have a great deal of time to consider her options if she was correct in her estimation of the date of conception.

But the result was positive, just as she knew it would be. She hadn't even held out a shred of hope that she had been mistaken, her life wasn't nearly that lucky; far from it. And after the mandatory counseling session in two days' time, she could schedule her appoint to… to…

The phone ringing startled her.

"Hello?"

"Amanda?" Josh asked with concern.

"Josh," she breathed, not sure if she was glad or sad to hear his voice. And god, how she wanted to hear his voice in the last two days. She just wished she hadn't been so cowardly about it. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, the boys are holding their own. Kendall is getting better, more stubborn by the minute."

"Are you still at the hospital?" she pulled out of the parking lot and started home.

"No," Josh replied, sitting down on the empty bed. "I, um…. Kendall sent me home. She said that I need to sleep and that I was stinking up the place. So much for sisterly love."

"Actually, that sounds exactly like what a sister would say," Amanda laughed quite pathetically. "Hey, doesn't the hospitals have showers?"

"Didn't want to use it," Josh admitted. "Those showers at the hospitals are adequate at best and unsanitary at worse. Jeff and Joe both offered but…" he shrugged and didn't admit to the fact that he didn't want to step away from the little Ian. It may all be in his mind but the little guy seem to breath better when someone that loved him was around. And god, looking at that little tiny miracle child… Josh couldn't imagine anything more special.

"Are you at home?" Amanda asked softly, wondering if she could bring herself to go to him without spilling her fears. Josh didn't need that from her, not now… not ever.

Josh looked around the empty bedroom again. "Not exactly."

Making a turn one handed, Amanda shift the phone. "What do you mean 'not exactly?' Are you back at your apartment or not?"

"No."

"No?" surprised given the exhaustion she could hear in his voice. "Tell me that you didn't decide to go into the office? Because you don't sound like you can…"

"I'm not at the office," he assured her, a vague fuzzy feeling around his heart thinking she was concerned for him.

Making a face, "Where are you, Josh?"

Josh picked up the light robe from beside him and brought it to his face; the soft delicate fragrance calmed him. "I'm at Wildwind… in your room."

Amanda almost drove herself off the road but corrected course in time to avoid a tree. "What?" she could see in her mind's eye, the open appointment on her vanity, the empty pregnancy kit in the bathroom and the phone number to the Pine Valley clinic on her nightstand. "How did you get in?"

"Jamie let me in," Josh replied, not hearing the tension that suddenly characterized her tone. "He was on his way to the hospital."

"And he just let you in?"

"He was kind of distracted," Josh admitted with a smile as he played with the ties on the curtains. Jamie had been more than just distracted, he had been down right nice for a change. "Where are you?"

"I went to see my mom," she lied quite easily. "I was actually on my way to your place." She paused for a moment. "Want to meet me there in, say… ten minutes?"

"You want to go back there?" surprised considering they've never spent any time at her place. "I'd thought you might want to…"

"Your place is nicer… and more private," she added softly even as her heart pounded loudly in her chest. She didn't want him to know, didn't want him to see.

Josh smiled and leaned against the windowpane, gazing out at the grounds where the changing of the seasons was just beginning to color the trees. "Okay, I'll meet you there in ten minutes."

Amanda silently let out a relieved sigh and smiled blindly at the road. "Have you eaten?"

That bought a laugh to Josh's lips. "I'll pick up something on my way."

"Okay," she replied and wished, really wished that she didn't have to do this. "Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"It's going to be okay, right?"

The softness of her voice, the gentle pleading tone sobered him and strengthened him at the same time. "Yeah, it's going to be okay."

-&-&-&-

Amanda hesitated with her key in the door. Once upon a time, she didn't have any problems lying, cheating, scheming her way through things. But those times are over; she wasn't going to be a mini Janet-From-Another-Planet. Only now… now she needed that part of her she's vowed to put away to help her through this, for Josh's sake.

The apartment was lit with dimmed lights and fat candles, warm and safe from harsh reality of life. It smelled like rich vanilla that eased one into the comfort of the place and offered to allow you to leave your troubles behind. It felt… it felt right. It felt like home.

He offered her hot cocoa and a smile as she shed her coat and purse on the nearest surface and silenced her when she opened her mouth to speak. Leaning in, he gave her an undemanding kiss that was simply a greeting and a welcome. Urging her to the couch, he handed her a plate of cheese and meats and settled comfortably into the seat with a sigh. Pulling her close, he set the platter on their touching legs and silently began to eat. Watching him for a moment, she followed suit with a smile.

They were both exhausted from the day and in need of actual rest, not just the kind that involved sleep. No words, no rush, no pressures.

He obviously understood.

The silence was easy and the company undemanding. They just sat and enjoyed the precious time they had where nothing and no one tugged at them for attention. Amanda snuggled in, tucking herself into the contours of Josh's body. He in turn, pulled her to him tight, folding limbs together, tangling them in an embrace that was as much intimate as it was reassuring.

This, right here right now – this was home.

-&-&-&-

"Ms. Dillon…" Mrs. Starling began quietly, respectfully.

"I know what you're going to say," Amanda interrupted softly, just as respectfully. She understood that the woman had a job to do and she was doing it with the great deal of patience and care given the number of whiny teenagers Amanda saw in the waiting area. "I know there are other options and other ways to deal with an unexpected pregnancy. I'm not completely naïve and I am old enough to have known better than to have unprotected sex."

Mrs. Starling smiled at that. "Would you like to discuss some other options?"

"I can't," Amanda replied regretfully. "I'm not being selfish here, at least, I hope I'm not."

"Why do you say that?"

Amanda played with the bracelet on her wrist for a moment. "Life is pretty precious, every single one of them. I've lost enough people in my life, seen enough people hurt to know just how special life is." Josh had taken his leave of her just that morning with a kiss and a wish for little Ian and Spike. He had been so affectionately concerned for the little guys that Amanda had felt tears in her eyes and hastily said good-bye before she did anything stupid. "And I know that what I have is a gift. I can't imagine how many women out there can't have kids."

A wrinkle of concern appear between Mrs. Starling's lined brows. The mother in her could see the conflict in the child's eyes. "Then why are you considering an abortion?"

Biting her lower lip for a moment, Amanda decided that the truth is probably the best here. "There's a genetic defect in my family, a mental one that's pretty serious in nature. I… I've seen it hurt a lot of people, good people and… and I can't bring another person with that kind of destructive behavior into the world where it could potentially hurt more people, including people I genuinely love." She could still see her father, the man that loved her mother, frozen in death. "I can't do that."

There was a long silence as Mrs. Starling digested all that with a sympathetic heart. "I can see you've given this considerable thought."

"It wasn't an easy decision," Amanda admitted sadly and rather bitterly at the injustice of it all, "but it's the right now," she continued a little more firmly. "And it's the one that I'm going to be sticking to."

Twenty years of counseling equated to a lifetime of reading people. Amanda Dillon had made up her mind and nothing Mary Starling said was going to change her mind. And the counselor in Mary saw the elements of a society riddled with problems couldn't disagree with the young woman; why bring a child into a world only to allow it just like this to be filled with pain? The though braced her as she nodded. "I'll help you make the appointment."

Something in Amanda gave away. "Thank you," standing to leave.

"But before you go today," Mary said quietly as she stood as well, "Let me give you some pamphlets, things you should probably know about the procedure and the follow ups."

"I would appreciate it," Amanda reply softly, swallowing the big lump in her throat as she silently told herself this was the right thing to do… for the umpteenth time. "Thank you for…" she didn't know what to say.

She nodded in understanding, knowing that this wasn't an easy choice for the young woman. "I'll call you with the appointment date and time. I assume that you'll want to the first available date?" Amanda's answering nod had Mary feeling suddenly very resigned. "You will also need someone to come with you," she added quietly, "someone to get you home afterwards, and to take care of you."

Startled, "I'll be all right. I don't need anyone to help."  
"I'm afraid it's the clinic's policy. You'll be a little disorientated afterwards. You'll need someone to drive you home and check on you ever few hours afterwards. It's just a precaution but it's one that we take serious around here."

Amanda considered it a moment, wondering who in the world could understand enough to help her without blabbing. "I'll bring someone."

"We'll need a name by the day of the procedure," Mary replied as she ushered Amanda out, passing her a handful of pamphlets she kept neatly stacked next to the door. "Please do call me if you have any questions, concerns, thoughts, anything."

"I appreciate it," Amanda said quietly, feeling her emotions closer to the surface that she'd like, "But this is something I have to do." She smiled her thanks, "I'll find someone to come with me," then walked away. So intent was she in her own thoughts, she failed to notice the white coat doctor down the hall watching her as she left.

It wasn't until she was in her car did she realized who may be able to help. It wouldn't be easy and it's likely to bring up some painfully bad memories but she had no one else to turn to. Scrolling through the phone book on her cell phone, Amanda took a deep breath and called.

"Hello?" was the gruff and abrupt greeting.

"Hey, it's Amanda."

A long sigh answered. "What happened now?"

"I'm in trouble," she explained cryptically. "I need your help."

There was no answer for a moment from the other end before the resigned question came. "What do you need?"

"You," she said quietly, feeling the unwilling tears gather in her eyes. She's never felt so alone in her life. "I need my brother, Tim. Please?"

_To be continued…_


	12. Legacy

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." No malice was intended when this little infringement was acted upon though I'm fully aware of that fact that I am probably infringing upon someone's creation. Not making any profits though I would really love to be able to. Anyone at ABC want to give me a job? I could definitely use the money.

**Chapter Summary**: Amanda starts having doubts just as Tim arrives back in town. Josh gets some unexpected support.

**Author's** **Note**: Amanda and JR bores me to tears. Even Jonathan and Amanda are more interesting than those two. Please, dear god, let the torture stop!!! And why in the world hasn't anyone picked up on the fact that Amanda and Josh are so much more interesting? Plus it would finally give Josh a storyline.

By the way, I thought Josh and Zach were particularly sweet in the post-bomb shelter scene at the hospital. "You are my bother now…" (sigh) Zach is wonderful, Zach is god.

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

**

* * *

Chapter 12 – Legacy

* * *

**

"Thank you for picking me up, Josh," Joe said with a serene smile as he pulled on his jacket and looked forward to his dinner with his son and grandson, an event he's been looking forward to for some time now. "That was very thoughtful of you."

Josh smiled, "I'm not so altruistic; that part of the Martin gene seem to have skipped a generation. I got most of Erica's selfish materials."

Joe laughed and shook his head. "And what was your ulterior motive?"

"Two things, actually. One, I wanted to check on Kendall and her boys." He didn't mention that his sister had admonished him for not getting more rest. Apparently he looked like death on two legs. "Two, I wanted to quiz you on how they're really doing."

There was a pensively look on Joe's face as he turned and looked down the hall where Kendall and Zach had been keeping vigil by their son's side. He considered the request for a moment, wondering about the doctor/patient confidentiality. But this was Josh: his grandson, Kendall's brother and the Spike and Ian's uncle; he would do nothing to harm that little family. "Kendall is healing just fine; but then I wouldn't have expected anything less from Erica Kane's daughter. She's got enough hope and spirit to hold up half the maternity ward. Little Ian is doubling in size as we speak. He's a strong child and is quite holding his own." There was a small pause as Joe considered his words a little more carefully. "Spike is my real concern at the moment. He's got a persistent low grade fever. His surgery went off fine but there seem to be a lingering infection somewhere that isn't clearing up; we're not finding the source of it either."

Stopping to stare through the Plexiglas at baby Ian, Josh sighed with discontent. "Have you told Kendall and Ryan?"

"Of course," Joe replied carefully. "We don't believe in withholding for better results. I want the patients to know their options the entire way. We're monitoring both kids very carefully. Ian's doctors are optimistic that he'll pull through just fine. He's too premature for them not to be extremely cautious but we're very happy with his results."

"Good," Josh nodded his head and smiled for his sister's benefits when she looked up and saw him. She waved her hand, her engagement ring and wedding band gleaming in the low lights of the NICU. Some of the sparkle had come back to Kendall's eyes but she still looked like the terrified mother that she was. Her babies were in danger and she knew there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. That kind of fear can tear a person apart. It hurt Josh to see it in her eyes and amazed him to realize just how fiercely loyal he felt toward his sisters. Then again, Bianca and Kendall made it easy to love them when they gave their hearts so easily. He just wished he could do something for them. "What's Spike's options?"

Smiling, Joe wondered if Josh realized he had automatically switched to scientist mode, looking for options and methods to help a patient. It saddened him to have seen Josh give up such a brilliant career as a physician but children must find their own way. "Right now, we've got him on an antibiotic drip. The infection should clear itself up, we're just concerned over the fact that it's taking so long and compromising his recovery. We're all praying for his swift recovery."

Nodding his head with understanding, mentally reviewing some materials from his med. school days, Josh thanked his grandfather with a smile. "I know you are all rooting for the little guys. Thank you."

"We do our best," Joe answered as he turned toward the exit. "Come along, it's time to eat. We wouldn't want Kendall thinking that we're starving you."

-&-&-&-

Amanda watched Babe and Little Adam out of the corner of her eye. The little boy was getting bigger and bigger by the minute, happily enjoying the undivided attentions of his busy mother. When Babe had shown up that morning, hurried and tired – the nanny having caught a terrible flu and fearful of passing it onto her young charge – with every intentions of setting her child down on a chair and getting elbow deep in work, Di and Amanda had both suggested that she go home. But Babe had been adamant about staying and working on the company she had helped to build.

Di had wanted them gone so that the adorable little Adam wouldn't distract that rest of the motley crew as he was doing so easily right now. Amanda had wanted them to go home because she didn't want to see Babe with her child, that lovely mother's love shining from her eyes as she looked upon the perfect little life she had brought into the world. She didn't want to feel the guilt and pain of knowing she was about to snuff one out as easily as she was holding the pen in her hands.

"You all right?" Di asked as she set down another spreadsheet of data in front of the distracted Amanda.

"Just thinking that I'm probably not going to be breaking for dinner, am I?" she forced the laugh to come easily and grinned up at the blond. "The only good thing about that is that we seem to be picking up steam with this line of products. Ava's campaign ads are doing wonders for the _Day and Night_ products line. We've had so many hits on the website that we're now on YouTube."

"That's fantastic, Kendall will be so happy that things are working exactly like she thought they would. It'd be nice to offer her some good news for a change," Babe interjected with a quick bright smile, lifting Little Adam to her hip as she came over and set some paper on the desk. "I've got the new order numbers right here. Can we get a running bar on the website of how many people just 'simply adore' our new green line of products?" Babe turned and laughed when Little Adam offered her juice from his sippy cup. Leaning over, she gave her son a quick kiss on his blonde head.

Grinning like a happy little monkey, Little Adam giggled and offered a pensive Amanda his toy with one hand.

Feeling herself soften toward the little boy, Amanda reached for the blue giraffe offered. Those baby hands closed on her fingers for a moment, as if sensing her weakness and wanting to test her limits. Amanda felt herself getting misty with emotions, thoughts crowding her mind; thoughts she didn't want to have. Like what would it be like to hold her own little boy or girl? To see adoringly trusting eyes glaze at her with her father's smile or her mother's dimples. Would her child have Josh's sense of humor? Would they have her father's bad taste in loud clothes? Grown up to be a doctor like Josh's father and grandfather? Join law enforcement like her own father?

"Amanda?" Babe watched her friend with growing concern. "Are you okay?"

A tiny sad smile passed over her lips. "I miss my mom and dad," she confessed honestly. God how she wished she could have someone to talk to; none of the women here would understand… could understand.

Di reached out and touched Amanda's arm, offering some understanding of missing someone important in their lives. For a moment, there was a quiet remembrance of those they lost that year: friends, family and loved ones.

"Ladies," Annie greeted everyone with a quick smile and a tray of coffee. "I've brought reinforcement."

"Oh thank god," Babe laughed and grabbed a cup with one hand, lowering Little Adam to the floor. The young Chandler immediately reached for little Emma McDermott's hand, the two sharing a childishly sweet hug of greeting without words or real understanding, only that this was another that could relate.

"I hope you guys don't mind," Annie said with an apologetic look, "I didn't want to leave Emma with the sitter, especially with Spike and Ian at the hospital. I just wanted my baby close."

"Why would I mind?" Babe looked at little Adam with a silly mother's grin as the two kids ran off to the play area Babe had set up. "I say the more the merrier. And this may keep Little A out of my hair and let me get some work done."

Shaking her head, Di also agreed with a sigh of content for the hot caffeine boost.

Amanda watched the kids for a moment, seeing their happy little faces as they chat nonsensically while passing their numerous toys between them. Children were such beautiful reflection of what can be in life. They were without fear, without prejudice, without anger or grudges; they were just pure goodness with a touch of sunshine in their smiles. The perfect beings in the universe, as some higher power had intended.

"Coffee?" Annie asked holding the last cup out to Amanda.

Instinctively, Amanda took it then paused. _"Caffeine was suppose to be bad for the baby, right? I shouldn't be drinking coffee while pregnant."_ She put the cup down without touching it. _"What the hell am I saying? I'm not going to have this baby, remember?"_ With a determined nod, she picked up the cup again and brought it to her lips. Before she could take a drink, she paused again. _"But that's no reason to hurt the baby while I'm still carrying it."_ She brought the cup down, the aroma of the rich dark roast whiffing through the air.

"Not to your taste?" Annie asked, sipping her fluffy coffee drink while watching Amanda thoughtfully. There was an air of uncertain sadness about the girl that didn't sit well with Annie. She had gotten to know Amanda Dillon some while staying at Wildwind and had seen the steel underneath the vulnerable coat that cloaked the girl. Always willing to help with the young charges living under the same roof, Annie always got the impression that Amanda was desperately trying to enjoy some of the girlish childhood adventures that she herself didn't get to partake. It gave Amanda special delight to spend time with Emma and Kathy, and the girls in turn loved the way Amanda could relate to them. But the sparkle of life wasn't there as Amanda watched the kids now… Something has changed. Annie's gaze fell on the untouched coffee in Amanda's still hands. "Something wrong?"

Turning to face Annie, Amanda saw the careful shrewdness in Annie's gaze. "I've been so nervous about this campaign launch I've had an upset stomach all weekend. Not sure if adding more sugar and coffee is going to help my acid reflux." She grinned easily and put the paper cup down. "The last thing I need is a ulcer before I'm thirty."

"I hear you," Babe nodded her head in agreement and grinned guiltily as she sipped her coffee. "I've been living on Tums and other antacids all week. Great example I'm setting for my son, huh?" she laughed and glanced at her computer again. "I promise as soon as the crisis is over, I'll put myself on the healthiest diet you've ever seen."

Rolling her eyes, Di went to her desk. "I can't wait until things are back to normal again. I'm not sure what the stress is doing to me right now."

"Sleepless nights," Annie suggested.

"Lost in appetite," Babe added.

"The wondering thoughts," Di admitted as she sat down. "Sore backs too."

"Waking up in the middle of the night," Annie reached down and dropped some playbooks for Emma.

"Calls from the West Coast at too late of an hour," Babe made a face.

"But would you trade it in?" Amanda asked, looking at the rising numbers on the profit margin. She wanted to hold onto the success. "I mean, look at what we've accomplished here?"

"It's fantastic what we're doing here but," Annie admitted with a smile, "I'd like a couple more hours of sleep and some more time with my daughter."

"Nothing beats time with my little man," Babe agreed leaning over to kiss her baby's head again. "Especially when I've lost time with him."

Annie nodded in agreement, looking at her daughter and remembering a time when she thought she wasn't going to be able to be there for her every single day of her life. "And once we're out of the woods, we'll all get a chance to spend a little more time with our families."

Di and Amanda traded quick almost unperceivable looks. They didn't have family to spend time with.

"Or significant others," Babe added quickly in deference to the others.

"Of course," Annie agreed wanting to kick herself for that thoughtless comment.

Amanda smiled for their benefits but felt nothing as something squeezed tight inside of her. Her mind went to a better time in her life when work wasn't the only thing that kept her going everyday. Work and Josh… Josh who has been worried about her though he hasn't said anything yet, so preoccupied by the constant concern for his sister and nephews. Josh who held her at nights and said the most perfectly wonderful things to her. Josh who didn't know why she cried, only that she needed to, and made love to her when she needed to know that he was there to stay.

The chirping ringing of her phone shook Amanda out of her sad reverie. "Hello?"

"It's me," was the short response. "I just got in."

Something released in Amanda, "I'm on my way." She hung up the phone and faced the curious girls. "I've got to go. Something's come up."

"Anything we can do to help?" Babe asked, concern clearly written on her face. Amanda hasn't been acting herself lately… which may be a good or bad thing. A part of Babe had hoped that Josh would be good to Amanda and give her something she lacked in her painfully one-sided relationship with Jonathan Lavery.

"Actually," Amanda paused, "Di, can you let the guys know that I'm going to have a guest for the rest of the week and for Del to be on his best behavior?"

"Guest?" Di and Babe asked at the same time. Annie looked up, mildly curious as well.

"My brother Tim is visiting," Amanda explained with a quick smile.

"Oh," surprised was the only reaction that came. They hadn't even known Amanda had a brother.

"I gotta go," Amanda picked up her purse and keys and sailed out the door before anyone else could say anything more.

-&-&-&-

"Don't," Tim said quietly as he watched Amanda from his corner.

"What?" she asked, glancing over only enough to see him and still keep her eye on the road. After the initial hug of hello, they had been completely silent and practically strangers. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're thinking too hard," Tim replied quietly as he continued to study his baby sister. It's been just over three years since he last saw her and she's changed, she's definitely changed. Gone was the little minx of a teen that pranced around looking for trouble. The wannabe bad girl he knew was now a confident young woman… with troubled eyes. "Whatever it is can be solved."

"Not easily," Amanda replied softly as she continued down the road. "I'm staying at Wildwind now."

"Edmund Grey's house?"

"Once upon a time," Amanda acknowledged with a sigh. "Julia Santos Keefer runs it now for her sister. I'm renting a room; affordable price and plenty of guest rooms if I need them."

Tim nodded his head with understanding now. "That's why you said not to bother booking a hotel room."

"Yeah," she grinned at him in the passing lights from the oncoming cars. "There's a couple of other boarders there so try to behave."

"Don't I always?"

"Do I really need to answer that?" she gave him the patented little sister look, "I take that back. Two words for you Tim: Patricia Wells."

Rolling his eyes and muttering under his breath, "Brat," Tim sat back, content to wait for Amanda to tell him what was wrong. Her phone call had been cryptic but the urgent fear in her voice had not been, there had been enough said to make Tim worry for her. The last few years haven't been easy on her and Amanda's never actually asked for him before; for her to do so now meant that whatever it was that she was involved in was serious.

"Aren't you going to ask?" Amanda said when the silence in the tiny space be came a little too much.

"I thought I'd practice a little patience and see if you'd be willing to share all on your own."

"Very mature of you," she replied sagely.

"I thought so." The silence hung between them again. After a few more moment of watching the usually mouthy Amanda chew on her lips and fidget with the steering wheel, "Okay, I give. What's going on?"

"Bad things," Amanda murmured as she pulled into Wildwind with a sigh of relief. None of the windows were lit and none of the cars were in their spaces. _"Good, no one is home yet."_ She wasn't sure she could pull off a creditable con on her friends as to why her brother suddenly appeared. "Listen, I don't want my roommates to know the real reason you are here…"

"And exactly why am I here?" Tim asked finally.

"I'll get to that in a few," she assured him as she pulled into a spot and took a breath. "Let's get you settled in first then…"

"Then maybe some food?" Tim suggested eagerly. "I'm starved and the plane didn't exactly have any nice stuff for a growing boy."

Amanda rolled her eyes. Some things never change; Tim was still a bottomless pit for food. "At the rate you're going you'll be six by six soon." She shook her head, silently glad for the easy teasing banter for the moment. "I can make you something if you like."

He gave her a look of a superior variety. "Has your culinary skills improved any since your easy bake oven days?"

"Haven't sent anyone to the ER since Bobby Michaels and those yummy doggie treat cookies," she answered in a singsong manner.

Giving a bark of laughter, Tim got out the car and reached for his bags. "Oh my god, I totally forgot about Bobby Michaels. I thought Dad was going to bust a gut laughing when he found out you served that kid dog biscuits."

"I didn't actually," Amanda responded with a quick giggle of a fond memory. "I just told Bobby that so his mom would have to take him to the ER and get his stomach pumped. I gave Bobby some of those really hard carrot cookies mom made that one summer… you know, the one with the fiber pills crushed into them so the dogs would eat them as digestives."

Eyes wide with shock, Tim stared at her for one amazed moment before his laughter over took him again. "Oh my god, those things were awful."

"Bobby ate them because he thought I had made them," Amanda said smugly. "He thought if he could impress me I'd let him kiss me."

"I could have told him that wasn't going to happen."

"He had to learn a lesson," Amanda replied cheekily then paused. She didn't tell Tim that Bobby had tried more than once before that to not simply kiss her but try to get into her pants and that Amanda's efforts to discourage him hadn't worked out too great. She had been forced into extreme actions and she hadn't been sorry for it, that was one thing she had learned from her mother. A lesson she hasn't had to employ in some time… and had no intentions of ever using again… or passing it onto another generation of crazy Marlowe women.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side," Tim joked as he carried his stuff in.

Amanda lost her humor then; reminded that when people got on her mother's bad side, people die. Following Tim into the house in a much more sober mood, she led the way to the guest room she had prepared for his arrival. She let him get his fill of the place as she considered how to tell him her dilemma.

"Nice digs," Tim glanced at Amanda out the corner of his eyes. The desperately materialistic girl, who craved the best things in the world, he had grew up with wasn't crowing with delight over her current windfall. If anything, she looked impossibly torn and conflicted. Dropping his bull, his teasing attitudes and his usually indifference to the rest of the world, Tim became the brother Amanda had called. Taking her hand, he forced her to face him. "What is it, Mandy? What's going on?"

For a heart stopping moment, Amanda saw her father in him. Tim may not have been biologically Trevor Dillon's child but he was most definitely Trevor's son. Feeling her tears come, Amanda threw her arms around him. "I'm so scared, Tim."

"What wrong?" feeling the trembling motion of her body against his, the waves of raw emotion that hit him like a brick wall. It was has if Amanda had been holding herself together on pure nerve and sheer will. "Whatever it is, we'll solve it. Just like dad always taught us to do."

Evoking their shared father's wisdom only made Amanda cry harder. Oh dear god, what would her father think of her and her plans to end her pregnancy? Would he be angry? Would he be relieved? Would he be ashamed of her? Would he hate her for ending the life of his grandchild?

"Amanda," Tim could feel his own heart pound as he listened to her weeping. It physically hurt to hear the heart retching pain coming from his usually resilient little sister, the one person who could handle Janet's insanity and still retain her own. Tim could admit to himself that he took the coward's way out, he left Amanda to deal with her out of control mother and entered the safe haven of the academic world. He hadn't been a very good brother to Amanda. Christmas and Birthday cards don't make up for the lack of his presence when she might have needed him; just someone to hold onto and help her deal with the passing of their shared father and the chaos left in Janet's wake. If Amanda grew up too fast, Tim had helped push her there along the way. He couldn't do anything about the past but right now… "I'm here. I'm here until things are okay again."

Shaking her head, Amanda silently thanked him but she was too wrapped up in her fears and her regrets and the dreaded time when she had to tell him what she was going to do. _"Are you going to do it? Really go through with it? Can you?"_

"Whatever it is…"

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out breathlessly.

-&-&-&-

Joe Martin glanced at his son and then traded quick amused looks with Josh. "If we're boring you Jeff, please do let us know."

Looking up at the grinning faces of two of the most important people in his life, Jeff sighed and couldn't quite push his concerns away. "I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted."

"A little?" Josh tried to suppress his laughter but couldn't quite make it. "I think a semi could run its way through the restaurant and you wouldn't even have noticed." His amusement faltered when Jeff didn't react to the joke, his mind wondering off yet again. "Jeff? What is it? Is it Kendall? Spike? The little one?"

"No, no," Jeff assured him, kicking himself for forgetting, even for a moment, that Josh's family was still in the hospital. He didn't have to be a doctor or even a very good man to see that Josh has become extremely attached to his sister. It might actually be the first 'real' family connection he's made. "Kendall is fine, she'll be up and ordering people around in no time. The boys are both doing well. It's nothing like that."

Something deflated in Josh and he nodded to himself in reaction to it.

"Problematic case, Jeff?" Joe asked neutrally, not liking the look on his son's face. A father knows when his child is troubled by something personal; but Joe was wise enough not to push.

"Something like that," Jeff murmured with a sigh. There are times when the code that govern a doctor's actions becomes a problem in his life. On the other hand, he knew that he didn't have any problems breaking the code when he needs to in order to do the right thing. But what is the right thing? Can he really break confidence to do what he arbitrarily considered 'right?'

"Anything we can help with?" Josh asked, not liking the look on Jeff's face at all. It was a troubled look that didn't bode well.

"No," Jeff replied reluctantly as he looked upon his son, the child that he hadn't expect ever to have. "But I thank you all the same."

"Jeff…" Joe started to ask but stopped himself when his son gave him a look. He knew that look well, it was the same look he gave his children when topics become inappropriate and they need to move on. "Josh was just telling me that he read the materials on the new research on drug treatments for…"

"I was wondering," Josh interrupted, catching on as well to the changes going on. No one can ever accuse him of being a dummy. "If there's any way for me to get in on the post-project researches. I can't be actively involved at the moment, what with Cambius needing me while Zach is preoccupied with Kendall and their boys, but I would really like to get in on the post effects research. I'll even settle for just getting a peek at the results."

"You seem to be displaying a vast interest in mental diseases lately, Josh," Jeff pointed out, his mind veering slightly, "any reason why?"

"I'm looking into it for a friend. She's got… um…. She's got some family history with it."

Joe's brows rose. "Amanda Dillon, any chance?" He smiled when Josh looked at him rather startled. "Hospital gossip is even faster than those Hollywood tabloids and you and Amanda weren't particularly discreet at the hospital."

Josh thought that was a rather mild way of putting it. "Kendall was hurt and I was a mess. Amanda was… she was…" he didn't know how to put to words just how important she had been that day. "Amanda was just what I needed," he admitted with a smile that said more than he wanted it to… not that he was hiding it.

"You seem happy," Jeff observed with a father's delight.

"I am… kind of," Josh replied with a shake of his head. "I think I'd be a lot happier when Kendall and the boys are out of the hospital and Amanda isn't working so hard that she's crying herself to sleep every night. The stress is killing her."

Nodding his head in agreement, Joe didn't miss the speculative look in Jeff's eyes as he commented, "I'm sure Kendall will appreciate the fact that Amanda is helping to keep her company afloat while she deals with this family crisis."

"Yeah," Josh nodded, "though I wish Greenlee would just leave town or something. She's not exactly making it easy on Kendall or Amanda. Kendall freaks out every time she sees her at the hospital. Amanda says that the girls can't work harmoniously when Greenlee's in the office. She's causing friction and tension everywhere she goes. I wish she'd just go away and leave my family alone."

Jeff wondered for a moment if Josh realized that he just called Kendall and Amanda 'family.' Looks like the boy was in Pine Valley to stay. "How are you and Amanda doing?"

The joyous look on Josh answered the question more completely than any words he could have spoken. "We're doing good. Better than anything I could have imagined. I don't think I've felt this close to anyone since… since…" he laughed. "I've never felt this close to anyone before." He gave his father a conspiratorial look. "And it feels nice not to have to fight for it either."

Joe clapped his grandson on the shoulder. "I'm glad you're so happy Josh. If there's anything I can do…"

"Those test result would be nice," Josh said cheerfully. "If I can help Amanda's mother gain even a fraction of control and help her see that she's not going to end up like her mom, it'd go a long way to easing her mind. Amanda's been through enough; people are always blaming her for what Janet did and it's taken a real toll on her. God knows my dad… Greg Madden's little 'act' of kindness didn't help."

"What do you mean?" Jeff asked, concerned by anything that had to do with the former mad scientist. Though he will be grateful for Josh's existence, Jeff couldn't forget the laws and ethics that man broke to bring it about… or all the harm Greg has caused to Kendall, Julia, Tad and Dixie and lord only knows how many others. "What did Madden do to Amanda?"

"You means before deceive her, charm her, manipulated her, convinced her that she was genetically no good and almost talked her into carrying his child as a way to give back to society? You means besides all that?" Josh seethed at the thought of Greg Madden getting his hands on Amanda when she was at her most vulnerable… when all she felt was remorse and pain, when everyone was against her for something she had no control over. God, if Greg hadn't disappeared… if he had tricked Amanda into… he shuddered at the thought.

"Is she all right?" Joe asked with the kind of doctor's concern that was inherent now.

Josh gave a reluctant shrug. "She doesn't talk much about it but little comments tells me that Greg did a number on her psyche, convinced her that she doesn't deserve a lot of things in life."

"Like a family?" Jeff asked quietly, thoughtfully.

"For one," Josh answered honestly and sadly. "I want to show her that just because her mother's crazy doesn't mean she or any of her kids will. I want to give her options and scientific data – anything to convince her that she's not alone."

"Well, she certainly has you," Joe observed in an amusement manner. "And _you_ are definitely a formidable force."

"How do you figure that?" Josh asked curious now.

"Because you have us," Joe replied logically, "And you have your mother and your sisters. Which means you practically have an entire army behind you."

Jeff grinned suddenly with dull amusement. "What do you mean 'practically?' Erica is an army of one all on her own. Who in their right minds would want to go up against her?"

Josh laughed as he was meant to but a thought occurred to him. "So you're saying that Amanda is okay?"

"Any girl," Joe answered with a shake of his head, as if the answer should have been obvious to such a smart boy, "that can put a smile like that on your face Josh is more than just 'okay' with me. You should bring her around, introduce her properly to us. And we'll see what we can do to undo some of the psychological damage inflicted upon her."

"I think," Jeff added, "that any girl that has that much consideration for others, would be a wonderful mother. No matter who her mother is and what they may have done." He looked Josh in the eye soberly, "And you should tell her I said that."

It was the way Jeff said it and the look in Jeff's eyes that made Josh freeze. Everything clinched on the inside. "What are you trying to tell me, Dad?" Josh knew calling Jeff father would evoke a reaction… and he wasn't above using it to his advantage.

Jeff hesitated, not sure what he was doing. "You need to talk to Amanda, Josh. And you need to talk to her soon."

"About what?"

"A lot of things."

"Like?" feeling a spark of frustration rising along with something else – fear. "Dad, if you know something…"

"Jeff," Joe added his two cents, seeing the troubled look in his son's eyes. "What is it?"

Torn between ethics and love, Jeff hesitated again.

"If something is wrong with Amanda," Josh warned getting to his feet, "I want to know."

"Nothing is wrong with Amanda," Jeff replied with a sigh. Could he really turn his back on his son? "At least not yet."

"Okay, you're not making any sense now."

"You need to talk to Amanda, Josh; before she does something you're both going to regret."

"Like?"

"Like believe Greg Madden when he said she shouldn't have any kids of her own, that she is genetically inferior."

Joe gasped, catching on. "Are you saying…"

"What are trying to tell me, Dad?" Josh asked, confused and frightened; both by the cryptic way Jeff was trying to get around his Hippocratic oath and the stunned look on Joe's face. His brain denied it even as he asked the question, "Are you saying that Amanda could be pregnant and is considering terminating it?"

_To be continued…_

Thoughts anyone?


	13. Consequences

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." No malice was intended when this little infringement was acted upon though I'm fully aware of that fact that I am probably infringing upon someone's creation. Not making any profits though I would really love to be able to. Anyone at ABC want to give me a job? I could definitely use the money.

**Chapter Summary**: Josh tries to find Amanda just as another crisis needs his attention.

**Author's** **Note**: Okay, my intentions had been to close this in under ten chapters… obviously that didn't quite happen. I'm still enjoying this story even though I've now painted myself into a corner and there's no real good way to resolve this to everyone's liking. So…. I guess we'll just have to see what I came up with next. I like family dynamics which is why you are seeing a lot of Kendall, Zach (of course they're my favorite characters anyways) and now Tim. I've always believed that your family shape the kind of person you are and how you relate to others. Anyways, on with the story…

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

* * *

**Chapter 13 – Consequences**

* * *

Joe had less than a second to step out of the way as his grandson almost ran him over charging out of the restaurant. "Josh, wait!" But the boy wasn't listening. Exchanging quick glances with his son, Joe followed quickly. The impulsiveness of youth still manages to amaze him at times. 

Dropping several twenties on the table, Jeff picked up their collective jackets (since Josh wasn't paying any attention to anything now) and followed his father after his son. He felt a little sick to have realized that kind of pain and panic he just delivered to his son. _"I should have found a better way to warn him. I should have been better at this." _

Josh had nothing on his mind at the moment then reaching Amanda. _"Oh god Amanda, why didn't you tell me?" _Pulling out his cell phone, he almost growled when it rang before he had a chance to dial. "Madden," he answered sharply.

"Josh, it's Zach. Get to the hospital right now, Kendall needs you."

"Zach, I'm kind of in the middle of…."

"It's Spike," Zach replied tensely, "Something is wrong."

Torn between love and duty and… well…. love and duty, he hesitated.

"Josh," Zach's gravelly voice took on a tone that sent shivers of fear through his brother-in-law, "Kendall really needs you right now. Ian needs surgery but Kendall needs to be with Spike and I can't be in both places at the same time."

"Damn it," Josh muttered under his breath clinching his teeth hard. "When did you find out? How bad is it?"

"Which one?" Zach asked tiredly.

"Ian."

"Heart," he answered tersely. "They want to go in as soon as possible."

The news made Josh's heart stop. "And Spike?"

"We're not sure yet. He's… he's not responding."

"Not responding _how_?" he motioned to his father and grandfather, both of whom were watching him anxiously. They needed to get back there as soon as possible. It wasn't like Zach to be so cryptic, not about the boys. "Zach, what's…"

"He can't hear," came the reluctant answer.

With his heart in his throat and his mind racing to all kinds of bad places, Josh nodded to the car and dug for his keys. "I'm on my way. Keep Kendall calm and I'll… I'll find out what I can about both boys. I'll get you some answers Zach, I promise."

There was silence on the other end for a moment. "Thank you," Zach replied.

"What the hell for?" Josh asked trying desperately not to panic, "They're my family too Zach, I'd do anything for them," a little startled by the fact that he knew it to be true, "I'll come find you when I get something."

"Okay," Zach answered and hung up.

Hands shaking, Josh hung up and started the car even before Joe and Jeff could get in. "The boys are in trouble, we have to get back to the hospital."

"What happened?" Joe asked as he dug out his own phone, already dialing the hospital for an update. He wasn't Chief of Staff for nothing.

"What can we do, son?" Jeff offered without hesitation as he buckled up and searched his pockets for a phone. He was a man with lots of connections and lots of skills. If his son needs him to rally the troops for his sister then by god he was going to do it. "How can we help?"

"I don't know," Josh said as he dialed out again. "I just don't know."

-&-&-&-

"Crying never helped," Amanda quoted with a sniffle as she pulled back and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. "Dad use to say that a lot."

"That's because you were such a cry baby and Dad didn't do well with tears around," Tim teased softly as he sat her down and knelt before her. He's never seen Amanda so completely torn apart before, not even during the worse of times when Janet was in one of her moments and there wasn't anything any one of them could do to help. "Take a breath, Mandy, it'll be all right."

She gave him a wholly un-amused look.

Tim acknowledged it with a ruthful smile of dark humor. "Okay, maybe not completely all right. But you're not going to be going through it alone. I'm here. And I meant what I said: I'm here until everything is okay again."

Amanda looked at him with the warily eyes of someone that's use to people telling her things they think she needed to hear. Tim winced at the look. But Amanda backed off just as quickly, reminding herself that Tim needn't have come just because she called. "Thank you," she said sincerely, taking his hand in both of hers. "But I can handle things on my own, I'm quite good at it now."

"And I'm telling you that I'm staying until I think you can actually do it on your own and not just giving me lip service because I'm sitting right here," he squeezed her hand and took a breath. "So…" looking at her with quiet concern, "Who is he?"

Offering him a smile for his support, "No one you know."

"You can't be sure of that."

"I'm pretty sure," she replied with a sigh. "You left Pine Valley before he and his dad blew into town." She was glad that Tim didn't know of Josh and Greg Madden, it certainly won't have helped the situation.

There was a pause. "Am I going to have to break his legs?"

That actually brought a laugh to Amanda's lips. The idea of her lanky, sometimes awkward brother trying to give a beat down on the physically fit, smooth operator like Josh was as ridiculous as Amanda going out for the Miss Manners pageant. "No," she sighed and leaned against her brother. "No, he's a really good guy."

"Really?" doubtfully.

"Yeah, a really wonderful guy," she added with a quick smile. "With his background, I think he might be one of the few people on earth that can accept me. He completely understands about my mother, is okay with he fact that I've done some _really_ stupid stuff and isn't even afraid that I might go off the deep end one day."

"Wow," Tim replied, suitably impressed. "That's some list of qualities."

"He's got a pretty crazy family himself; I can honestly say that his family history might actually be a little more twisted than mine," she added as a way of explaining him. "But he's really good to me… and for me. He and I didn't exactly start out easy but we've kind of grown into this relationship that came from just having a good time together. He takes care of me and doesn't really ask for anything in return. I think that's part of it, you know. He's the first person that doesn't really have an agenda where I am concerned." She smiled wistfully. "I've never been so calm and happy with someone before. I don't _need_ anything else when he's around."

"But he doesn't want kids?" he asked quietly, a little unnerve by the look in Amanda's eyes. It was shiny with the kind of strange hope and fear that was terrible to see. Life's trials and tribulations have tainted his sister.

"I wouldn't know," she answered honestly, quietly and just a little too sadly as she stood up and walked a bit away.

Surprised and confused, "You didn't tell him?" when she didn't respond, "_You_ don't want the baby?" The disbelief in his voice said a great deal. The Amanda he knew growing up loved and adored children, wanting a family of her own when she was ready.

Amanda shook her head, bracing herself for Tim's reaction.

Watching Amanda with thoughtful eyes, Tim asked quietly the next question in an uncertain tone as he reminded himself that this was his sister he was talking to. "Is it because of Janet?" The words weren't even quite out of his mouth when he suddenly wanted to rip out his tongue.

The tears came again unbidden. "What if it's genetic?" she asked him quietly, fearfully. "We've never really talked about it much when I was growing up, no one really addressed it. What if what Mom has isn't environmental? What if it's just in my blood? A recessive gene that gets passed from one generation to the next. What if I'm the normal one but then my children gets madness?"

"Amanda…"

"No," she pulled away when he would have offered comfort. "Come on, Tim! You said so yourself before you left. She's crazy; my _mother_ is crazy." She looked at him with adult eyes that had nothing to do with the sister he cared about. "What if I go crazy? What if my kids go crazy?"

"If it's genetic," Tim reasoned, "then I may go crazy. We maybe not be _genetically_ brother and sister but we're blood related, remember?"

"A recessive gene jumps around, basic biology," Amanda reminded him. "Aunt Natalie wasn't crazy. And you're not crazy. Chances are, your line didn't get that particular family trait."

"You're grasping Amanda," he told her with some exasperation.

"No," she shook her head sadly, "I'm being realistic." She sighed and paced the room slowly. "I can't chance there being another crazy in the family. There's been enough pain and suffering because of Mom. I won't do that to my kid. I won't do it to Josh."

Tim's brows raised. "Is that his name? Josh?"

Amanda winced. She hadn't meant to tell Tim. _"Damn slip of the tongue."_

Seeing that Amanda wasn't in the mood to talk about guy in question, Tim stood and took her hand. He was a patient, sooner or later he'll get the full story from her. Looks like he was going to need to hang around for a while, which might not be such a bad thing by the looks of it. "I don't suppose BJ's is still around."

She smiled in return, "The hamburgers are as good as they ever was."

"And the chili?"

"Better than that roadside stand on the way to Utah," she promised, leading the way out. She was almost to the front door when she remembered her phone, the one she had left on the vanity top.

"What's wrong?" Tim asked, puzzled by her sudden stop.

"I forgot my phone," she admitted, moving to go back to her room for it.

"Forget the phone just for one night," he advised quietly, turning her attention to him again. "I think the world can turn on it's down without you for a couple of hours. Let's get something to eat."

-&-&-&-

Josh stepped away from the discussion between Joe and his resident pediatric surgeon and dialed Amanda again. The annoying voice mail picked up for the third time in the last hour, "Amanda, it's Josh again. I know that you're probably really busy and not actually ignoring my calls because I really can't remember anything I've done to land on your bad side today. Listen, I'm still at the hospital with Kendall and the boys and it looks like I'll be here for a while. Can you _please_ call me when you get this? Or better yet, can you stop by? I really need to talk to you as soon as possible." He paused, wondering how much begging he was allowed. "I _really_ need you right now, Amanda. Please." He hung up and felt the dejection tug on him… until he saw Kendall weeping silently against the glass pane overlooking NICU.

Putting his cell phone away, Josh approached his sister quietly and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder. "He's going to be fine," he whispered into her hair as he gently urged her against his side. "He's got the best doctors in the world and two parents that are sending him all the energy in the world to pull through this surgery."

"He's so tiny," Kendall hiccupped into Josh's shoulders. "He should still be inside of me, growing bigger and stronger and not laying there struggling for every breath he takes." Her hands clutched Josh's shoulder, trying to hold onto something real and solid. "Why is this happening?"

At this very moment, Josh would have given anything to know the right words that would ease Kendall's pain. Something to give her hope and tell her that her baby is going to be just fine. But Josh studied under some of the finest minds in the medical world and none of them have ever taught him anything about dealing with the loved ones of an endangered patient, how to ease their minds of the fears they must be facing. Making it even harder was the fact that Josh couldn't help but feel that same terror as he looked through the incubation glass at the tiny little thing that was now part of _his_ world. "Kendall, you have no idea what I would give right now for Ian not to be in there. If I could give you some kind of miracle, I would in a heartbeat."

"We know," Zach replied softly as he came up behind them. His dark eyes were tired, angry, frightened; his face a reflection of the torturous moments he's had to stand there and not be able to do anything to protect and help his son. "Thank you for getting here so fast," he held out a hand, grasping Josh's in a tight grip.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," Josh replied truthfully as he held onto Zach's hand and let his brother-in-law know that no matter what, Josh's got his back. "I've spoke to Joe and Jeff," he motioned them away from the glass window toward the seats just beyond the ferns that offered some little privacy. "It looks like they have to go in. The medicines they've been using to treat Ian isn't working any more. They'll have to close the valve in his heart manually." Kendall's face crumbled and Josh hastily took her hand. "But," catching her attention quickly, "It's a fairly standard procedure and you've got the world's best on hand. Ian should be fine."

"Should," Kendall repeated bitterly.

"The probabilities are…" Josh sighed and tried again. "Ian's chances of survival…" he bit his tongue when Zach gave him _the_ look. "Okay, I suck at this whole thing, okay? But I _know_ that Ian is going to be fine. He's going to be doubling in weight and size before you know it. And by Thanksgiving, you'll be taking that little boy home with you and you won't even remember why you were ever this worried for him. You know why? Because Ian is a Kane and Kanes are fighter. Kanes are survivors. Kanes know how to beat the odds. Which is ironically appropriate since Ian is also a Slater. And from I can see, Slaters are fighters. Slaters are survivors. Slaters are gamblers that always come out on top. Trust me, most of this town as seen it. So Ian is going to be fine because he's got two of the strongest set of genes to pick and choose from that he's going to strike gold no matter which way he looks."

Zach and Kendall sat there a moment staring at Josh, making him feel a great deal dumber that he really ought to before Kendall leaned across and kissed him on the cheek. Zach nodded his head in appreciation as well. "Thank you," Kendall whispered tiredly as she touched his hand with hers again.

Josh felt his cheek burn, "I didn't do anything."

"Yes," Zach interrupted just as quiet, "Yes, you did." He stood as Joe approached. "I'll sign those papers now," he told the older man with a resigned sigh. "And anything else you need me to sign for Ian."

Joe gave them all a quick look of concern. "I actually came to talk to you about Spike."

Kendall stood quickly, her hand instinctively seeking Zach's for strength. Josh watched them with an envy he hadn't realized he's been harboring. "Let me have it, Joe."

"There's nothing to tell at the moment," Joe assured her with a hint of regret and frustration. He glanced briefly at Josh, who nodded his head in encouragement. Whatever it was Joe had to say, Kendall can take it. "Spike isn't in immediate medical danger. He's fever is down and there appears to be no sign of any more infections. As for his lack of hearing… we simply don't have the equipment here to test him. I'm afraid we'll have to send Spike to New York or Boston, somewhere that has the necessary technology to run the test he needs."

Closing her eyes, Kendall counted to ten then shook her head. "I… I can't. I can't leave my boys. Ian can't be moved right now and Spike… I need to be with my boys."

Zach's first instinct was to hold Kendall, offering her something solid to hold onto. His second instinct was the solve the problem that was upsetting Kendall, it was as simple as that. Kendall hurt – get rid of the problem that is hurting Kendall. "What kind of equipment do you need, Joe?"

"Well," Joe frowned and listed several complicated sounding devices that even Josh has never heard of. "The hospital is well equipped but this material isn't used often and we don't have the budget to…"

"You'll get them," Zach interrupted calmly, with the authority of someone that is use to getting his way, "and anything else you need for Spike. I run a multi-billion dollar company, Joe. Anything you need, I can get for you."

Joe smiled.

Josh sighed, not expecting anything less. "Joe," catching his grandfather's attention. "Get me the list, I'll get Cambias people on it immediately. With any lucky and lots of money… actually, just lots of money, we should have the equipment here in a day or two tops." The chuckle of amusement came not only from Joe but from Kendall as well. She smiled, the soft mother's smile that made Josh feel like he was part of something so very important. "Don't worry, sister of mine, we're going to take care of you." He glanced at Zach, "all of you," receiving an approving nod. "So…" capping a hand on Joe's shoulder. "Let's go see about that list."

-&-&-&-

"I'm guessing," Tim said through a mouthful of burger, "that you've already made the appointment for a doctor's visit."

"For the abortion? Yes," Amanda refused to skirt around the nasty, ugly word. "It's in two days time. I've been through the check ups, I've gone to the counselor like they wanted me to and now all I need is a driver to get me to and from the appointment. Their suggestion, not mine." She dipped her fries in the ketchup and stirred it for a moment. So far, Tim hadn't said anything bad or harsh about her decision to end this… but she was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"It may not be genetic, you know," Tim reminded her rather calmly as he took another bite of his chili burger. "For all you know, it's just Janet."

"Can't take that chance," Amanda replied quietly, sadly. "You've seen what Mom can do when she's completely out of control. How many people died because of her? How many more if I left loose this particular trait in the family?" She didn't tell him about all the times people have accused her of being as crazy as her mother.

"Stop," Tim replied rationally, "You're blowing this way out of proportion."

"You weren't here for the Mardi Gras ball, Tim," she told him. "You didn't see the damage she caused, the lives she took."

"That doesn't mean you or any of your kids are going to be like Janet. Amanda, we've known that Janet's a little off from the very beginning. On her meds, she can be pretty normal. Remember when we were all happy, living together here in Pine Valley. You, me, Dad, Janet and Harold? When you and Dad got that guy Axel or something to help you? On her meds, she's good as gold. It's only when she's off her meds…"

"And how many times has she been off her meds?"

Tim had no answer to that.

"Dad paid a price for loving her, Tim," she reminded him.

"A price he paid willingly," he answered with, "he loved her. He knew what he was doing when he married her, knew the risks. Dad made a choice."

"And I'm making mine," she said with a nod as she played with her fries again. "And I'm choosing not to inflict the risk of insanity on my child and the child's father. It's my choice and I'm making it."

"And there's nothing I can say to make you change your mind?" he asked taking the fries away from her. "You're wasting the food."

"Bottomless pit," she muttered under her breath. "No, totally not interested in listening to any more arguments. Nothing you say will make me change my mind."

"Anything I can say to convince you that you should at least tell the baby's daddy?" he asked with a quick smile. "Josh, right?"

Amanda glared at him. "No."

"Why not?" he asked in that insanely calm way that was beginning to really get on Amanda's nerves.

"Why would I want to tell him?"

"Because it's his baby too and maybe he does want to chance it. Maybe he doesn't care if the baby has a crazy gene floating around in the gene pool somewhere. You ever thought of that?"

"Yeah, I have," she snatched the burger out of his hand. "Of course I've considered it. Josh is a good and kind person. He isn't going to care if the baby is crazy or not."

"So why…"

"Haven't you been listening?" she demanded angrily, "_I _care. _I'm_ the one that doesn't want to chance it. _I _don't want to do this!"

"Really?" Tim asked, taking the burger back as calmly as you please, "then why are you crying?"

Huffing, Amanda wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She didn't like that rationally logic Tim, it was hindering her resolve. "Are you going to help me or not?"

"Of course I'm going to help you," he took another bite of the burger. "I said I would, didn't I? That's why I'm here. To help you make the right decision."

She looked at him suspiciously. "No matter which one it may be?"

He soberly looked at her. "No matter which one it may be."

-&-&-&-

"Amanda, it's Josh again," Josh sighed and switched hands, wishing he had his Bluetooth, "I'm on my way to the office. I _really_ must talk to you, can you please call me when you get this? This is like my tenth message today. Where are you? Please, if I've done something wrong, just talk to me. I'll make it up to you. Just pick up your phone."

Tossing his cell onto the passenger seat, Josh hit the steering wheel in frustration. With Kendall finally settled back into her hospital bed with Zach keeping watch over her and the boys, Ryan and Annie each taking turns keeping everyone else updated, Josh was finally able to go to the office and manage the day-to-day stuff that needed to be handled. Plus there's all that equipment that was needed for little Spike.

"Spike," he whispered as he made the turn toward the office. "Damn it." He had checked in on the little guy just before he left. Though calm and just as sweet as he ever was, Spike didn't react until Josh was standing directly in his line of vision. Then the little guy smile that sweet trusting baby smile at him. It had almost broken him to see it. Kids were the innocent ones, the ones that people should do everything in their power to protect.

"And now Spike may never hear again," he whispered into the darkened car. "Nice going Greenlee. So much for your great love for that little boy," he continued bitterly as he pulled into his parking space. Another glance at his cell phone revealed that Amanda still hadn't called and though he loathed to admit it, he was beginning to become concern over the silence. "Come on, Amanda. Just talk to me."

He needed to know. God, how he needed to know if she was carrying his child – and if she intended to do something rather hasty about it. If his father is right, and Josh had no doubt that Jeff believed every word he was trying to _not_ say, then Josh was only going to get a few days' time to convince her that they could do this. _They_ could raise _their_ child together.

"And if you can't?" he asked himself for the umpteenth time since he got into the car. "What if you can't convince Amanda that _we_ can do this?" He let himself into his office, fearful of the question and yet…. "Guess that's a bridge we'll cross when we get there, huh?" He threw his jacket onto the couch across from his desk and sighed. "Okay Josh, you've got an hour to do three days' worth of work then you're going to let yourself be selfish and go find Amanda! That's right… you're going to…" he rolled his eyes. "You're going to stop talking out loud to yourself so the night staff doesn't think that this company is currently being run by a crazy. Yep, that's what you're going to do. Now get to work."

And he did.

-&-&-&-

Tim pulled the door closed carefully, peeking to make sure Amanda was still resting like she was suppose to be. Letting out the breath he had been holding onto, he glanced down at his hand to the phone he had carefully palmed before leaving his sister's side. A quick glance said that she had a dozen messages and just as many missed calls. Grinning, he headed down the stairs while checking the numbers.

"Of course," as Josh's name came up on the caller ID, "Why wouldn't it be you? After all, you are the good guy. The supposed perfect man." Tim was still grinning as he dialed back just as the doorbell chimed. Closing the phone, he answered the door. The tall dark haired young man that stood on the steps was glancing down at his phone as Tim opened to the door. "Hello? Can I help you?"

Startled, dark eyes stared at Tim for a moment. "I'm… Who are you?"

Raising a brow, Tim gave the guy a once over. Six feet, physically fit, piercing green eyes that flashed dangerously for a moment. "I think the more appropriate question is: who are _you_?"

"Where's Amanda?" came the stern and just slightly angry demand.

"Ahh…" Tim smiled and nodded his head. "You must be Josh then."

A darkness came over Josh's eyes. "And you would be…?"

"I'm Tim," he said in a helpful informative manner, "and before you decide to kick my teeth in, I'm Amanda's brother." He held the door wider and swept an arm inward to usher the slightly befuddled guy in. "Have a seat Josh, I think you and I should have ourselves a little chat."

_To be continued…_

Anyone still interesting in reading?


	14. Pieces of a Life

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." No malice was intended when this little infringement was acted upon though I'm fully aware of that fact that I am probably infringing upon someone's creation. Not making any profits though I would really love to be able to. Anyone at ABC want to give me a job? I could definitely use the money. 

**Chapter Summary**: Tim talks to Josh, Josh makes himself clear and Amanda is offered something. 

**Author's** **Note**: Okay, my intentions had been to close this in under ten chapters… obviously that didn't quite happen. I'm still enjoying this story even though I've now painted myself into a corner and there's no real good way to resolve this to everyone's liking. So…. I guess we'll just have to see what I came up with next. I like family dynamics which is why you are seeing a lot of Kendall, Zach (of course they're my favorite characters anyways) and now Tim. I've always believed that your family shape the kind of person you are and how you relate to others. Anyways, on with the story…

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

* * *

**Chapter 14 – Pieces of a Life**

* * *

Tim checked on Amanda again, allowing Josh a moment to watch as Amanda slumbered peacefully. Her day had been long and the emotional roller coaster ride Tim put her through had been rough. Now it was almost three in the morning and for whatever the reason, _her_ Josh had decided to show up unannounced with every intention of seeing her. Apparently, Mr. Josh was someone that was use to getting his way. 

"She usually stops by my place," Josh explained as he reluctantly withdrew and allowed Tim to shut the door to Amanda's room. She looked tired worried, even in her sleep. He loathed to add to the mounting stress on her shoulders. "I was worried when she didn't answer her phone and didn't return any of my messages."

Pulling the phone out of his pocket, Tim showed it to him. "I convinced her to leave it behind while we went to dinner, then took it when she went to bed." He slipped the phone back into his pocket and led the way downstairs. "Pretty quiet here. You know, you'd think with as many roommates as Amanda says she has there'd be people around."

Josh followed him down the stairs for lack of anything better to do. "Julia Santos-Keefer is in California with her daughter. Del and Jonathan works nights at ConFusion and Aidan and Di are probably still at their respective officers working all nighters. It's not unusual," Josh explained tiredly. He wasn't sure how he was suppose to handle this now. Tim had mentioned that he wanted to talk but… honestly, Josh wasn't so sure he wanted to. What he wanted to do was crawl into bed with Amanda and just stay there for a while, shut out the rest of the world. With Amanda in his arms, everything wrong with his life was just a little less bleak. "Amanda didn't tell me you were coming into town."

"Maybe you don't know my sister as well as you think you do," Tim replied sweetly as he made his way into the kitchen. Dinner had been way too long ago. "Or maybe..." throwing him a grin, "my sister doesn't feel the need to tell you everything that goes on in her life."

That pricked Josh in a painful place. "What are you doing in town anyways? Why are you here?" Josh asked, watching as Tim began to pull food from the refrigerator with the efficiency of someone that's lived on their own for a while. Of course, from what Josh had gathered about Amanda's childhood, the Dillon children had to learn to be independent very quickly in life. 

"I'm here," slapping a sandwich together, "because I want to be. Plus it's always nice to connect with family when there are so few around to connect with. Family is important, you know; no matter how crazy that family is. Want one?" holding out the neatly stacked concoction. 

"Thank you but no," Josh frowned and studied the lanky sandy-haired young man a little more carefully. Tim was perhaps a few years older than Amanda and bared as much resemblance to her as Josh did to Greg Madden. While Amanda was fined boned and graceful with an inner strength that came from a strong will, Tim was hard edged and wiry strength tempered by humor and experience. But they both carried the glint of determination in their eyes learned at the cradle. "You and Amanda close?"

"As close as you can get in this family," Tim answered with a smile, reaching for soda.

"Sugar probably isn't what you want at this time of night," Josh offered as he followed Tim back to the living room.

"I live on this stuff," Tim informed him with a shrug, "only way to get through midterms and finals."

"You're still in school?"

"Double masters in economics and sociology."

"Ambitious."

"Stupid," Tim replied with a roll of his eyes. "No one told me it was going to eat up nearly four years of my life."

"Worthwhile things usually takes time," Josh replied sagely.

"Yep," Tim agreed quite cheerfully, "like relationships."

Josh offered him a look of extreme annoyance. Obviously, Tim was going to play big brother. "You're about as timid as Amanda."

He shrugged. "Family trait."

Sitting down, because Josh wasn't sure how much longer he was capable of standing, he situated himself comfortably on the couch for what appears to be a long conversation ahead. "Okay Tim, since you want to talk, let's talk. What would you like to tell me and what would you like to know?"

"How about everything?" Tim suggested cheerfully, "Starting with what makes you think you can make my sister happy."

"You're kidding me, right?" Josh asked, his brows furrowing in disbelief. 

"Nope!" Tim grinned and continued to devour his sandwich. He was kind of enjoying this now. The years away have toughened him up some… or the books have made him bonkers. "Consider this your first interview for the job of boyfriend."

"That's not even funny," Josh informed him.

"Who's joking?"

"You better be joking," Josh replied and glanced over his shoulder, "And do not ever let Amanda hear about this little freak show."

Something about the stern urgency in Josh's voice made its way into Tim's mind. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Interview?" Josh asked, his anger slipping through. "Seriously? You think it's funny?"

"What is your problem?" Tim asked, setting his plate down. He suddenly lost all his appetite. "Why are you suddenly all nervous?"

Taking a step back, Josh got a hold of himself and studied the obviously confused Tim for a moment. "You don't know."

"Know what?" he demanded a little more heatedly then necessary. "What the hell are you talking about?" Tim had a bad feeling about all this.

Feeling all the emotions drain out of him for a moment, Josh took a breath and proceeded to tell Tim what's been going on in Amanda's life; all the horrors and terrors that Janet has caused and all the problems that JR had involved her in. It took awhile to get through Tim's disbelief about JR but eventually, everything gelled together from some of what Amanda has told him and what he's read about the going-on's in Pine Valley through the news. With every piece of news came the startling fear and denial. 

"Jesus," Tim muttered and wiped his face carefully with his hand, feeling suddenly ten times his age. He had no idea… no idea how Amanda got through all that. "Why the hell didn't she call me before all this?"

"Would you have come?" Josh asked quietly, watching the reaction with some grime interest. 

Tim slung a glare in the other guy's direction. "If my sister was in trouble, you bet I'd be here."

"Really?"

"Yes," he got up and paced the floor. "Why the hell do you think I'm here now?"

Josh frowned at him and reframed from asking if Amanda knew that she could count on her brother. "Janet is safely locked away and Amanda's not into anything stupid right now. She's got friends, a great job and she's got me," he stood carefully. "So what exactly are you doing here?"

Offering him a look of pure annoyance, "Amanda said you were smart. You look smart and snazzy in that preppy kind of way. Use your head, figure out it."

"You're just going make this difficult, aren't you?"

"It's my job," he replied with a shrug.

"Okay," Josh wanted very badly to throw something at Amanda's brother. "Will you confirm something then?"

"Only if I can," Tim answered with a smirky smile.

"Is she?" he asked looking very expectedly at the ceiling as if Amanda would hear through it. 

"Would you be here if you thought she wasn't?" he gave as good as he got. And right now, Tim didn't really feel like playing the good brother. He wanted to be the bad one…. mostly to assuage his guilt for not having been around and checking up a little closer on Amanda. 

"Yeah, I'd still be here," Josh replied honestly and with a quietly conviction that said much about his commitment to this relationship that started out as something all together different.

Tim grinned, content with the fact that Josh cared. Amanda didn't always have that. "You like her a lot, don't you?"

"No," he shook his head calmly, "I don't _like_ her a lot. I love her." It was a simple statement, said with the ease of someone that's accepted what is. "I'm in love with her. I want to be with her all the time. I want to make her life better, nicer, more comfortable than what she's had so far. I want her safe. I want her happy. I want what's best for her. And I want her to know that we have a future together that consist of the best parts of us. I want to sleep next to her very night. I want to wake up with her every morning. I want to grow old with her. I want to be the one she turns to without thought. I want to be the person she sees in me. I want to be there for her." He looked at Tim; just looked at him. "And I want kids with her. I want to be the father of her children and I want her to _want_ to be the mother of mine."

If Tim was the least bit impressed, he didn't show it with any expressions. He merely nodded his head, a deep welling feeling of relief in his chest and nodded toward the stairs. There's nothing really to be said on the subject. Obviously, Josh wanted the best thing for Amanda and Tim didn't have much choice but to help him; just like he'd help his sister. With a quiet resigned sigh, "She called me because the clinic wouldn't let her do the procedure without a designated driver. She's scared. She more than just scared – she's terrified. And more than anything else in the world she wants to protect you." 

"Protect me?" it was confusing and yet made a kind of perverse sense. He understood Amanda's fears and motivations better than most. "She's not crazy. She's not going to be crazy."

"She's not sure," Tim confided with a shake of his head. "And if I was completely honest with myself, I can't be either."

"Amanda isn't crazy," Josh repeated a little more defensively. 

"Back off, lover boy," Tim ordered with a frown. "She's my sister and I know that she isn't. But let's face it, no one really know why a person gets dementia. We're not sure why Janet is the way she is. Child abuse? Genetic disposition? A really head cold as a teen? Seriously? Who's to say?"

"I don't want Amanda thinking that…"

"But she does," Tim interrupted with a frown. "Can you really blame her though? No one has suffered the way Amanda has because of Janet. Yeah, other people have died but Amanda has to live with the consequences of things. Do you understand how hard that is on someone?"

"Yeah, I do," Josh answered with a sadness that came from a deep understanding of just what one suffers for family. "And I also know that Amanda is strong; stronger than a lot of people give her credit for." 

"I'm not going to sit here and argue the merits and qualities of my sister with you, Josh."

"Then why the hell are you here?"

"I'm here to support my sister. I'm here to help her because she asked me to. I'm here to tell you to do something before Amanda does something she's going to regret."

That gave Josh pause. Amanda and Time have obviously talked. "I want kids," he said simply.

"Do you?"

"Yes," he replied calmly. Josh didn't want to tell Tim just how much he wanted kids now, seeing the kind of absolute devotion and love in Kendall's eyes when she watched her own. "I want what my sister has; the perfect little family." Josh wanted the good and the bad and all the times in between. He wanted his own little Spike or Ian, that perfection of something reflected in the eyes of a child. 

"No one has a perfect little family."

"Kendall does," Josh argued rather mildly.

"Kendall?" Tim asked a little surprised. "You're not talking about Kendall Hart, right?" But even as he asked it, he already knew the answer. It was the eyes. 

"Kendall Hart-Slater," Josh corrected in the same damn tone Kendall used when some annoying reporter sticks a microphone in her face. "Best remember that one." 

Tim blinked. The few handful's of encounters with Erica Kane's volatile daughter didn't exactly give him the impression of quiet martial bless. "Wow…"

"Yeah, a lot of people say that," Josh muttered as he glanced at the stairs again. He cringed at the thought of what the last few days must have been like for Amanda, keeping a secret of this magnitude, not being able to share the burden with him when he was needed elsewhere and having to make that kind of decision on her own; she must have felt so alone with no one to turn to or understand. But he was here now. "So… any suggestions?"

"Depends."

"On?"

"If you're willing to commit a felony or two for it."

Josh thought about it for a moment, "I've been known to do that."

Tim was taken aback. That was not what he had expected to hear from the pretty boy. "I was kidding."

"I wasn't," he answered seriously. If act, he could think of a few times when he had commit felonies in the name of love. 

Not sure what to make of that and little wary now, obviously there's more to Amanda's beau than meets the eye. Then again, if he was Kendall Hart… Kendall Hart-Slater's brother, anything goes. "Okay. Short of having her kidnapped and tying her to a chair, Amanda isn't going to be easy to convince otherwise when she's made up her mind about something."

"I can't imagine that this was an easy decision."

"It wasn't," Tim admitted remembering the tears and pain in Amanda's eyes when she spoke of it. "She's terrified."

His heart soared to hear that. "Then she's not a hundred and ten percent sure."

"Is anyone ever?" he posed the question to him with a sigh of regret. "Josh, I'm going to be honest with you here; it doesn't look like Amanda is going to change her mind about this. There's only so much a person can take before they hit their breaking point. Amanda has gone through a lot with her mom, a lot more than any of us could have hung on. But this, this is big for her. She can't really not see a future where she's playing defensive shield to her child the way she's been for Janet. And we're talking her entire life; for the rest of her life. Yeah, we can all talk the talk about being there and helping out but this going to be Amanda's kid and she is never going to abandon her child… I know it." He cringed for a second, remembering that he ran when the times got hard and all his so-call promises to his father about always be there for Amanda went flying out the window. "I can't see Amanda wanting that no matter how much she loves kids." Tim watched Josh carefully. "And if you can't convince her otherwise, can you live with that?" 

Somewhere in the region of his chest, Josh thought he heard something deflate in a depressing manner. A set of invisible arms reached around his rib cage and was slowly squeezing until the lungs hurt a little from the effort of breathing. He didn't know what to say. Could he live with it? Could he live with knowing that Amanda terminated a life that he so desperately wanted with her? Would he be able to accept? And could he watch Amanda walk away if he couldn't? Because Josh have no doubt that Amanda would walk away, a silently as she walked into his life. She wouldn't beg, she wouldn't even ask, she'd just leave. Because she had grown accustom to it now. She was use to being by herself, taking care of her own problems, never being able to count on anyone to stick around. Amanda would accept and move on. Because that would be what she expected. 

Could _he_? Could he move on? Could he accept a life without Amanda? It wasn't like it would be the first time Josh had his heart broken. He had loved Babe and then walked away when she couldn't be his. But Amanda wasn't Babe. His feelings for Amanda wasn't the same. Yeah, he could combine all the emotions together and label it love but it wasn't the same. With Babe, there had never been that wonderful sense of peace and joy. There was never any moments where he got to simply sit back and relax, not needing anything more than the woman in his arms. Amanda made him happy without ever having to try. And she accepted everything that was he is and was and will be without questioning it. He didn't have to fight for ever scrap of her affection or made to feel guilty for simply wanting her. 

Could he live without Amanda?

"Josh?" Tim tilted his head and watched the emotions dance across Josh's face. "Walk away now if you can't stand by her," he advised quietly. "Don't put her through the ringer if you…"

"We can adopt," Josh said more to himself than not. "No one said we can't just adopt kids if we want them," he shrugged quietly, "I mean, if you pare it down, I was an adopted child myself."

Tim raised a brow at the unsolicited piece of information. 

Josh blinked as if to clear the cobwebs of his mind, "Where are you staying tonight?"

"Here," pointing to the stairs. "Two doors down from Amanda. Why?"

He smiled rather dryly. "I'm spending the night."

"Dude, she's my sister." Tim complained and tried not to shudder… then failed. "Urgh, so don't need that floating around in my head."

"Go to bed, Tim," Josh said with a tired smile. Tired? He was down right exhausted. Between the fright from his father, Kendall's emergency and all the stuff piling up at Cambias... it's a wonder he was still on his feet and coherent. "I'll see you in the morning."

"You plan on talking to my sister _tonight_?"

He thought about it. "Probably not. I'm too tired and there's too much to be said. I can't imagine that we'd get anything sorted out. I need a clear head for this and right now, I'm not all put together yet. Besides, Amanda is usually happier in the mornings and might be more agreeable toward the idea of actually keeping the baby."

"Really?" Tim looked disbelieving. "That doesn't sound like Amanda at all. She was never a morning person when we were growing up."

Heading to the stairs, Josh suggested, "That's because you don't know how to wake her up properly." He turned and regarded Tim with a purely unholy look.

"What are you…" then groaned in pain. "Agh my ears… too much information!!"

It made Josh feel perversely better. 

-&-&-&-

Dropping into bed, Tim felt a weird kind of relief and guilt. Relief that Josh seemed determined to protect and stick by Amanda despite the heartaches that will come along with the position. Guilty because he was relieved that he wasn't going to have to be there for Amanda on this one. He hadn't been lying when he said he would see this thing through with her; he will. But he could certainly admit that he was relieved knowing that he wasn't going to be her anchor and Rock of Gibraltar. 

The coming days were going to get rough, for Amanda, for Josh and even for him. The emotional consequences will run deep and reaching and Tim prayed that his sister was really as strong as everyone believes her to be. Something like this could break a person and end up like… 

"Don't even think it Tim," he reprimanded himself sternly. "Mandy isn't Janet and she won't ever be Janet. You just keep that thought to yourself." 

He made a grime face and turned over onto his side. Dropping everything to fly to Pin Valley had been a calculated risk on his part seeing has he was close to completely his school year. Looks like he's going to be writing his thesis out of PVU's library. "Oh joy," he muttered.

Well, at least he'll be around for Amanda. "Just like you wanted, Dad," he smiled remembering their father. "I'll be here, I'll do you proud. I'll take care of Amanda." He grinned suddenly, "As long as Josh let's me in every once in a while. You'd like him, Dad. He's kind of like you… determined, loyal… and just this side of stubborn. Should be a fun show to watch."

-&-&-&-

Amanda awoke feeling safe for the first time in days. Her decision made, plans set into motion and she had her brother now. Once everything was over and she didn't have to worry about Josh finding out, she can get back to her life… just after she has her necessary emotion-purging crying fit. Yeah, everything well get back to normal again after that. She has a great job, good friends and she has Josh. Everything she'll ever need in life. Everything.

So why was there a hollow sickening feeling inside of her when she thought of laying down on that exam table and letting them take her baby away? Amanda chided her own conscious and wished Josh was there to hold her. 

Before the thought could even echo away, strong arms closed around her, pulling her back into the warm and familiar embrace. Brushing his lips against the nap of her neck, Josh nuzzled her gently, curving his body around hers in a painfully intimate position. Voice still heavy with sleep, he murmured softly, "I love you, Amanda."

Her breath caught in her throat and Amanda's world flipped upside down.

"Don't freak out on me here," Josh said, feeling her body tense. He didn't turn her around to face him, didn't need to as he pressed another kiss to her bare shoulder and held her tighter. "I'm just letting you know, that's all. No obligations, no agendas, no schemes or plans. This is just me letting you know." He considered this a moment, "Okay, maybe there is an agenda or two but it's a good kind of agenda."

"How are agendas ever good around here?" Amanda asked, pulling away ever so slightly but finding that Josh was stronger than he looked. 

"The agenda of the day is to talk you into a rent-free, roommate-free situation," Josh replied conversationally, "Because really, does Del absolutely have to sing in the shower at four in the morning?"

That brought a smile onto Amanda's face, "Del took some getting use to… and Jonathan threatening to eviscerate him if he came into my room uninvited again."

He leaned up and look at her around her shoulder, "Should I be concerned?"

She shook her head, her eyes soft and warm with something. 

Smiling, he kissing her cheek and laid down again. "Good, I do so hate to dismember people; very messy work."

Trying to wrap her mind around Josh's train of thought was difficult when he was in one of his more playful moods. "What are you doing here?"

"Sleeping," he answered cheerfully. "I like holding you when I sleep."

"How did you even…"

"Tim let me in."

Amanda froze. 

"Yeah, I met your oh-so-delightful brother last night. By the way, he still has your cell phone."

"He what?" her mind going through several scenarios where her brother did something bad… something really bad.

"I kept calling yesterday but you didn't pick up so I decided that I was just going to show up at your door. If I'd known your brother took your phone privileges away…"

She turned in his arms and faced him. "You were calling me?"

"Yeah and I have to say, I was a little hurt when you didn't…"

"Why were you calling me? Is everything okay?"

He gave her a funny look. "Can't I just call to say hi?"

Blinking, Amanda looked rather confused for a moment. "You said you kept calling me. Something must have happened if you were trying to reach me. You're usually pretty good about not hovering. What happened?"

Josh hugged her tightly, wondering how she managed to _get_ him so quickly. "Ian needed heart surgery and Spike has a hearing problem."

"Oh my god," she clung to him for a moment, sorry that she hadn't been around for him yesterday. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay? How is Kendall and Zach?"

"Holding on and leaning on one another like they usually do," he said quietly, warmed by her genuine concern for him and his. "Ian came out of surgery fine, he's still fighting like a Kane." He didn't want to tell her about all the dangers Ian was still facing. 

"And he'll keep fighting," Amanda assured him as she pulled back and look at him. Josh seemed to have aged, tired lines marked his usually youthful face around the eyes. There was fear and anger in those eyes because he loved his nephews and this was doing terrible things to him. She wanted to fold Josh into her arms and protect him from the horrors out there that could put that look in his eyes… things like what she could bring into this world and into his life. _"Stop it Amanda," _she chided herself. Besides, Josh didn't want to be coddled, he was stronger than most people she knew. He just needed someone to be there when he needs someone to hold. "And Spike? What's being done for him?"

There was a quick smirk of amusement, "Zach just shelled out close to half a million dollars for equipment the hospital needs for Spike."

"Of course," Amanda smiled as if it was something that happens every day. "What else would he do, right?" 

If he hadn't been so worried, Josh may have made a comment or two at his brother-in-law's expense. "Yeah. Kendall is literally beside herself right now and it really didn't help that they discover this with Greenlee hovering around Spike's crib."

Amanda groaned. "Oh, she didn't…"

"Yup," Josh made a face and wished some god up above would just reach down and pluck Greenlee out of their lives. 

Burying her head in his shoulder, Amanda muttered something that sounded like "Christ All Mighty" then took a breath and nodded to herself. "What can I do? How can I help?" 

Flashing her that brilliant smile of his - the one that reminded her only too well that this was Erica Kane's son – he kissed her on the nose. "You really want to help?" The teasing tone warned her but she nodded anyways. "Move in with me."

She blinked rather stupidly at him.

"You heard me," he said with a grin. 

"Josh," sitting up, "I'm not sure you understand what…"

He interrupted her with a quick shake of his head as he sat up with her. "I love you. I want you to move in with me. I've got an really nice apartment. I've got a spare bedroom – which I don't expect you to be using – that has a nice big closet. It's closer to your work and it's completely rent free."

Amanda opened her mouth to argue with him but couldn't find anything to contradict his statements except, "It's not rent free."

"Sure it is," he said matter-of-factly. 

"Josh, I don't want you taking care of me. I don't want to be a kept woman." She winced at that. Once upon a time she would have happily been one but that was a long time ago. "I like being able to take care of myself."

Rolling his eyes, "It's rent free because Bianca owns the building; one of her little ventures. When Bianca found out I was renting in the building, she arranged to have me put on the permanent hold. I'm not paying anything either."

"Oh…" she felt silly now.

"We can share utilities if you like," Josh offered with a grin, "But I'd just like to point out that's it's less than a hundred bucks a month and I make like three or four times more than you. Zach pays well; plus he likes my sister a lot." 

She hit him in the arm for his silliness and got out of bed. 

"I'm serious here, Amanda," dropping all pretenses of flirtation. "Move in."

She glanced over her shoulder at him as she reached for a robe. He looked entirely too serious. "Josh, I think it would be better if we …"

"Just think about how much sense it makes. You already sleep at my place more often that not. We don't have to tiptoe our way around your roommates lack of enthusiasm as far as I am concerned. You'd be so much closer to ConFusion, Fusion and my sister's house if she desperately needs help from me… or you. And you _like_ my place."

"I like it here too," she remarked with a growing sense of desperation because _it did_ make sense to move in with Josh. She loved his apartment, referred to it more than once now as _home_. It would be so nice to be able to come _home_ to Josh every night and take care of him and let him take care of her. _"It would like having your own little family."_ The thought made her want to weep. "Josh, I'm just not sure if we are ready to…" 

"I love you, Amanda; you need to get use to hearing me say that to you and letting yourself believe it. I'm here. I'm not going to go away when things are hard or when things don't go smoothly. I'm yours forever if you want me. And I think living together would be a really logical, sensible move to make. It would make everything so much easier."

"Make what easier?

"Our lives. It would make our lives easier if we're living together when the baby comes."

Amanda stared, shocked and horrified. Then she did the only thing she knew what to do in a situation like this: she fainted. 

_To be continued…  
_Thoughts? Comments? Hisses and Boos?

**Author's Note 2**: I'm almost done. One, maybe two, more chapter to go. 


	15. Brace Yourself

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." No malice was intended when this little infringement was acted upon though I'm fully aware of that fact that I am probably infringing upon someone's creation. Not making any profits though I would really love to be able to. Anyone at ABC want to give me a job? I could definitely use the money.

**Chapter Summary**: Josh frets as Amanda makes a decision.

**Author's** **Note**: Okay, so I've pretty much stopped watching AMC. None of the stories really interest me much anymore and I can't really bring myself to root for anyone but Zach and Kendall. (shrug) I'm almost done with this story and I thank everyone that has forced themselves to read my story. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

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Chapter 15 – Brace Yourself

* * *

"Do I even want to know?" Tim asked as he handed the glass of water from the kitchen to Josh with a sigh.

"She passed out," Josh replied as he dropped a pill on the nightstand and placed the water glass next to it. "Pregnant people are known to do that."

"You sure that's safe?" Tim asked, eyeing the pill suspiciously.

"Mild sedative, nothing that'll hurt Amanda or the baby," Josh replied as he sat down again, gently threading his fingers through Amanda's hair.

"And you carry sedatives around in your pocket because…" prompting him with a circular motion of his hand. There was still a great deal he didn't know about the guy.

"What? Doesn't everyone?" Josh smirked and continued to play with Amanda's hair for a moment. She had beautiful hair, rich in color, soft as silk and flowed like liquid over her shoulders. "Relax, they're for my sister. I'm just borrowing one."

"Yeah but are you sure they're safe?"

"Yes," he looked over at Tim, "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. I use to be a doctor."

"Use to?" Tim sat down on the other end of the bed, watching the two carefully with a critical eye. And though he'd never say it out loud, Josh and Amanda looked good together. Both had striking features with their fair skin and dark hair, liquid eyes that looked at the world with a sharp view and no one can deny that they were both incredibly beautiful people. Their kid was going to be simply stunning.

"Decided that wasn't the way I wanted my life to go," Josh smiled as Amanda shifted in her sleep. Sleeping Beauty… that's what she is.

Tim shook his head. The guys was so over the moon it was kind of hard to stomach. "What happened with Amanda?"

"I told you: she passed out."

"My sister has never fainted a day in her life. Try again."

"First time for everything."

"Not with Amanda," Tim shot back with a frown. "What happened?"

"I asked her move in?"

That made sense… kind of. "And?"

Josh shrugged, "And said that I thought it would be easier this way for when the baby comes."

For a moment, Tim thought he hadn't heard correctly. "I'm sorry… Did you really think dropping a bomb on her like that without any kind of warning was a good idea? Especially in her condition?" He wondered why smart people are so dumb sometimes.

"It wasn't exactly a bomb; after all, she's the one keeping the secret."

"A secret _she_ didn't know _you_ knew about." He leaned back and gave Josh a look. "By the way, how did _you_ find out?"

"I have my ways."

"Do I even want to know? Is this one of those felonies you talked about?"

"Nothing so dramatic. One of my relatives kind of overhead or saw something that got their curiosity going. They put two and two together and came up with all the right algebraic combinations."

"Oh…" he consider this a moment. Whatever else he was going to say was interrupted by Josh's ringing phone. Making an annoyed noise with the back of his throat, Josh got up and took his phone outside, closing the door halfway. Without the least bit of shame, Tim got up and followed him to the door to openly eavesdrop on the conversation. This was his sister's happiness after all, all tactics were considerable reasonable and fair.

"What is it?" Josh said impatiently. "What? Wait, back up… That can't be right. We negotiated this weeks ago. Well can't you handle it?" He paced in little circles in the hallway. "No, I can't come over right now. I'm a little tied up with things. No, do not even think about calling Zach! He's got enough on his plate without this. Can we push back the call? I'll need a few hours to pull the numbers together and… No, wait. Get Lily on the phone and tell her that I need everything on my desk in a hour. If anyone can do this on the quick, it's Lily. I'll be in soon. Oh, have we heard anything about those equipment the hospital needs? Well, track them down and keep me updated. I want those in my grandfather's hands before the end of the day, got it? See you in an hour." He hung up and took a deep breath.

"Sounds like you're a busy boy," Tim commented as he leaned out the bedroom door.

Commenting would be bad, especially when Josh wanted nothing better than to hit something hard with his fist. "We're a little short handed at the office right now."

"Amanda mentioned that your sister had an accident or something?"

"My nephew had the accident. My sister went into premature labor because of the stress from it. They're both in the hospital and my brother-in-law can't leave their side so… the office is my responsibility."

"You work for your brother-in-law."

"With mutual benefits."

"Yeah… especially now," Tim replied quietly, seeing the conflict in Josh's face. Family, that's what it came down to. "Go on, get going. I'll handle Amanda until you get back."

"I…" he looked into the room again, hating himself for needing to leave. "I don't like this. I don't want to leave."

"I know," Tim said with some sympathy as he lead him downstairs. "But family is important and right now, yours needs you more than mine. Go ahead, I'll make sure my sister gives you a fair shake before she does anything drastic."

Josh paused at the door, closing his eyes a moment to orientate himself. "Thanks, I do appreciate what you're doing."

"No need," Tim said waving it off. "I'm not doing this for you."

"Yeah I got that but what you're doing is to my advantage so… I'm thanking you for it. Take it graciously, will you?"

Tim laughed at that. He really did like this guy. "Fine. Have it your way. But really, don't thank me yet. Amanda is not easily swayed, not even by me. The only person that could ever gainsay her was Dad."

"Well, thanks all the same for even trying."

There was some resignation as Tim nodded his head. "We'll see you in a few hours," and as an afterthought, "and bring food."

-&-&-&-

"Okay, just call me when you have the fax signatures in," Josh waved Lily in with hand and continued to give instructions on the phone, "Do not, under any circumstances, call Zach. I'll deal with the Kittridge issue."

Lily smiled and dropped the folder on the desk, watching patiently and silently.

"I'll want the report on the Coleman matter on my desk tomorrow morning for that transatlantic call. Tell Jeffery in accounting to go easy on the projected numbers… I want soft estimates please, thank you." He grave Lily a quick smile, turning ever so casually to pulled the red handkerchief from his lapel and dropping it into the top drawer. It was a little thing but he didn't want to take any chances with Lily. The girl worked hard and worked well and Josh genuinely liked and appreciated her; she was good to have around. "Oh and let me know when the equipment we ordered yesterday arrives at the hospital, I want to give my sister a heads up when it gets there. Thanks Phil, I appreciate it." Josh hung up the phone and took a great big breath before greeting his visitor. "Hello Lily."

"You seem busy," Lily commented as she smiled back. "Not having Zach here is really hard but everyone is working extra to help. It's really nice." She fiddled with her hands a moment, a common occurrence. Her mind shifted almost suddenly. "Have you seen Kendall or the baby?"

Leaning back to prop one hip on the corner of his desk, Josh nodded his head soberly. "Yes, I've seen them both." He'd seen the baby with all his tubes and needles and machine to keep him alive.

"My dad says I should wait to see them," her hands shifted to play with the pleats of her skirt. "He says that Kendall is really tired right now and isn't ready to see people. But I'm not people. I'm family."

"And I'm sure she'd really love to see you, Lily," he said quickly, pulling back his hand when he instinctively reached out to comfort the obviously distressed girl. He sometimes forget that Lily couldn't be touched. "But right now…"

Lily nodded her head vigorously. "I know. My father explained. Kendall really needs to rest so she can take care of her babies. She can't see anyone right now."

Josh thought it was a rather clever and gentle way for Jackson to help Kendall deal with one less stress. As much as he knew Kendall loved Lily and would want to see her, Josh knew that it took some energy to handle the girl. "As soon as Kendall is ready, I'll come and personally take you to see Kendall and Spike and Ian."

"Zach said he would do that too," Lily answered with a sweet child-like smile. "That was very nice of him. I called him to tell him about the crib blanket I bought for his new baby. I didn't want him to accidentally buy another one. Although I suppose a baby can never have enough blankets."

"Guess not, but I'm sure Zach appreciated it," Josh said with a smile as he gazed at Lily. She was so special. So very beautiful in her innocence and goodness and the very simplicity of her view of the world. The world would probably be a much better place if there were more people out there like her.

"I told Zach and Ryan that I would help if Spike needed special classes," Lily continued, her mind following a logical path. "Because Spike is a special needs child now." She nodded her head as if to confirm that in her mind. "Not that Spike will need classes for Autism Spectrum Disorder but that he might need more classes now that he has a special condition." She smiled shyly, almost guiltily. "It might be nice to not be the only one in the family that's not normal."

"There is nothing wrong with you," Josh replied firmly. "You are perfect just the way you are, just the way someone up there intended for you to be." He smiled at her sadly, "You are a much better person than I or the many so-called normal people are. I wouldn't have you change for the world."

Lily gave him that awkwardly beautiful smile of hers: part shyness, part confusion and part innocence. "Do you think Spike will need things? Special things? I've never met a deaf person before."

"I'm sure Kendall and Zach is going to get Spike whatever he needs but I'm sure they'd would appreciate any help you can give them. They love Spike, they'll do whatever it takes to help him."

"Like my dad," Lily concluded with a smile and a quick nod of perfect trust and understanding. "Parents are like that. They do whatever they have to. My dad does a lot to protect me because he loves me and I'm different form the other kinds. Reggie too. Kendall says that she doesn't need to because she knows that I've got my dad and Reggie for the hard stuff and she gets to do the fun things with me, that's what stepsisters are for."

Josh felt a smile tug at his lips. It sounded so much like Kendall-logic.

Glancing around the room one more time, Lily got up. "I'm going to go now. I need to eat in 4 minutes and then I have to go to my occupational therapy class, they help me be more like everyone else." She gave him one more smile and walked to the door. "Josh?"

"Yes, Lily?"

"Kendall's babies are going to be all right," she tilted her head, "right?"

Nodding his head, "Yeah, I think so. Kendall's not going to let it be any other way."

"Because she loves them?"

It was quite simple really, "Yes."

Lily smiled again and the whole room lit up. "It's just the way it should be then."

Josh stared at the empty doorway for a long time absorbing the simple fact. Parents love their kids, no matter what happens. That's exactly the way it should be. Nodding once, he picked up his phone. "Doreen? It's Josh. I'll be gone for the rest of the day. You can get me on my cell if there's an emergency."

-&-&-&-

Amanda stirred and the first thing from her lips was a tentative, "Josh?"

Tim shook his head and smiled, sitting down next to her. "Sorry, Mandy. It's just little ole me." It was telling that she immediately reached for her lover as she woke and Tim wondered if his baby sister realized yet that she was in love. The crestfallen look on Amanda's face had him almost laughing. "Relax, he didn't abandon you. Something urgent came up and he wanted to handle it before they contact his brother-in-law or something; didn't want the guy disturbed." He reached out and held Amanda's hand for a moment, "Real loyal, that one."

Pushing back her disappointment, telling herself to be reasonable and logical for once in her life, Amanda nodded her head. "Zach has enough on his plate without his company adding to it. Josh can help his sister by handling things at the office for Zach. It's what he should do." She nodded to herself, proud that she got all that out with a straight face.

Poking her in the side, "He'll be back as soon as he can. Don't pout."

"I'm not pouting," Amanda struggled a little but eventually got out from under the comforter. "I completely understand that he's got priorities and that…"

"Stop it right there," Tim shoved her hard enough to knock her over but not enough to hurt her – that baby was always at his forethoughts. "Don't do this Amanda, don't short change Josh like that. He doesn't deserve it."

Straightening herself, she stared at him a moment. "When did you and Josh even…" and then her head cleared. "Just how much talking did the two of you do last night?"

"You mean this morning," he rolled his eyes and shifted back when Amanda made to get up. "The guy showed up well after midnight wanting to see you. Didn't seem in any hurry to leave so he and I sat down for a little chat."

"And you decided to tell him that I'm pregnant?" She whacked him with the back of her hand. "What happened to helping me?"

"Hey, it totally wasn't me!" he held up his hands defensively. "He said that someone from his family or something saw or heard something. _You_, my dear, are the one that gave yourself away. You weren't nearly as sneaky as you thought you were."

"Who saw me?"

"He didn't say; didn't want to say. I get the feeling that it would have been bad for him to say anything."

Amanda considered that a moment. "It's probably his dad or his grandfather; it wouldn't be hard for them to keep an eye out for something with my name on it. We agreed not to keep the relationship a secret but we didn't exactly publicized it… and we didn't really care when we were at the Pine Valley Hospital."

Tim's jaw dropped. "You went to PVH to get yourself checked out?"

She whacked him again, harder this time. "Do I look stupid? Of course I didn't go there Tim! We were there when Kendall went into labor and Spike was missing."

"Who is Spike?"

"Kendall's son."

"Kendall Hart had a kid?"

"Don't you read the newspaper or the tabloids? It was like everywhere! '_Erica Kane's eldest daughter delivers her first child amidst court battle and gunfire._' It was the biggest scandal to hit the talk show news in years."

"No," Tim shook his head, bewildered now, "I study, I eat and I bury myself in work; what the heck would I need to be reading the gossip column for? What do you mean gunfire?"

"You really need to get out more Tim," pulling a dress from her closet.

"You're not going to change in front of me, are you?"

"What do you care?" dropping her drawstring pants.

"Jeeze, Amanda!" he gave her his back quickly. "A little modesty here?"

She made a dismissive noise as she wiggled out of her pajamas. "You are my brother and I'm not ashamed of my body."

"Oh for god sakes," he closed his eyes and waited her out. "And where exactly do you think you're going?"

"To work," Amanda replied easily as she swathed herself in silk. There was some advantages of working at Fusion; they expected you to dress to the nines; not exactly a hardship. "There's too much to do with the new Spring line and Kendall doesn't need to be worrying about her company failing while she's not there…. Not that she needs the money or anything."

"You work for Kendall Hart?"

"Kendall Hart-Slater," Amanda corrected automatically as she made for her vanity. "You can turn around now."

Tim rolled his eyes and sat on the bed again, watching as Amanda studied her pale face in the mirror and pull a very disagreeable expression. "What?"

"I look like hell," she complained with a sigh as she pulled out jars and compacts from a drawer. "Good thing I get most of this stuff for free," Amanda muttered as she pawed her way through her collection of samples and products from Fusions new Green Line. "Never be able to afford half these goodies."

"When did you start working for a cosmetics company? I thought you were managing a bar somewhere?"

"Same place, same owner, different challenges," Amanda murmured in reply as she smoothed on lotions and began the process of making herself resemble a living human being and not quite the walking zombie she felt. "God, I cannot let the others see me like this."

"What?" Tim asked curiously. "Human? Hurt? Angry? Sad? Scared?"

"Will you shut up already?" Amanda said without any anger; she was too tired for any of those emotions. No, that wasn't true: she was too confused to think straight. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, if that ain't a lie, I don't know what is?"

"Tim, you said you'd help me."

"And I will. Baby sister, if I thought you were a hundred and ten percent sure that terminating the pregnancy is actually what you want, I'd drive you over there right now." He got up and walked the vanity, staring at her in the mirror. "But I know how much this is hurting you, Mandy. And it kills me to see that." His eyes softened when Amanda couldn't meet his gaze. "Why won't you even consider keeping the baby? Let's not lie to ourselves here: you want this baby. And there's no doubt in my head that Josh wants this as well. He's made it no secret that he'd love to have this kid with you… but only if he thought you _really_ want to do this together. And if you didn't… he's still going to stick by you."

Amanda didn't know how to respond to that. Well, that's not true… "He says that now but when push come to shove…"

"That's when you make or break something that is either strong or it's not." He rested his chin on the crown of Amanda's head. "Want to find out which one you've got?"

Her bottom lip trembled a little and she shook her head. "No… not really." She lifted her eyes a moment, catching his, before looking down at her twisting fingers again. "He'll walk, Tim. He'll walk and I… I don't know if I could stand it." She reached up and took the hand resting on her shoulder. "This isn't like with the other guys… it doesn't feel the same. I don't want him to go."

Leaning down, Tim hugged his sister awkwardly from behind, conveying his understanding and support. She was in love, the poor kid, and love has made her loopy. "What do you want to do, Mandy? What do you need?"

What Amanda wanted this very moment was to burst into tears. But she was made of stronger stuff then that. What she needed was Josh. _"So you're just going to sit here and cry like a damsel is distress? Sheesh Amanda, has Dad taught you nothing?"_

-&-&-&-

"She's not here!" Tim said two seconds too late as Josh stormed right shoving a paper bag at him. The smell of pasta made his mouth water and he gleefully took a peep before setting it aside. _"Think of your stomach later."_ He looked up, waiting for Josh to finally hear him.

"What do you mean she's not here?" Josh asked when his ears caught up with his head and his head commanded his legs to stop.

"Not here," Tim replied, shutting the door with a quick push. "She took off half an hour ago."

"Where?" heading for the door again.

"Didn't say."

"Tim…" Josh gave him a warning glare.

"Not to an abortion clinic if that's what you're assuming," Tim assured him as he opened the front door again. "She said she had something to take care of and then she's be back in a few hours to talk to me. There's a chance she went to work. She was pretty anxious about it earlier; something about lip gloss or maybe it was nail polish."

"So she went to the Fusion office to work?"

Tim shrugged. "I guess."

Josh glared at him again and shook his head. "If you see her, tell her I'm looking for her."

Giving Josh's back a mocking solute, Tim waved his goodbyes. "Will do," then shut the door with a chuckle. "Poor sap. So crazy in love that he can't even remember that she's got a cell phone he can call." Grinning rather manically, "Good luck to you buddy, you're going to need it."

-&-&-&-

"Are you sure?" Amanda bounced on her toes then told herself to stop before she unbalanced herself. "I mean, he's not just saying it so he can hole up in his office, right?" She looked behind the confident secretary at the closed door.

"No, Ms. Dillon," Doreen smiled gently, "Mr. Madden really is out of the office. He won't be back today. And he's given instructions not to be disturbed for any reason except on an emergency basis."

"Oh…" she felt her heart fall a little and sigh with resignation. "Thank you."

Doreen watched the young woman move away slowly, disappointment clearly written on her face. She was a mother of three teens and she recognized a love sickness when it comes calling. "Ms. Dillon?"

"Yes?"

"You might want to try the hospital," she suggested. "I hear that Mr. Madden is there quite a bit, looking in on his sister and nephews. Perhaps he's also gone there to confer with Mr. Slater on related matters."

"The hospital," Amanda slapped her open palm against her forehead, "of course," she smiled brightly at Doreen with a silly nod. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," Doreen replied then watched her walk out of the main hall with an extra light step… almost colliding with Lily Montgomery. She opened her mouth to call out a warning but it wasn't needed.

Amanda side stepped smoothly, coming within inches of hitting her young friend. "Oh… I'm so sorry, Lily. I didn't see you there."

"It's all right," Lily smiled, genuinely happy to see her friend again. "You and I couldn't have seen around the corner and I've been getting practice with Ava on touching. It's not easy but I know that accidents happen and this would be one of them."

Smiling, she nodded her head. "I'm glad for that Lily. I'm glad you finally have someone you can relate to so closely with."

"I related to you," Lily said quite innocently as she made her way to her desk, showing off her perfectly ordered life. "You and I are friends."

"And you and Ava are sisters," Amanda pointed out quietly, "and there's nothing like family in the world. She can help you in ways that I can only imagine."

"Yes," Lily nodded agreeably as she sat down. "Family loves each other no matter what. And everything will be all right because of it. Josh said so."

That startled Amanda. "Josh said that as long as you have love, everything was going to be fine?"

"Yes," Lily nodded again but hesitated when she saw the anguish on Amanda's face. "Is it wrong?"

"No, no," shaking her head quickly, trying to pretend she didn't have tears in her eyes.

"You're crying," Lily accused distressingly. "Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, Lily, you didn't do anything wrong," Amanda picked up a stray tear from her eye with her finger and forced herself to smile. "You didn't do anything wrong," she repeated feeling overwhelmed with fear and grief and love and… guilt. She felt guilt. Guilt for denying Josh something she knew he wanted. Tim had said as much. But she needed to hear it from him, she needed to hear it from Josh. And then if she still wanted… if she could… If, if, if…. There were so many if's! "Lily, do you know where Josh went?"

Shaking her head, Lily stared at her friend in confusion. "We were talking about Kendall and the babies earlier. Josh said that it would be nice if I would help if Spike needed special things. I'm good at looking for things."

Amanda smiled knowing that Lily would be the perfect person to help Spike navigate through life if the little guy was going to face an uphill battle. "I think that would be really nice too."

"Are you looking for Josh?"

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to him."

"Are you and Josh friends now?"

Because she couldn't really explain to Lily what Josh made her feel, she merely nodded her head. "Yeah, we're friends now."

"I'm glad," Lily replied as she looked down at a report on her desk. "He's a nice guy."

"Yes," she sighed, knowing the truth of the matter, "he is."

"He'll be a big help with the baby."

Startled, "What?"

"Kendall and Zach's new baby," Lily reminded her with a quick confused frown at her reaction, "he's very tiny, my dad said so. There will be a lot of complications with the baby. Josh use to be a doctor. He can help a lot."

"Oh… of course."

Lily tilted her head and asked, "What did you think I meant?"

Amanda pulled up a chair and sat down in it heavily. "Nothing. I… I didn't think you mean anything by it, Lily. I'm not having a very good day right now and…" She gave Lily a ruthful smile, "Never mind." Actually, everything now a days got to her. She had to do something about it soon. Getting up again, she took a breath and screwed up her courage. "I better go."

"It was nice to see you again Amanda."

"You too Lily," she almost reached out for her friend's hand but stopped herself. "We'll catch up soon."

"I would like that."

"Me too."

"Should I tell Josh you were looking for him if I see him again today?"

"Would you please? Thanks."

-&-&-&-

"I'm sorry Josh," Babe said apologetically as she juggled Little Adam on one arm and a pile of packaging samples with the other. "I haven't seen her all day."

"She didn't come in?" Josh asked, looking around the crowded room. There were people literally everywhere with boxes and trays and stacks of documents. It was a madhouse. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I've been here since eight this morning," Babe replied as she passed her sample set to another, point out the ones she liked and asking for another. "It's been pretty hectic around here but I think Annie suggested that Amanda take the day off and show her brother around."

Shaking his head, Josh continued to scan the room for any sign of his query. "No, I just left Tim at Wildwind. She's not there either. Took off without telling Tim where she was going." He made one more turn about the room, almost knocking one of the assistants over. "Maybe she went to the roof," he said suddenly.

"Josh!" Babe grabbed his arm, almost turning them both around with his momentum. "She's not here." When she could finally get him to look her in the eye, Babe noted a hint of panic in her former lover's gaze. "What's wrong Josh? What's going on between you and Amanda?"

"Nothing," refusing to go into this with his ex. What he had with Babe didn't come close to what he has with Amanda now. Looking back, he was still amazed at the depth of his delusions. Everything he thought he wanted with Babe seemed like a distant dream; faint, unreal and unwanted. Now he has something to look forward to: Amanda and the baby they're about to have… if he could convince her to have a little faith in him and give them a fighting chance.

"Hey, hey, hey," Babe pulled him back when he made to leave. "Whatever you're up to Josh, don't you dare hurt that girl."

"I would never hurt Amanda," Josh replied defensively.

"Fine," Babe said seeing the perfect and honest truth in his eyes, "but you've got to slow down and think straight. Running all over town ain't going to help you find Amanda. Why are you looking for her anyways?"

Hesitating, "It's personal," then couldn't stop himself from glancing at the beautiful angelic child in Babe's arm. Babe and JR may be messed up and full of problems but they created this beautiful miracle between them. He wanted that, that miracle with Amanda. So now he's got to find Amanda to tell her that. "I have to go. If you see Amanda, tell her I'm looking for her and not to do anything before she talks to me."

"Do what?" Babe called after the retreating figure. But with Little A in her arms, she had no speed to catch up to the long legged man. His entire demeanor screamed agitation and fear and she really didn't want to know what would have caused such a reaction in the usually unflappable Josh Madden. "Jeeze Amanda, I sure hope you know what you're doing."

-&-&-&-

Amanda leaned her forehead against the cool glass and stared silently at the precious little life half hidden by tubs and gauze under the warming lamps in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Every breath little Ian Slater took was a struggle and yet he struggled on without fail. His tiny little fingers were curled around one plastic tube that connected to the vent above his head, allowing him maximum oxygen consumption. She kept expecting the little guy to give that tube a great big jerk and yank it away, hollering to the world that he was strong and free of medications keeping him alive.

"Beautiful, isn't he?" Joe Martin asked as he joined Amanda by the window, his white bushy brows furrowed with pride and concern. "Almost three months too early and yet we'd give him as good a chance as any of the preemies born healthier than him. Must be all those Kane genes in the little guy."

Laughing softly, Amanda watched with envy as Kendall and Zach entered the NICU garbed in yellow paper and touched their little baby with the tips of their finger, murmuring soft reassurances and love to their miracle. "I'm sure some of those Slater genes also have something to do with it. They're both such fighters themselves, it's no wonder their son is one too." She turned and smiled at Dr. Martin Sr. "He sure has gotten bigger since I last saw him."

"And he's going to get bigger everyday, every hour," Joe said as he smiled at Kendall through the glass. His calm presence doing a great deal to reassure the anxious young mother. "I never thought I'd see Kendall Hart so soft and vulnerable; or so strong and brave." He glanced briefly at a pensive Amanda. "Children bring out the best in their parents."

"You think so, Dr. Martin?"

"I know so," Joe replied earnestly. "We all want our children to look up to us, be proud of us… so we do what we think our children would be proud of. The right kind of things." He smiled gently, seeing the conflicted and fearful gaze in Amanda's eyes, "Even your mother," he added, putting a kind hand on her arm. "No matter what anyone says about Janet, she loved you and wanted you to be happy… she never wanted to hurt you or upset you."

"I believe that," Amanda replied, returning the smile with one of her own. She could see the question in Dr. Martin's eyes and couldn't stop herself from asking, "You know about the baby, don't you?"

Joe never understood the point to lying about anything… except when it's to save a life. "Yes, I know."

Amanda waited for him to continue: to admonish her for being selfish, to convince her that she needs to keep the baby, to remind her that this was his blood she carried, to yell at her for ending a precious life when Joe Martin had dedicated himself to saving them. But there was nothing but kindness there in the chief doctor's eyes; a kind of understanding that came with a lifetime of wisdom and experience. He accepted anything Amanda had to say; that was simply the kind of person he was. And Amanda wasn't sure if she could accept that kind of understanding right now. "I…" she swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'm…" she couldn't say the words, couldn't tell him what she was planning on doing. She couldn't break the old man's heart like that.

Shaking his head at her, Joe took her hands in his. "You do what you need to for your sake. Josh understandings… and so will the rest of the family." He looked down at their joined hands, well aware that she was shaking like a leaf. "And anyone that doesn't can come talk to me," he patted her hands and smiled at him. "It'll be all right."

Unable to get any words out of her mouth, she nodded her head slowly, not sure if she agree with him, in favor of something, or accepting what he's offering her… sanctuary. He was offering her a haven should the tides of public opinion overwhelm her. How very like a Martin. How very like Josh.

Josh.

She had to find Josh.

She needed him to understand.

She needed him to believe her.

She just needed him.

-&-&-&-

Josh sat down with a sigh, his spirit depressed to the point of hitting rock bottom. The fruitless search for Amanda made him sick to his stomach and he wanted to throw something in frustration and impotent fear. But none of that was going to solve his problem.

He had been so certain that with no where else to go, she'd be here… at her sanctuary… in their sanctuary. His apartment was the one place he knew she could have total peace, free from judgment and demands, there was no one here but him. And he knew he belong with her. He was never more at peace than sitting here with her in his arms having nothing more demanding than the cup of coffee and possible a spreadsheet of tallies. Same as her.

But did she understand the same thing? Did this place… did he offer the same peace to her that she brought to him? God, he wanted to believe that it was so.

The key in the front door rang loudly in the silent apartment and Josh ran to it in nanoseconds. Throwing open the door, he froze.

Amanda gazed up at him with her heart in her throat, her eyes weeping in pain.

Without saying a word, he opened his arms and let her fall into them. Pulling her into the apartment and shutting the world out on the other side, he just held her tight and poured his fear and love into the embrace. No matter what happened out there, it can't touch them in here… not in their place of peace.

"I love you," Amanda whispered against his shoulder, the words making her tremble in fear of what she was opening herself to. She knew better than most that love hurts, love kills; and in her world, love can decimate you.

Like something out of the movies, Josh heard the heavens pour out a full-throated halleluiah chorus and something painfully crushing lifted from his shoulders. He pressed his lips against her forehead and gave a watery chuckle. "Thank god. I thought I was going to have to commit a felony or two to get something out of you." Everything was going to be okay now.

She gave a reluctant laugh and dug her fingers in a little deeper. "Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise you won't leave me." She didn't need him to mean it just be willing to say it for her.

He squeezed her a little and promised, "I won't leave you." He won't know how.

Amanda swallowed her heart in her throat and made herself promise not to beg if he changed his mind. She was a realist, a practical kind of girl. And as much as she understood that Josh may want something he thinks is right, he may not understand that reality of what it meant. "Josh?"

"Yes?"

"You're a doctor. You know that chances are that any child of ours may have psychological problems right? You look at my family history and know that." The thought left her cold. "Living with someone with special needs… it's hard; it's more than just hard." She's read the pamphlets, seen the stories, lived the life. "And raising a child that needs to be… that may need…" everything inside of her hurt. No one truly understood until they've lived with it. Josh didn't know, didn't understand enough yet. "Josh, this is the kind of thing that make or break a person, or a relationship."

Josh braced himself for it. "Yes, I know. I'm well aware of it."

Clinching her teeth and mentally preparing herself for what the future may bring her… bring them, "I'm keeping the baby."

_To be continued…_

**2****nd**** Author's Note**: One more chapter to go!


	16. Welcome to the World

**Unexpected**

By Didi

**Disclaimers**: ABC and the Walt Disney Company owns "All My Children." No malice was intended when this little infringement was acted upon though I'm fully aware of that fact that I am probably infringing upon someone's creation. Not making any profits though I would really love to be able to. Anyone at ABC want to give me a job? I could definitely use the money.

**Chapter Summary**: Josh shows Amanda a whole new life.

**Author's** **Note**: Fast forward this a few months later. No, the whole bomb shelter thing didn't happen (because I refuse to believe that Kendall and Zach would have that whole problem) but Greenlee and Aidan did… along with the whole "I forgive you" moments over the Spike-is-deaf issues. Everyone is one happy family! Okay, I'm going to finish this story now if it kills me.

**Rating**: M for Mature

**Key**: "Spoken" _"Thought"_

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Chapter 16 – Welcome to the World (Epilogue)

* * *

"Oh god, I think I'm going to throw up," Amanda groaned as she sat down hard on the vanity chair. She pressed her index and middle finger of both hands to her brows. The nausea subsided after a few deep breaths.

"Is this a normal every day kind of throw up?" Babe asked as she handed her a glass of water, "Or the kind of nervous once in a lifetime event kind of throw up?"

"Be quiet, you're not helping," Amanda glared through her fingers at her friend.

"Here," Kendall thrust some saltines into Amanda's hand, "have some of these, they help. Or at least every other book in the world says they help. Won't know, never had morning sickness." She smiled rather smugly then frowned and tugged at Amanda's arm. "Get up, you're wrinkling the dress."

Amanda rolled her eyes and obeyed. The last thing she needed was a peeved Kendall. She had enough to deal with already. Besides which, she hadn't quite properly thank Kendall and the girls for pulling together a fully loaded wedding in record time.

"And stop rubbing your eyes," Kendall admonished as she picked up a tissue and dabbed Amanda's brows with it carefully. "New sister-in-law or not, I am not fixing your make-up again if you mess it up!"

"Kendall, you are _so_ not helping," Annie said as she pulled Kendall aside and touched up Amanda's face for the umpteenth time. "Amanda, you go ahead and throw up all you like. This is your wedding day and you're the star. We'll be there with brushes and powder to fix whatever you need us to fix, right up to the moment you say 'I do.' After that, you're on your own." She laughed and applied a small bit of blush to Amanda's wane cheeks.

"I going to be sick again," Amanda complained as she doubled over and tried desperately not to actually do so.

"Not on the dress!" Greenlee screeched as she quickly handed the bride-to-be a wastebasket. "Girl, you're getting married in twenty minutes, we don't have time to clean it if you make a mess. And there is definitely no time left to find you another dress that won't make you look pregnant." She eyed the satin covered stomach with a knowing look; a tiny hint of envy showing around the edges.

Amanda grinned wistfully and smoothed a hand over her slightly bulging belly. The baby kicked in response. It's been doing that a lot, kicking whenever Amanda's attention was directly on it; like it instinctively knew. More amazing was the fact that the baby was starting to kick whenever Josh was nearby; her own personal Josh-radar. "Do you think he's here yet?"

"Who? Josh?" Kendall asked with a quick scoff, "he's been pacing since seven this morning. Zach says that the boy is driving the all groomsmen crazy." She privately thought it was adorable.

Babe laughed and tucked the veil back away from Amanda's face. "I heard Dr. Martin offering him some sedatives."

"Which one?"

"Which Dr. Martin or which sedative?"

Kendall laughed and grabbed a wide powder brush from the table. "Anyone seen my mother? I can't believe she's not here directing us to the nearest straitjacket."

"You may thank me for that; Miranda is currently keeping grandma occupied," Bianca informed her sister as she entered the room and rushed into Kendall's surprised open arms. "I told her to take Miranda to Josh to calm him down. I heard he was ready to charge in here to see if Amanda's shown up yet." She laughed and kissed her sister's powdered cheek before turning to Amanda with a wide grin, "I made it!!"

A sense of relief went through Amanda as Bianca came over and hugged her tightly. "Josh was so afraid you won't be able to get away with such short notice."

"Are you kidding me?" Bianca pulled back and stared at Amanda's pale face. "Miss my only brother's wedding day? I don't think so. Josh would never forgive me. And my mother would _definitely_ never forgive me. Besides, my boss likes me," she winked at Kendall. Zach practically had the company jet ready and waiting for her on the tarmac the minute Josh's wedding date was announced. She took a deep breath and tightened her hand on Amanda's arm, unable to keep her eyes from straying down to the small protrusion against the satin and tulle. "How are you?"

"Good," Amanda assured her with a weighed smile. "Better. The morning sickness has finally died down though right now…" she took a breath and let it out slow.

"Bridal jitters," Bianca assured her, "it'll pass soon."

"Before or after I get married?" Amanda wanted to know.

Laughing, Bianca hugged her again. It had been difficult for her to imagine Josh with Amanda Dillon when she had heard the news about the baby and the wedding. Kendall had followed her mother's ranting call with assurances that had talked Bianca out of taking the redeye to Pine Valley immediately. Zach had called after Kendall to let her know about Josh and Amanda's trials and tribulations but had been confident that this was a good match. Protective as they were about family, Kendall and Zach's approval sealed the deal. And now… "You're glowing," she observed quietly, "And I don't think all that is the baby talking."

"Thank you." Bianca's opinion meant something. Josh couldn't love his sisters more if he had grown up with them. She wanted Bianca and Kendall to like her and to approval of this whirlwind courtship and marriage. Amanda sighed and moved to sit, she was halfway onto the seat when she remembered Kendall's warning. Throwing the frowning fashion icon a quick grin, she stood up again. "Your mother hates me, you know."

Kendall joined her sister and mockingly nodded her head. "Yeah, we got that."

"But _we_ like you," Bianca assured her, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "And more importantly, Josh loves you. So, that's all that you need to concern yourself with. Trust me, the three of us are more than a match for my mother."

"Says you," Kendall laughed. "Mother can outmatch a five star general, I'm sure of it. But I'll let you both in on a little secret," waving the two girls closer, "Mom's secretly thrilled with the wedding."

"Really?" Amanda asked in disbelief. "Is that why she screamed at me for a half hour about the wrong flowers?"

"Well of course, this is her son's wedding; everything must be exactly perfect. But really, her baby boy is getting married and happy as a clam. He's practically radiating enough energy to light the Cambias headquarters all on his own. How can she possibly be upset with that?" laughed Kendall as she twisted her wedding band around on her finger. "And another grandbaby for her to spoil? Come on…" she gave Amanda a tiny push. "Erica Kane is a sucker for her grandkids."

Bianca nodded her agreement sincerely.

She'd have to take their word for it. "Have you seen Josh yet?" Amanda asked as she smoothed out her dress once more.

"Not yet," Bianca shrugged, "I told him that I would check up on you first." She smiled at her questioning look. "I called from the airport to let him know that I made it and not to start without me."

Amanda laughed. "That's very Erica Kane of you."

"It is isn't it?" Bianca made a distressing face. "Oh god… I'm turning into my mother!"

-&-&-&-

"Stop messing with it," Josh admonished as he slapped the tweaking hands away. He briefly wondered where the hell his nerves have gone off to. He was usually so much cooler under pressure. Of course, he's never actually been in anything quite _this_ important in his life. Taking a breath, he let it out slowly to keep his heart from jumping out of his throat. "Has anyone seen Amanda yet? Is she even here?"

"She's here," Zach assured him from his seat across the room. He didn't feel the need to crowd the already nervous Josh. "All the Fusion women are with the bride right now."

"Are you sure?" Josh asked as he glanced at his phone. "Maybe I should call?"

"Don't even think about it, mate," Aidan warned as he fixed his own cuffs. "The girls would never forgive us if you managed to interrupt the female's time-honored tradition of getting the bride ready."

"Plus Kendall will kill you," Zach added rather cheerfully as he poured everyone some fine French Brandy. "How about a toast?"

"I'll agree to that," Joe Martin seconded as he entered the groomsmen's room. He was so excited he was practically dancing a jig. "What shall we drink to?"

"To my son," Jeff added as he followed his father in and picked up an offered glass. He gave Josh a quick wink to assure the nervous lad that all was well.

"No, no," Josh shook his head and sighed with relief. Apparently, his father and grandfather came through for him again. Aidan gave him a glass. "Let's drink to something else. I don't want to jinx this wedding by reminding God how happy I am." He grinned as the other laughed though he actually wasn't joking. "How about to my Amanda?"

"How about to love?" Joe suggested.

"How about to the end of wedding preparations?" Aidan quipped, giving the others a significant look. There was only so much one can take, even for the woman he loved.

"I will _definitely_ drink to that," Zach lifted his glass. "To Josh and Amanda. May you be half as happy as Kendall and I."

Josh gave a shout of laugher, "Oh yes, let's make this about you and Kendall."

"Everything is about Kendall," Zach smiled, his happy marriage was everything to him now and their ever expending family only added to that happiness. "And soon you'll realize that your everything will be about Amanda and that new baby."

"I think I can agree with that," Josh touched glasses with his brother-in-law and gave a content sigh. "What time is it?"

"You've got another fifteen minutes," Aidan said not attempting to wipe that undisguised smirk from his face. Josh was so sappy these days it hurt to look at him. "Though I'm not sure if your sanity is going to last that long."

"Calm down son," Jeff suggested as sat down to enjoy the quiet male company. "You're almost to the end of the line. And we'll all be there to…"

The door knock had everyone looking at it with abetted breath. There should not be any more people coming to the room. _"Oh god,"_ Josh can't help but thought, _"something has gone wrong."_ Clearing his throat, he nodded to Aidan, who opened the door.

"Oncle Joss," Miranda's little feet carried her across the room before anyone can react. She plowed into Josh's kneecaps with the force of a little cannonball, almost knocking him over.

"Miranda!" Josh caught his balance on his father's shoulder in time to not make a fool of himself. Picking up his niece, he smiled at her childishly infectious laugher. "How did you get here?"

"Bianca wanted to join the bridal party and asked me to bring Miranda to see her favorite uncle," Erica explained as she stepped into the room, her tight golden dress making walking a little more difficult than she had expected. She beamed at her babies.

"I seem to have been demoted," Zach complained as he reached for the little girl. She smelled like baby and sugar, the perfect combination of innocent life. "How's my favorite little girl?"

"Oncle Zac-Zac," Miranda threw her arms around Zach's neck and peppered his cheek with kisses.

Zach closed his arms around his niece and enjoyed the moment. "You know," he said to Josh, "I want me one of these," smoothing a big hand over Miranda's baby soft hair, which sent the little girl into a peel of giggles. "One that looks just like Kendall."

"I'll second that," Josh agreed with a laugh as Miranda accidentally undid Zach's tie, "except for the Kendall part. I think I would prefer my little girl to look like Amanda."

"A little girl," Erica asked excitedly, "you and Amanda found out the sex of the baby already?"

"No," Josh rolled his eyes and sighed. Erica has been bugging them about the baby since she found out about Amanda's pregnancy. His bride-to-be had made him promise not to leave her alone with his mother anymore; she's like to lose her mind if Erica continued to pester her with more advice about prenatal care. Erica's excitement could only be rivaled by Janet's – and Janet is clinically insane. Though Josh had to admit that seeing Janet so ridiculously happy for Amanda had been almost painful to watch. "I was just saying that if the baby turns out to be a girl, I would love it if she looked like Amanda."

"Speaking of my sister," Tim said as he came in with a grin wide enough to split his face. "I think if we don't get this party started, she's going to hurl on her dress," He predicted. "Morning sickness is kicking in."

"Oh god," Josh groaned, "If she throws up on that dress Kendall and the girls are going to kill her."

The others laughed.

"We better get going then," Joe said setting his drink down and reaching for his jacket. "Erica, if you'll take Miranda, we Martins have a time honored tradition of our own to impart the youth."

Raising a questioning brow, Erica wisely chose not to question it as she gathered the reluctant Miranda into her arms and took herself away.

"I suppose this is our cue to leave as well," Aidan commented as he stood and gave a mocking solute. "We'll try to keep the crowd entertained."

Tim grinned and gave them a nod. "See you out there. And if you don't show up, I'm going to hunt you down and go all Janet on you."

Josh winced as he watched Tim walk out then stopped Zach before he could leave. "You're family too."

Zach smiled, that soft gentle smile that he usually only reserve for Kendall and their boys. "So?"

"Yes," Josh agreed as he turned to his father, "So?"

Jeff traded a quick look with Joe. "Everything is being taken care of. Chief Frye is on his way and we're ready to roll in ten minutes."

"Thank you," Josh said sincerely before turning to Zach, "What about here?"

"Our people are in place," Zach informed him with a smile. "Caters, florists, valets, church attendants; you name it, we've got it."

"_Our_ people?" Josh smirked.

"You're family," Zach echoed, "You're my brother. We take care of our own."

It's been a long time since Josh felt he belonged anywhere. But between Bianca's sweetness, Kendall's stubbornness, Jeff's goodness and now Zach's kindness, Josh truly felt like he was part of a family… just as he's about to create one of his own. He couldn't speak for a moment, his emotions overwhelming him and he took a breath to compose himself.

Sensing his difficulties, Zach shook his head and clapped him on the back. "Let's get you married."

-&-&-&-

Amanda took Tim's arm and felt her father's eyes looking down on her as she took a breath and stepped forward. This is the day she's been waiting for all her life. Her father may not be there but she knew he had sent a proper stand-in; now if he would only stop smiling like the cat that had gotten into the cream pot. "Why are you grinning like that?"

Tim leaned over and kissed his sister's cheek. "Josh arranged a surprise for you."

"What is it?"

"It isn't a surprise if I tell you now is it?" he laughed and watched as Babe Chandler moved down the aisle.

"I don't get a clue?" she whispered as she tried to catch her breath. She's never been so happy or so scared in her life.

"Not even one," he replied as Kendall stepped forward. "But I would suggest you look toward your left when we move up the aisle," and then the wedding march played and all the guests to this momentous event stood.

A collective gasp of joy resounded as Amanda and Tim made their way under the arch of the chapel entrance. But Amanda saw none of that as she stared down the aisle at Josh, waiting there at the end of the path for her. In his eyes, she saw all kinds of beauty and felt as if she was floating. She was almost to him when his eyes shifted away from her, toward her left. Puzzled, she followed his gaze and almost forgot where she was.

Tears shown in Janet's eyes as she watched her baby dressed in white. And in her eyes, Amanda saw the mother that she knew, the one that baked cookies and braided her hair. Janet held out one hand and Amanda took it without hesitation, rushing into her mother's arms.

"I love you my darling girl," Janet whispered softly into her daughter's hair.

"Mom," she struggled with her tears for a moment then pulled back and looked at her, staring in disbelief. "You came."

Janet nodded her head and led her toward Josh. She was crying as she leaned over and pressed a kiss to Josh's cheek. "Thank you," she whispered and pulled away, placing Amanda's hand into Josh's. "Take care of my child."

"Always," Josh promised as he led Amanda before the priest.

Father Clarence smiled at the couple, joy in their eyes and their love for one another in their shiny souls. "Dearly beloved…"

-&-&-&-

"Thank you," Amanda whispered softly as they watched the crowd whoop it up. The pregnant bride had been universally ordered to sit down and not exert herself. She had only given a half-hearted protest.

Josh turned his head and kissed his wife. _"Wife! Holy mother of all things good… I've got a wife!"_ Nuzzling her softly, "For what?"

She turned soft eyes to him, "For letting me have my mother for my wedding." It was the best wedding present _ever_.

He turned his body to embrace her in a manner that was intimate but still politely _not_ ignoring the rest of the wedding party – however much he wanted to. "Haven't you figured out that I would do just about anything for you? Besides, she's your mother. I'm just sorry they wouldn't let her stay for the reception."

"It's enough that she was there," Amanda leaned her head against him, "I don't even want to know how you did it."

"Your dad must have been a great man," Josh replied watching Miranda dance with a still wobbly Spike. His sisters stood behind their respective children, cheering them on as Zach held tiny little Ian, barely out of the hospital. His family. "Derek Frye took a little convincing but he came around pretty quickly; honestly though he really wanted you happy on your wedding day. And it helps to have friends and family in high places," he glanced at where the rest of the Martins were currently celebrating in grand style. "There's a lot to be said about being the grandson of the Chief of Staff of a major hospital."

"Taking advantage of your connections now, are we?" she laughed and linked her fingers with his, resting it on her soft belly where their child laid. "About time!"

He rested his lips against her temple, thrilled to feel the baby kick under their joined hands. "Hey little one, trying to horn in on the action, huh?"

Amanda laughed, a brilliant sound that had many of the guest turning to stare with great appreciation. Someone in the back tapped their knife against crystal and soon the entire room rang with cheers as Josh eagerly kissed his bride. Amanda glowed with happiness and Josh felt his heart swell to epic proportions. _"This is what being in love is all about."_

"Come on, come on," Kendall rushed over, passing Spike to Ryan on her way over to her brother. "Time for the first dance," she grinned from ear-to-ear and signaled the DJ (Amanda had nixed the live band idea – much to Erica's dismay) with some frantic hand gestures.

"Real subtle there Kendall," Josh murmured as he stood, taking Amanda's hand into his, but he squeezed his sister's arm as he passed her while Kendall fussed with Amanda's dress. Kendall's eyes shined with delight. She had been their biggest supporter though all the ups and downs since their big announcement. Kendall even managed to sit on their mother when she felt Erica was pushing Amanda too hard.

"I can't really dance, you know that right?" Amanda whispered as she followed Josh to the opened floor area. Everyone backed up in a hurry – the Fusion girls shooing them along helped. While Kendall had offered to pay for dancing lessons, Amanda had been too ill with morning sickness to really be up for it. And thus, she was completely unprepared as Josh pulled her slowly into his arms.

"I want you to do exactly as I say," Josh replied softly, looking steadily in to her eyes. She had the most beautiful eyes in the world. "Take off your shoes," he instructed and waited until he heard the soft clicking of heels against hardwood and Amanda's head dipped two inches, "now put your feet on mine."

"What?" she laughed, scandalized.

"Put your feet on mine," he repeated and gave her a quick nudge as the music started. "Hurry up, people are waiting."

With no recourse but to do as he says, she carefully stepped onto the soft leather of his formal shoes, making sure to go up as high on the flat of his feet as she could to distribute her weight. "This is so embarrassing," she ducked her head.

Josh chuckled softly and pressed his lips to her hair. "It's suppose to be romantic," and began to move with the music.

_We watch the season  
Pull up it's own stakes  
And catch the last weekend  
Of the last week  
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced  
Another sun soaked season fades away  
You have stolen my heart  
You have stolen my heart_

Amanda felt the tears gather in her eyes. She's never known such joy.

_Invitation only  
Grand Farewells  
Crush the best one  
Of the best ones  
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed  
Too early to say goodnight  
You have stolen my heart  
You have stolen my heart_

"I love you," Josh whispered thinking that was too mild a word for what he felt for her.

_And from the ball room floor  
We are in celebration  
One good stretch before our hibernation  
Our dreams assured and we all  
Will sleep well  
Sleep Well  
you have stolen  
you have stolen  
you have stolen my heart_

The baby kicked to let them know it was listening. And that _this_ was a celebration it was definitely in favor of. Josh kissed Amanda. Amanda glowed with happiness. This was only just the beginning.

_Watch you spin around  
In your highest heels  
You are the best one  
Of the best ones  
We  
All  
Look  
Like  
We  
Feel  
you have stolen my  
you have stolen my  
you have stolen my heart._

"Ladies and gentleman: Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Madden."

-&-&-&-

"The next person that says 'push' is getting pushed out of this room," Amanda snapped irritably as she pointed her finger around the sea of faces. "And what the heck are you all doing in here?"

"You're having a baby," Di pointed out as if it should have explained everything. She had hopped on the first plane from New York the minute she heard Amanda's due date was _now_. "Where the heck would we be?"

"We came to lend you our moral support," Babe added, her wide grin anything but supportive.

"Plus this is the first birth in the family that's actually going to be at a hospital with no drama or complications," Kendall added with a nod. "Who's got the camera?"

Amanda glared. "Take one picture of me and I'm going to…"

"And who are we threatening now?" Josh asked as he saddled into the room, arm completely occupied by the passive white bear he was holding. "Kendall, take this and tell your husband that my kid does not need any more toys, especially toys that are bigger than I am. And the next time he decides that he must get… why are you laughing?"

Kendall was holding her side and trying to stop the spasms of laughter. "I told him it was too big."

"You look ridiculous," Babe giggled and took a picture.

"Ow…" Amanda jumped in the bed and pressed her hand against her stomach. She slapped Greenlee's hand away when she was offered ice chips. "Stop that!"

"What?" Greenlee asked as she looked around. "Aren't you suppose to give them ice?"

Shrugging, Kendall reached for a towel. "Won't know, they had to cut me open both times with my boys."

Babe shrugged as well, "Hey, I was in a cabin in the middle of nowhere when I had Little A."

Di just shook her head. "No kids."

Groaning, Amanda laid back in her bed. "You guys are _not_ helping!"

"Why are you whining?" Kendall asked as she touched Amanda's forehead with a clean towel and watch Josh don a surgical gown. "We're only here to keep you company and to offer help."

"I don't want help, I want drugs and I want this baby out of me," Amanda complained and looked at Josh with accusing eyes. "You're a doctor. Do something!"

"I will honey," he said placidly as he donned gloves. "Just as soon as we find out how far along you actually are in delivering this baby."

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"Checking your cervix," he said with an easy smile as he sat down at the foot of the bed.

"Oh no you're not," she pulled her legs up as much as her fat belly will allow her. "I want a _real_ doctor."

"Baby, I _am_ a real doctor," he offered her a big wide grin. "Now… put your legs up here," patting the stirrups.

"JOSH!" she warned.

"Amanda, you said to do something. And I am. Now if you'll just…"

"JOSHUA!" she snapped again.

"Did we miss it? Did we miss it?" Jeff asked eagerly as he came barreling through the door of the examine room still struggling to get back into his lab coat. "I was in surgery all morning. I just heard."

"Calm down Jeffrey," Joe admonished as he followed at a slightly less excited pace. "First child usually takes longer."

"Oh great," Amanda moaned and leaned her head back only to jerk forward again as her body spasm in pain. "Ow…."

"Oh, that was a nice one," Josh commented rather calmly though he was sweating on the inside. He's seen hundreds of babies born in his career, this should not be any different. But it was different obviously… this was _his_ baby. "Just breath in through your nose and out through your mouth."

"Shut up," she lashed back irritably.

"That's normal, right?" Greenlee asked skewing Amanda a curious look. The girl had been floating on cloud nine for months now. This was the first bad mood she's seen her in. "She'll be back to being sick in love in a few hours right?"

Di snickered.

"OUT!" Amanda screamed. "Everybody out! Not you," pointing at Josh. "You got me into this, you are going to see me through it. You STAY!" Josh smirked.

"I think the mama-to-be is getting cranky," Kendall commented in a sing-song tone as she moved toward the door. She blew a quick kiss in her brother's direction, "I think I'll go join my husband in the waiting room, he's got the boys with him. Send a shout when you've got news for us."

"Take the bear," Josh called after her.

"Yeah, yeah," grabbing the bear by the big red bow around its neck then almost dislocated her arm. "Oh my god, this thing is heavy!"

Di kissed Amanda's head and Babe offered her congratulations before hurriedly followed her fellow co-workers out the door. Greenlee laughed and helped Kendall with the bear, wiggling her fingers at Amanda. Jeff looked reluctant to miss the birth of his grandchild but Joe shooed him out with a quick wink at Amanda and a pat on the back for Josh, promising to find the OB for them… and to keep Erica outside should she at last show up.

"Finally," Josh said laughingly as he moved to Amanda's side. "Alone at last," he leaned over her bed, watching her with eyes that convey all the excitement that has led up to this moment. She looked back at him with eyes glassy with fear and love and excitement and more fear… He kissed her long and hard, letting her know that he was here and it was going to be okay.

"I'm scared," she admitted once she had breath again. "What if I'm not good at this? What if the baby is in trouble? What if…"

He kissed her again. "We're going to be fine," he assured her with a quick hand over the crown of her head. "We're going to be fine because we're together and we're happy. This baby is going to have all the love in the world and she's going to be…"

"She?" Amanda's eyes were wide with surprise.

Josh winced.

"I knew it," she said accusingly, "I knew you saw something on the sonogram and didn't tell me. How many times did I ask you if something was wrong?"

He rolled his eyes. "Nothing was wrong with the baby and you said you didn't want to know the baby's sex beforehand. I was merely trying to be a good husband and comply with my wife's every wish."

"Oh please," she pished it away then grabbed Josh's hand, "Ow…"

"In through the nose, out through the mouth," he whispered, squeezing her hand firmly.

"Oh… this is going to be bad, isn't it?" she asked looking at him with pitiful eyes.

Josh laughed and kissed her nose. "No, this is going to be great."

-&-&-&-

"Oh my god, you are the cutest thing in the entire world," Kendall cooed at the little baby resting in her brother's arm, "well, except for my own babies of course."

"Thank you Kendall," Josh said dryly as he adjusted the soft pink blanket around the precious child in his arms. His face hurt from smiling so much. She was the most beautiful baby in the entire world.

"Let me hold her," Kendall begged, "Oh please let me hold her.

"No, me first," Greenlee piped in, edging her best friend aside with a quick hip tilt. "You've already got two of your own. Let those of us that don't have kids get a chance to hold the baby."

"Are you kidding me?" Babe asked in disbelief, pushing Greenlee aside. "This is an equal opportunity baby holding contest here," touching the tiny pink toes peeking out, "kids or not kids."

"I think," Di said ducking under Babe's arms, "those of us that travel the furthest to see this baby's birth should be the first to hold her."

"I'm family," Kendall argued making her way into the fray again.

Josh shielded away from the jostling girls, his body curved protectively over his daughter. "What is up with you women and kids?"

"Hey, hey, hey," Amanda interrupted from the bed, holding her arms around to Josh. "How about you let the mommy hold her baby first?" She wiggled her fingers at her husband. "Come on Josh, I did all the work here."

He laughed as he placed the baby carefully into Amanda's arms, admiring the picture they made together for a moment. _"My family."_ He's so happy he thought he'd burst. "Where's that camera?"

"Right here," Zach announced as he entered with the rest of the posse that had been impatiently waiting for a chance to see the new baby then finally gave up when they realized that the Fusion girls weren't going to let them in any time soon. He grinned as he motioned the father into the frame, "Get close."

Josh propped himself against the bed and gently touched the blanket to revealed the tiny little face that slept through all the excitement. "Say cheese baby."

After clicking the camera to capture that ridiculously adorable scene, Zach thrust it toward Aidan. "Now one with me, Kendall and the baby; maybe it'll give her some ideas."

"No fair," the girls cried as Zach plucked the baby up and Kendall rushed to his side, cooing at their new niece. Aidan chuckled and took the picture, motioning Jeff and Joe into the camera range as Zach handed the baby to her grandfather.

"Oh my," Joe whispered in wonder as he beheld the precious little girl they've all been waiting for. "Aren't you just the most perfect little thing in the universe?" Jeff couldn't even get that much out as he stared at his first grandchild.

"I have definitely got to get me one of those," Kendall said as she hugged Zach. "What do you say, Daddy? Want a little girl to fawn over?"

"I don't fawn," Zach corrected her, as he threw an arm around his wife with a grin. "I indulge."

"Right," Greenlee scoffed as she edged closer. "Oh god, she smells so good."

"Fresh baby," Babe sighed as she grinned and stood on tiptoe to see over Jeff's shoulders. "Oh god, she's so beautiful."

"Where's Erica?" Josh wanted to know, surprised that his mother wasn't elbowing everyone aside to get to her new grandchild.

"Calling Binks," Kendall supplied with a grin. "Mimo and Bianca have been calling very ten minutes for details. Mom finally has something to tell them. Plus she got pictures on her cell phone. Nice touch, by the way."

Josh chuckled and tried to take his baby back but found himself pushed aside.

Amanda laughed and patted the seat next to her. Josh sighed and sat down by her, content to let the others fuss over their child. He leaned in and kissed his wife's head, "How are you doing?"

"Tired," she murmured and leaned against his side. "Less scared, really excited and really happy," she leaned up to share another kiss. "Tim went to see Mom with pictures," she touched her heart where a locket rested. Her brother placed it around her neck before letting her know where he was taking off to.

"When you're ready," Josh offered, "we'll make it a family visit."

She beamed at him.

"Hey," Greenlee demanded their attention in her usual fashion, "What's the baby's name?"

"Have you picked one out yet, son?" Jeff asked passing the child into his father's outstretched arms.

Josh frowned slightly, "Well, Amanda and I haven't really actually discussed…"

"Emily," Amanda announced quietly. "We're naming her Emily," she looked up at his surprised face, "after the woman that loved Josh with her very life." It was fitting. After all, it was Josh's memory of his sainted mother that had first brought them together that fateful night in the boathouse.

Though he didn't think it was possible, Josh loved his wife even more now than he did when he said "I do." He took her hand and pressed a kiss against her palm before turning to face the rest of his family. He and Amanda did discuss one _tiny_ little thing. "Emily Kendall Martin."

For a moment, there was shocked silence. Then Kendall squealed quietly so not to disturbed the baby then threw her arms around her brother and sister-in-law. She was literally beside herself.

Jeff and Joe both stopped breathing.

"It's time," Josh said a little embarrassed by his father and grandfather's inability to speak, "I acknowledge and honor where I come from."

Since words couldn't really express the overwhelming joy in Jeff's heart, he reached out and took Josh's shoulder, pulling his son into an embrace that convey his pride, his happiness and his very wonder at this moment.

Joe Martin, whose arms little Emily Kendall Martin now rested, looked down and smiled at the precious baby that finally united his family. "Welcome to the world, my angel."

_Fin…_

**2****nd**** Author's Note**: That's it! Hope you guys all enjoyed the ride; I know I did. And thank you everyone for reading this story.


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